After Tuesday (12 page)

Reaching for my hair, he plays with one of the highlighted ends hanging down my right shoulder. He clears his throat as he stares at the strands, lost in thought.

“This is kind of weird for me to say, but I missed you while you were gone this week. I know we talked on the phone, but seeing you today…well, it just made me realize how much I’ve missed you.” Taking in a deep breath, he looks up into my eyes. “When we start school, I don’t know if I can handle you going out with anyone else.” He rolls his eyes. “Man, I sound like a psycho stalker. I didn’t mean it that way. What I’m trying to say is that I know we just started seeing each other, but I don’t want to see anyone else. I don’t know how you feel about something like that, but I—”

Grabbing hold of his face, I plant an urgent kiss on his mouth, effectively cutting off his speech. I get the gist of what he’s saying, and I have to admit that I feel the same way. I’ve never imagined meeting someone out of the blue and feeling such a strong connection so quickly. Maybe that isn’t exactly what he’s feeling, but I feel the need to be close to him, and apparently, he wants to be close to me, too.

Breaking our kiss, I giggle against his lips. “Brent Cromwell, are you asking me to be your girlfriend?”

He wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me into his lap, causing the swing to tilt on its side a little. “Yeah, I guess that was kind of lame.”

“It wasn’t lame at all.”

I kiss him gently on the mouth and then pull back to take in his face.
My boyfriend’s beautiful face.
Ugh, I hate titles like that, but I take comfort in knowing he’s mine.

Leaning his head against mine, he whispers, “I really like you, Ruby. Where did you come from?”

“Colorado,” I tell him, trying to bring humor to the moment.

He’s ignoring my attempt at lightening the moment as he moves his hand to my face, stroking my cheek. “I bet they aren’t all like you.”

“Maybe. They might be. We could check. Maybe there’s an app to gauge the awesomeness factor state by state because I know you’re obviously referring to my fabulosity—”

“Shhhh.” Brushing his lips on mine, Brent silences my rambling.

I barely manage a quick intake of breath before his lips seal to mine, locking us to one another. My fingertips graze the hair behind his ears as I pull his head closer to mine. Without any hesitation, my mouth opens and allows his tongue entry, deepening the kiss. His sure and strong hands trace down my spine, lingering and roaming along my lower back. One of his hands moves up the length of my arm and crosses over my shoulder before planting itself on the back of my neck.

Releasing my lips, Brent adjusts his head, so his mouth meets the base of my neck, sending a fury of chills to my lower torso. The breathy touch of his mouth traces my neck, then my jaw, and finally, comes back to meet my lips where I can taste him once again as we breathe in one another.

“I hate to do this, but I can’t stay out late tonight. We have a game early in the morning. You’ll come, right?” His voice trembles slightly, and then he begins to kiss me along my jaw.

“Yeah, I’ll be there,” I say through my foggy thoughts. I lean back to gather myself a little. “Let’s get you home.”

He lands a final kiss on my mouth, and then we disengage our bodies from one another, getting out of the tire swing. Smiling at one another, we walk hand in hand to the car.

***

When I pull up to the front of his house, he invites me in, but I tell him I need to get home to see my dad before it gets too late. It’s not that I expect good ol’ dad to be home, but meeting his parents right now isn’t something I think I can handle quite yet. I tell him I’ll see him tomorrow at the field, and then he kisses me good night.

***

I pull into my driveway to find a quiet house. This is odd for a Friday night. Dragon is meandering outside and greets me at my car door. I grab my things from the trunk before entering my house to find my dad parked on the couch watching TV.

“Hey, Tuesday! Glad you’re home. I rented some movies and ordered a pizza,” my dad says as he walks in my direction, reaching for the bag of laundry in my hand.

My back stiffens from shock.
Where did this come from?
When he gets closer, I don’t smell a trace of alcohol on his body. In fact, he looks rested and clean.

“That sounds great. How was work?” I ask skeptically.
Something’s off.

“Good. Actually, it’s been good all week. Oh, before I forget, here’s some money for school,” he says, handing me some bills.

“Thanks. I’m gonna go put my stuff in my room and start a load of laundry. I’ll be right back.”

I walk away, wondering what’s gotten into my dad. We do talk to each other, but it’s been almost a year since I have seen him sober on a Friday night. I’m very suspicious, and I find it hard to believe he grew a conscience in a week.

After I put my stuff away, I go back out to join my dad for the night in the living room. We watch a movie together in virtual silence. It’s not quality father-daughter bonding time, but right now, it’s the closest thing I get. A year ago, I might have jumped at this little sober moment as an opportunity to mend our relationship, but now, I’m treading lightly. I know this is only a blip on the radar, and blips never last.

My dad eventually falls asleep on the couch around eleven o’clock. I send him to bed, and then Dragon and I follow. I climb into my bed for the first time in about a month. It’s been a typical party summer around here, but tonight, things are different, so the tent is unnecessary. My dad is home, and Uncle Jas has no guests. The house is mostly quiet with only the sounds of Dragon’s breathing filling the silence. The stillness is not comforting.

Chapter Eleven

In the morning, I head to the kitchen in hopes of finding at least some something in the fridge to tide me over before heading to the store. Since I spent most of the afternoon and evening with Brent, I didn’t have a chance to go yesterday.

I open the fridge to find it stocked.
Am I in the right house?
There’s milk, eggs, and other actual food. I take out the carton of orange juice, and as I close the fridge door, I see a piece of paper hanging on the door with a magnet. The header on the flyer indicates it’s a schedule for addiction meetings at a church fifteen minutes down the road.

Entering the kitchen, my dad clears his throat. “Hey, Tuesday.”

I straighten to look at him, but he’s already noticed that I saw the flyer.

“Morning,” I mutter, hoping not to bring on confrontation.

“Hey, um, I wanted to talk to you about something,” he says, eyeing the paper on the fridge.

Are we gonna talk about this now?

He blows out a reverberating breath through his lips. “Let me make some breakfast first though, okay?”

“Sure.”

Heading to the stove, he puts together a quick breakfast of eggs and sausage while I pour the orange juice and wait for him at the kitchen table. He brings over our plates and sits across from me. We eat in silence for a few minutes.

Then, he puts down his fork, ready to unload what he has on his mind. “I’m sorry, Tuesday,” he says. With tears swimming in his eyes, he sucks in a big breath. “I never should have moved us here, but I didn’t know what else to do. I can’t believe we’ve been here two years, and I’m just now seeing it. When I saw you last Sunday before you left, I knew something was up. I knew by the way you looked at me. I don’t know when it happened, but somewhere things got out of hand.”

He starts to rub the tears away from his face as they fall down his cheeks. “You know, Jas and I used to get in a lot of trouble when we were kids. That was one of the reasons I joined the army. I had to get away, and…well, it was advised. Anyhow, that’s the past. Last Sunday, something in your eyes sunk me. You’re the only thing I have left that I love, and this problem I have has taken you away from me.

“I know I probably can’t say anything to fix the past, but I really want to move forward with you. I can’t imagine what you think of me, but I want you to know I love you, and I’m trying to get my crap together. Shit! Sorry. I shouldn’t talk like that around you. God, this is hard. I know you saw the schedule on the fridge. I guess there’s no hiding I have a problem, but you probably already knew that. You’re a smart kid, like your mom. Anyway, I don’t know where we go from here, but I’m trying hard to fix things, especially this mess between us. I want you to know how very sorry I am.” Sniffling, his eyes are now bloodshot, and his cheeks are flush with emotions.

By the time he finishes his spiel, my body is shaking. I have so many pent-up emotions that I just don’t know how to process them all. Suddenly, my breakfast looks very unappealing. I am so angry and sad and just…I don’t know. This is the first time that he’s actually talked to me about what is really going on with him.

Part of me wants to lean across the table, hug him fiercely, and tell him I love him and everything is going to be okay. Another part of me wants to throw things and then storm out of the house, reacting from the audacity of him thinking that I want to let him back into my life and my heart. Letting him back in feels like a step backward. I’ve moved on without him. With his problems, he made me do that.

All these emotions overwhelming my body, however, leave me speechless as I stare into his glassy eyes. Even though I don’t want it to, my heart breaks a little. I know I shouldn’t be so hard on him, but remembering a year of suffering with him while hoping he would come back hurts to think about. To save myself, I let him go, but the pent-up guilt I feel from that tells me I should open up and give him a chance.

Painfully, I tried with him before, and it broke me down. I was left feeling more useless and lost than I’d ever expected. Too many days went by when he was completely out of it and unavailable because of a hangover. Doing the best I could, I tried to bring him around, thinking maybe it was just a phase. I asked him to come to my track meets, go to dinner, or even just talk to me, but I got nothing in return. He was gone. He was always too busy. After a while, I just stopped trying. No matter what I did, there was no reaction and no change.

Back then, it was only me trying. Here and now, maybe I should give him another shot since he’s openly expressing his willingness to try. I can’t deny the fact that he’s taken a good first step by actually recognizing he has a problem. I mean, he did get the meeting schedule.

Something is troubling me though. He said he was doing this because of what he saw in my face last weekend.
Does that mean he’s doing it for me?
I hope he’s doing it for him, too. Being able to see the father I knew back in Colorado would be like finding a lost piece of myself.

I’m not going to lie. I’ve longed for a relationship with my father.
Who doesn’t want a good relationship with a parent?
The thing is that, once upon a time, I had one, and it failed me. It wasn’t a tight bond, but it was all I had. We didn’t hang out all the time, but we used to spend time together. We used to go places together, and even more importantly, we used to talk to each other about real stuff. I used to know my father, but I don’t know the man who sits in front of me across the table.
Do I want to get to know him? Do I want to risk my heart and trust him? Do I believe that the father I knew still resides inside the shell of a man in front of me?

He’s hurting. I know he has been for months, but now, it looks like he’s actually starting to show it with human emotions. Instead of burrowing whatever issues he has about life into a bottle and any other substance he uses, he’s reaching out to me. This raw person sitting in front of me might be a little scary for my heart, but I’m happy to see him.

Right now, I’m very aware that I want to let him in and give him a chance. Life isn’t about hiding. It’s about living. I think my newfound relationships with Brent and Lexi have taught me that.

Really, who am I kidding?
Until about a week ago, I was hiding from life as well. I shouldn’t hide from someone I love. He is asking for me to love him more. We left each other for our own reasons, and maybe it’s time to come back to each other for different ones.

“Okay,” I say with hesitation. My eyes roam over his face and then lower to the plate in front of me. “Um, what do you want me to say?”

“I don’t know. I really don’t expect you to say anything,” he says, gathering in his emotions and pulling himself together. “I understand if you’re mad, hurt, or even if you hate me. I deserve it.”

“No, Dad. You don’t deserve anyone hating you. I just don’t know what to say,” I tell him, treading lightly. I’m afraid to reveal too much, and I’m not used to opening up with him. Deep conversations don’t just flip on like a switch.

“Well, maybe I can start by asking you to come to a meeting with me. They say it’s good if the family is involved.”

“Are Jas and Cody coming, too? I bet they could use a few meetings,” I fume.
Why am I the one being singled out? It’s not my problem.

“You’re right. They could, but they aren’t going. I’ve talked to them though, and they said they would keep their distance.”

“Keep their distance?” I almost shout. “Jas freaking lives next door, and Cody is always around, so you two can do whatever it is you do. How are they going to keep their distance?”

“Hey, we’re trying. They said they would, and I think they will.”

“All right,” I concede. “I’ll go to a meeting with you.” I take in a deep breath, trying to contain my anger. “I’m glad you’re getting help,” I add as I get up with my plate, heading to the sink. Reluctantly opening my heart, I look over my shoulder. “I don’t know where we go from here either, but I am willing to start trying, okay?”

He gives me the saddest ghost of a smile, but I can see a bit of light in his eyes.

“Thanks, Tuesday. I hope you know how much I love you.”

I can’t say anything to that without having a full emotional meltdown, so I tighten my lips, giving him a nod before I leave the kitchen.