After Death (6 page)

Even now, when Fernando thought of it, he felt the loss. His odd friend in Room 36, probably the smartest guy he’d ever met, was gone, just like that. And as if that weren’t enough, he’d committed suicide — a horrible thing to do and a mortal sin. Scott’s time on earth had been short, and painful — but that was nothing compared to what he would face now in hell, for all eternity.

Fernando had a hard time coming to terms with it. There had been no warning — Scott had always seemed a jovial fellow, but obviously underneath, he felt something else. It seemed he’d wanted to get out those glass doors and escape so badly, he’d finally chosen another way — this way.

Fernando told himself after that, that he wouldn’t get attached to the patients. He needed to keep things distant, to do anything else was too big a risk.

That was a year and a half ago and Fernando had done a pretty good job of doing just that—but some patients were irresistible and over time, one just couldn’t help liking them and seeing them as friends. Like Eli and Rachel. He knew neither was probably long for this world but it was impossible to be cold or distant with them. They’d already seen enough of that in their lives and he refused to add to it.

His expression must’ve seemed odd because Frank looked at him strangely and asked if he was okay. It brought him quickly back to the present and his smile returned.

“Yeah, fine.” He replied, trying to shake off the ghosts. ”Let’s go see Rachel.”

He paused at the thought, then flashed his trademark grin with mischief in his eyes.

“Boy, is she gonna loooove you.”

***

Fernando walked Frank to the closed flowery curtain that surrounded the bed and called out.

“Rachel, remember that visitor I promised you? — He’s here.”

A cracking female voice responded from behind the curtain:

“Be out in a minute, dears.”

Fernando watched Frank scan the series of framed black and white photos on the walls.

They showed a glamorous Mae-Westish young woman posing with an amazing assortment of handsome male movie stars. In each she wore a different elaborate attire; in one a dark fur stole with the dead animal’s head draped casually over one shoulder, a matching fur cap framing her dark curled locks. In another, she wore a shimmering satin gown, the long tail splayed out recklessly behind her on the ground. In every photo she looked somehow radiant, aglow, perhaps a trick of the photographer or perhaps just the aura that youth and happiness sometimes magically create.

Fernando could tell Frank didn’t recognize Valentino, or Clark Gable, or even Howard Hughes for that matter, but he was still impressed — it showed on his boyish face — the expressions so transparent and clearly reflecting his thoughts.

“Quite a name in her day, huh?” Frank asked quietly, an unmistakable tone of respect in his voice.

Fernando nodded with a smile. “You could say that.”

The curtain rustled and Rachel emerged.

She wore a similar satin gown to the one in the photos and had heavily powdered and made up her face in an attempt to hide the fact that she was now 84 years old and no longer bore any resemblance to the young woman in the photographs. She approached Frank with her best attempt at a sultry walk, a huge lipstick smile stretching her cheeks as her eyes wandered lasciviously across his body.

“Well hello, handsome young man.” She crooned, doing her best to smooth out the years of roughness in her voice.

She turned to Fernando, eyes sparkling. “Fernando, aren’t you going to introduce us?”

Fernando almost blushed on Frank’s behalf.
Maybe he should have waited on this particular introduction — He didn’t want to scare him off… But it was too late now…

Rachel waited eagerly, that huge smile swallowing her face.

“Rachel, Frank. Frank, this is Rachel.”

Rachel’s voice dropped an octave, an attempt at ultra-sexy. “Hello, Frank.”

The effect was both disturbing and hilarious. Frank looked like he’d been turned to stone; expression frozen and clearly at a loss at how to react. His eyes turned to Fernando for help and Fernando finally burst out laughing.

“Now, Rachel, you be good. Frank is taking Rod’s job.”

Rachel kept grinning and even licked her bright red lips.

“Well isn’t that nice…”

Frank swallowed thickly and Fernando watched him unconsciously cross his arms and turn away, returning his focus to the photos on the walls.

“You seem to have been in a lot of movies, Rachel. How long were you an actress?”

It was a good effort and whether she didn’t hear Frank or simply chose to ignore him, Fernando couldn’t say — although knowing Rachel, he guessed it was the latter.

“Are you married, Frank?” She asked instead.

Frank shot Fernando yet another pleading look and Fernando couldn’t restrain himself any longer. He howled with laughter, bent over and red in the face, unable to move or even continue Frank’s tour for five whole minutes, Frank standing awkwardly to the side and Rachel continuing to leer.

***

Fernando was still laughing as they walked away down the hall, he had finally taken pity on Frank and told Rachel he needed to get Frank to management at their urgent request. Rachel didn’t seem to entirely believe it, she was a smart old gal, but she begrudgingly took the hint and allowed Frank to be escorted from her lair.

Frank still looked a little shell-shocked and Fernando couldn’t help one last sotto jibe:

“I told you she’d love you, man.” He said.

Frank shot him a mildly dirty look and by then they’d come to the cafeteria.

Frank turned his attention to all the people lining the tables. Many of these were to be his charges and he seemed again genuinely interested in learning about them — the brownie points in Fernando’s book were adding up.

Fernando began pointing them out and giving their names and noticed that almost every one of them was hunched over their plates of food, guarding it protectively and not talking to those around them. When they ate, it was with tremendous concentration — not that they seemed to enjoy the meal that Fernando was thankful on this occasion he didn’t have to prepare. They ate in solemn silence as though this act meant something significant, or at least it seemed that way to him. Maybe it was just the routine of life, something they knew they needed to do to survive… He guessed he would never know for sure what went through the heads of most of them, many no longer seemed to know themselves anymore… They were fading lights, many close to going out forever…

A sharp-nosed man at the end of the table with a shock of grey hair standing straight up suddenly screamed incoherently at the top of his lungs. The sound was piercing — harsh and assaultive as it bounced off the hard walls of the room.

Orderlies and a straggling nurse walked by without paying any attention. The rest of the elderly patients continued eating, their focus undeterred, not a single one seemed to hear or care about the deafening yells.

Fernando saw that Frank was rattled. He quickly moved to him and put a guiding hand on his shoulder to usher him out of the room. He spoke loud and directly into Frank’s ear to be heard over the din.

“C’mon Frank, Larry’s freaking again.”

Frank resisted for a moment with an expression of concern and more points for this new guy went into Fernando’s book.

When they were further down the hall, where their ears were no longer ringing, Frank stopped Fernando with a hand.

“What was that all about?” He asked, worried.

Fernando shrugged and resumed walking.

“Don’t ask me. Was dropped off here by his kids ‘bout six months ago. Been screamin’ ever since.”

Fernando knew he sounded cavalier and it wasn’t that he didn’t care — He’d just come to realize that there were some people that couldn’t be helped — and Larry was one of these. Ever since he’d been abandoned here, something had broken and it couldn’t be repaired. In another hospital, Larry might’ve been treated differently so that he’d at least be calmer and not disturb the others. But not here. Here his outbursts were to be simply ignored until he wore himself out and came all the sooner to his inevitable end.

Fernando checked his watch. It was almost time to get back to the kitchen, he could stretch it a bit but he didn’t want to risk his job.

“Do they ever visit?” Frank asked, still bothered about Larry.

Fernando couldn’t help but find the question remarkable.
This guy actually seemed to give a shit.

“Nah.” He replied. “Nobody comes to visit nobody.”

This was just an introductory visit for Frank and it was almost over. Fernando noticed the frown of pity on Frank’s face as they passed more open doors on their way back to the lobby and saw several gaunt and almost lifeless patients lurking inside. These were the worst cases, the ones that couldn’t get to the cafeteria and had to have their food brought to them.

Had Frank found this visit so disturbing he’d decided not to come back?
Fernando wondered.
He hoped not, he liked this guy — he wanted him to stick around.

Frank paused near the front doors for a long moment, his face sad and pensive. Fernando just waited —
Whatever it was, he was having trouble getting it out.
When Frank finally spoke, his voice was low and sincere.

“Tell me something, Fernando. If I told you I was just here for a while, just to do research for something I’m working on and that I needed to spend time with someone who’s close to… passing away… Would that be pretty horrible; just being a user like that?”

Ah, that was the catch!
Fernando thought.
There was always a catch.
It was the most he’d heard Frank say and he wasn’t crazy about what he was hearing.
On the other hand, at least he was being honest. And the remorse and guilt were as plain as day on his face…

“Research for what?” Fernando asked.

“A story I’m workin’ on.” Frank replied apologetically.

Fernando mulled it over for a moment. The guy seemed to care;
genuinely
care. If Fernando told him he thought it was wrong, he had no doubt Frank would leave that instant and never come back.
Were his motives any worse that the motives of anybody else that worked there? Could he think of a single person employed by the Convalescent Hospital that was really there because they gave a shit? They were all there for the same reason; they needed a paycheck. Even the charities that came through didn’t stay long. This guy was a far cry better than most of them and he’d better tell him so or he’d be gone and the patients would miss out on the company of someone that might actually show them some true feelings.

Fernando shook his head.

“I don’t think it’s bad, Frank. Don’t matter what your reasons, long as you spend time with them, they’ll appreciate it.”

Fernando studied Frank’s reaction and saw that he still seemed unconvinced.
All the more reason to think he was right about this guy.

“Put it this way, Frank…” He said, holding his gaze. “…the ones that’re closest are Eli, the cool crossword guy you met, and screamin’ Larry. Now I don’t know ‘bout Larry but I know for a fact Eli’d appreciate any company he can get — reasons or not.”

Fernando was dead certain on this point and hoped Frank got the message.
So what if he had ulterior motives? From what he’d seen, this guy was twice as caring as anybody else that worked there and the patients needed that.

As Fernando raced back to the kitchen, he really hoped he’d said enough and made his point.

Frank really seemed like a good guy, he really hoped he’d come back…

Even after hearing what Fernando had said about the patients, Frank still couldn’t help but feel guilty. He
did
feel like a fraud, a parasite, a user…But after mulling it over for a while, he realized there was no way he could let it derail his plans. In his mind he kept justifying what he was doing with a series of pacifications.
He wasn’t hurting anyone, was he? What was the difference between his hanging out with these people and leaving after a short while and someone else in the same position before or after him doing the same thing?
And of course, the granddaddy of all justifications —
If they didn’t know why he was really there in the first place, it wouldn’t hurt them, would it?

After repeating these things to himself often enough, he began to believe them. Sure he was there to do research but he could also give something back in return; namely friendship. And it wasn’t something he’d have to fake either, he liked several of these folks — Eli, in particular. What a warm, funny, and interesting old guy! And Rachel wasn’t so bad either — once he got over his fright of her lasciviousness and realized that she was really just a sweet and harmless old gal that was just desperately lonely.

Over the last couple of weeks he had actually begun to like working at the hospital — He liked it even more than his job at the Coroner’s office — which was really saying something. That job was almost solely research but it had been fascinating to him. He’d gotten to see the recent dead brought in and see the ways they’d died and their final expressions and a long list of other things that most people would really consider macabre — but it had gotten his creative juices flowing. In the short time he was there he had written two complete zombie novels — quite a feat (unfortunately neither had ever amounted to anything).