Against the Cage (Worth the Fight #1) (16 page)

“Well, I had a huge crush on another guy from the wrestling team, Roger. But he never noticed me. And God knows I tried to get noticed. I was so young and stupid. Veronica and I went to all the wrestling matches and tried to go to all the parties. But I was invisible to him. So one day I got fed up with trying to get him to notice me, and I stormed out of a party before I started crying. I had gone to the party alone because Veronica had already stopped talking to me. Brian was outside and he saw me. He was so sweet. It was my senior year of high school. He had already graduated, but he was home from college on break and remembered me from always being around the team. Anyway, he saw me and we started talking. He noticed
me
. He didn’t see me as nerdy or a pest. He
saw me as a girl. I couldn’t believe it. I mean, he was so cute, and a college guy. That night he asked me out on a date for the next weekend. I couldn’t wait. I was so excited; it was my first real date. I forgot all about Roger. Well, to make a long story as short as possible, one thing led to another and we began dating. Seriously dating.”

“I didn’t know that. Why didn’t I know that?”

“No one really knew. Plus I wasn’t speaking with you around this time. The whole Veronica thing, remember?” She looked down at her hands, embarrassed. “Anyway, he went to college in Jacksonville, and I only saw him when he was in town. I didn’t want anyone to know. My dad was always so overprotective. Not to mention Slade. Well, and you. You and Slade were so hard on me, growing up. I didn’t want you guys to stop me this time. So I kept it a secret. Senior year was coming to an end, and I had scholarships from most colleges and universities lined up. I could have had my pick of any school.”

“But you decided on Jacksonville because of Brian,” Jack guessed.

Chrissy nodded. “I was so stupid. I followed him. When I got accepted I was ecstatic, and I thought he’d be so happy. No one understood why I’d go to a state school instead of an Ivy League college. I gave a million excuses and reasons, but no one knew about Brian. So I packed up my stuff and moved.” She took a deep breath and exhaled.

Jack braced himself. He knew something was coming. Something bad.

“Let me tell you, he was not happy to see me. Not even a little bit. But I was young and naïve. I didn’t read the writing on the wall. I thought I was imagining things. How could he not be happy? I mean, we had been together for over six months and every time we saw each other it was … perfect. Well, that’s what I saw in the pretend world I had created in my mind. We argued a lot. He was always too busy with the college wrestling team to spend time with me. Then he got into boxing, and if it wasn’t wrestling, it was boxing. He changed a lot when he began boxing. He got more confident and aggressive. The guys he was friends with were jerks, and every time he went out with them, he came back drunk and obnoxious. I lived in the dorms and wasn’t allowed visitors after midnight, but he’d come by in the middle of the night knocking frantically to see me, and when I wouldn’t let him in, he’d get angry. And by angry, I mean ragingly pissed off. Then he wouldn’t speak to me for days. It was a bad time in my life. My grades suffered. I’d never missed my mother as much as I did during that year. I needed her. I needed to speak with her. I needed guidance or something.”

“And no one knew what was going on?” Jack asked.

She shook her head. “No. No one knew.” Her eyes watered.

“Finish the story, Chris.” Though his tone was soft, his mouth was set in a harsh
line and his nostrils were flared.

“The first time he hit me was on a Monday on my way to class,” she said. But before she could go on, she noticed that Jack’s hands were in fists on his lap. She touched his hands gently. “Jack, it’s okay.”

“It is not okay! And, don’t comfort me. Just finish the damn story.”

“As I was saying, I was walking to class, and I saw him by his car with a group of his new friends and some girls. One of the guys must have seen me and called my name. Brian was a super-jealous guy and never liked me talking to his friends. So he didn’t like that the guy called me over, even though it was to where they all stood. He accused me of flirting with his friend, and then he accused me of being with someone the previous night and that was the reason I didn’t let him up to my room. He called me a whore and a tease. It was so ridiculous. I had only been with him. I tried explaining that I couldn’t get caught sneaking a guy into my room and risk my scholarship. He was pulling me back to my dorm as we fought. When we got to my room he opened the door and pushed me inside. I was so shocked, I pushed him back. Hard. He didn’t see it coming and tripped over my desk.”

“Good girl,” he said, pride in his eyes.

“No, Jack. It wasn’t good. That set him off, and he slapped me across the face. I think he even shocked himself, because he left. I didn’t see him for a week. He left me hundreds of messages apologizing. After a week, I convinced myself it was my fault for pushing him, and I took him back.

“The next eight months were hell. We fought all the time, and he pushed me and slapped me around. Finally one day he went too far.” Her lips quivered and her hands shook. She couldn’t seem to keep the tears at bay any longer.

“I don’t want to get into details about it, but I drove home in the middle of the night with a black eye, a swollen lip, and a broken arm in a cast.” Her voice was barely a whisper as she struggled to get the words out. “When I got home I told my father everything. He was so enraged, he reacted the only way he knew. He didn’t try to comfort me or anything. Instead, he got into the car to go straight to Jacksonville to confront Brian. Thank God Slade was not home. He was at a fight somewhere up north. Georgia, I think. It may have been his first professional fight. In fact, I think you were with him. Anyway, I begged and pleaded with Dad not to go. I promised him I’d transfer to Miami for school and stay away from Brian, and that seemed to placate him a little, but he was blinded by anger. I guess we know where Slade gets those bouts of temper.” She let out a little laugh, but it was unconvincing. The tears were flowing freely now. “He got into the car and peeled out of the driveway. I knew it wouldn’t end well. Jack, I knew it.
Somewhere inside, I knew that would be the last time I ever saw my father.” She sobbed into Jack’s chest.

“Fuck, Chris. Is that the night that he …?”

She nodded into his chest. “Yep. Not even twenty minutes later, he was dead. Dad ignored a stop sign, and an eighteen-wheeler rammed into him. He died instantly.”

“Shit. I remember when Slade got your call and we took the first flight out. And I remember seeing you that day. Your arm in a cast, your face banged up. Slade said something about a fall, I think. God, everything that happened that week is such a blur. Slade went on a drinking binge. He wanted to feel numb and kept downing tequila. I remember having the worst hangover at the funeral. I wanted to be there for you two, so I refused to drink with Slade that day. But Slade … he wouldn’t stop. I don’t even remember seeing you at the funeral—I was in so much pain, and I kept having to wrestle the alcohol out of your brother’s hand.”

“I hadn’t even been gone for a year, and I fucked up our lives. Slade blames me for everything. And he’s right. I should’ve known my father would’ve gone after Brian.”

She stopped talking for a moment. Jack didn’t know what to say, how to comfort her. It surprised him how much it hurt him to see her so broken and how oblivious he had been back then. “It was all my fault, Jack. I shouldn’t have followed Brian to school. I shouldn’t have come down to tell my dad about my problems. There are a lot of things I shouldn’t have done.”

“Chrissy, it’s not your fault. It’s that asshole’s fault.”

She continued talking, ignoring his comforting words. “As an educated, rational woman, I know you’re right. But I can’t help the way I feel. I just can’t. That day, my first thought was Slade. When he came down and saw my face and my arm in a cast, I told him the whole story. He didn’t say much, but I knew he was mad at me. I knew that deep down he blamed me. Then at the funeral it finally all came out. With tears in his eyes, he told me how it was all my fault, which it was. His words will forever be embedded in my brain. He said that I should’ve known Dad would run out and try to find Brian. He said that if I hadn’t been so selfish, our father would still be alive. I was devastated over the loss of my dad, physically injured from Brian, and then Slade’s comment … it was all just too much. I stayed for a few days until I was able to transfer to Miami. I lost some of my scholarship. I never went back to Jacksonville, didn’t even bother to go back and get my shit. I know my brother has never forgiven me. I made him promise not to tell anyone. I already had to live with the guilt of what happened, and I didn’t want anyone’s pity. I was ashamed. I also made him promise not to track down Brian. He reluctantly agreed. I think he was overwhelmed by everything that happened.
So I left him the house before I went to Miami. It was the least I could do.”

“God, Chris—I’m sorry, I mean Chrissy.”

She waved her hand around. “Chris is fine. I’ve gotten used to it. I don’t mind it.”

“I’m so sorry. I wish I’d known. Slade never told me. He should’ve told me. If I ever see that fucker Brian around, I’ll kill him.”

“Then I’m glad he doesn’t live in town.”

“Did you ever report him to the police?”

“I wanted to, but I couldn’t. My dad had just died and then I lost my brother, all within a span of a few days. I was destroyed. I couldn’t mentally deal with all of it. I just wanted to leave it all behind, and I somehow convinced myself that starting again somewhere else would make it all better.”

“You were all alone, Chris. No one to talk to. No mom, no dad, no Veronica, not even your brother. You could’ve told me, you know? We were somewhat close. I mean, we’ve known each other our entire lives.”

“I suppose. I don’t know. I thought about it. But, I was embarrassed. How had I let myself become a victim? I was always smart, and I thought I was strong. I mean, I grew up following the two of you around. How could I have let a stupid boy ruin my life? And then I blamed myself for my dad’s death and the hurt I’d caused my brother. I guess I didn’t really want to talk about it with anyone. You always pushed me away, and besides, I was still so angry with you. I hate to admit it, but I did have a little crush on you back then, and it wasn’t just that Veronica stopped speaking to me—it hurt that I thought you slept with her, yet you didn’t see me. Really
see
me. I was an annoyance to you. A bratty little nuisance.”

“I always saw
you
, Chrissy. Maybe not the same way you saw me, and most certainly not the way I see you now, but you weren’t just an annoyance. I would’ve killed him. That’s how I would’ve reacted. But, Chris, I don’t think Slade thinks it’s your fault. I think you have this guilt hanging over you unnecessarily.”

“How could you say that? It
is
my fault. It’s all my fault. Bailing Slade out of jail, lending him money, giving him a house—it’s nothing. It doesn’t bring my dad back. I killed my dad, Jack. Don’t you see?”

“Oh, baby.” He reached over and hauled her into his chest. “You are so wrong. It’s not your fault. You were the victim. You can’t live your life with that guilt. It’ll kill you.”

“So now you know why I don’t like all the fighting you guys do. It puts me on edge.”

“I’m not Brian. Neither is Slade. Neither of us would ever hit a woman. I’d never
hurt you, Chris. You know that, right? Nothing you could ever do would give me reason to hurt you.”

She just shrugged.

In an attempt to lighten the moment he said with a smile, “You’re so very fucked up. You know that, right? So smart, yet so dumb.” He tapped her head with his finger. “Well, I’m here now. You can count on me.”

“Let’s go to bed,” she whispered, running a finger down his cheek. He looked at her, for a moment unsure how to respond. Then he stood up with Chrissy in his arms and carried her with ease up the stairs to his bedroom. Gently he set her on the bed and proceeded to get her naked. Then he walked over to a drawer, pulled out one of his T-shirts, and slipped it on her.

“What are you doing?” Chrissy asked.

“Getting us ready for bed.”

“But …” She sat up. “I had other things in mind.” Mission Don’t-Sleep-with-Jack was out the window. Plan aborted.

“I don’t want you to get the wrong impression, Chrissy. Trust me when I say that it’s not that I don’t want you. It’s taking all my self-control not to have my way with you right now. But you’ve had a long day. You just divulged a big secret that has been eating at you for eleven years. I don’t want to take advantage.”

She covered his mouth with her palm. “Take advantage. Please,” she begged. “You talk too much sometimes.” She replaced her hand with her lips, slowly, gently kissing him. She noticed he was still, as if scared to touch her. If there was one thing she hated—loathed, actually—it was pity. She didn’t want him to pity her. “Jack, I’m glad I told you. I’ve never told anyone else everything. But I can’t stand you looking at me like that. I need this. I need us. Together. Help me forget, Jack. Touch me, and help me forget.” He groaned. “I can’t stand pity. Don’t make me regret telling you. Please.”

“Pity? Is that what you think I feel? Quite the opposite. I see a strong woman in front of me.” He rubbed her lower lip with the pad of his thumb. “A loyal, confident, brilliant woman who feels she needs to conquer the world on her own. I feel lust. I feel renewed. But pity? No, definitely not pity.” He twisted his big hand around her hair, pulled her head back. “But I don’t want our first time to be like this. I want to make love to you for hours. Taste you from head to toe, and when you can’t take it anymore, I want to plunge into you. It’s the middle of the night. You’re exhausted and I have a big fight tomorrow. I have to be at the gym in three hours. I’m not rushing this. God, I can’t believe I finally got you on my bed, instead of against a wall or a car, and I’m going to tell you that we can’t make love.” She pouted, and he sighed. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t help you forget.”