After the Rain (19 page)

He pulled me along to his truck and opened the door for me. We drove down dark country roads, making light conversation. The desire and pull we felt toward each other was palpable. Even small glances were sexually charged, carrying wordless promises for the night.

I explored the inside of the small house Nate was renting. He had very few furnishings, just the bare necessities. “Where’s all your stuff?”

“This is it.”

“Hmm. Maybe we can do something about that. When is your next day off?”

“I’m off tomorrow,” he said as he followed me down the short hallway to his bedroom. His bed was well dressed in a fluffy, expensive-looking white down comforter and oversized pillows. The sun had gone down but the sky was still light enough to fill the room. There was a warm breeze wafting from the open shutters. The air held the scent of wildflowers and sycamore. Through the window I could see a wide-open pasture and a small corral behind the house. The room, although bare, was very inviting. The bed called to me, even if just for a nap, but I knew there were better uses for it.

I noticed a book sitting on Nate’s nightstand. I didn’t recognize the title but I could tell it was science fiction. “So you
do
read for pleasure?”

He stood in the open doorway, leaning against the jamb with his hands in his pockets. He was clean-shaven but his hair was mussed up sexily. “It helps me sleep.”

“This is a nice room. If you want, I can help you fill the place out tomorrow. So it feels more like home.”

“Things don’t make a place feel like home. People do.” He prowled toward me. I moved backward toward the bed. “Wouldn’t you agree?”

I nodded. We were mere inches apart. When I looked down out of shyness, he used his index finger to tip my chin up, bringing my gaze up to his. My hands seemed to move of their own accord into his hair. As I ran my fingers through it, I kept my eyes locked on his. He studied me. His expression was warm, like he was cherishing me. “You don’t know how beautiful you are, do you?”

The question wasn’t meant to be answered. His skilled hands found their way to the top buttons of my sweater. My chest rose and fell dramatically but I forced myself to be
brave. After all, I had basically stripped for him twice before, not to mention I begged him to take me while I was drunk. That night, though, in his room, there was a sense that what we were doing held a much bigger promise than before because our intentions were real, honest, and sober.

“Are you as nervous as I am?” I whispered.

“Yes,” he said.

“It doesn’t seem like it.”

He bent his head and kissed me, letting his tongue tease mine for just a moment. “I have steady hands,” he said near my ear. And it was true. I was feeling doctor hands, precise, warm, and deliberate, moving up my back. He traced an index finger down my spine to the top of my jeans as his kisses became more urgent. When we pressed our bodies together, I could feel him hard against me. I pulled away, sat down on the bed, and looked at my hands.

He stood still over me and when I finally looked up I could see that his eyes were searching mine for answers. “Are you okay, Ava?” His green eyes were still bright in the fading light. I wanted him and I knew he wanted me, but I wanted what I had felt before—the playfulness before things had become serious and full of meaning.

A few awkward moments passed and then I laughed. He broke into a grin. “I thought you were upset. Geez. Why in the world are you laughing?”

“I was thinking about how adorable you were when we were in the hot spring and I was making up that ridiculous story.”

I could tell my abrupt mood change threw him for a loop but he tried to recover. “Is that what you were thinking about just now when I was kissing you?”

He took a seat next to me on the bed and I took his hand
in mine. “Well, I was just thinking how much fun I have around you and how things have been so serious since you came back.”

As though he could read my mind and knew where I was going with the conversation, he stood up and pulled me toward the kitchen. “Come on, Ava, I want to feed you.”

He poured us generous glasses of wine, and within half an hour we were joking playfully and easily, moving around the kitchen casually as he prepared dinner, warming up dishes he had made ahead of time. He put on music I wasn’t familiar with but loved. I had only really listened to country music because that’s what Jake liked. “Who is this?”

“It’s Ray LaMontagne.”

“I like it.”

“Me too. Ta-da!” He handed me a plate of lasagna over the counter. I took it and sat down at the breakfast bar.

“Tell me what you think.”

I took a bite. “It’s really good, Nate.” I lifted one eyebrow. “It tastes very similar to Bea’s lasagna.”

He grinned. “Well, she offered.”

“You said you were gonna make me dinner, cheater.”

He grinned as he sat next to me at the bar with his own plate. “How’s the wine?”

“Excellent.”

“The wine is good, the food is good, and the music is good. What’s missing?”

“Dessert?” I offered.

“Chocolate?” He took a sip of his wine, watching me over the glass mischievously as I shook my head back and forth very slowly. Leaning toward me, he whispered, “Let me have your mouth, Ava.”

I leaned in and let him kiss me. He pulled me closer, almost off my seat, and that was it—that was all it took.

All bets were off. I finally surrendered.

He reached down and pulled me up from the chair and then backed me toward the hallway, his lips never leaving mine.

CHAPTER 18

Murmur

Nathanial

S
he made small whimpering sounds inside of my mouth as I moved down the hall, kissing her hard as I pushed her toward my bedroom. Instead of fumbling with the buttons on her sweater, I lifted it from the bottom and pulled it over her head, then I held her away from me so I could look at her. There was a tiny pink bow in the center of her lace bra. I kissed the swell of each breast. She smelled like she always smelled, sweet but flowery. I pushed my hand into the cup of her bra and toyed with her nipple before pulling her breast out over the top of the material. Her breathing came fast and hard.

“I want you,” I said near her ear, and then I picked her up. She wrapped her legs around my waist as I pressed her against the wall. My mouth went to her breast and her hands found my hair.

She let her head fall back and closed her eyes. “Oh god, Nate. Let’s go to your room,” she whispered through heavy breaths. I carried her to my bed as I kissed my way up her
neck. Setting her on her feet, I reached for the button of her jeans.

“Wait, you first.”

“Fine,” I said quickly before stripping off all of my clothes in five seconds. “Your turn.” I smirked. She stood still, staring at me. The light from the hallway filled the room just enough so that we could see each other. She moved her hand over my chest and down to the indentations of my lower abdomen, where she let her fingers play, tracing and swirling. She looked up at me, smiled, and said in a giddy voice, “This is nice.” And then she reached down farther and took a hold of me.

“I believe you have me at a disadvantage, miss,” I said.

“Oh?” she said, playfully. “What would you like me to do then?”

“Take off your clothes . . . now.”

She arched her eyebrows.

“Please,” I begged.

For at least ten seconds we stood perfectly still. She let go of me and dropped her hands to her sides. I finally broke the silence and spoke up. “If you think there’s any chance that you don’t want to go through with this, tell me now, Ava, please. I want you so fucking bad that I don’t think I’ll be able to stop. Do you want me to stop now?”

She shook her head slightly. “No. Never.”

With that, I reached behind her and with an easy flick her bra came undone. She tossed it aside. I dropped to my knees, undid the button on her jeans, and yanked them down, kissing her stomach and thighs. I pulled her black lace panties down to her ankles and helped her step out. I fisted them into a ball and threw them out the open window.

She gasped, “Nate!”

We were both naked and laughing. “You’re never getting those back. Some animal has probably run off with them by now.” She giggled. “I love that sound,” I said and then my mouth was on her as my hand moved lower.

“Oh god,” she said.

“No, just Nate.”

She laughed again but then the heat from our bodies finally consumed us. I tossed her onto the bed and kissed my way up her body until I was hovering over her. She took me in her hand and pulled me down while her hips came up off the bed toward my body, trying to coax me to enter her.

“Uh-uh, not yet.” She stroked harder while I kissed and sucked and nipped at her jaw. I bit her neck lightly and growled near her ear, then I pulled her hand from me and clasped both her wrists above her head. With my other hand I traced the curve of her hip and found my way farther down. She was wet and responsive. When I moved my fingers inside of her she bucked against my hand, wanting it deeper.

I rolled her on top of me and she sat up, her hands pressed against my chest. “Not like this,” she whispered.

“Yes. I want to see you.” Her hair was hanging over her shoulders, covering her breasts. I pushed the wavy locks behind her so I could look at all of her. The faint light shining on her illuminated her skin, making it look soft and smooth. She sat very still as I moved my hands down her body. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.” My voice was strained.

She shook her head slightly and looked away. I gripped her hips and lifted her just enough for her to guide me inside
of her. She came back down slowly, making the sweetest sound. Her body was tight around me.

“Ahh, Nate.”

My name on her lips sounded like music. Her movements were gradual but deliberate. I felt enveloped by her. I got lost in her.

CHAPTER 19

Blank Slate

Avelina

M
oving above Nate, I let all of my insecurities go and just allowed myself to feel everything. He told me I was beautiful countless times. He seemed taken by me, and I by him. As the waves of emotion came crashing over me, I sat up, arched my back and let my head fall. Nate gripped my hips, pushing himself into me, deeper. Just when I thought everything would break away into tiny particles of ecstasy, he rolled me over quickly without breaking our connection and thrust himself into me two more times, much harder than we had been going before. I strained to get closer and then a second later I was crying out. Nate tensed above me as silent quakes rocked him. He shivered, feeling his own release. My body pulsed and tightened everywhere around him. I could hear the blood rushing in my ears as my vision filled with light.

The next moment of awareness I had must have been minutes later. Nate was next to me on his side, holding me as I lay on my back. His body was lower and his mouth was near my breast, his face resting on his own arm extended
above him. There was a sheen of cold sweat coating our bodies but I wasn’t chilled. Still heated from the inside out, I was comfortable and sated.

There was something vulnerable about the way Nate held me as he dozed off that night. His position, below me and embracing me like a treasured gift, was so heartwarming.

Sometime later, he stirred. I awoke, looking down at him. “Why aren’t you sleeping, baby?” he said, his voice low and soothing.

“I didn’t know if you were going to take me home.”

He sat up quickly and flipped on the small light on the nightstand. “Take you home for what?” His eyes were open wide now.

“I didn’t know if you wanted me to stay.” I pulled the covers up to my neck and peered up at him. He glanced at the clock, which read 1:10 a.m., then looked back and crooked a smile. He yanked the covers back, exposing me. Without hesitation he slid toward me and pulled me tightly into his chest. His hand caressed my back. “Will you stay with me, Avelina? I want nothing more.”

“Yes.” Somehow a couple of sentences made it feel right.

“Sleep, baby.”

In the morning I snuck out of bed and tiptoed into the bathroom to brush my teeth. I looked at Nate’s things. He was very organized and tidy. His toothbrush was in a metal rack. I grabbed it then opened the drawer below the sink, searching for the toothpaste. The moment I looked up, I felt hands on my bare hips. He watched me in the mirror as I sucked in a breath through my teeth. We were both completely naked in the bright light as he pressed up behind me.

“Looking for something?”

“T-toothpaste,” I answered.

He opened the drawer to the right and handed me the tube. I looked at him in the mirror curiously, hoping he would give me a private moment.
Oh. I’ll give you a mome
nt
, his look said. When he turned I couldn’t help but stare at his perfect backside; the muscles in his back were angular, narrow, and strong. He turned back quickly, almost as if he had heard my thoughts. His hands were on my hips again. I stood bolt upright. He bent and kissed my shoulder then slid his hands up my sides to cup my breasts. Pulling me hard against his body, he spoke near my ear. “I can’t get enough of you.”

I held my breath, closed my eyes, and a moment later I felt his absence, he was gone, giving me the promised moment.

I found one of his T-shirts, slipped it over my head, and made my way to the kitchen, where he handed me a steaming cup of coffee.

“How do you feel?” he asked.

“Good.”

He took the coffee from my hands and set it down before he braced my hips and lifted me up onto the counter. He stood between my legs and smiled. “Good? That’s it?”

“I feel great.”

He ran his hands up my bare thighs to the bottom of the T-shirt. He inched it up ever so slowly, staring down at the space between my legs and grinning.

“For a doctor, you seem oddly mesmerized by my anatomy,” I said.

“You have no idea.” The shirt came up just enough to expose me to him. He looked up, still grinning, and arched his eyebrows.

We spent the rest of the morning in bed.

In the afternoon, I went with Nate into town to pick out some décor and furnishings for his house. He had modest tastes, which I appreciated. On our way back from town he seemed nervous about something. He tapped his thumb on the steering wheel and flicked a glance at me a few times.

“What is it?”

“Nothing.” He shook his head.

“Tell me.”

He pulled in front of my cabin, put the car in park, and turned toward me. “I wanted to see if you would stay with me again.”

“So much for taking it slow. Don’t you have to work tomorrow?”

“Yes, but I like you in my bed. You can follow me back.”

I looked up through the window of my cabin and felt nothing. There was nothing screaming in my ear to say no to him. The only hesitation I had was that I didn’t know if I was willing to give myself over to someone so fully and so quickly. Would I always just give in to the promise of life with a man because I couldn’t find happiness on my own?

When we’re young, we want so badly to connect with others that we end up reflecting them, losing ourselves in the process. Or at least I did with Jake. I love horses, I love the rodeo, but I loved the city, too. And before I met Jake, I did well in school. Being bilingual, I felt I had skills that were wasted because the moment Jake came into my life, his brightness muted all the color I had in me. His life became my life. All of his ideas became my ideas. Did I truly know if I wanted to go to college or not? I knew what Jake wanted for me, and that was it. I didn’t want that to happen again. I wanted to figure out who I was and who I wanted to become.

“Want to go for a ride instead?” I suggested.

He turned the truck engine off. “Okay.”

We saddled up Shine and Elite. Nate would have to ride Elite because Shine was still a bit skittish for his skills.

We rode out into the pasture. “You’re riding the horse that crushed Jake.”

“I know, Red told me,” he said. His calmness shocked me.

“You knew?”

“Were you trying to test me or yourself?” His demeanor was serious. As he began to trot Elite, he looked back at me. “Are you facing your fears by putting me in danger? Was that your plan?” He kicked her hard and off they went.

My heart raced. I sped up next to him and tried to reach over and grab the reins. “Oh no, missy!” He was smiling by that time. He jerked Elite to the right and took off in the other direction. We ended up at the top of the embankment near the hot spring. I watched Nate jump off the horse confidently and tie her to a tree.

I went as fast as I could to reach him but by the time I got Shine tied up, Nate was already halfway down the hill to the hot spring, leaving a trail of clothes in his wake. He disappeared behind a rock. I walked carefully down the brush-freckled hill until suddenly he popped out of a bush and grabbed me, pulling me back so that we were hidden behind a low-hanging tree branch. He was wearing his boxers and nothing else. I tugged my shirt over my head while he quickly unbuckled my jeans.

“We’re going to get poison oak in weird places,” I said, out of breath.

“It’s a good thing I’m a doctor.” He pulled me toward the hot spring. At the edge where the clear water met the rock, he swirled his index finger around, pointing at my bra and panties. “All of it. Take it all off.”

“What if someone comes up here?”

“I’ll take my chances.” His eyes were hooded and drowsy with desire.

I looked around; there was no sign of anyone. “You first.”

He quickly kicked his boxers off and then stepped into the hot spring, watching me the whole time. I ditched my bra and panties and stepped onto a rock that we used like a stairstep into the water. He reached up, his hands on my hips to guide me. I lost all sense of shyness and just melted into his arms as I kissed his neck.

“I want to talk to you,” he said.

“Talk? Now? Okay.”

“What happened to Jake was a terrible accident. That’s not going to happen to me. You don’t have to constantly prove to yourself or God that it can’t happen again. Frankly, it scares me a little that you want to test your theory.”

I pulled away from him and looked him in the eye. “I’m not testing the theory.”

“I feel like we get close and then you pull away.”

“I’m scared, Nate.”

“What are you scared of?”

“Not being good enough.”

He jerked his head back and squinted. There was surprise but also recognition in his expression. He nodded and then pursed his lips the way he often did when he was thinking. I ran my fingers through his hair, spiking it up with the water and then I leaned in and kissed him very sweetly. I explored his mouth, jaw, and neck with my mouth while he held me tucked against his chest. We were silent as the sun set behind the hill. It seemed like nature was unrealistically quiet, almost so much that I nearly dozed off in Nate’s arms.

“I am, too,” he said finally.

“What?”

“Scared of not being good enough.”

I smiled. “Did we just have a heart-to-heart?”

He laughed.

“What’s so funny?”

“Heart-speak is particularly hilarious to a heart surgeon.”

“Why is that?”

“Well, you have to think about it, literally. Bleeding heart, aching heart, and heavy heart all mean different things to me.”

I smiled and stood up on the rock with my hand on my hip. “Eat your heart out?”

“Exactly!” He yanked on my arm and pulled me back down with a splash. “Come here, silly girl.”

Nate stayed with me that night in the cabin and I didn’t complain when he selfishly woke me up in the morning. “God, you look so beautiful,” he said as he bent over me to kiss my forehead. The shower was running and he was standing next to the bed in his boxers.

I was curled up on my side under the covers, naked. “Do you have to go soon?”

“Yes, after I shower. There are very sick people that need me.”

I squinted up at him and made a pouty face. “Okay.”

“Hmm,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest. He took a step back and cocked his head to the side.

“What is it?”

“You look a little flushed. Before I get to the other patients, maybe I should examine you.”

I batted my eyelashes at him. “Well, Dr. Meyers, I
am
feeling a little faint. What do you think it could be?” I opened the blankets, revealing myself.

He sat down on the bed and ran his hand down my side to my hip. The morning light cast a bluish hue in the room, almost making the window and curtains look like set pieces in an old-timey photograph.

Nate’s expression made me think he really was examining me. His eyes narrowed inquisitively. He ran his big, soft hand against my belly and up between my breasts before resting over my heart.

I waited, trying to gauge his expression. Finally, his eyes rose to meet mine. He smiled adoringly, kissed the tip of one nipple, then moved to my mouth. “I think I know exactly what you need.”

“What’s that?”

“I’ll show you, but we have to get into the shower first.” He stood quickly, picked me up, and carried me into the bathroom.

Inside the shower I dropped to my knees and demonstrated my own version of health care.

“Oh,” he said. “Okay.”

Afterward, I stood so Nate could take me in his arms. His chest was heaving in and out. All he managed to say through a heavy breath was “Jesus.”

I giggled at the irony. “Yep.”

Before heading to Nate’s that night, I went to the library and researched getting my GED. I also found myself looking into nursing schools. My curiosity surprised me.

Later in the week, I trailered Shine and Tequila to Nate’s house when he had a day off. We rode near the lake and laid out a blanket for a picnic in a grassy field near one lone oak tree. The sun was extremely bright but the temperature was
cooler than it had been. The big, cloudless sky stretched on for miles. We lay on our backs, me in the crook of Nate’s arm, while we let the clean air invade our senses. It was so bright that we had to close our eyes to keep from being blinded.

“How was work yesterday?” I asked.

“Good. I gave a man a pacemaker. The rest of the day was uneventful. How were your lessons?”

“I stopped doing the lessons when Dancer died.” I sighed.

“Well, are you going to start them up when Shine’s ready?”

“Maybe. Or maybe I’ll go back to school and get my GED,” I said, tentatively.

He turned on his side to face me and rested his hand on my hip comfortably while propping his other hand under his head. There was an ease between us. I felt safe with Nate.

Squinting, one side of his handsome mouth turned up, he said, “I think that’s a great idea, baby.”

He kissed me sweetly and then lay back and drifted off to sleep. I watched him and wondered idly what he was like before we met. He’d said he was a workaholic who couldn’t relax, but here he was with me, on the grass, in a field in the middle of Montana, sleeping with a smile on his face, looking more relaxed than anyone I had ever seen.