Affirmation (6 page)

“Matt…”
I begin, intent on turning him down.

But
his thumb strokes over the pulse on my wrist, and my body is deciding
to weigh in on this decision. “We shouldn’t. We can’t.
We’re not together anymore.”

He
pulls me toward him until we are toe to toe, but he doesn’t
touch me anywhere else, except that continual stroking over my wrist.
“I know. I know we’re not, and I know we shouldn’t.
But… one last time?”

One
last time? I mean… what could one more time hurt, right? It’s
to say good-bye.

To
make peace.

To
have closure.

All
of these reasons sound so damn good. I know that my heart is going to
hurt worse tomorrow because I’ll start my grieving all over
again, but wouldn’t that be worth one more night in Matt’s
arms?

“One
last time?” I ask, just to make sure of what he’s
offering.

“Just
tonight,” he says softly. “But it will be
all
night.”

Shivers
race up and down my spine from the seduction in his voice, and any
tiny thought of declining his offer completely evaporates.

“Okay,”
I whisper, almost afraid if I say it too loud that Matt and I will
snap out of this stupidity we’ve talked ourselves in to.

“Let
me pay the cab,” he says as he releases his hold on me. I watch
as he walks around to the driver’s door and pays the fare. Then
the trunk pops open again, and he pulls his suitcase out.

Now
that he’s not touching me anymore, I have a small kernel of
doubt.

Okay,
a huge kernel of doubt. This is dumb, dumb, dumb.

I’m
giving in to Matt’s desire for sex, and what do I get in
return? I don’t get a relationship, true love, or hell, I won’t
even get breakfast in the morning. I’m scratching his itch, and
I’m telling him that I admit I was never good enough to be more
than a good fuck for him.

Those
thoughts alone almost have me telling Matt to get in the cab but, as
he looks at me, with fire burning in his eyes… it’s game
over. My body is telling me that I have an itch to scratch just as
much as Matt does. It’s true that what I really want is the
relationship. I want to be with the man I can tell all my secrets to,
and who will love me through thick and thin. But the one thing Matt
has taught me over the last few months is that I also need more than
just the emotional bond. I need the physical as well. I crave the
touch and the sounds. I relish gasps, moans, and grunts. I have to
have the wild excitement that comes from dirty words and rough
fingers.

While
Matt can’t give me all of what I want, he can give me part of
what I need.

So,
yeah… I’m going to have one more night with him before I
close that door.

And
I’m going to enjoy the hell out of it.

Turning
away from Matt, I walk into my building with him following. We ride
the elevator up in total silence, but there is a buzzing energy
around us. I sneak a glance at him and he’s staring down at his
shoes, seemingly lost in thought. I sure hope he’s giving
serious analysis to all the ways he’s going to make me come.

When
I open the apartment door, Matt follows me in. Macy is sitting on the
couch and, when she sees Matt, her eyebrows go through the roof. I
shoot her a smile that says,
I’ll fill
you in tomorrow but don’t you dare say a word right now,
because I’m getting ready to get fucked like a queen and I
don’t want you to ruin it.

She
gives me a slight nod, and I march right past her. Matt follows
along, and I’m sure we make quite the sight as we head down the
hallway with our suitcases rolling along behind us. I can’t
even imagine what’s going through Macy’s head right now,
but I have a feeling things are going to get loud before too long, so
she’ll be able to piece it together.

Entering
my room, I push my suitcase up against my closet door. I turn on my
bedside lamp, and the room is filled with a soft glow. Matt closes
the door behind him and pushes his suitcase next to mine. Then he
turns to look at me, and my breath catches as I watch his lazy
perusal. He has run his hungry eyes over me more times than I can
remember, but he’s never done it with such exquisite care. He
takes his time, checking out every part of me, now that he has the
time and the permission to do so.

A
lush heart swirls between my legs, and I hope to God it’s
Matt’s plan to hit it hard and fast with me. At least for the
first time.

Matt
takes his suit jacket off and tosses it across his suitcase. He
slowly undoes his cuffs while he continues to stare at me. I have no
clue what to do but, even if I did, I don’t think I could make
a move. I’m mesmerized by the way Matt is watching me, and I
think I’m better served to just let him direct me on what to
do.

When
he steps up to me, I watch as his hand slowly rises. I feel his
fingertips at my temple, and then he’s sifting through the long
length of my hair. He seems to be mesmerized as he watches the dark
locks filter through his fingers. When he reaches the end, his eyes
return to mine.

“Where
shall we start?” he asks.

I
lick my lips and try to sound like I have some coherence left.
“Anywhere you want.”

The
smile he gives me is wicked, and he pulls that bottom lip between his
teeth as he contemplates. Finally, he says, “It’s been
too long since my face has been between those beautiful legs of
yours.”

Holy
hell… said beautiful legs almost buckle under the sex that is
dripping from those words. Matt can see how it affects me, and he
chuckles.

“Yeah,”
he says, his voice rough with lust. “We’ll start there.”

You’ve
read enough of my story by now to know that sex with Matt is beyond
stupendous. So I probably shouldn’t take the time to tell you
what happened next.

What?
Was that cursing?

Okay,
fine I’ll tell you, but I’m not sure I can do it actual
justice.

The
minute he tells me he wants to go down on me, every muscle in my body
seems to liquefy. I’m on the verge of collapsing, but Matt
saves the day by pulling me into his arms so he can kiss me.

This
kiss is something else. It’s a combination of every type of
kiss that he’s ever given me, and I’m assuming he’s
intent on making this night memorable. I feel lust, desire, heat,
passion, tenderness, caring, kinkiness, flirtation, playfulness,
savagery, and roughness. It’s all there, hovering underneath
those lips, coating his tongue, which in turn coats my tongue.

His
hands get to work, shedding me of my clothes. He’s a pro at
this. He knows how to get my clothes off without even needing to
break the kiss. He’s a master at unsnapping my bra with just a
flick of one hand.

When
he has me naked, he pushes me onto my bed and then takes a step back
so he can disrobe. I watch him boldly, and he gives me a show because
he knows I like watching him.

And
I know he likes me watching him.

His
clothes drop to the floor, and he takes himself in his hand and
starts stroking with long, fluid pulls. His eyes close and he tilts
his head back, moaning slightly as he works himself into rock
hardness.

That
is so fucking hot, and I’m hypnotized by the sight of him
masturbating. When I finally am able to look away from what he’s
doing to himself, I let my gaze wander to his face.

That
beautiful face.

I
see his eyes are no longer closed but watching me with intensity, the
weight almost oppressive upon me.

“Spread
your legs,” he commands, and I don’t even hesitate in my
acquiescence. I’d do anything he told me to do tonight.

Anything.

His
gaze moves down my body and stares at his intended destination.
“Touch yourself,” he says thickly.

And
I do, causing his eyes to go so dark, that they look almost
completely black. He just stares at my hand between my legs, his
breaths getting shorter and shorter while he strokes his cock.

He
doesn’t even look back into my eyes when he releases himself
and murmurs, “Enough. You’re ready for my mouth, and I
don’t think I’ll stop until I’ve made you come at
least three times.”

Fuck,
but his dirty talk is like the best in the world. I bet if he tried,
he could give me an orgasm just by talking to me. He’s
that
good.

As
Matt steps up to me, a thought crosses my mind. I’m on borrowed
time with him, and I want to give to Matt as much as he wants to give
to me.

“Wait,”
I say, because he starts to kneel between my legs.

His
gaze snaps to mine, and I almost giggle at the impatience firing
through his irises.

“Let’s
make this a little more balanced.”

Impatience
now turns to interest. “What did you have in mind?”

“We’ve
done a lot of dirty things together, but I don’t think we’ve
ever done sixty-nine. Let’s give that a try.”

Matt’s
lips curve upward, and there are those dimples that I just haven’t
seen enough of lately.

“You
are like the perfect fucking woman,” he says reverently, but
also with good cheer, because he’s getting ready to feel
really, really good too.

“No,
I’m not,” I remind him, because otherwise, this wouldn’t
be our last time together. “But I’m damn close, so get
your ass on this bed and get into position.”

I
expect Matt to immediately hop on the bed and get our mouths and body
parts aligned, but he surprises me by crawling in between my legs and
right up my body until he’s covering me completely, his lips
hovering just above mine.

His
gaze is soft, and it reminds me of the time he held me in his arms in
Nashville the night before my mother died. I feel like he wants to
say something, and I hold my breath. Because I see emotion on his
face, I immediately start thinking that maybe he wants to confess his
feelings to me. Maybe he realizes that while yes, the sex is smokin’
hot and really can’t be compared, there is something deeper
between us. There always has been.

Matt’s
mouth even parts, words ready to tumble out of his lips. His breath
stutters, and he takes a deep breath while closing his eyes. When he
opens them back up again, the softness is gone and carnality reigns
supreme. He gives me a smoldering kiss. He takes his time about it,
even while grinding his erection between my legs.

By
the time Matt is ready to give my idea of sixty-nine a try, he has
made me completely delirious just from his kiss. I know it will not
take long for me to find my happiest of places.

He
arranges our bodies, a master of placing his leg here or my arm
there. Then our mouths become occupied with each other and just as
anticipated, it’s just a matter of seconds before he
kick-starts an orgasm in me. It’s hard to scream out loud when
your mouth is filled with yummy Matt goodness, but I’m sure he
felt the vibrations of my gratification bubble up through my body,
straight out of my mouth and onto his dick.

The
way we pleasure each other at the same time… giving…
receiving. Our hands eager to always touch the other’s skin.
The sounds we make that urge the other on, or even the
acknowledgement we give because we are so very grateful how good
something feels.

We
are fucking perfect in bed together.

Absolutely
perfect.

It
just sucks that it’s the only way we seem to be compatible.

I
stare at my computer monitor, trying to finish the last legal memo
that Matt had assigned me. I have about fifteen minutes of work left
on it if I can just concentrate.

But
I haven’t been able to concentrate for shit all day.

Thanks
to Matt Fucking Connover.

Last
night was unimaginable. It exceeded my expectations. If I had thought
that our sex life was amazing before last night, I would tell you
today that it sucked in comparison.

I’m
not sure if it was the desperate nature of our coupling, knowing that
we were parting ways forever, or if it was merely the fact that we
were just trying to outdo ourselves.