Adulation (34 page)

He shook his head. “Quack,” he said. Raj laughed loud and hard. Danny joined him. “Charlatan. Snake oil salesman. Fucking cult leader!” Raj’s laugh only increased in volume and intensity, and he

stood up with outstretched arms to hug his friend.

Danny loved Raj. And he wanted to believe him, to believe it was all that simple and spiritual and mystical. He wanted to believe there were unseen forces looking out for his best interests, intervening on his behalf in spite of his skepticism, to give him all his heart desired. But he just couldn’t. To do so would be to secretly believe in fairies or fortune-tellers. He’d be too afraid his father would find out and call him a sissy or a chump, even from the grave. And it was the stuff of after-school movies, soap operas, and self-help, happy-crappy books. Not good for writing, although given where his career was going, it might be the only thing left for him to write.

Following his visit with Raj, Danny arrived at Frannie’s house in the cul-de-sac just before sunset andhonked the horn. She opened the front door and waved him inside.
 
Uh-oh
, he thought.
 
This can’t be good.
 
His abdominal muscles constricted as he turned off the engine and got out of the car. She left the dooropen and he entered, the scents of freshly baked rolls greeting him. Thanks to the settlement, she wasfinancially set for life, but she still worked part-time as an aesthetician at a day spa in LA. Ella had neverseemed to mind the constant shuttling between both houses (sadly, so many of her friends did it that sheviewed  it as a normal way of life), but he sometimes wished there were a way the three of them couldhave continued to live under one roof, if for no other reason than convenience and stability for theirdaughter.

“Hey, Frannie,” he said casually. Despite their painful divorce (what divorce wasn’t painful?) heand Frannie had always managed to be amiable toward each other once the dust had settled. They hadestablished the ground rule even before Ella was conceived that no matter what, their children were nevergoing to hear one parent speak poorly of the other in their presence. And both had lived up to that rule. Frannie had forgiven him years ago, he knew, but it didn’t seem to assuage the guilt he had for fucking upthe marriage in the first place with his drinking. And yet he also knew that sobriety had just shed light onsome of his other flaws, and that’s what had kept them from reconciling.

“You been sick?” asked Frannie as she shut the door behind him.

“No. Why?”

“You look a little pale.”

To tell someone in LA that he or she looked a little pale was really saying something. “I’ve not been sleeping well again.”

“Try melatonin. It’s a natural alternative to all that Ambien crap.”

“Where’s El?” he asked.

“She’ll be down in a minute. I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“What is it?”

“I heard you’re planning a book tour.”

“Yeah, it’ll probably be just a bicoastal thing for a week or two. Nothing long-term.” “When?”

“Next month.”

“You’ve been away from Ella a lot lately.”

“No, she’s been away from
 
me
 
a lot lately,” he said before his defensiveness gave way to worry.

“Why, did she say something?”

“
I’m
 
saying it,” said Frannie. “Danny, your daughter needs you.”

“You think I don’t know that? You think I wouldn’t take her on tour with me if I had a choice?”

“What’s up with you and Charlene?”

Again he felt the need to go on defense. “What does Charlene have to do with this?”

“Danny, we’ve talked about this before. I really don’t think this on-again-off-again thing you’ve got going on sets a good example for Ella. You know she’s still seeing that boy Richie, don’t you?”

“Yeah,” he said. Thoughts of his daughter with any boy made him want to reach for a baseball bat.

“They text incessantly. And when they’re not texting, they’re talking. I hear her sometimes,” said Frannie. “And Danny, sometimes she sounds like you.”

“In what way?”

“In the way you get when you think everyone has a right to their opinion until they disagree with something you say.”

He looked at her, irked. “People are free to disagree with me anytime they want. And while I may try to persuade them to see my point of view, I certainly don’t think less of them for it. Especially not my daughter.”

“Well, I don’t know if she got the message. All I can tell is that she sometimes talks to him as if her words have no consequence, and when I asked her about it, she told me to mind my own business.”

“She’s a teenager. So what does that have to do with Charlene’s and my relationship status?”

“Well, I think that’s one of the reasons she acts this way. You can say anything you want if you take for granted that the person is coming back to you in a week or month or eventually. Besides, it’s not good for her to see you so noncommittal, don’t you think?”

“As long as she knows I’m committed to
 
her
. Besides, lately she’s been too busy with her band competitions and going steady with good ol’ Richie to even return my phone messages, much less get together with me.”

“Maybe that’s because she’s gotten as complacent as you have.”

Danny felt that familiar feeling in his stomach, the anger that started to bubble and boil and rise up into his chest. “Tell me this doesn’t have to do with your disapproving that Charlene and I are together at all and maybe I’ll take seriously what you’ve just told me.”

“You see what I mean? Right there. Just now,” said Frannie, pointing sharply at him, her fingernail lacquered a blood-red. “You just completely undermined me with that condescending tone of yours and dismissed me like I’m some jealous ex who has no life of her own. I’m fine, Danny. I’m happy. In fact, I’ve recently started seeing someone myself.”

This news startled him. Frannie wasn’t a serial dater by any means, nor did she get into relationships lightly,  because of their potential effect on Ella. For her to tell him about it meant it was serious, or potentially moving in that direction. Moreover, Danny felt a jealousy of his own building up inside. He knew it was completely irrational, of course. After all, it was long over with his ex-wife, and he was hungry for Charlene even as they spoke, so why in the world should it bother him that Frannie was finding love without him? Why couldn’t he be happy for her like he knew he should and wanted to be?

He meant to say “That’s great” to Frannie, but heard himself say “Who is he?” instead, matching her interrogative tone.

She crossed her arms and glared at him. “You wanna do a background check on him or something?”

Just then Ella bounded down the stairs and bounced over to her father, giving him a boisterous hug and kiss just like she used to when she was a little girl, jumping up to try to reach him. Danny’s heart melted, comforted that she wasn’t fully grown up just yet.

“Hey, El,” he said. “Ready to go?”

“Sure,” she answered, and kissed her mom good-bye. As he left, Frannie gave him a final warning: “Just think about what I said.”

“I will,” he said earnestly. He owed Frannie a lot more. He owed it to her and Ella to be a better

person. “Thanks, Frannie. And I hope everything works out between you and this guy.”

The minute they were in the car and Ella fastened her seat belt, Danny put the car in gear and said, “OK, kid, tell me all about your mom’s new boyfriend.”

Ella rolled her eyes. “Pull-eeze don’t tell me you’re jealous. That’s like totally gross.”

Danny laughed. “In my day, the word was
 
rank
. Then it became
 
grody to the max
.”

“You’re old, Dad.”

He dropped his jaw in mock indignation. “Just wait till it happens to you. You’ll be forty-five and sitting around with your friends reminiscing about how iPods were, like, so millennial, and you’ll still be waiting for flying cars.”

The sound of her laughter rang like sleigh bells in his ears, dissolving any trace of the negativity he’d felt at the house. Danny loved their instant connection and kinship.

“So?” he asked. “Who is he? Do you like him? Hate him? Does he go tanning? Is he a Democrat?”

“I’ve only met him a couple of times. He’s OK, I guess. Mom really likes him. I think he really likes her too. I’m happy for her. She needs someone in her life besides me.”

“What’s his name?” asked Danny.

“Steve.”

“Steve?”

“Yeah, Steve,” said Ella. “Why?”

“I don’t trust guys named Steve.”

“You don’t trust anybody,” said Ella. The conviction in her words rendered him speechless. He stared straight ahead, lips pursed, and listened to the purr of the Mercedes’s engine, occasionally disrupted by bumps from driving over cracks in the pavement. Ella took this as her cue to listen to her iPod, and she began to untangle her earbuds. Not wanting to lose her attention, he found his voice.

“So I’m just playin’ around here—nothing serious—but what would you think, hypothetically speaking, if I moved back to New York? Not that I would ever leave you...”

“
Yes
,” she said emphatically. “Dear God, yes, and take me with you.”

Danny nearly stopped short—so not the reaction he was expecting.

“What? Why do you want to leave?”

“I
 
hate
 
LA. I mean sure, the weather is great and all that, but come on, the people here are just so

fake
 
! I would much rather live in New York.”

“How long have you felt this way?”

“I guess our Christmas trip clinched it, but I’ve been thinking about it for a while,” she said.

“But why?”

“I told you, I’m tired of all the phonies out here. New York is just so much more real. It’s got all four seasons and it’s OK to wear something bigger than a size zero and I just feel like I belong there more than I do here.”

Had Ella really inherited her father’s outsiderness? he wondered.

“Sure, it’s got all four seasons, but that also includes
 
snow
,” he said. “Besides, what about Richie? Wouldn’t you miss him?”

“I doubt we’ll make it past high school. I mean, I’d be totally heartbroken, but I’m just thinking practically, you know?”

Danny nodded his head. God, when did she start growing up? Like,
 
really
 
growing up?

“Why do
 
you
 
wanna move?” she asked. “You said back at Christmas that you had no interest.”

Danny turned a corner. “I’m just doin’ what ifs.”

“Sure,” she answered, but her voice seemed to indicate that they were both keeping the game going for the sake of humoring each other. Then she added, “I would kill to go to the School of the Arts.”

“Doing what?”

“Music,” she replied. “And I’ve been thinking of taking up painting too.”

This surprised him. Up until now, her involvement in the school band had seemed to be nothing more than an extracurricular activity, something that looked good on college applications. He had no idea she was so committed to it.

“I would take you with me in a New York minute,” he said, acknowledging the tacky pun with a foolish wink, “but I don’t think your mother would approve.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” And then, as if they’d been talking about nothing more than the weather, Ella casually inserted her earbuds as a preparatory measure and started scrolling through her iPod. “Is Charlene moving to New York for good?” she asked.

“This isn’t about Charlene.”

“Then what is it about?”

“I told you, I’m just doin’ what ifs. You had asked me to think about it, and I’ve been thinking

about it.”

“Dad. Please.”

“It’s not about Charlene,” he said more firmly.

“How come you didn’t tell me you’ve been thinking about it?”

“Because I’ve had a lot of other things to think about as well.”