Against the Dawn (23 page)

Another lick of shadow traced down my spine. “Because I’m tired of waiting.”

Uh-oh
.

I’d played with fire so it’s not like I could be surprised to feel the blistering heat of it now. And though my affair with Xander had been brief, we’d formed an emotional connection of sorts. I’d been avoiding him for weeks because I didn’t want to acknowledge there would be consequences for the choices I’d made. What happened between me and Xander was by no means a mistake. It was a choice. And every choice made comes with ramifications. It showed the level of chicken shit I was that I couldn’t bring myself to address my own.

“I’ve bided my time. Reminded myself that distance is what you
needed
. Spoke the words over and again until they tasted foul in my mouth. This is the closest you’ve been to me in months and still, you are millions of miles away. Do you enjoy this, Darian? Torturing me? Does it make you feel powerful to know you’ve laid me low? That you’ve destroyed me.”

“Xander.” My mouth went dry as I forced the words past my lips. “You can’t possibly think that my intention is to hurt you.”

“No?” The word remained suspended in the air between us, a low rumble like coming thunder.

“No.”

“Then why do you refuse to turn around and face me?”

Good question. Maybe because deep down, past the bravado that I wore like armor, I was nothing more than a coward. Or perhaps because I still wasn’t right in my own head and I didn’t know what I wanted. I hit the ground running the second I came back to Seattle because I knew that if kept busy, I wouldn’t have to deal with my personal life.

“Because,” I said on an exhale. Yeah, that explanation oughtta do it. My eyes drifted shut and I focused on the sensation of Xander’s heat pulsing against my bare back as I waited for him to speak.

“
Why
, Darian?” he prodded.

“Because…I’m afraid.”

“Of me?” The atmosphere shifted once again and a breath of inky darkness wound around my body, swathing me in warmth. It was dirty pool that Xander would use his ethereal form in this way, knowing that I’d find comfort encased in shadow.

“No,” I replied as I swallowed down the lump in my throat. “I’m afraid of myself.”

Chapter Nineteen

I opened my eyes to find the dark shadows of Xander’s incorporeal form swirl and converge before me. His chest was a wall of muscle and I craned my neck up to look into his face and those molten caramel eyes I found so fascinating.

What I saw there unnerved me.

The warmth was gone; the gold veins of his irises nothing more than hardened amber. For as long as I’d known him, Xander had always kept his emotions in check, to the point that they all translated into cocky bravado. The look he gave me now was raw. Visceral. “Tell me, Darian, why have you sent me away, proclaimed your need for solitude only to spend your hours with the Jinn?”

It always bothered me how Xander referred to Tyler like he was some sort of nameless stray dropped off at a shelter. I kept my thoughts to myself, though, sensing that Xander’s temper was a powder keg about to go off. I didn’t want to light the fuse if I could help it. “For starters, I work for Tyler. You know that. I’m not sure how you expect me to make a living and not spend time with him.”

“I’ve told you, there is nothing that you could possibly want or need that I cannot provide. Yet you use your
job
as another excuse. One more wall constructed to keep me out.”

I ignored the sneer in his tone, but if the King of Accusations wanted to pick a fight, I’d be more than happy to give him one. “Look, Xander, I appreciate the whole manly, caveman need to be a provider and whatnot, but I don’t need that. In fact, I don’t
want
it. I’ve been someone’s property to be looked after and provided for. And if you don’t remember the story, it didn’t work out so well for me.”

“I am not that man,” Xander said, puffing his chest out.

“And I am not that woman who let herself be dehumanized. You can’t lay down a set of rules and expect me to obey, Xander. Tyler and I have our own issues to work out. Issues that don’t have anything to do with you.”

He opened his mouth to speak and I held up a hand.

“I’m not saying that to hurt you or confess anything to you. I’m well aware that you and I have a few issues to work out as well. What I am saying is that you can’t micromanage me and not expect me to put you at arms’ length.”

Xander’s eyes dipped and I was reminded that I was standing before him with nothing more than a lacy bra separating his gaze from my naked breasts. It’s not like he hadn’t seen me in my birthday suit before, but things between us had changed. His expression was hungry, almost pained, as though it took every ounce of self-control in his stores not to reach out and touch. I felt a familiar spark ignite low in my belly and it reminded me how easily I’d once succumbed to the Shaede king’s charms. I took a step back and brought my shirt up, shielding myself from his gaze. I wasn’t interested in having my cake and eating it too.

I refused to play games with anyone’s emotions.

“Don’t.” He reached out and seized my wrist, hauling me against him. “No more walls. No more resistance. No more pretending as though I don’t exist.”

“You might have paid for the remodel, your highness, but this is still my place.” I tried to jerk my arm free but he held me in an iron grasp. “I can kick your ass out of here if I want.”

His eyes hardened further, so cold that I felt the chill. The hand not holding my wrist in a vice snaked around my waist as Xander held me immovable and put his mouth to mine. As his mouth slanted against mine, he released my wrist and cupped my neck in his searing palm. The kiss was desperate, relentless, filled with an urgency that broke my heart and sent me into a panic all at once. I pushed against his chest, but I might as well have been trying to topple a redwood. Panic surged, the sense of being forced, held against my will causing my insides to tie up into knots as I broke out into a sweat. My corporeal form vanished in a burst of shadow, an explosion that echoed my feelings to a tee. Xander took a stumbling step forward, his breath sawing in and out of his chest in ragged draughts.

If the cloud of my shadow-self could have generated lightning and thunder from my rage, the apartment would have been toast.

“I’m not doing this with you now,” own breath raced and my voice shook with emotion as I regained my solid form. “Go home, Xander. Cool off.”

A crease dug deep into Xander’s regal brow, his teeth clenched to the point that it squared his jaw. Myriad emotions flashed in his expression and they burrowed into my skin, my very soul until I felt each and every one of them. I’d really stepped in it this time. Of all the mistakes I’d made in my long life, toying with Xander’s affections was the one I regretted the most.

He took a step toward me and I held out my palm. “Don’t.” Tears stung at my eyes as the anxiety I felt threatened to eat me alive from the inside out. I forced the words out in a choked sob. “Please, Xander. Just, don’t.”

His gaze wandered to my outstretched hand, trembling like an autumn leaf in tumultuous wind. His expression softened, if only a little. “Your Jinn’s time has run out, Darian. I will give him no quarter for the disrespect he paid me last year. It is time for him to be brought to justice.”

Without another word, Xander’s corporeal form evaporated, blowing my hair back in a gust of fragrant wind. And with that final declaration, he was gone.

I’d played with fire. But Tyler would feel the burn.

After Xander’s dramatic visit—and exit—sleep wasn’t only impossible, it was downright laughable. My stomach churned with nervous energy, roiling like angry thunderheads and my brain buzzed as I formulated a plan of attack. I was beginning to suspect that Tyler’s power surpassed any supernatural I’d ever encountered, but it was the pesky rules created to keep him in check that had me worried. The Shaede king was no fool. Xander would exploit any weakness in Ty’s armor. And you could bet your ass, he’d be searching for every single chink.

With two days free from Lorik’s hovering presence, I didn’t have much time to mop up the sloppy mess of my personal life. But I planned to use my time constructively. First up was a visit with Reaver,
then
I’d figure out a way to temper Xander’s vengeful anger. With any luck, Raif could give me a hand in that department. Though his loyalty to his brother—and his king—was unwavering, I had to hope that he could recognize why this ridiculous hostility had to come to an end.

Not far from Xander’s mini-palace in the heart of Capitol Hill, was Reaver’s impressive, though slightly more modest house. As I stepped up on the covered porch, his protective wards swirled at my feet like sniffing hounds and finally retreated like an ebbing tide once they recognized I wasn’t a threat. ADT would have killed for the type of protection some supernatural creatures were able to create with nothing more than a few spoken words and a flick of the wrist.

Reaver greeted me at the door before I even had the opportunity to knock. Odds were, he could hear the thoughts banging around in my head before I’d even cleared the front steps. Sidhe were unsettling creatures to say the least. Old, powerful, and probably in possession of three-quarters of the world’s mysteries, they put out this sort of vibe that warned,
Keep your distance.

This particular Sidhe and I were on the same team, though. Sort of. Reaver was the Timekeeper of the mortal realm, one half of a pair entrusted to keep the natural order in line. Reaver wasn’t mine to protect, that particular task was the responsibility of his sister, Moira. I looked after the flip-side of the coin, the Timekeeper of the Faerie realm, Raif’s daughter, Brakae.

“What’s shakin’, Reaver?” I strode right past him and into the foyer. He wasn’t going to dismiss me at the door like some sort of vacuum cleaner salesman. Nope. I wasn’t leaving until I got some answers.

“Is there a problem with the wards at your building?” he inquired as he quietly closed the door behind me. His stiff, formal presence always put a smile on my face. Like me, I had a feeling that Reaver had a hard time cutting loose. “A simple phone call would have sufficed.”

“The wards are fine.” I strolled into his living room and threw myself down into a chair. “Thanks, by the way.” I really did feel safer with them in place. From the corner of my eye, I spied Reaver making his way into the room, lips pursed, eyes narrowed. Someone didn’t appreciate social calls.

“Then to what do I owe the honor of this visit?” He took a seat on the opposite chair, his grace a complete oxymoron to my own awkward flop. One ankle came up to rest on his knee and his elbows lighted on the armrests of the chair as he steepled his long fingers in front of him. His ice-blue eyes drilled into me as he dug around inside my brain. After a moment, one corner of his full mouth tilted into a half-smile. “Ah. I see.”

Creepy
.

“So? What do you know?”

“I know you’re a fool for inquiring in the first place,” Reaver replied. “Especially after agreeing not to. You should abandon your search for answers now, while there’s still hope to save your neck. My sister finds you an adequate protector and Brakae seems to like you as well. It would be a shame to have to induct a new guardian now.”

Hey! Low blow. I’d show him
adequate
. Reaver’s eyes crinkled with amusement and I let out a huff of breath. Stupid mind readers. “Are you saying that the Synod is dangerous?”

“I’m saying that any being with the power to decimate worlds should be regarded with respect, and not a little fear.”

Whoa. Back the truck up. “Decimate as in—” I made an explosion motion with my hands and added sound effects to match. “Kaboom!”

Reaver hiked an indifferent shoulder. “More or less.”

Jesus. I always knew Ty was packing some serious mojo, but this went way beyond my imaginings. “For the record, when I think of a being with the power to decimate worlds, one word comes to mind.”

“You can call them gods if you wish,” Reaver remarked. “Though most would cast off that label. The Jinn don’t want to be worshiped, after all. They’ve chosen an existence of servitude.”

Jesus
. Like, literally.

I knew my jaw was hanging open like a baby bird waiting to be fed but for the life of me, I couldn’t get my damned trap to shut. Reaver lowered his hands and regarded me with that same mild amusement that made me feel like I’d come over for the sole purpose of giving him a good laugh. “I think this is the first time since I met you that your mind is as absent of thought as your mouth is for words.”

I felt like there was an insult in there somewhere but I didn’t have time to dwell on it. “So basically what you’re telling me is that Jinn are these omnipotent god-like beings who could blow up the planet in the blink of an eye. And since they had the good sense to realize that probably wasn’t a good thing, this Synod created all of these rules and regulations for them to follow in order to keep them from becoming power-hungry overlords?”

“More or less,” Reaver said. “Even as old as I am, I can’t boast much knowledge of their kind. I only know what’s been passed down through the ages and before I met your Jinn, I’d never had occasion to come in contact with one before. They’re few. And elusive. They mask their power in order to remain hidden.”