Act Like You Love Me (An Accidentally in Love Novel) (Entangled: Bliss) (16 page)

Chapter Seventeen

Brynn doubled over, arms wrapped tightly around her stomach, sure she was going to puke. She was always nervous opening night, but it’d never been this bad. Her insides were revolting, turning on her at the worst possible time. Everyone else was running around, frantic energy in the air. Usually, she’d take in the excitement and let it wash over her. Tonight, it just wasn’t enough.

The theater was packed, the buzz of the audience’s conversations drifting backstage.

In a lot of ways, though, it felt like only one person was in the place. The guy who hadn’t spoken to her and looked away every time she tried to make eye contact. A sharp pain shot through her chest. Last week, every glance, every smile, made her heart soar; today she ached for everything she’d lost.

There was so much to tell him, but no time.

“Brynn, honey, what are you doing?” Wendy approached and tugged on Brynn’s dress, smoothing it down in places and fluffing it up in others.

Brynn glanced at Sawyer, who was talking to Leo while gesturing toward the stage. Another stab pierced her heart.

Wendy pulled out a blush compact and swiped the pink across Brynn’s cheeks. “What happened with Sawyer?”

“Nothing… He’s doing a great job directing.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about. We all know you’ve been dating.” Wendy gripped Brynn’s chin, twisting her face one way and then the other. “You guys are just awful at hiding it.”

Hot tears stung her eyes and she blinked quickly—there wasn’t time to cry and reapply makeup. “Well, we’re not dating anymore.”

Wendy sighed. “I was afraid this was going to happen. But you both seemed so happy so I let it go.” She studied Brynn, her lips pressed into a tight line. “We need you at your best out there. Are you going to be okay?”

Brynn swallowed her emotions. “The show must go on, right?”

“Right,” Wendy said with a decisive nod. “Now let’s go touch up your hair.”

Her hair was okay last she looked, but she let Wendy lead her to the back room anyway. Once she had enough hairspray on to take out another layer of the ozone, Brynn paced around backstage.

Okay. Focus on the play. Tonight I’m not Brynn McAdams, girl with a shattered heart. I’m Cecily. Girl who believes in love.

She was afraid the audience would see through it. Worse, she was afraid she might burst into tears at any mention of love. Not so great when it was in almost every scene of the play.

Why didn’t I choose to be in a show about…zombies or something?

Brynn’s dress suddenly felt too tight. She needed the back taken out a bit or she was going to faint. She went in search of Wendy but ran smack into Sawyer instead.

She tried to step back, but the fake tree was there. Sawyer reached out and caught it as it started to tip, bringing him so close to her she could smell his familiar cologne. Her body reacted automatically, butterflies, heat… She put her hand on his arm.

“Sawyer.”

He jerked away. “Don’t, Brynn. We can’t do this here. Not now.”

“Where, then? When?”

He ran his fingers across his brow. “Look, all I want is to do my time and go back to New York.”

Razor-sharp panic took hold of her. “You can’t just leave. You owe me at least a conversation. A chance to explain everything.”

“I don’t owe you anything. You can’t trap me here.”

“I’m not trying to trap you! I thought about coming clean a hundred times. I was so scared of losing you, and scared you’d be mad—I was obviously right about that part. I get it, I broke your trust. But you’re not the only one who got hurt, you know. You hurt me in high school.”

“I didn’t do it on purpose,” Sawyer said, his voice still way too cold and angry.

“Yet the result was the same.”

Silence fell between them, and a glimmer of hope broke through.
He understands. He’s going to give me another chance.

The muscles in his neck and jaw tightened. “It’s like you’re not hearing me. I’m leaving. There’s no point in trying to fix this. Now get into place; the show is about to start. And make sure no one steps on your skirt. We don’t need a wardrobe malfunction tonight.”

Everything inside her collapsed. She swallowed past the lump lodged in her throat. “Now that’s how you hurt someone on purpose.”

Every time, right before she stepped onstage, Brynn thought,
You’re Cecily, a girl who loves with her whole heart and will get her happily ever after.

She’d made it halfway through by some miracle. The audience was full of the kind of people who added to the energy hanging in the air, transporting them all to a world where stories about liars were charming and love would prevail.

“Oh, don’t cough, Earnest,” Brynn said, pretending to write in Cecily’s journal. “When one is dictating one should speak fluently and not cough. Besides, I don’t know how to spell a cough.”

Chuckles went through the audience.

Leo moved closer and smiled at her. “Cecily, ever since I first looked upon your wonderful and incomparable beauty, I have dared to love you wildly, passionately, devotedly, hopelessly.”

Unexpected longing rose up. That was what a guy was supposed to say. Especially if you’d told him you loved him. She could see Sawyer, sitting there in the front. He didn’t love her in any adverb way.

Leo’s eyebrows rose.

Right. Brynn shook her head at him. “I don’t think that you should tell me that you love me wildly, passionately, devotedly, hopelessly. Hopelessly doesn’t seem to make much sense, does it?”

Oh, but it did. Right now, hopelessly in love described her perfectly. She loved someone who’d used her painful memories against her. Crap. The tears were rising again and her throat was so tight she didn’t think she’d be able to speak.

Luckily, it was time for Merriman to enter the scene. Brynn clenched her fists. She had to stop thinking about Sawyer and focus. She was about to blow her lines. It’d be a lot easier not to think about him if he wasn’t sitting in the first row, looking so damn grumpy.

Her next line she delivered automatically. But she didn’t want to phone in her performance. She’d worked hard. And she wasn’t going to let everyone down because she’d been let down.

So when it came time for the proposal scene, she peered into Leo’s eyes like he was the man of her dreams and put a little extra something behind the kiss.

…

Sawyer flinched. He still hated the proposal scene. And as much as he’d been on Brynn and Leo about their lack of chemistry, they pulled it off tonight.

I don’t deserve to feel jealous. I was a total asshole earlier.
The second the wardrobe malfunction comment slipped out of his mouth, he’d regretted it. Brynn had walked away before he could say he was sorry. He should’ve gone after her. But then he would’ve wrapped his arms around her, kissed her, and forgot that he didn’t trust her anymore. He could see how she could lie about high school. But the thing with not knowing how to fish? Obviously she was purposely hiding her job from him. Who did that?

How could she even be serious about him if she didn’t trust him? He could ask her, only that was the type of conversation two people who wanted to be in a relationship would have. Even if he could forgive Brynn for all the lies, he wasn’t going to stick around. He needed to go back to where he belonged. It’d be better for her in the end, anyway.

Man, it was torture to see her up there, though. She’d always shone onstage, but the audience loved her tonight, and she was taking it to a new level. The only time she’d faltered was when she’d looked at him.

I don’t think I can survive four more performances. Everyone already knows what they need to do now. Aunt Wendy can take it from here.

And Brynn…
He took one last, long look. She’d be okay without him. It was time for both of them to move on before either one of them got hurt.

More
hurt, anyway.

Chapter Eighteen

Sawyer disconnected the call with the realtor. Finally, it was all done. With only a couple of hours to spare, too.

“Are you ever going to tell me what’s going on?” Mom asked.

Sawyer slid the phone into his pocket. “Everything’s done. Sale sign’s up in the yard. All the paperwork is finished. I don’t think it’ll be on the market for long.”

“I’m not talking about the house stuff. I’m talking about the girl you were dating. I get the feeling something bad happened.” Mom put her hand over his. “Did you two break up?”

Sawyer sighed. “This was why I didn’t want to tell you about her in the first place. How come no one listens when I say that I’m not staying here? I’m literally leaving the state in a few hours, with no plans to come back any time soon.”

Mom pursed her lips, and he immediately felt guilty. He hadn’t meant he would never come see her. He braced himself for the scolding she was about to give him for not planning to visit. “Did she want you to stay?”

Sawyer gritted his teeth, trying to tamp down the traitorous surge of affection that went through him when he thought about Brynn. “It’s over, and that’s all you need to know. Here’s the information on the lake house.” He slid the folder to her. “Now, how about I take you to dinner before you drop me at the airport? Somewhere in Charlotte.”
Where I won’t run into Brynn.

“Wendy told me about the actress, Sawyer. And I put the clues together between what she said and what you told me. I saw her last night when I went to the show…” Mom raised an eyebrow, not so subtly reminding him that she still didn’t approve of his decision to skip the play after opening night. “I didn’t realize she was the same girl who worked in the bait shop. Her mom and I had even talked about setting you two up, isn’t that funny?”

Hilarious.

“But you found each other by yourselves. Doesn’t that seem like fate?”

Realization sparked in his mind.
That’s why Brynn didn’t want to have dinner with Mom and me. It would’ve blown her cover.
Every time he tried to make excuses for her lies, he found another one and got mad all over again.

“You’re miserable without her, I can see it on your face. You think that kind of love just comes and goes?”

“I don’t lo—” A cold knot formed in his gut. He couldn’t even say that he didn’t love her, as hard as he was trying to lie to Mom. To himself. “It would never work. Now please, please drop it. I’d like to have a nice last night in North Carolina with my mom.”

She gave an epic sigh that made it clear how much she wanted to talk about it.

“We’ll take off in ten minutes.” Sawyer went into his bedroom to finish packing. When he grabbed his deodorant off his dresser, he saw the yearbook.

He opened it up and flipped through the pages until he got to the class list. He ran his fingers down the names until he found Brynn McAdams, then went across to her picture. He’d expected to see her face and suddenly remember. Have a flash of that day she said she’d asked him out.

But he didn’t remember the girl smiling from the page. Her hair was light brown and frizzy. The lacy collar of her shirt looked like something she’d wear onstage as part of a costume. Her eyes, her cheeks, her nose—all those features were the same. She was pretty. Maybe not in a stop-traffic kind of way, and she certainly had better control of her hair now, but there was his girl.

Er, not
his
girl.

He sat down on his bed and flipped to the back, where the names were. She was on one other page—the drama club. He flipped to it until he found her. She had her hair up in a bun and her arm was around some gawky-looking dude.

That day backstage when he’d been hammering nails and she’d been painting popped into his head. Right before she’d gotten angry and stormed away, he’d said everyone in his school drama club was a dork. Once again, he felt like a complete ass.

In his defense, this picture didn’t exactly scream cool. But still, there was something in Brynn’s eyes, the excitement she naturally exuded. Say he wasn’t preoccupied at the end of senior year, worried about his parents, trying to help out with his dad and occasionally running away when it got to be too much. Would he have said yes to this girl asking him out? Would he have given her a chance?

He hated himself for it, but probably not. He wouldn’t have risked dating a drama geek.

He closed the book and tossed it aside. Again, he was starting to see her side. Why she might hide who she was. But again, it didn’t change a thing.

When he came out of his room, Mom was in the hall, fist raised like she was about to knock. She’d changed into a dressy pantsuit and pulled her hair back.

“You look nice,” he said.

She smiled. “Thank you. It’s not every day I get to go out to dinner with such a handsome companion.” She kissed his cheek and he was sure he had a smudge of peach lipstick on there now.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been a better son.”

“You’re the best son a mom could ask for. And I know I keep saying it, but your dad would be proud of you. He really would.”

I bet he would’ve gotten a kick out of Brynn. They could’ve argued about action movies versus ones with kissing in them.
Sawyer tried to shake it off, but he could see her face lit up by the TV screen when they’d watched movies. Remembered the joke she made about his scratchy blanket and how it was fit for a donkey.

He didn’t think that had been an act, because what sane person would purposely come up with that? He laughed, and Mom wrinkled her forehead.

“Sorry.” He grabbed his suitcase and pulled up the handle so he could wheel it behind him. “Let’s get out of here.”

…

The sign in Sawyer’s front yard was the first thing Brynn saw when she parked in front of her house. She got out and stared at it. White with big red letters proclaiming it
For Sale.

He hadn’t come back, not when she was home, anyway. The outside of the house had new siding; the lawn was tidy. Someone else was going to live there, and it would always seem wrong. Brynn wanted to go rip the sign out, but she knew it wouldn’t help. She was sure it was listed in computer databases as well. Too bad she didn’t know how to hack into that kind of thing.

She trudged up her sidewalk and a spark of silver caught her eye. The porch light she had been sure would come crashing down on her one day was tight against the outside wall, two new screws in the top.

She had no doubt it was Sawyer, but she couldn’t figure out why he’d fix it for her.

He hadn’t come to the theater since opening night. Brynn had a hard time not getting distracted by his empty seat. She really thought that he’d show up and at least say good-bye, maybe at the wrap party.

But he hadn’t shown.

Brynn pulled out her phone, wanting to call Sawyer. She’d wanted to for days, but the fixed porch light gave her the excuse she needed.
Or maybe I should just text a thank-you. That way he’ll see it, even if he ignores my call.

She wondered if he’d flown back to New York already. How could he leave when she still felt so unsettled?

She pushed into her house, fed Lance and Gwen, and then picked up the music box Sawyer had gotten her. She cranked the handle and let the sorrow wash over her with the music. After she and all two of her ex-boyfriends had broken up, she’d felt down for a couple of weeks, and that was even when she
hadn’t
been crazy in love with them. One of them she’d even dumped, because she just couldn’t stand the thought of faking her way through their relationship anymore. And she
still
had cried and moped around for a week or so.

How long was it going to take to get over Sawyer?

She wasn’t sure she’d actually gotten over him the first time, back before she even knew him. Brynn stared at his name on her phone’s display until the screen dimmed.

Then she went ahead and hit the call button.

…

Sawyer stared at his ringing phone. The girl wasn’t very good at taking hints. Mom was browsing the books in the airport newsstand, delaying the moment when they’d have to part ways.

Sawyer stepped outside the store, into the bustle of other passengers getting ready to go through security, saying good-bye to their loved ones. He hit answer and put the phone to his ear. “This needs to stop. Do I really have to change my number?”

“Well, if you’d answer any of my calls or texts,” Zoey said, “I wouldn’t have to keep calling.”

“What is it? Are you pregnant again?”

Her sigh carried over the line. “How many times do I have to apologize? I was desperate for you to talk to me, and I made a mistake. I kept meaning to tell you the truth, but the longer I waited, the harder it got.”

Brynn had said the exact same thing. Maybe he was attracted to women who were compulsive liars.

“Believe it or not, I felt awful the entire time,” Zoey said. “I actually thought we had a real shot at making it, though, and I… Anyway. This isn’t about you and me and how we didn’t work out. I met a producer who saw your movie and liked it. He’s looking for someone to write a television series that films right here in New York, and wondered if you were interested. I wanted to talk to you before I gave him your number so you’d be prepared. I was about to anyway, since you wouldn’t answer, you stubborn ass.”

Sawyer scrubbed a hand over his face. “I don’t know what your game is this time, Zoey, but I’m not falling for it. You could schedule me a meeting with Scorsese and I still wouldn’t get back together with you.”

“I don’t want to get back together. I’m dating Charles now.”

Charles. It took him a second to remember that was the actor who played the love interest on her TV show.

“And I’m trying to do things differently with him,” Zoey continued. “He actually
wants
to be with me. I forgot how nice that was.”

Sawyer rolled his eyes.

“This is about the fact that you’re a talented guy. You should at least talk to him. I know they’re meeting with some other writers this week, though, so you need to get in there soon. I’m having dinner with the producer tomorrow, and I was thinking you should go with me. At least see what he has to say.”

Regardless of what she said about moving on, he was still reluctant to believe her. But he’d be in New York tomorrow, so he could swing it. “Fine. I’ll talk to them.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Thanks, Zoey.”

“Don’t mention it. I kind of owed you.”

When Sawyer hung up, he saw Brynn had called and left a message. His muscles tensed. If she told him she hated him or that she was still madly in love with him, it’d be like a repeat of the Zoey breakup, and he’d never so much as check out another actress again.

He hit play on the voice mail. “Hey,” Brynn said, her smoky voice making his chest tighten. “I noticed you fixed my porch light—anyway, I assume it was you. I just wanted to say thanks. Good luck with everything in New York. Or LA. Whichever you choose, I’m sure I’ll be watching one of your movies on the big screen soon.”

All the mushy feelings he’d been trying to keep buried came busting out at once. His knees threatened to give way and his heart ached. Brynn was nothing like Zoey. She noticed the little things he’d done for her. She listened when he talked about what he really wanted—only now he wasn’t sure. New York didn’t seem like home anymore. LA sure as hell didn’t sound like home.

All he could see when he tried to picture his future was Brynn’s face. And when he forced that image away, he saw himself sitting alone, lonely in the way he’d been before he met her but hadn’t even realized he was.

But it was too late—they’d made too big a mess of things, and he was minutes away from boarding a plane. He had a script to write. A meeting with a producer to take. Maybe one day he’d get up the courage to invite Brynn to visit. Once he got some space and figured out a way to talk to her without falling apart, he’d at least call and tell her that he did forgive her for lying to him. That she was a beautiful, kind person, and the guy who ended up with her was going to be one lucky bastard.

That thought sent burning jealousy through his veins. He didn’t want to think of the hypothetical lucky bastard making Brynn laugh, putting his arms around her. Kissing her. Building a life with her.

Sawyer closed his eyes for a moment, trying to regain control. He glanced toward the corridor that would take him through security and onto a plane that’d fly him back to his old life. To his tiny, empty apartment equipped with a big TV. That was all he had to look forward to. A TV screen to keep him company.

Shit, shit, shit.

But if I stayed…

He pictured Brynn sitting next to him on a big couch in the living room of the lake house. He could see hints of furniture around them with little knickknacks he never would’ve picked out himself. He could hear her singing in the shower as he stood in the bathroom, shaving at the sink. If he stretched his mind far enough, he could even see himself and Brynn at the lake with a couple of kids running around. Learning to fish. Calling him Dad.

He waited for the suffocating sensation that climbed up his body like vines, trying to choke him out, whenever he thought of a life with only one person.

It didn’t come.

He even thought of a future that included taking care of Brynn if something happened to her or she got sick. He’d bring her food. He’d carry her from room to room.

He’d do anything for her.

But then he saw himself on the couch, Brynn the one with dark circles under her eyes as she brought
him
food. Helped him down the hall. All her bubbly energy gone, drained from taking care of him. He saw himself as his dad had been at the very end: completely helpless.

It felt like the bottom of his stomach had dropped out.

He reminded himself that the doctors had told him it was unlikely he’d have the same disease. Unlikely. Not impossible. And he couldn’t do that to Brynn. It’d kill him to break her spirit like that. Mom might not regret it after being married to Dad for so long, but if Dad could’ve spared her the pain altogether, Sawyer had a feeling he would’ve done it. He’d practically said as much one afternoon when they were watching movies together.