After (The After Series) (15 page)

“Fine, have it your way,” he says equally harshly, and I sigh.

Landon walks in and I am so grateful. Seeing the tension between Hardin and me, he asks in his kind tone, “You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I lie, and class begins.

HARDIN AND I
continue ignoring each other all week, and each day that passes without talking to him makes it a little easier to not think about him so much. Steph and Tristan have been hanging out all week, so I’ve had our room mostly to myself, which has been both good and bad. Good because I get a lot of studying done, but bad because I am left alone with my thoughts about Hardin. All week I have been wearing a little bit more makeup, but still my baggy and conservative clothes. By Friday morning, I feel like I am really over this whole mess with Hardin. That is, until everyone keeps talking about partying at the frat house. Seriously, there is a party there every Friday—and usually Saturday, too—so why they feel the need to get excited about it every weekend blows my mind.

After being asked by at least ten people if I will be at the
party, I decide to do the only thing that I know will keep me from going. I call Noah.

“Hey, Tessa!” he chirps into the phone. It has been a few days since we’ve actually talked, and I’ve missed his voice.

“Hey, do you think you could come visit me?” I ask.

“Sure, yeah. Maybe I can come next weekend?”

I groan. “No, I mean like today. Like now, could you leave right now?” I know he likes to plan things just like I do, but I need him to come now.

“Tessa, I have practice after school. I am still at school now, just at lunch,” he explains.

“Please, Noah, I really miss you. Can’t you just leave now and come here for the weekend?
Please?
” I know I’m begging, but I don’t care.

“Um . . . yeah, sure, Tessa. I’ll come now. Is everything okay?”

Happiness floods me—I’m really surprised that squeaky-clean Noah is agreeing to this, but I am so glad he is. “Yeah, I just really miss you. I haven’t seen you in almost two weeks,” I remind him.

He laughs. “I miss you, too. I am going to get a slip and leave in a few minutes, so I will see you in about three hours. I love you, Tessa.”

“I love you, too,” I say and hang up. Well, that settles that. Any chance that I might have ended up at that party is now gone.

A NEWFOUND SENSE OF RELIEF
fills me as I walk to Literature, and into the gorgeous old brick building the class is in. That sense of relief vanishes when I walk into the classroom and see Hardin hovering over Landon’s desk.

What the hell?

I rush over just as Hardin slams his hand on the desk and growls, “Don’t ever say some shit like that again, you prick.”

Landon moves to stand up, but he would be insane to try to fight Hardin. Landon is muscular and all, but he’s so kind I can’t imagine him hitting anyone.

I grab hold of Hardin’s arm and pull him back away from Landon. His other hand rises into the air and I flinch, but once he realizes it’s me, he drops his hand and curses under his breath.

“Leave him alone, Hardin!” I yell and turn to Landon. He looks just as mad as Hardin does but he sits down.

“You need to mind your own business, Theresa,” Hardin snidely says and moves to his seat. He really should sit in the back somewhere.

Sitting between them, I lean over and whisper to Landon, “Are you okay? What was that about?”

He looks toward Hardin and sighs. “He is just an asshole. That pretty much sums it up,” he says loudly and puts on a chipper grin.

I giggle a little and straighten up. I can hear Hardin’s ragged breathing next to me and I get an idea. A childish idea, but I do it anyway.

“I have some good news!” I tell Landon in my best mock-cheery voice.

“Really? What’s that?”

“Noah’s coming to visit today, and he’ll be here all weekend!” I say and smile while clapping my hands together. I know I am overdoing it, but I feel Hardin’s eyes on me and I know he heard me.

“Really? That
is
great news!” Landon says earnestly.

Class begins and ends without Hardin saying a word to me. This is how it will be from now on and it’s fine with me. I wish Landon a nice weekend and walk back to my room to touch up my makeup and grab something to eat before Noah gets here. I laugh at myself a little while doing my makeup.
Since when am I the type of girl who has to “touch up her makeup” before her boyfriend
comes?
I sense that it’s since that day at the stream with Hardin, an experience that changed me, though the way he hurt me after changed me even more. The makeup is only a slight change, but I know it is there.

I eat and straighten my room up a little, folding Steph’s clothes and putting them away; I hope she won’t mind. Noah finally texts that he’s here, and I jump off the bed where I was resting and rush outside to greet him. He looks better than ever in navy blue pants, a cream cardigan, and a white shirt underneath. He really does wear a lot of cardigans, but I love them. His welcoming smile warms my heart and he wraps his arms around me and tells me how nice it is to see me.

As we walk back to my room, he looks at me for a moment and asks, “Are you wearing makeup?”

“Yeah, a little. It’s just something I have been experimenting with,” I explain.

He smiles. “It looks nice,” he says, and kisses my forehead.

IN MY ROOM,
we end up browsing through the romantic comedies section on Netflix to pick a movie. Steph texts me and says she is with Tristan and won’t be back tonight, so I turn the lights off and we sit back against my headboard, Noah’s arm around my shoulder and my head on his chest.

This is me,
I think,
not some wild girl swimming in a punk boy’s T-shirt.

We start up a movie that I’ve never heard of before, and not five minutes into it the door bursts opens. I immediately figure that maybe Steph has forgotten something she needs.

But of course it’s Hardin. His eyes go straight to where Noah and I are cuddled on the bed, illuminated by the TV light. I flush; he has come here to tell Noah, I know it. Panic takes over my
body, and I scoot away from my boyfriend, making it seem like I just made a surprised little jump.

“What are you doing here?” I snap. “You can’t just barge in here!”

Hardin smiles. “I’m meeting Steph,” he answers and sits down. “Hey, Noah, nice to see you again.” He smirks and Noah looks uncomfortable. He is probably wondering why Hardin has a key to the room and doesn’t bother to knock.

“She’s with Tristan, probably already at your house,” I tell him slowly, silently pleading for him to leave. If he tells Noah now, I have no idea how I could recover.

“Oh?” he says. I can tell by his smirk that he came here just to torment me. He will probably stay until I come clean to Noah myself. “Are you two coming to the party?”

“No . . . we aren’t. We’re trying to watch a movie,” I tell him, and Noah reaches over and takes my hand. Even in the dark, I can see Hardin’s eyes focus on where Noah’s hand touches mine.

“That’s too bad. I better go . . .” He turns toward the door, and I feel some relief. But then he twists back. “Oh, and, Noah,” he begins, making my heart drop. “That’s a nice cardigan you’re wearing.”

I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding.

“Thanks. It’s from the Gap,” Noah says. He is clueless and unaware that Hardin is making fun of him.

“I can see that. You two have fun,” Hardin says and leaves the room.

H
e’s not so bad, I guess,” Noah says when the door closes.

I laugh nervously. “What?” And when he raises his eyebrow at me, I continue: “Nothing, I am just surprised to hear you say that.” I lie back onto his chest. The electricity that filled the room moments ago has dissolved.

“I’m not saying I would want to hang out with the guy, but he was friendly enough.”

“Hardin is nothing even close to friendly,” I say, and Noah chuckles and wraps his arm around me. If he only knew the things that happened between Hardin and me, the way we kissed, the way I moaned his name while he—
God, Tessa, just stop
. I lean my head up and kiss Noah’s jaw, making him smile. I want Noah to make me feel the way Hardin does. I sit up and turn to face him. I take his face between my hands and press my lips against his. His mouth opens and he kisses me back. His lips are soft . . . just like his kiss. It’s not enough. I need the fire, I need the passion. I wrap my hands around his neck and pull myself onto his lap.

“Whoa, Tessa, what are you doing?” he asks and tries to push me off gently.

“What? Nothing, I just . . . I want to make out, I guess,” I say and look down. I am usually not embarrassed in front of Noah, but this isn’t something we usually talk about.

“Okay?” he says, and I kiss him again. I feel warmth from him, but not the fire. I start to rock my hips, hoping to light it somehow. His hands go down to my waist but he pushes them
against me, stopping my movements. I know we agreed to wait until marriage, but we’re just kissing here. I grab his hands and pull them away and continue to rock against him. No matter how many times I try to kiss him harder, his mouth stays soft and timid. I can feel him getting turned on, but he won’t act on it.

I know I am doing this for all the wrong reasons, but I don’t care at the moment—I just need to know that Noah can do to me what Hardin does.
It isn’t actually Hardin that I want, it’s the feeling . . . isn’t it?

I stop kissing Noah and slide off his lap.

“That was nice, Tessa.” He smiles and I give him one back. It was “nice.” He is so careful, too careful, but I love him. I press play on the movie and within minutes I feel myself drifting off.

“I should go,” Hardin says. His green eyes looking down at me. “Go where?” I don’t want him to go. “I am going to stay at a hotel close by; I’ll come back in the morning,” he says, and after I stare at him a moment, his face fades into Noah’s.

I jolt up and wipe my eyes. Noah, it is Noah. It was never Hardin.

“You’re obviously really sleepy, and I can’t stay the night here,” Noah says gently and brushes my cheek.

I want him to stay, but now I’m afraid of what I will see or say in my sleepy state. Noah clearly doesn’t think it’s decent for him to stay in my room anyway. Hardin and Noah are polar opposites. In every way.

“Okay, thank you again for coming,” I mumble and he kisses me lightly on the cheek before sliding out from under me.

“I love you,” he says. I nod, bury my head back into my pillow, and descend into dreams I don’t remember.

THE NEXT MORNING,
I wake up to Noah calling on the phone. He tells me he is on his way, so I roll out of bed and rush to the
showers, wondering what Noah and I should do today. There isn’t much to do around here unless we go into town; maybe I should text Landon and ask what there is to do around here besides party at a frat house. He seems to be my only friend who would know.

Having decided to wear my gray pleated skirt and a plain blue shirt, I ignore Hardin’s voice in the back of my head telling me that it’s ugly, and dress in the stall.

Noah is in the hall waiting by my door as I return with the towel still in my hair. “You look lovely,” he says with a smile, and puts his arm over my shoulder as I open the door.

“I just need to do my hair and put a little makeup on,” I tell him and grab Steph’s makeup bag, which I’m glad she didn’t take with her. I will need to get some of my own now that I know I like the way it looks.

Noah sits patiently on my bed as I dry my hair and curl the ends. I stop and give him a kiss on the cheek before I apply my makeup. “What do you want to do today?” I finish with mascara and fluff my hair.

“College really suits you, Tessa. You have never looked better,” Noah says. “I don’t know, maybe we can go to a park or something, then dinner?”

I look at the clock. How is it already 1 p.m.? I text Steph and tell her I will be out most of the day and she responds saying she will be gone until tomorrow. She basically lives at Hardin’s fraternity house on the weekends.

Noah opens the passenger door of his Toyota. His parents made sure he had the safest car, the newest model. The interior is spotless, no stacks of books, no dirty clothing. We drive around to find a park, which only takes a little bit. It’s a small, quiet space with half-green, half-yellowing grass and a few trees.

As we pull into a spot, Noah asks, “Hey, when are you going to start looking for a car?”

“I think this week, actually. I am going to apply for jobs this
week, too.” I don’t mention the internship at Vance Publishing that Hardin dangled in front of me. I don’t know if I can still get it, or how I’d tell Noah if I did.

“That is great news. Let me know if you need any help with either of those,” he says.

We walk around the park once and then sit at a picnic table. Noah talks most of the time and I nod along. I find myself zoning in and out of the conversation but he doesn’t seem to notice. We end up walking a little more and come to a small stream. I snort at the irony and Noah looks at me quizzically.

“Do you want to swim?” I ask, not quite sure why I push this moment further.

“In there? No way,” he says, laughing, and as I deflate a little, I mentally smack myself. I need to stop comparing Noah to Hardin.

“I was just joking,” I lie, and drag him along down the trail.

IT IS SEVEN
before we leave the park, so we decide to order pizza when we get back to my room and watch a classic: Meg Ryan falling in love with Tom Hanks through a radio show. I am starving by the time the pizza comes so I eat almost half of it myself. In my defense, I haven’t eaten all day.

Halfway through the movie my phone rings and Noah reaches over to grab it for me. “Who’s Landon?” he asks. There is no suspicion in his voice, only curiosity. He has never been the jealous type; he never needed to be.

Until now,
my subconscious reminds me.

“He’s a friend from school,” I say and answer. Why would Landon be calling me so late? He’s never called me for anything other than to compare notes.