Adore You (14 page)

My nervous energy led to me arriving at En Pointe way earlier than anticipated. The doors weren’t open to the general public, so I went to a nearby coffee shop, Perk, to have a latte and calm my nerves. I hadn’t really rehearsed what I would say to Ellis because I didn’t want this to sound like a speech. I wanted to speak from the heart so he could really understand where I was coming from and —
hopefully
— find it in his heart to forgive me so that we could move past this drama. As I sat sipping my latte, staring out the window, and damn near ready to take my ass home, my phone buzzed.

Good luck girlie. Don’t punk out. – Yung Celly

Girl. You know I was on my way.

I know. But you got this. Get your man back. – Yung Celly

What if it’s too late?

It’s never too late for true love. : ) – Yung Celly

Yes, I know how corny that sounded before you clown me. – Yung Celly

I chucked at her swift back to back texts because she knew I was absolutely going to clown her for peak corniness. I’d never been that type of girl, the one who easily accepted that everyone eventually got a happily ever after. I was too practical for all of that. Life, love and relationships never got a cute little made-for-TV ending. There was always a sheen of strain that covered relationships. The good ones were cobbled together by a tenuous thread that, with too much pressure, could easily break. I finished my latte, steeled myself to see Ellis, and walked back to En Pointe.

When I walked in, all of the usual suspects were there sitting together, minus Ellis. Cass has assured me that he was coming when I spoke with her earlier this week about everything that had been going on. I made my way over to them, greeting everyone and settled in next to Auntie Randi. She or Cass had made it so the seats that were saved for our crew forced Ellis and I to have to sit next to one another. We obviously couldn’t speak during the show, but I was hoping he’d be here beforehand so we could talk. A few minutes passed with me making small talk with Auntie Randi and Uncle EJ before the dance instructor Mrs. Hampton came out to quiet everyone down so the show could begin.

The disappointment of Ellis not being there must have been evident on my face because Auntie Randi grabbed my hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. I tried shifting my focus and putting Ellis’ absence out of my mind as the three and four year olds shuffled through a routine set to an old Britney Spears tune. Watching the girls fumble their way through, yet persevering to the end brought a smile to my face. Just as the next routine was set to start, I felt his presence approaching before I actually saw him. When he reached our row, he hesitated before sitting down, briefly scanning the area to see if there were any other open seats. The tiny shred of hopefulness I’d been holding onto until that moment completely dissipated. He couldn’t even bear to sit next to me for a ninety minute recital and I was supposed to be winning my way back into his heart with my words?
Shit
. The rest of the show passed in a blur for me.  I was barely present, too consumed with what in the hell I was going to say to Ellis after the show.

“So, you do know you have to actually approach him to say something, right?” Cassidy said to me as we all filed out of the recital room to wait for Beanie so we could all go to
Easy Sundae
.

At her words my gaze traveled over to where El stood talking to Everett and Uncle EJ. He looked handsome as ever, milk chocolate skin shimmering against the stark white of the polo shirt he’d combined with dark rinse jeans and casual shoes. Either Ev or Uncle EJ had said something hilarious because he burst into loud laughter, a sound I hadn’t realized I’d missed so much until hearing it just now.

“I can’t telepathically beg for forgiveness?”

“Mmmm…nah. You gotta go over there and grovel in person.”

“I don’t wanna interrupt.”

“Bullshit, you’re being a punk.”

“What do I say, Cass?”

“Some variant of I fucked up, I’m sorry, how can I fix this? That’s what Everett did.”

“And that worked?”

We hadn’t had a chance to really get together with me avoiding everyone to keep from having to talk about Ellis. When I arrived today, I noticed that Cass and Ev seemed to be their usual loving selves, but wasn’t sure if it was a front or what.

“Not completely. But it was a start. We are still…and likely will forever be working through it. But this isn’t about me right now. Stop stalling, take your behind over there, and start the process of getting your man back.”

I took a deep breath, squared my shoulders and set off in the direction of the men. On my approach I greeted Ev and Uncle EJ with hugs and kisses. They quickly made themselves scarce as I turned to El. He looked as if he’d rather be anywhere but in this moment, speaking to me right now.

“Hey.”

“Did you need something?”

“Can..,” I trailed off, swallowing hard before trying again. “Can we talk?”

“About…?”

“Us?” I squeaked out.

Legs braced apart, hands resting by his side, Ellis replied, “I’m listening.”

And I was stuck. Everything I’d thought about saying to him had completely left my mind. I felt foolish, standing there as he looked positively bored and disinterested in anything I had to say. This was dumb. He clearly had moved on and didn’t give a damn about me or us anymore. Why should I even try?

Clearing my throat I said, “I just wanted to say…”

“Let’s goooooo, guys!” a small voice interrupted. Sophie snuck between the two of us, grabbing our hands, urging us toward the door.

“Sophia Lauren Taylor, get your behind over here now!”

“But mama, I just wanted…”

“You just wanted your tail embarrassed in front of all your little friends is what you just wanted. Don’t make me tell you to get over here again.”

Sophie’s shoulders slumped as she walked back to where everyone else was standing.

“You were saying?” Ellis prompted.

Still a little dumbfounded I replied, “I…we should probably get going to
Easy Sundae
before the Bean gets too restless.”

Ellis’ mouth opened like he was going to say something, but instead he nodded, turned on his heel and walked away.

“So you punked out?” Cadence said.

Instead of going to Easy Sundae with everyone for ice cream I headed home. On my drive, Cade called to see how things went. After running down the story to her, she and Celena were on my doorstep half an hour later with Ciao Bella blood orange sorbet and a bottle of Petite Sirah.

“It…I…it just didn’t seem like the right time.”

Cadence and Celena shared a look before Cel spoke up.

“And what exactly would the right time look like, Dev?”

“I don’t…know. Y’all didn’t see how he looked at me. I....maybe too much time passed. I...he…I don’t know, y’all. I think I was too late.”

“Dev, with all due respect? That is the biggest load of bullshit I’ve ever heard. I haven’t known you as long as Cade, but I’m sure she’ll agree with me when I say that you were at your absolute best when you guys were together. I’d never seen you more free despite the weight of your silly ass ‘don’t tell my mama’ complex you had going on. And if you love that man as much as you say you love him, then any time is the right time. Stop being a punk. Go get your man back. For real this time.”

I looked at Cadence to see if she had anything to add, but she remained quiet. I knew she had an inkling of what Ellis truly felt, but I’d avoided asking her anything about him directly. Mainly because I couldn’t bear facing the reality that I’d really fucked up and lost him for good. I took her encouraging me to go after him as an early sign that there was still a chance, but her silence now had me worried.

“Oh, you want me to be the oracle. You want me to give you hope because you know El and I are close and we’ve talked about this? Sorry, sis. Not this time. You fucked up. I mean,
royally
. And I’m low-key mad at you because I spent all of my time telling El to be gentle with your heart and what do you do? You Gallaghered the shit outta his.”

“Gallaghered?”

“You know that crazy ass white man, with the fucked up hair who be smashing watermelons and shit with sledgehammers? Gallagher. Anyway, I’ve been being easy because I saw your pain, but I’m tired of handling you with kid gloves. Put on your big girl panties. Do the grand gesture! Own your shit. Grovel. Plead. Beg. And hopefully get your man back. And if not? Then reflect on this as a lesson of shit to never, ever,
ever
do again in life.”

I felt like an idiot. I was standing on Ellis’ stoop with an arm full of poster boards, a tote bag of various other props slung over my arm, and the last shred of hope to which I clung tightly. After Cade read me the riot act, one thing stood out; her telling me to do the grand gesture. What better way to win back the man whose favorite movie genre — that he’d never admit in mixed company — was the romantic comedy. In all of the movies we’d watched there became a point where the guy in the relationship fucked up. And every single time, they did some out of the box thing to get the girl back. So I was doing the thing. Or at least attempting to do the thing and hoping to get the guy back. I rang the doorbell and waited nervously. This thing could either go really well or tank incredibly fast.

When I answered my doorbell, the last thing I expected to see was Bee standing there with her arms filled with a ton of crap and a tote bag over her shoulder, looking scared shitless. I wasn’t surprised to see her standing on the other side of the door as CadyMac had alluded to her coming to pay her penance in person, but the props threw me for a loop. She tried approaching me at Sophie’s recital and I’ll admit to being a bit of an asshole then. I was still hurting…hell,
am still
hurting
if we’re being honest and I didn’t want a hollow ass apology. I wanted her to be real with me and let me in. Explain exactly what the hell was going on her in her head, no matter how crazy or how much she didn’t think I would understand her train of thought. I deserved at least that much. We wouldn’t have even had to go through all of this ridiculous shit if she had kept it a buck at the beginning.

After Vegas I kept calling, texting…hell I even popped up at her job unexpectedly a few times and nothing. So I stopped. I loved her.
Love
her. But I’m not chasing anyone who doesn’t want to be chased. Trey says this is my comeuppance for all the stunts I pulled over the years. I never wanted to punch anyone more than in that moment he said that. It was the truth though, kind of. All of my manwhoring and Black Clooney antics culminated me in being brought to my knees by a woman who didn’t want tp give me the time of day. Who woulda thought? I stood in the doorway, arms crossed, one eyebrow cocked.

“Um…hey.”

“You need something?”

“I…,” Bee started before clearing her throat and beginning again. “Yeah, I need you to just shut up and just read. Okay?”

Shock stretched across my features as I nodded slowly. I had no idea where she was going with this, but…okay. I leaned against the doorframe, gesturing for her to go ahead and do whatever it is she was going to do. My relaxed stance seemed to shift her energy from nervous to anticipatory. She sat the poster boards facedown while messing around with her phone to connect it to the Bluetooth speaker she took out of the tote bag. Some song started playing with a thumping bass beat and some chick with an oddly weird yet, pleasant voice starting singing about…something I could barely make out because Bee held up the first of the poster boards for me to read.  It said

I couldn’t help but laugh because I certainly did not expect that.

“Don’t answer. I already know I did. My mama, your mama, Cadence, Celena, Cassidy…hell even cheater cheater pumpkin eater Everett gave me an earful. And I had to sit with it for some time. Because I was so sure I was right. I was super certain that you’d forced my hand because you were getting tired of me and knew I’d go off the handle if my hand was forced, right?”

I opened my mouth to speak, but she raised a hand to stop me.

“I…I gotta get this out. Just keep reading. And listening. There will be a review and Q&A session at the end.”

She held up the next two boards.

“So this is mine. I’m ol dude with the boombox in Say Anything. Homie with the cue cards in Love Actually. Taye Diggs at the radio station in Brown Sugar. Giving my last ditch effort to let you know that I’ve seen the error of my ways. And I’m sorry. Really and truly sorry and I want you to know two things…”

First board she held up said…

“And also…”

“In case you haven’t seen Notting Hill, I had to double down with one of the worst films committed to cellulose triacetate, Love Jones.”

“What in the hell is cellu…”

“Hey! I’m not done. Q&A at the end!”

She pulled out her phone, switching from the low r&b music that had been playing during her soliloquy to one that was decidedly more pop rockish. She let the guitar intro play for a couple seconds before she fast forwarded to what I assumed was the chorus which she let play before turning the music back down. Some angsty white girl singing about how her life would suck without some dude, presumably. I laughed again, which I could tell bolstered her courage a bit as she continued.

“So as Kelly just sang, my life would suck without you permanently. Having a taste of it these past few weeks almost took me out the game. So here I am. Laying it all on the line, saying it plain. I love you, Ellis. I’m so deeply, foolishly, unequivocally in love with you that it makes me scared to admit, but I’d rather be with you than without. After our mamas got in my behind about my behavior, I replayed that night in Vegas in my mind over and over again. You put your feelings out there and I completely ignored them because of my own insecurities. I’m not promising you that I’m completely healed, but I’m here today to show you that I’m ready to do the work. I’m stepping out on faith that if you really loved me like you said you did, you’d forgive me. And we’d start over. So…”

She reached into her tote bag, handing me a comically large marker and held up one last poster board.

She looked so adorable, face full of hope as she shyly smiled and gestured for me to make my choice.

“Can I have some time to think about it?” I asked.

Her face fell instantly before she quickly schooled her features into a mask of nonchalance. She turned and started gathering the poster boards and her speaker.

“Yeah…that’s…um…sure. Just, uh…you know the number. I’m gonna just, um…I’ll talk to you later?”

She started down the stairs, then turned around to hand me the last poster board.

“I’ll let you hold onto this one.”

“Bee?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

Her eyes widened, before a small smile emerged on her face.

“I love you, too.”

“I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“Ah…okay.”

Her descent of the stairs was a bit less weighed down this time. I watched her walk down to her car, get in and take off before going back inside. Once inside, I went looking for my phone to make a quick phone call.

“I need your help.”