Adios Angel (23 page)

The killdeer
overhead curved further away. The dogs raced circles around the dead man.  
Kate freed her hands from the bandana, removed the gag from her mouth and spit. 
Her mind was numbed.  Never had she seen so much death so close up.  Zeb picked
up his weapon and stood over the body of Jimmie Joe Walker.  Josh appeared out
of the darkness.

The sight of a massacred Ángel shook Kate
to her core.  Josh looked at her, his dogs, the gun in his hand and the
dead body of Jimmie Joe.  He had broken his vow to never shoot
another human being. He felt an overwhelming rush of emptiness and sadness. 
The sorrow of death hung heavily over Josh and Kate. They looked at each
other, each seeing the anguish in the other, each feeling the sanctity of
life.   An unspoken bond of trust, of love, of loss, of giving passed
between them.  Josh reached out to Kate. They held each other
compassionately. 

Zeb stood amidst the death and carnage. 
An overwhelming number of thoughts rushed through his mind.  What he saw
in front of him was nearly incomprehensible yet intensely
real.  His eyes landed on Josh, who had literally saved the day,
and on his deputy, Kate Steele, who had come within seconds of
death.  At his feet was the dead Ángel, a foolish young man caught in
a deceitful trap of lies, which were not of his own making.  Ángel’s horrible
choices had ruined the life of his grandfather, Felipe Madrigal, caused the
death of his beloved, Juanita, and had led to the death of Zeb’s friend, Deputy Delbert
Funke.  Delbert, poor dead Delbert.  Corita Funke his lonely, heartbroken
mother would spend the rest of her days thinking of what her son might have
become.  The destroyed life of Felipe Madrigal, the death of his dissolute brother
Noah bore down on his being.  The deepening confusion regarding Doreen circled in
his mind. Zeb stared at the dead body of Jimmie Joe Walker. All he saw was
evil, the evil of one man, the evil the heart and mind can carry and the evil
that dwells so constantly in this world.  Despair over the loss of
innocent lives sunk his heart, while rage and anger rose in his mind as he
thought of the evil he had to deal with to do his job the way it had to be
done. 

His life had once again changed.  But it
would always be changing.  He was beginning to see that is how it would always
be.  There would always be innocent victims.  The said truth was evil would
always co-exist with good. 

It was late.  Just over twenty-four hours
earlier Zeb had witnessed the murder of Ángel Gómez and the killing of
Jimmie Joe Walker.  Zeb reflected on the craziness that had been his life over
the past weeks.  The spectre of death haunted him.  He could live with the
death of Ángel and Jimmie Joe.  That was his job.  But he was having a very
hard time dealing with the death of his longtime deputy and friend, Delbert
Funke.  Yesterday, Deputy Kate Steele had come within seconds of losing her
life too. 

He wrapped his knuckles on the desk
monotonously for several minutes.  The sound of bone and flesh on wood helped
his thoughts to slow down.  Zeb knew he should just get away from the office,
but he clung to the familiar setting like a life line.  When his mind calmed,
his thoughts turned to Doreen.    He glanced at the clock.  As late as it was
he was in no hurry to go home to Doreen.  The revelation of her past had thrown
him for a loop.  Zeb couldn’t understand why she had kept her past a
secret, especially from him.  Why hadn’t she trusted him, and how could he now
trust her?  He knew he was going to have to deal with it rather than let it
fester under his skin.  

Zeb stared at his reflection in the window
and thought hard.  He was definitely in a place he had never been before. 
Was it exhaustion?  Yesterday’s brutal events?  His brother’s death?   Doreen’s
inability to put her trust in him?  Zeb couldn’t quite put his finger on
what was sticking in his craw. The only thing he was certain of was everything
was changing--he was changing.  After all Doreen had been through in her life,
it simply wouldn’t be fair to marry her now when his very foundation was on
shifting sand.

In the late night quiet his senses became
acute.  The sound of Kate’s pen scratching across a piece of paper echoed down
the hallway.  Zeb sensed that Kate, too, was using the office and paperwork as
a hideaway.  She had been through hell.  Zeb listened to Kate’s chair scoot across
the worn wooden floor of her office.  He listened to her footsteps coming down
the hall.  He looked up to see her standing in the doorway of his office.

“Zeb, do you have a minute?”

Zeb motioned to the chair sitting directly
in front of his desk. 

“What’s up?” he asked.

Kate got right to the point.  “I’ve been
doing a lot of thinking,” she replied.  “About my job, my future, my
relationships--you name it, I’ve been thinking about it.”

“Join the club,” replied Zeb.

“I think I should talk to someone.”

“About yesterday?” asked Zeb.

“About a lot of things. Yesterday--well--I
know I could have died, but I don't think that's it.  I understand the
potential for death and injury come with this job.  I accept that.  Actually, I
find it exciting.  I guess it’s what I don’t feel that has me confused.”

“Meaning what?” asked Zeb.

“Meaning this job affects everyone around
me.  I don’t know how close I want to get to Eskadi right now.  I don’t think
it’s fair to him if I can’t give one hundred percent to the relationship.

Zeb nodded.  His lips pursed in a half
smile.  He understood completely.  Years ago Jimmy Song Bird and former sheriff
Jake Dablo had told him when you face difficult problems in your life you never
really know where answers will come from.  Both of these men firmly believed
that the universe would always provide answers at precisely the moment you
needed them. Both men were flawed in their own way, yet both understood the ways
of the world.

“Might I suggest you have a heart to heart
chat with Jimmy Song Bird and Jake Dablo?

Kate thought for a few short moments
before responding, “Good idea. Thank you.”

“No, Kate, thank you.”

Kate eyed Zeb inquisitively.  Zeb’s face
gave away nothing.

“Let’s call it a night.  The paperwork can
wait for one more day,” said Zeb.

They both stood to leave.  Zeb reached
out.  Expecting a handshake, Kate was confused when Zeb gave her a big hug. 
Once again he thanked her.  The thank you was for something she didn’t fully
understand.

Zeb pulled into the driveway.  Doreen was
waiting for him with a cup of decaffeinated tea.  They hugged and walked in
silence to the living room.

“How’s my sugah…”

Zeb raised a solitary finger to his lips. 
As Doreen looked into the face of the man she loved, a single tear rolled down
her cheek and died on her lips.

“You can’t marry me, can you?”

“No,” he replied.  “I can’t.  Not
now.  With all that's been going on, I...”

Now it was Doreen's turn to put a finger
to her lips. 

“I understand.”  Doreen’s response was sad
but not heartbroken.  “I can wait.”

“Doe, I can’t really explain exactly what’s
going through my heart.  If I could tell you when or if I’ll be ready to move
forward, I would.  You have a right to know, but I don’t know myself.  Right
now I feel like I might only cause you more heartache.  You don’t deserve that.” 

Zeb sipped his tea.  He felt completely
numb.

Doreen knew uncertainty and loss all too
well.  Zeb’s words hung over her like the clouds clinging to the face of Mount
Graham.