After I Fall (6 page)

“He wouldn’t have wanted me to come back. Not out of pity.”

“How about out of
love
?”

She pursed her lips and remained silent. I knew what she wasn’t saying. She didn’t love my dad.

“Did you ever love him?” I choked out. I hadn’t meant to start crying. Certainly hadn’t
wanted
to start crying. But the tears came regardless.

“Of course I did,” she said quietly. “At one time I loved him very much.”

“Then what
happened
?” I slumped down in my chair. I didn’t want to hear it. “Never mind. I know what happened.
He
came along.”

We both knew I was talking about Phillip.

“Yes,” she said quietly, “Phillip and I reconnected. I don’t know how much you know, or how much you think you know, but Phillip is the love of my life. I’m sorry if it hurts to hear that, but it’s the truth. We started dating in high school. We went our separate ways when we went off to college. I met your father, fell in love, had you. I was happy.”

“Until you weren’t,” I accused. “What changed?”

She glanced out at the yard again. It appeared she was checking on the twins but I thought really she was collecting her thoughts.

Finally she said, “I came back to Roseville to visit a friend. While I was here, I ran into Phillip. We reconnected.” She hung her head, looking ashamed for a moment, then she raised her gaze to meet mine. “I didn’t tell him I was married. I’m not going to go into all of the details about what happened back then. Just know this: Phillip is an honorable man.”

I let out a contemptuous laugh.

She ignored me.

“I may have been unfaithful to your father emotionally, but that’s all. As soon as Phillip found out from our mutual friend about you and your father, he backed off. He sent me back home. But I just couldn’t stop thinking about him. All of those emotions from so many years ago came flooding to the surface. I couldn’t break free of them.”

I flicked at the frayed hem of my shorts. I was feigning disinterest because it was too hard to admit that I really did want to know what happened. It felt disloyal to listen to Mom’s side of the story now that Dad wasn’t here to tell his.

“I know you were too young to remember, but your father and I were having problems long before Phillip came back into my life. Your father came from a small family. He only wanted one child. I wanted more. I missed my friends and family. I wanted to move back to Roseville. Before we got married, that had been the plan. Once he was hired at his accounting firm he changed his mind. There were other things, but I’m not going to go into that. I just want you to know that Phillip is not the villain here.

“When I left your father, I did so without Phillip’s knowledge.” She was quiet as she let that sink in. “Em, he was my first love. Nobody ever forgets their first love. I’m not saying that what I did was right. I didn’t mean to fall out of love with your father.”

“It just happened?” I asked with more bite than I intended.

She shrugged miserably. “That’s the thing about love. You can’t help who you fall in and out of love with.”

“Do not touch the car.”

I let out a frightened shriek and immediately felt my cheeks flood with color.

“Eric?! What are you doing here?”

I didn’t
just
mean here, in the garage, I meant on the Calhoun estate. But I
especially
meant in the garage, just feet away from me.

He grinned as I clutched my hand against my chest, pressing it against my thundering heart.

“Working,” he said. He held up a pair of gardening sheers. I immediately noticed that his tee shirt had the name of our lawn care company on it.

“You got a new job already? That’s great,” I said.

“Yeah,” he agreed. “It’s not bad. I like this a whole lot more than the country club gig. So, this is the family you work for?”

“Well…,” I faded off realizing I’d never bothered to clear up his assumption that I was the nanny.

“My boss, Tom, said these people are totally loaded. As if I couldn’t tell by the house. But you obviously know that. I figured the guy would be a real jackass but I walked by and spotted the car.” He motioned to Dad’s 1970 Chevelle SS,
my
Chevelle SS. The car I had inherited when he died. The car whose keys I currently held in my hand. “I came in to take a peek. He told me I had better stand back. That he’d have my ass if I put a scratch in it. He was joking. I think. But he said the car belonged to someone special and I could take a look, just couldn’t touch it. So, yeah. Back up and don’t touch the car.”

“He said that?” I asked. “That it belonged to someone special?”

Eric grabbed my elbow and gently pulled me away. He obviously took Phillip’s threat pretty seriously.

“About that…,” I started. I should’ve cleared up the nanny misconception right from the start. I just hadn’t wanted to be lumped together with the other spoiled rich kids.
That
and the fact that my time with him had been so limited.

“It’s an awesome car, though, isn’t he?” he asked.

“She ought to think so,” Phillip said as he strode into the garage. “It’s hers.”

Eric’s fingers slid from my arm and he took a step away from me. He turned to face Phillip and then he looked around, as if he expected there to be another ‘her’ with him. It was only after he realized I was the only female in the garage that his gaze swung back around to me.

“This is
your
car?” he asked slowly, skeptically.

I forced a guilt-ridden smile as I held up the keys.

Phillip clapped Eric on the back. “He’s already been in here once checking it out,” he told me. “I had the door open to air this place out a bit. I suppose it is a bit hard to resist taking a peek. Or two.”

Eric awkwardly shuffled his feet. “Sorry, Mr. Calhoun. I was just heading out on my lunch break this time. I walked by and saw EmLynn. I had to say hi,” he explained.

Phillip grinned at him. “You know EmLynn?” His gaze swung between Eric and me.

“Not well,” Eric said as his gaze bore into me.

“We met at the country club,” I explained.

Phillip nodded as though that were all the explanation he needed.

“You said you’re on your break right now, right? Why don’t you two go for a ride? Get a burger or something?” he suggested.

Eric did not look like he wanted to get a burger, or anything else for that matter, with me. Before I could come up with an excuse to get us both out of the uncomfortable situation, Phillip had plucked a fifty out of his wallet. He tried handing it to Eric. Eric glanced at the bill and then back to Phillip.

“Take it,” Phillip insisted as he wiggled the money Eric’s way. “My treat. You were on your way to lunch anyway. Might as well take EmLynn along. I’m sure she’d love to go. Wouldn’t you EmLynn?”

I
would
but that was beside the point.

“I actually brought a sandwich…,” Eric feebly began.

I could see Phillip readying himself for an argument.

I decided to make this easier for everyone involved.

I plucked the money from Phillip’s hand.

“Thanks,” I told him. I kept my tone light and turned to Eric. “Sometimes it’s just easier not to argue.”

“Right.”

“So, you two,” Phillip pointed a finger at each of us in what he probably thought was a cool gesture, it just seemed awkward to me, “have a nice lunch.”

He left the garage. Eric and I watched him go in silence. As soon as Phillip had disappeared out into the sunlight Eric turned to me.

He didn’t say a word. He didn’t need to. His raised eyebrows and incredulous look said it all.

“I know!” I pulled my hand through my hair. “I have some explaining to do.”

“I think I got the gist of it. You live here. And you are
not
the nanny.” His voice echoed and bounced off the high ceiling of the garage.

“Are you mad?” I asked with a wince.

He shook his head. “No. I’m just surprised, I guess. Actually, I feel like a bit of an ass. I made a fool of myself complaining about these people, the rich people in this town, and you just let me. Then I find out you are one?”

“That, right there,” I said as I poked him in the chest, “is exactly why I didn’t tell you. I didn’t want you to lump me together with ‘these people’.” I used obnoxious air quotes to drive my point home.

“Uh,” his face clouded with confusion. “In case you haven’t noticed you are one of these people. You live in a freaking mansion. You drive a car that’s worth a small fortune.”

“Hold up. First off, the car was my dad’s. Phillip’s money has nothing to do with my car.”

“Your dad? So Phillip’s not…?” He left the question hanging there.

“He’s not my dad. I’m not a Calhoun. He married my mother. The twins are my half sisters,” I explained.

“Okay. Well, you know what? It’s obviously not any of my business.” He started walking backwards, putting some distance between us. “So I’m just gonna—”

“Get in,” I said.

“What?”

“Get in. I was serious before. We’re going to lunch. Trust me, if we don’t leave soon Phillip will be poking his head in here to see what’s going on.”

“Doesn’t the guy work?”

I shrugged as he walked around the front of the car. “Sometimes. But mostly he has people that do that for him.”

He paused when he reached the passenger door. He looked at me over the roof of the car. “If I go with you,” he started, “are you going to give me an explanation?”

I smiled because he didn’t sound nearly as mad as I thought he would be. He simply sounded curious. “I’ll tell you whatever you want to know.”

*   *   *

I grabbed a napkin off the picnic table and swiped at the trickle of grease that had made its way out of my bacon cheeseburger and was now trickling past my wrist. Gross. And yet…

“This is possibly the best burger I’ve ever had,” Eric said as he finished off the last bite.

“Grass fed beef,” I explained. I gave a subtle nod toward the burger stand. “They think if they use all natural ingredients, they can lull you into thinking the burgers are almost healthy.”

“Whatever the reason,” he said with a laugh, “that was really good.”

Now that our food was gone, a moment of silence settled between us. I had expected him to start peppering me with questions the moment we got in the car. He hadn’t. In fact, he’d been more than willing to answer mine.

I found out that his foster dad was able to help him find another job right away. He actually really liked working for the lawn care company. He usually worked with a guy named Mason Alexander, who I happened to know from school.

By the time that discussion was over, we were at my favorite burger place. We ordered. I paid with Phillip’s money, left an insane tip because I could, and we’d been lucky enough to find a picnic table that a family was vacating.

Until this point, my minor indiscretion hadn’t been mentioned. I could tell by the look on his face that my short reprieve had ended.

“So,” he started, “why did you let me think you were the nanny?”

“First off,” I said, “I more or less am the nanny. I just happen to be the nanny of my little sisters.”

He motioned with his hand, prompting me to give more of an explanation.

“I guess to fully explain I’ll have to go back a little ways,” I said.

He glanced at the time on his phone. “We’ve got about ten more minutes before I need to head back. Is that enough time?”

“I’ll make it fast.” I was relieved about the time factor. I thought it would be easier to explain if I had to rush through it. “My parents divorced when I was seven. My mother left my dad for Phillip. I stayed with my dad. It was my choice. We lived close to his parents, my grandparents. I didn’t want to leave my friends. But mostly, I was just really angry with my mom for leaving. There was no way I was going to go with her. Anyhow, a few months later, we found out Dad was sick for the first time. He’d actually been sick for awhile but with everything going on, he ignored it.”

“Cancer,” Eric filled in.

I nodded. “To make a long story short, he fought it off once, he was in remission but a few years later it came back. He wasn’t so lucky the second time. If I’d had my way I would’ve lived with my grandparents. I hadn’t seen my mom much over the last decade.” I cringed, realizing juts how long Mom had been out of my life. “I mean, I always had to do the mandatory holiday visits and a visit over the summer. But I hated it. I felt out of place with her and her new family. We’d grown apart.” I shrugged. “After Dad died, I stayed with my grandparents for about a month. But then they insisted that my place was really with my mom. And my sisters.”

He nodded but didn’t interrupt.

“There really is a point to this,” I said with a self-conscious laugh. “Mom was worried I wasn’t going to bond with them.

“I started applying for summer jobs, and even had a few interviews, but I never got hired. I realized later that’s because Mom has a lot of pull in the community, she was probably able to be sure I didn’t get hired. She’d told me no daughter of hers was going to be a waitress or even scoop up ice-cream at the mall. When I realized I was not going to get hired anywhere, she conveniently offered to pay me to watch my sisters over the summer.” I shrugged. “I wasn’t thrilled with it. But I did want to make some money. My own money. I’m not too happy that the money comes from her and Phillip but I was kind of out of options.”

“Sneaky,” he said in a light tone. “But it doesn’t sound like too bad of a job to have.”

“I was pretty irate at first,” I admitted. “It was just another way for them to control what’s going on in my life. But to be honest, I’ve really had fun watching them.”

“So you’re bonding?” he teased.

“Guess so,” I said with a small laugh.

“I hate to cut this short,” he said, “but I really don’t want to be late getting back. The last thing I need is to lose another job.”

“Right, sure, no problem,” I agreed. We gathered up our trash and he walked it over to the bin.

“Thanks for lunch, by the way,” he said as we headed toward the car.

“Thank Phillip,” I said sarcastically.

“I will, if I see him again,” he said with a laugh. “It’ll probably take us the rest of the afternoon to finish. Then I guess we’ll be back again next week.”

“When you come back I hope you still consider me to be a friendly face,” I said, repeating his words from several days ago.

He didn’t say anything as we got in the car. I drove for awhile as silence filled the air. I thought our lunch had gone well enough. But maybe he had just wanted to get through lunch. I didn’t like the idea that he might think differently about me.

As we neared Phillip’s house, I finally had to say something.

“Eric, you know what? Until last fall I just lived in a middle of nowhere town, in a middle class neighborhood. My dad was an accountant. No one at my school had ever even heard of Phillip Calhoun. Life was simple. It was nice.”

As soon as the words were out, my expression soured because while I might have painted myself that pretty little picture in my head, it was a lie. “Actually, my dad was sick on and off for as long as I can remember. A lot of my old life wasn’t nice. It was…,” I faded off helplessly, not wanting to sound melodramatic.

“Pretty damn hard?” he guessed.

“Yeah, that sums it up nicely,” I agreed. I turned onto the winding driveway. The house couldn’t be seen from the road. Shrubbery lined the edges. Each one of those shrubs needed pruning and trimming. We rounded the curve in the drive, passed my mother’s gardens—at least the ones at the front of the house—and I pulled the car into the garage.

Eric still hadn’t said anything else.

Maybe he had nothing left to say. I turned to him as soon as I shut the car off.

“Thanks for going to lunch with me,” I said.

He scoffed. “Hey, I’m the one that got a free lunch out of the deal.” He reached for the door handle. “So, uh, I should probably be getting back to work.”