Adventures In Murder Chasing (Funeral Crashing #3) (19 page)

I guess normal for me wasn't normal for most people because that Saturday I took Ethan to the graveyard to meet my mom. I know it's weird, but I really wanted him to meet her and to meet her officially, she was at the graveyard. Plus after the last week of murder mysteries turned into natural slash accidental deaths, I needed my mom. Not that I wanted anyone to be murdered or anything, but you know, I was disappointed that there was nothing to investigate and no family to help with finding the truth about their loved ones.

Ethan was totally cool about the whole thing too. If anything, he seemed a little nervous, but I thought that was pretty normal. I'd shown him a couple of pictures of my mom and talked about her, but this was meeting her, although maybe not in the traditional sense. Still, it was a big deal to me and I think he knew that.

"This is it," I said.

Ethan nodded and parked the car alongside the curb. It was only a short walk to where my mom was buried. Ethan seemed somber. We got out of the car without saying anything. I hoped he would lighten up. I'd have to try and help him. My mom's grave made me sad, but it was also where I went to be with her, so it was kind of a mix of feelings and I didn't want Ethan to feel depressed about coming to the cemetery. That's not why we were here.

"You okay?" I asked as Ethan joined me on my side of the car.

Ethan nodded. "I'm fine."

"Am I totally freaking you out?" I asked. "Is this too soon?"

Ethan looked at me. "Not at all. Although, I guess I just want to understand how you can come to the cemetery and visit your mom. I can't go to Liz's grave at all."

I nodded. I had wondered if Ethan had been to see his sister since the funeral. It was hard. I hadn't gone back to see my mom right after the funeral either, but he should go and see Liz at some point. She was his sister. He didn't have to go all the time like I did, but he should go here and there. Maybe it would help him feel better. I knew he still felt really sad about Liz even if he didn't talk about her. I'm sure it was his way of trying to cope. I tried to remember back to just after my mom died. No, I didn't want to think about it. It was too horrible. I needed to remember that, to be gentle with Ethan. Maybe it was too soon to take him to my mom's grave after all. Maybe he was still dealing with too much.

"Are you okay?" Ethan asked, peering at me.

I guess I had been in my head for too long. "Sorry, I was just thinking. Are you sure you're really okay with this? Because if you're not..."

Ethan smiled at me and took my hand. "Yes, I'm really okay with it. Now, let's go and meet your mom."

"Okay," I said, smiling back tentatively. "Let's go, but um, do you mind if we stop somewhere on the way?"

Ethan looked at me confused. "Where?"

I already knew where we were going, since I had taken the time to look up the gravesite. I automatically started walking towards it. It wasn't too far from my mother's grave anyway. It was the least I could do, to stop by.

I looked at Ethan, who was following me, but waiting for me to answer his question. "I just want to leave some flowers for Nico Moretti. We're here and I just...want to do something for him. I mean, after everything."

Ethan frowned, but nodded. "Okay."

We walked for a few minutes in silence.

"So, yeah, you'll be glad to know that I've officially decided to accept everyone's conclusion that Nico's death was just an accident," I said. "A weird accident, but an accident."

"I thought you already had," Ethan said.

"Well," I felt awkward. "I mostly had. I mean, I had to think about it a little more, you know? I couldn't just make a snap decision, but Nico said it himself - accident. It was an accident. I accept that. Officially."

Ethan was quiet. That was unlike him. I thought he'd be overjoyed that I was giving up on the case. I knew he wasn't exactly a fan of my mystery solving, although he was trying to be supportive. He was really an amazing boyfriend, actually.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

Ethan shrugged, "Sorry. I've just been thinking about Liz a lot lately. Nico sort of reminds me of her in a weird way. The whole situation."

I nodded. I understood. Everyone had thought Liz's death was an accident too. "I know you must think about her all the time. I think about my mom every day."

We were about to go to my mom's grave, so if anybody understood the loss that Ethan felt, I did.

Ethan nodded, "I know you understand, but..."

"But what?" I asked. "What's wrong?"

"The lawyers are starting to get the case against Liz's killer ready," Ethan said.

"Wow, I thought that stuff took forever," I said.

"Oh, it will. But, they've been asking questions about her and..." Ethan started, but stopped.

"And it's all bringing it up again?" I guessed.

"Yeah," Ethan said, "But it's not only that. I'm mad. I'm really mad. Liz didn't have to die. She should still be here. You know?"

"Yeah, I know," I said and I did know.

I felt that way about my mom too. Our losses were different, but still. I understood. We lapsed into silence. We had stopped walking. I picked a blade of grass up off the ground and twirled it around my finger. I didn't know if I should say anything or if I should give Ethan a little more time to continue talking to me.

"I'd give anything to kill her killer," Ethan said out of the blue.

"You don't mean that," I said automatically.

Ethan looked me in the eyes, "But I do."

I was quiet for a moment as I took in what Ethan was saying. Then I took Ethan's hand and placed it in mine. I peered into Ethan's eyes.

I spoke softly, "Ethan, you don't mean that. You're just angry. It's human to be angry. It's normal. Liz wasn't supposed to die. You have to let it go, though. From what you've told me about Liz and from what I've learned about her, she'd want you to. She'd want you to be happy. I know you're mad, but you have to work on letting it go."

"How?" Ethan asked.

I hugged him and said, "Just a day at a time."

Ethan hugged me back. "I'm trying."

"I know," I said as Ethan broke the hug.

We started walking again. Ethan was quiet. He took a deep breath, but didn't say anything.

"We're almost there," I said to fill the silence.

I was totally done with murder investigating for a while. I needed some quality time with Ethan. It would be good for us. I had totally made up my mind or so I thought until I saw Nico's grave.

It was covered in flowers. I hadn't really been to anyone's gravesite just after the funeral since my mom's death. I had forgotten the initial outpouring of love from everyone. Some of the flowers were wilting, but others were fresh. There was a battery powered candle and a teddy bear in a sports jersey. I felt sad. I turned to look at Ethan. He seemed to be having trouble breathing. I squeezed his hand. I took a couple of flowers from the bouquet I had brought for my mom and placed them on top of Nico's gravestone.

I resisted the urge to look at any of the cards attached to a few of the flowers. I was done investigating, I told myself. Remember? Sometimes my brain didn't want to listen to what I told it. It was frustrating.

"Okay, we can go," I said, feeling hurried. "I just wanted to say goodbye."

Ethan nodded, still quiet as we turned back a ways and walked across the grass and through a bunch of gravestones toward where my mom was buried. I noticed Ethan's hand had stiffened in mine. I kept walking. Neither of us said anything for a while again. Within a few minutes we were standing in front of my mother's gravestone.

There was a tree right next to it and I sort of always thought of my mom sitting under it and reading. She liked to read when she was alive. I read to her a lot toward the end too. I liked to sit there sometimes too and read when I came and I was by myself.

The cut flowers I had placed on her grave the last time I had come were wilted. I picked them up, set them aside to throw out later, and replaced them with the remaining new flowers that I brought with me. I hoped my mom liked them. They were a fall mix with mostly sunflowers. I did this without saying anything to Ethan. He had stopped next to me and was just staring at the gravestone. I turned to look at him.

"So, Ethan, this is my mom." I turned to look at the gravestone, wondering if Ethan thought I was crazy. "Mom, this is Ethan."

I hoped she was there somewhere, knowing that I would have loved to really introduce her to my boyfriend. My boyfriend! It was still kind of weird to say, but I was so getting used to it! I know she would have been excited for me.

"Nice to meet you Mrs. Lenox," Ethan said softly.

I watched him stare down at my mom's grave and another look of sadness passed over his face.

"Are you okay?" I asked again, for what felt like the billionth time.

I felt like maybe I was putting too much on Ethan. Maybe this was all too soon. He just wasn't used to this sort of thing. It was probably too much. I forgot that sometimes.

Ethan turned to look at me, "I'm fine. Just sad. It's just really, really sad, you know?"

"Yeah, it is," I said. "I know."

I took Ethan's hand again and we both stared down at my mom's grave.

"Thanks for coming with me," I said.

"You're welcome," Ethan said. "I wanted to, though."

"Still, thanks," I said.

Ethan squeezed my hand and kissed me on the cheek. I turned to smile at him. Whoa. I had to stop myself. I had almost blurted it out. I had almost said I love you again. What the heck was wrong with me? I definitely could not say those words in a graveyard for the first time, much less at all yet! Thank goodness I didn't have to dwell on that for too long or try and think of something else to say to him while my brain was on the whole I love you thing because Leonora, my graveyard friend, was walking toward us.

I looked at Ethan and pointed. "That's her."

Ethan turned to look. "She looks kinda like my grandma."

I nodded. Leonora did kind of have that cute little old lady look. I didn't really notice it anymore, though. She was my friend and our age difference didn't really matter. A moment later, Leonora was within feet of us.

"Hi, Leonora!" I said.

"Kait!" Leonora said and hugged me. Then she turned to Ethan and looked at me expectantly.

"Leonora, Ethan and Ethan this is Leonora," I said.

Leonora smiled at Ethan and looked at me knowingly. She shook his hand.

"It's nice to finally meet you, Ethan. I've heard so much about you," Leonora said.

"Thanks," Ethan said and I swore it looked like he blushed a little.

Was Ethan feeling a little awkward for once? Of course I couldn't blame him. Not only had he just met my mom's gravestone, but now he was meeting a friend of mine in the middle of a cemetery, in front of my mom's grave. I guess that was a little awkward for most people. Leonora was loving every second of it, though.

"Just like my Jacob," Leonora said turning to me and winking. "A little shy."

I smiled, "Ethan's not really shy. I think the cemetery is getting to him."

Leonora looked at Ethan and her smile turned sad. "Cemeteries are full of sadness, but they're full of remembrance too. It's why I come and see my Jacob. Why Kait comes and sees her mom. We talk to them and remember them. They're not a bad place. The sadness is already within you. You just have to embrace it and make it better."

"How do you do that?" Ethan asked. I knew he was really asking how he could feel better about Liz.

Leonora looked at him. "There's no real way. We each do it our own way. For me, coming here to talk to Jacob makes it better. For Kait, she goes to funerals and visits her mom. For you it might be different. You'll find your way."

Ethan smiled, "Thanks. I hope so."

"It's hard for awhile, but you will," Leonora said.

Ethan nodded and didn't say anything. Leonora turned to me.

"How was milkshakes with Ariel?" Leonora asked.

I felt my cheeks turn pink this time. "Fine."

Leonora peered at me. "What does that mean?"

"Just that things are weirder than ever with Ariel," I said, purposely being vague.

I didn't really want to get into how Ariel said that we weren't friends at all and nothing had changed. I hadn't even talked to Ethan about that yet. I felt like an idiot for hoping that something had changed. Besides, in the end Leonora was Ariel's great aunt. I knew that they weren't super close, but still. I couldn't badmouth Ariel too much, even if the story I was telling was true. Leonora seemed to know that there was more on my mind, though. She was giving me her piercing look, but maybe she knew not to prod further.

"Been to any funerals lately?" Leonora asked.

"You don't want to know," Ethan said.

Leonora's eyebrows raised.

I shook my head. "He's right, but yeah, we went to two young ones: Gabe Fulton's and Nico Moretti's."