After the Fall: Jason's Tale (22 page)

Everyone slept at Anne and Jason’s house the night after the
battle. The next day they drove Andy’s body back to his farm. Anne stayed back
with Sarah and Billy to take care of Ray. Claire, Andy’s wife, was devastated
by his death. They buried Andy on the hill behind their house. Everyone pledged
their help to Claire. Andy, like the others, played a key part in the valley
being victorious in the battle. Betty stayed with Claire when the others
departed. After a few days, Claire decided that she would move into the
Turner’s place to help Billy take care of his dad; being helpful felt better than
sitting and grieving.

After getting Stan Turner back home, Jason took Anne aside.
“We have to get rid of the bodies, now before they get worse.”

“I know. But I don’t want the girls involved. They’re too
traumatized already. You and I will do it.”

“This is awkward to say, but we need to strip the bodies of
useful things, boots, belts and some of the clothing. More than just the
weapons.”

Anne thought for a moment. “That sounds so medieval, so
primitive and unpleasant…but it is practical. All the more reason to not have
the girls involved. We’ll collect everything and share it with the others in
the valley.” Jason nodded in assent.

They completed the grisly task of removing the bodies from
the yard and transporting them to the bridge. Anne was stunned when she saw the
battle site.

“My God,” she exclaimed, “so many bodies. It’s a miracle
that you weren’t all killed. And the smell…” she covered her face with a rag.

They unloaded the bodies on the bridge, collected the
firearms, ammunition and additional useful clothing. Jason scavenged all the
useable gear from the pickups but left everything else in place—the bodies
strewn on the road and bridge. “I want to leave it as it is—a warning to anyone
else trying to invade our valley. If we need to get out later, I can move the
trucks.”

Anne nodded. She had no more words for the grisly scene. 

In the weeks following the battle everyone in the family
seemed to want to be close to one another—to be in touch, physically. The girls
would snuggle up to Jason or their mother at any chance, especially at night
when they would sit in the living room. Jason took out some books and they
spent time huddled together on the couch with him reading to the family, like,
he imagined, a parent would to young children. The physical closeness seemed to
be an antidote to the killing that had engulfed them. Touching, being close
seemed to have a healing power.

Still there were periods of depression that came upon each
of them, when they would sit despondently, not being able to respond to any
encouragement or cajoling from the others. And then there were the nightmares;
reliving the traumatic scenes from the battle, enhanced by the subconscious to
terrifying proportions. The only remedy seemed to be routine and being close to
one another. Jason and Anne found additional respite in making love every time
they could steal some privacy, which wasn’t often with the girls needing and
wanting so much attention.

A week after the battle, Jason announced that he wanted to
go to Clifton Furnace. He wanted to see what the gang had done and if there was
anything left of value.

“You can’t go alone,” Anne declared.

The girls agreed. It was decided that Catherine should go
while Anne stayed back with Sarah, whose wounds were still healing. Catherine
was adamant that they should not go by road as that involved going through the
battle field and over the bridge. Jason agreed. Neither of them had any stomach
for revisiting that scene. They hiked south along the upper fields to cross
over the curve of the mountain ridge that formed the southern end of the
valley. It was slower going but they felt better using that route.

After a long day of hiking, they reached the river and,
while still under the cover of the woods, Jason carefully examined the town
with his binoculars. It was still. Nothing moved but a stray piece of paper
blowing along the main street. Doors hung open. The place had the look of a
ruin, a civilization lost. They descended the ridge, waded across the river and
started through the deserted town. The silence was oppressive—no sound of
people or commerce, no birds calling. They came upon the remains of a large
fire. Scattered around it were human bones. Catherine shivered visibly and
turned away. She kept close to Jason’s side, even though they were both armed.
Nothing disturbed the silence except the wind preceding the rain which came
that evening along with haunting images of the horrors that had taken place
there.

There was very little to salvage: some overlooked tools from
the hardware shop and a package of sanitary napkins in the back corner of the
general store, which Catherine secreted into her backpack. In a shed behind the
store Jason discovered two partially filled bags of seed—corn and wheat. Beyond
those few items, there were only the structures themselves.

They spent an uneasy night in the shed behind the store,
being awakened by the passing rain, the sounds of prowling animals, the
creaking of the shed or a door banging as a stray breeze went past. At the
first graying of the eastern sky, the two of them quickly shouldered their
packs and departed. With a sense of relief they waded across the river and
climbed the ridge. Soon they were hiking the fields of the valley on their way
back home, putting the desolation of Clifton Furnace behind them.

Later in the day, as they walked along Catherine began
talking, “We’ve come so close to death. Three times now.”

“Yes, and the last two times you played a big part in
helping to protect us.”

“There’s been so much killing. I feel I’ve changed.”

Jason looked at her, “I think you have. You’ve matured. You’re
more sure of yourself.”

“Well, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. I want to get all
this killing behind me, out of my system.”

“We all need to put it behind us. It was necessary, but it’s
not healthy to dwell on it. You’re right, we need to move on, but I’m not
exactly sure of how we do that.”

“Just carrying on our routines may not be enough.”

Jason turned to Catherine, “I don’t know what else we can
do.”

After a pause, she said, “Well, I do. I want to have a
baby.”

“What?” He blurted out.

“You heard me.”

“But that would be too dangerous.”

“No it won’t.”

 “There’s no medical support for giving birth
anywhere.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“What about a hospital?”

 “Women have had babies forever without hospitals or
nurses. It’s a natural thing to do.”

“But you’re too young. And where will you find a young man?
There’s no one around.”

“I’m not too young. I’m nearly 18 and I’ve killed people and
almost been killed. You yourself just said I’m more mature than others my age.”

They walked in silence. She was right, he thought. Even
before the fighting experiences, Catherine had been a mature teenager. These
battles had developed her even more into a no-nonsense, self-confident woman.

“Yes, you’ve grown up a lot since I’ve known you, but there’s
no one around,” Jason said. “We can’t go to Hillsboro or another big city, who
knows what’s going on there, and besides, it would take too long to get there.”

Catherine met his eyes, “I want to have a baby with you.”

Jason stopped and stared at her dumfounded. He had not seen
this coming. Yes, they had developed a deep relationship. They had saved each
other lives. Catherine had killed for him, showing great courage. They shared
something special, beyond what he shared with Anne, and certainly beyond the
flirtatious relationship Sarah kept up with him. But Jason had not expected
this.

“I don’t want to just survive,” Catherine continued, “I want
a future. I want to know there
is
a future. Babies
are
the
future. We’ve survived so much, but it is just surviving. I want to build a
future, Jason. Who knows what is happening out there? Who knows if things will
ever return to normal? I don’t want to just hang on, waiting for things to get
better. I’m not sure I believe we’ll ever be the same as we were. Maybe this is
all we have, but it’s enough.” She held him with her gaze, speaking with all
the force and energy she could muster.

“And it’s not like you don’t find me attractive. I’ve
noticed you checking me out.” Jason started to protest, but she reached up and
touched his lips and shushed him, “I know you would never go after me. I
figured that out before I allowed myself to warm up to you. But I know we can
make this work, and I can think of no finer father for my baby.” Catherine looked
straight at him.

“Catherine,
the desire for new
life is normal. Maybe it’s a reaction to all the killing—an affirmation of life
after so much death. But
what you’re asking will tear us apart.
We’ve all bonded as a family…but this?” He paused. “
Have
you talked to Anne about this?” He was buying time while his brain was still
reeling from her announcement.

“No, I haven’t. I needed to talk to you first. And I think
you should be the one to talk to her.” It was not lost on Catherine that Jason
used Anne’s name, not her title, Mom. “I know our relationships will change,
but we’ll survive it.” She pressed on, “Life has changed, and we’re surviving
it. It’s not incest. We’re not related.” They stood still while she held him in
her steady gaze, “I realized that new life is what I could have inside of me. I
can bring new life to our family and move us forward. Sarah’s too young and Mom
is too old. Jason, I know this is the right thing to do. Please say you will
talk with Mom.”

Her chin began to quiver. Jason saw she was expending every
ounce of her considerable courage to broach this subject. He shook his head in
wonder and doubt, but he realized how carefully he needed to treat her at this
moment. She was thoughtful, like her mother, but when she had made a decision,
she was firm in it. Now she was laying herself open to him. He had to be
careful not to crush her.

“Yes, Catherine, I will talk to Anne about this.”

She reached up and quickly kissed him on the cheek. Relief
spread across her face. They turned back to their hike and Catherine slipped
her hand into Jason’s. They walked hand in hand, silently. He looked over the
field towards the setting sun in the southwest. The late afternoon haze
filtered the light and gave a soft yellow glow to the valley and hills. A mist
was starting to rise from the creek to join the haze. High on the ridges the
scarlets and yellows were just beginning to emerge, while the lower slopes were
still clad in their greenery.

Such a beautiful place, no wonder Anne didn’t want to
leave
.

He felt at home in a way he had never felt before. He
breathed deeply, there was a musky scent in the air—the smell of coming fall.
Every season had its signature smell, but spring and fall were the most
pungent. By summer the heat had burned off the freshness of spring, and in the
winter the cold and snow locked up all the smells. H
e
belonged here, to this time and place. They walked on in silence. Jason sifted
Catherine’s proposal over and over in his head with mounting concern. Catherine
had raised an issue that could tear apart all that had been achieved. This was
uncertain ground, a far different challenge from any he had faced before.

Life continued. The family fell back into their routine of
hunting, gathering food, doing repairs, collecting firewood and sharing moments
of discovery. The family activities seemed to return to normal except that
Catherine would occasionally exchange a significant look with Jason. A week
after Jason and Catherine had returned from Clifton Furnace, Jason asked Anne
to go on a picnic with him. They packed some dried meat, apples and water and
headed up the ridge to an outcropping that offered a grand view of the valley.
The spot was bathed in warm sunshine on the early fall day. They spread a
blanket out.

“This valley is so beautiful. I understand why you and your
husband chose to live here.”

“Yes, and now I get to live here with you. You are my
husband,” Anne replied. “If you hadn’t come along, we wouldn’t have made it.
You literally saved our lives.”

“We saved each other. I never expected to have such a rich
life after the disaster. I couldn’t see beyond survival. Finding you and the
girls fulfilled me in a way I never expected. I’m happier now than I was before
the EMP attack.” He paused in reflection, “Sometimes I feel guilty about that.
I often wonder how I gathered such a blessing out of all of this…so many
people’s lives were destroyed, my wife, people I knew in Hillsboro, people in
this valley, Sam and Judy…and yet, here I am with you and the girls having
found so much joy together…” his voice trailed off.

“Something is on your mind,” Anne said. “You’ve been a bit
different since you returned from Clifton Furnace, and now…this picnic. Is
there something you want to tell me?”

Jason swallowed hard, then said, “Catherine wants to have a
baby.”

Anne looked at him for a moment, “Well she has grown up a
lot—”

“She wants to have a baby with me.” Now it was out. He went
on to relate the conversation he had with Catherine as they hiked back from the
town.

Anne’s face grew stern as she stared at Jason, searching
him, trying to read his mind, “Did you encourage her in this?”

“No.”

“Are you sure? I’ve seen how you look at the girls
sometimes.” There was a hint of accusation in her voice.

“I check everyone out, it’s my nature, you know that,” Jason
said in protest. “I study the clues the woods gives me, I study people as well.
You can learn a lot by watching them closely. If that is what you mean by
‘looking at them’, then, yes, I’m guilty. I study you as well. I’ve been no
saint. You know that, but I have always acted with good intent. My interactions
with the girls have always been honorable. When I joined the family, I put the
girls out of bounds, and that is a boundary I won’t cross.”

 After a long silence, Anne responded, “I believe you.
You do treat them well, which is one of the things I love about you.”

“Anne, I would love to have a child with you. Maybe that
would give Catherine what she is seeking.”

“I don’t know. This new world with no medicine or
hospitals…why do you think I keep you away from me sometimes? I’m concerned
about getting pregnant. There isn’t the support for child birth that there was
just two years ago. And it has been over thirteen years since I had Sarah.” She
let the implications sink in. “Sometimes I am on fire for you so much but I
force myself to wait until I think it is safe. So far it’s been working. I
understand Catherine’s desire. New life is an antidote to all the killing we’ve
experienced. I also know you and Catherine have a special dimension to your
relationship. I can see where this comes from.”

“Is there anyone you know that might change Catherine’s
focus away from me?”

Anne gave him a sharp look. “The only person around
Catherine’s age is Billy. I wouldn’t consider him a good candidate. No, there’s
no one left in the area. Catherine had some friends in the village, but they
all left or…”

They were lucky to have survived. She and the girls were
lucky to have been found by Jason. She noticed that she rarely thought about
herself and the girls as separate from him anymore.

Anne lapsed into silence. Things were getting complicated.
Her ‘normal’ was eroding away as she pondered this new revelation about her
eldest daughter. Her emotions surged in conflicting directions. Could she take
Jason away? Would she?

Finally Anne said, “I need time to digest this. I’ll talk
with Catherine later.”

Then she reached out for Jason and they embraced. They
hugged and their bodies surged with excitement. There was a fresh urgency to
their arousal. Their limbs entwined with each other, trying to join as one in
their passion. Afterward, they lay spent in each other’s arms, oblivious to any
distractions.

Anne whispered, “You are my man. I belong to you and you
belong to me.” There was finality to her statement.

“Let me talk with Catherine,” Jason offered, “she approached
me and I should close off this path. If there’s any disruption in relationships
let it be with me, not you. There are too many potential mine fields in the
conversation between the two of you.”

“I’m not willing to share you, certainly not with my eldest
daughter.”

It was evening when they returned. Jason realized that
though they hadn’t achieved an Eden, they had achieved a wonderful existence
amid the chaos of the past year. However, he realized that the girls needed a
wider world than the farm or the valley. He and Anne would need to find an
outside world for them. Someday they would even need to find others to start
building their own lives and families; Catherine sooner it seemed. That reality
struck Jason like a slap in the face. What would contact with the outside world
be like? What had happened in Hillsboro since he left? He didn’t imagine things
had improved. This was going to be hard.