Against the Grain (2 page)

2

Kay had just finished working out so he decided to sit down on the softball bleachers in the rec yard and read the letter he got the day before from his little brother Tramaine. Kay had never written anyone back since he had been down. His girl, Sonia, left him two months after he got locked up, taking their son, Lil ‘C,’ with her. All the fellaz were gone. Besides calling to check on his mom, son, and the rest of the family, he’d pretty much cut the rest of the world off. But this was the first time Tramaine had written him, so Kay knew something must be wrong, which is why he didn’t read it last night when he received it. Kay sat down on the top bleacher where no one could come up behind him, pulled the letter out of his pocket, and began to read.

Peace Beloved,

By the time my notation graces your presence, I intend to find you as good as could be expected both physically as well as mentally. As for your baby bro, I’m holding my own.

Dig, I ain’t never really felt I could talk to you about pressin’ issues but with Mommy on her back right now, I have no options. At any rate, I feel like the whole world is on my shoulders. It ain’t even an issue of finances either. I could bitch, but it won’t get any better afterwards, so I just continue to press on. I have no “me” time and my obligations is to Mommy, Caleek, Lil ‘C’, and this house. Shit ain’t nowhere near the same and when I say I’m carrying all the weight, I’m carrying all the weight! Fuck it. My family, my responsibility. I can’t worry about who helps and who doesn’t. Shit mad different now. I mean, I always felt like I held it down even when Mommy was up, but now everything has a different feel to it. Nigga, look, it was a whole lot simpler when you was here, you know? Reality is crazy. I had to grow up real quick! Ain’t no time to second guess yourself, use your better judgment on certain issues and lay ya thing down . . . fuck it, press forward!

A yo, our mother is terminally ill . . . and what’s fucking with me the most is, I’m taking all this shit personally. She’s my best friend and my mother
(
double fucking blow
)
! I got a little brother that I try to convince shit ain’t bad. I got an older sister in denial and cryin’ damn near every day over her mother. Add to that a big brother with his hands tied, who constantly needs a descriptive account of what’s going on. More than Mommy’s hurting, I’m hurting bad as hell!

Dig, this ain’t no “smiley” “happy” letter, cause I ain’t smiling. Shit is the way it is. “Me against the world”
(
always felt like that
)
. I use to thrive in that “I don’t need no help” mentality. I need help though. If not for nothing else but to vent some of my tension. A family crisis and no family to lend me any assistance. This is where Mommy use to come in for me!

She doesn’t want you to know that she’s sick
(
said you might worry
)
so don’t tell her I told you. She also said that she’s going to see you next week. It’s suppose to be a surprise, so act surprised. God bless us Big Bro.

Love is Love,
Tramaine

Kay tore the letter up and headed for his room. He thought about the letter over and over. He wondered what was wrong with his mother and he tried to picture life without her. There was a knot in his stomach. It hurt just to think about his mom dying. There was also a feeling of joy inside Kay. From the letter he could tell that his little brother was becoming a man. He was growing up. He was strong. He stood up and became the man of the house like his older brother.

Kay went to his housing unit and got straight on the phone. He quickly dialed the number to his house. His little brother Caleek answered the phone on the third ring.

“Hello.”

“What’s up, little nigga?”

“Kay?! What’s up, man?” Caleek was filled with excitement. “Yo, I miss you, Kay.”

“I miss you, too, little bro. What’s going on with you?”

“Nothing much. Still trying to get on with this rappin’ stuff. Plus I got all the girls in school on me now,” he boasted before switching to something a little more serious. “Yo, have you talked to Sonia?”

“No!” In fact, Kay hadn’t spoken to Sonia since she went AWOL on him. “Why?”

“I just asked, cause Lil ‘C’ was over here yesterday. Sonia doesn’t bring him around much anymore. One of us has to go get him. Anyway, I caught him staring at your picture yesterday that’s all. I can tell he misses you.”

“Nah, since that bitch Sonia flipped on me, she don’t do shit. She won’t write, she won’t send me her phone number or her new address. She won’t even send pictures of my son.”

“Well, the next time he comes over, I’ll take a bunch of pictures of him and T-Kie for you.”

“Do that,” Kay said. “But check this out, where’s Tramaine?”

“He’s at work.”

“What about Lyniece?”

“She’s upstairs in her room.”

“Tell her to pick up the phone.”

“Aiight, I love you, man.”

“I love you, too, little bro. Stay out of trouble,” Kay said.

“I will,” Caleek said.

“Lyniece!!! LY-NIECE!!!” Caleek yelled.

Kay heard Lyniece yell from upstairs, “What?”

“Pick up the phone, it’s Kay.”

“Hello.”

“What up ho?”

“Heeey, baaaby!” Lyniece yelled into the phone. Kay could tell she was smiling.

“How’s T-Kie doing?” Kay asked.

“Your niece is as bad as ever and she’s getting big, too. Her and Lil ‘C’ tore the house up yesterday. What’s up with you? Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m straight. I’m just worried about Mom.”

“Oh, you heard already, huh?”

“Not everything. What’s wrong with her?”

“She has cancer.” It was hard for Lyniece to say because she still didn’t want to believe it was true.

Hearing that caused Kay to see his mother in a casket and he couldn’t swallow because of the lump in his throat.

“We’re all having a hard time dealing with it but you know
your mother.
She doesn’t want anyone to worry about it so she’s running around here like she’s a teenager or something. You should see her, eating healthy and jogging around the block and taking T-Kie to the park every day. That’s why she ain’t home now; she’s out running the streets with one of her girlfriends.”

“Yo, you heard from any of the fellaz?” Kay asked.

“Not really. All of them left town when you got busted. Dre and Mina just got back. They stopped by here as soon as they got in Baltimore. Dre gave Mommy a thousand dollars to send to you. Did you get it?”

“Yeah, I got it.”

“All the rest of them are spread out and no one has heard anything from them. There is a rumor going around that Mike came home about a month ago. They said he was driving a brand-new car and he had some Spanish guys with him. But I haven’t seen him.”

“What about Apache’s little girl, Kaneeka?”

“Kay, after Apache got killed, Kahdijah couldn’t handle it and really let herself go. She started using drugs and now she’s living anywhere she can and she won’t let anyone keep Kaneeka. She has that baby up and down the street all times of the night. She went to jail for a few months and her cousin kept Kaneeka. Kahdijah claimed she was going to get herself together, but as soon as she came home, a week later she was getting high and turning tricks again. She knows that she can always come here to eat and rest but I think she’s embarrassed to come around Mommy. You should see them, Kay, both of them are so pretty. Kahdijah just livin’ foul.” Kay felt fucked up after his sister told him that. Since it was his fault that Apache had been killed, hearing that his woman and child had fallen on hard times had to be his fault, too.

“Kay!” Lyniece yelled, bringing him out of his daydream.

“Yeah, I’m still here.”

“Oh, you got so quiet on me for a minute I thought we had got cut off.”

“What about you? Have you found Mr. Right yet?”

“Nah, I’m still single. I don’t trust niggaz around my daughter. Plus I don’t want to confuse her by letting her see me with different men. I don’t want her to grow up thinking that shit is cool when she starts dating. Mommy taught me that. The man she sees me with is going to marry me and take me out of the ghetto. Whatever happened to those two girls, Kay?”

Kay thought about the day at the car wash when he helped two sisters.

3

Kay looked at his watch; he had to meet Mike in an hour and had time to kill so he headed for the car wash. It was a do-it-yourself car wash, but Kay had no intention of washing his own ride. The place stayed full of crackheads and dope fiends trying to make a hustle to get their shot on. All you had to do was sit back and let them clean your car until it was spotless. Kay only trusted one dope fiend with his car, and the others knew to stay away. Scatter was his man. Scatter was a junkie like the rest, but Kay had respect for him. They had a history together, from years ago, when Scatter was the king of the streets.

•         •         •

Kay was coming home from Shake & Bake Skating Rink when four boys surrounded him and demanded he give them his sneakers. Kay wouldn’t give them up so they started pushing him around. Back then Scatter was the big man in the neighborhood; he was the dope man and the numbers man. This meant big money. He owned five or six cars, three houses, a club, and pimped some of the finest hoes the city of Baltimore had ever seen. On this particular day, he and some of his pimp friends were standing outside his club on Pennsylvania Ave. They were shooting dice and Scatter was winning when he looked up and saw what was happening to Kay.

“Look, ya’ll,” he said, pointing across the street where Kay was being harassed by the four boys. The other pimps knew Scatter always liked the underdog so for them this was the perfect opportunity to get back some of their money.

A pimp called Sweets spoke up first. “Yo, Scatter, I got a grand that say shorty gets his ass kicked and his sneakers took.”

Scatter looked at him. “Nigga, what the fuck I look like, the Salvation Army? I ain’t donating no money to your sorry ass. It’s four of them; of course youngin ain’t got no wins. Now if you let me referee so that the punk gets a fair fight, I’ll bet you that grand.”

This was too good to pass up. All seven of the other pimps wanted the same bet. Scatter took bets from them all before they headed across the street toward the little boys. “What the fuck are ya’ll doing to that damn boy?” Scatter yelled. The young boys’ first instinct was to run but they couldn’t. They were surrounded by eight grown men who had no intention of letting them go anywhere until they won their money back. Scatter addressed the crowd. “What? It takes all of you little motherfuckers to take this little nigga’s sneakers?” None of the boys said a word. Scatter reached into his pocket and pulled out an enormous knot of money. He peeled off four five-dollar bills.

“I’ll give each of you five dollars apiece to fight this little bastard, one-on-one, and whoever beats his ass first, I’ll give ’em five more dollars and I’ll take the nigga’s sneakers myself and give them to you.” Kay took off his coat and dropped it on the ground. Scatter could see in the boy’s eyes that he wasn’t scared. It wouldn’t have mattered whether Scatter and his crew had crossed the street or not. Kay wasn’t giving up those new sneakers without a fight. Before the first kid could get his coat off, Kay had already scooped him up and slammed him headfirst on the ground. He was out cold. After Kay’s initial attack, fear crept in on a couple of the other boys. Kay moved in for the kill. Within fifteen minutes he had beaten all of them. One of them, he whupped twice. When the last boy fell, Scatter picked up Kay’s coat and brushed the dirt and debris off the sleeve for him.

Kay snatched the coat from Scatter and arrogantly told Scatter, “Stay away from me, pimp. You paid them to beat me up. But I fooled you, didn’t I? I ain’t no punk.”

Scatter laughed at Kay. “That’s not how it went down, kid. I spent twenty dollars to make seven thousand dollars. I put my money on your little scrawny ass. What’s your name anyway?”

Kay stood there silently for a minute debating whether to tell this pimp his name. “It’s Arkadian.”

“Alright, Arkadian. Can I call you Kay for short?” Kay shrugged his shoulders then nodded in agreement.

“Kay, you want a soda or something?” Scatter offered. “Come on over to the club.” Scatter put his hand on Kay’s shoulder and tried to lead him. Kay stood for a minute watching the other pimps cross the street, then he followed. Once they were inside the club, Kay took a seat at the long, black, mirrored bar. Kay looked around in amazement because he had never been in a club before. It was dark and smoky, and the women that walked around the club were dressed in sequined minidresses and skirts. Kay couldn’t help staring at them. He had seen beautiful women before, but never up this close. Scatter interrupted Kay’s daze by passing him a soda.

Kay looked at him. “What’s your name, mister?”

“Scatter,” he said as he collected his winnings from the other gentleman that had the misfortune of betting against Kay. They were all laughing and joking about the turn of events while Kay watched. He thought to himself that there was a certain grace in the way that the older men interacted. After the money had been exchanged and the other pimps found their way to different parts of the club, Scatter handed Kay five hundred dollars.

“What’s this?” Kay asked in awe.

“It’s your cut. Shit, you did all the work.” Kay didn’t fully understand how he had earned the money, but in time he would learn the lesson of life that Scatter taught him that day. Always take care of the people around you. A lesson he would never forget.

Over the years Scatter became Kay’s mentor and close friend. Kay looked up to Scatter and respected him, and in return Scatter gave him the game, teaching him everything about pimping, the numbers, and to never value money because that shit comes and goes. The only thing Scatter wouldn’t educate Kay on was the dope game. He made Kay promise to never fuck with it. Scatter told Kay that drugs were dangerous and that it would be his downfall if he ever crossed the line into that world. That’s why Kay was so adamant about keeping his brothers away from the corners, and why he discovered a better way to make his money.

•         •         •

Scatter cracked a smile when he saw Kay pull into the car wash. Kay gave him a smile in return. It was sad to see how the years of shooting heroin and cocaine had taken their toll on Scatter. Most of his teeth had rotted and his clothes were old and outdated, but he was clean. His hygiene never fell off. Scatter walked over to the driver’s side of the car and opened the door. Kay got out and gave his onetime teacher and always friend a hug. It didn’t matter to Kay how Scatter looked. They had an understanding and both men knew how the other felt.

Kay got out the way so that Scatter could take the car and do his thing. Kay left a hundred-dollar bill and a twenty in the ashtray along with a roll of quarters for the spray pumps and vacuum cleaner. There was no need to worry about Scatter touching the big money. He may have been a lot of things but a thief wasn’t one of them. If he needed something, he knew Kay would give it to him.

Kay used his cell phone to call Mike and let him know that he would be a few minutes late. Mike was anxious and told Kay to hurry up because the rest of the crew was waiting on him. When Kay ended the call he saw a Mister Softee ice-cream truck stop in front of the car wash. There was a little girl at the window asking the prices of the Popsicles and ice-cream sandwiches. Kay figured that she didn’t have enough money to get anything. The man in the truck was getting aggravated at the girl’s questions and was on the verge of saying something when Kay cut him off.

“Give her a banana boat with sprinkles.” The ice-cream man and the girl looked at Kay with surprise.

“What?” the man questioned Kay.

“I’m paying for it,” Kay said in response. The ice-cream man quickly made the banana boat and passed it through the window into the slender hands of the girl. She was so thrilled to get the treat that she almost dropped it on the pavement. Kay held one of her arms so that she wouldn’t lose her balance.

She turned to Kay and said, “Thanks, mister!” Kay ordered a toasted almond bar and watched the girl walk away, across the street to where an older girl was sitting. They looked like sisters, Kay thought. He heard the older girl ask the younger one where she had gotten the ice cream. She pointed to Kay. Kay paid the man what he owed him then walked back over to the car wash and took a seat on the curb. From this position he had a good view of his car and could watch the hustlers and fiends. Only people who had money and nice cars used this car wash, so it was no surprise to Kay when the young girl approached him again. Shyly she addressed him by saying, “Mister.” Kay looked her directly in the eyes, and she hesitated and smiled. But without blinking or moving her eyes from Kay’s she continued, “My sister wants to know if you can spare two dollars?” Kay looked over at the older sister, who pretended not to notice what her little sister was doing. After giving her the once-over he brought his attention back to the girl in front of him. They were both dirty and their hair looked as if it hadn’t been permed in months, if ever. The clothes looked secondhand and the young girl had a slight odor. Kay asked why her sister hadn’t come ask for herself. The girl shrugged her shoulders.

Kay paused a moment. “Yeah, I can spare two dollars, but tell your sister if she wants it she will have to come and ask me herself.”

The young girl turned and walked away to go relay the message to her sister. Seeing these girls reminded him of the hard times that his mom had raising him and his siblings on her own. He could remember begging people for money, wearing hand-me-down clothes, and sleeping in a house without lights. The hard times seemed to dominate his childhood memories. Things seemed to get better when Kay’s dad came back and his parents decided to give it another try. However, that didn’t last long. Before Kay could get comfortable with his parents being back together, his mom got pregnant with Caleek, which fucked up things between his parents for good.

It wasn’t long before the young girl returned with her sister. Both girls stood in front of Kay and he was able to get a good look at the older one. Underneath the layers of dirt and dingy clothes he could see that she had potential. In fact, she was kinda cute. Kay didn’t want to embarrass her any further so he gave her ten dollars.

“What are you going to do with it?”

“Buy me and my sister something to eat.”

“When is the last time you ate?” The thought of them going without food made Kay’s heart go out to them.

“Last night me and my sister shared some French fries.”

“Where’s your mom, shorty?” Kay already knew what her response would be. Both girls turned around at the same time and pointed at one of the dope fiends who was supposed to be washing a car, but was in a deep nod from the heroin. Nobody paid attention to her except for Kay and her daughters. At this point there was no need for them to say a word. Kay knew what type of life they were living.

“What’s your names?” Kay asked the older girl.

“Tia,” she said, “and this is Janita.”

“How old are ya’ll?”

“I’m thirteen and my sister just turned twenty last week,” Janita chimed in before Tia had a chance to reply. Kay couldn’t believe that this girl standing in front of him was twenty years old and looked that bad. She was older than he was.

“Where do ya’ll live?” Kay asked the girls.

“We live around the corner on Monroe,” Tia replied.

“Do you go to school?”

“I don’t, but Janita does.” Anticipating Kay’s next question Tia quickly explained that she had dropped out of school in the ninth grade when her mom’s drug addiction had gotten bad.

“I had to get little jobs here and there to help around the house but when I was at work my mom would have all her dopefiend boyfriends in the house. One day I came home early and caught one of them trying to climb on top of my sister. I almost went berserk; if I had a gun I would have killed him. I took Janita and left the house for a few days, but when the money ran out I ended up back there with my mom. I couldn’t afford a babysitter so I quit my job to keep an eye on her.”

After hearing this, Kay wanted to help them, but what good would it do? If they didn’t have any stability there wasn’t anything he could do for them that would make a difference. They’d still fall.

“Listen, shorty, take this ten dollars and make sure that you and your sister eat. As a matter of fact, go to the sub shop up on the Ave. and get two cheesesteak subs, fries, and something to drink.”

“What about later on?” Tia was trying to save some of the money.

“Don’t worry about that, shorty. Just do what I said and meet me back here at one o’clock and bring me the receipt for the food.” The two girls looked at each other, then at Kay.

“What’s your name?” Tia asked.

“Arkadian, but my friends call me Kay. You can call me Kay.” The girls smiled. They didn’t know this young man in front of them, but for some reason they trusted him.

Kay pulled Tia to the side and told her, “Before ya’ll meet me back here, I want both of you to go home and take a bath and put on your best clothes. I’m going to take ya’ll somewhere.” Tia looked at him, trying to figure out what he was up to before telling Janita to come on.

Kay walked over to Scatter, who was almost finished with his car. “Yo, Scatter, what’s up with those two girls?”

Scatter looked over at the two girls walking down the street and then back at Kay. “They’re good girls, but they ain’t gonna last too long out here. It won’t be long before they sorry-ass mammy have the oldest one turning tricks to support her habit. She already been raped by her mom’s boyfriend. That’s the nigga right there.” Scatter pointed to a light-skinned nigga that was about 6′5″. He looked like he used to be one of them football playing niggaz at one time. He stood next to the girls’ mother. Kay couldn’t make out what he was saying, but it was obvious by his mannerisms that he was talking shit to her about something.

“Why ain’t that nigga in jail then, Scatter?”

“They too scared of him. Nobody wants to get involved. Plus when she told her mom about it, her mom jumped on her and told her she was lying. Called her a bitch and accused her of wanting
her
man.”

Kay changed the subject. “How long before you’re finished?”