Against the Tide (26 page)

“Not this time,” I say to myself, rushing through the hall and out of the front door. I slam it behind me making the knocker rattle and I stomp down the steps before striding as fast as I can down the street in these stupid heels. They were a great idea to look taller and mean business, but not so great to storm off in.

When I get to the corner I slow to catch my breath and a police car roars up the hill toward me. It turns into Bay View and blocks the road just outside Damien’s house. Shit. I’m torn between wanting to watch and see what happens and not wanting to be around for whatever might be going down. We’re done. Over. What happens to him doesn’t concern me anymore.

“You coming with us, man?” Harley asks as he stands to leave, snapping me out of my exhausting thoughts.

“Nah, I’m gonna stay here, thanks.”

“Finn. Go. Will you, please?” Mum says softly.

“No, I’m happy here, Mum.”

“Well, I’m not happy with you being here,” she says more sternly this time. “I’m fine. The antibiotics are working well. I feel loads better, but I need to rest and the only way I can do that is if you’re out doing normal things and enjoying yourself, not stuck here driving me mad.”

“Oh,” I say quietly, knowing what she’s trying to do so I relent. “Okay. I’ll come back later, yes?”

“No, come back tomorrow. I’m not going anywhere. I have a couple of good books to choose from and Annie will be in later to see me.” She waves me off dismissively, and turns to wink at Kyle and Harley.

“Mum …”

“Just do it, Finn, please.”

“Okay.” I give her a knowing smile, and she looks smug. It’s great to see her looking anything other than sick. “But I’ll be back in the morning and you must ring me if you want anything.”

“Yes, yes. I know,” she says rolling her eyes.

Kyle steps forward. “Goodbye, gorgeous.” He winks at her before kissing her cheek and she laughs. It makes me happy to hear her laugh.

“It was lovely to see you, Kyle. You too, Harley.”

“Glad you’re feeling better, Kath.” He kisses her too.

“Aherm, lads?” I remind them that I’m still there and shoo them out of the way so I can say goodbye to Mum myself. “Call me for anything, Mum. Okay?” I give her a hug, taking care not to squeeze hard. She still feels too thin in my arms.

“Take her on a date. For me. Please?” she implores, giving me the ‘mum’ look.

I sigh and draw in a breath. “Mum−”

“No arguments.”

“Okay, I’ll think about it.”

Mum’s right. She’s always right. I went about things totally the wrong way with Megan. I wanted her, so I had her. It was clearly a mutual attraction and I didn’t see the harm. I can’t stop blaming myself for Lizzie’s death, even though I know it’s not my fault. But I can’t shake off the guilt. If I had known what the consequences were going to be, there’s no way I would have entertained the thought. But I did, and now we’re here, at a crossroads and I can’t decide which direction to take. Despite the circumstances, there’s still something that draws me to Megan. She’s intriguing, and I think I had such a problem with liking her because I felt so conflicted about wanting her. For wanting her so badly, even after everything that has happened. The guilt I’m feeling is a useless emotion. It’s eating me up and holding me back, and although I don’t think it’ll ever leave me completely, I can’t let it rule every decision I have to make.

“Where am I dropping you, Finn?” Harley asks as we leave the hospital.

Kyle pipes up from the back seat, “Wherever it is, can you make it quick because my knees are around my ears back here.” He huffs and I look around to see him crammed in the back. “Why they call this thing a four seater is beyond me.”

He’s right, you could probably fit two small children in the back if they were two foot nothing, but it’s not really built for a grown man like Kyle.

“I’m just gonna go home, get a shower, sort some shit out.”

“Your mum’s home, my home? Which one?” Harley asks.

“Mum’s, thanks, dude.” His question makes me really think about where ‘home’ is. Too much deep thinking for now. Here and now, is all I can do.

I shower and shave before throwing on clean jeans and a smart t-shirt. I feel a nervous excitement about seeing Megan again. I’m nervous because I’m not sure she will want to see me. Every time I’ve seen her, I’ve upset her, and I need to put that right. I need to take my mum’s advice and maybe ask her out on a date. If she says no, then at least I’ve tried.

I make my way into the town and go to the only place I know that she could be. The tattoo studio. Of course, I risk getting my arse beaten if I go in, so I walk past casually, glancing through the glass window to see if I can see her at the front desk. She’s nowhere to be seen. I hope she’s in today or it’s going to be a long wait for nothing.

I grab a drink from the newsagent’s from across the street and lean against the wall just a couple of shops down from the tattooist. I spark up a cigarette, realising it’s the first one I’ve had today and it gives me a head rush. I rub my temples to clear the fuzz, not really knowing why I sparked it up other than to pass the time.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” The voice prompts me to open my eyes and when I do, Meg is standing in front of me with her hand on her hip and a scowl on her face. She’s got a bright red lipstick on and all I can think about when I look at her plump stained lips is how they would look wrapped around my- “Am I going to have to get a restraining order for you?” she barks impatiently.

“It’s nice to see you, too,” I retort as she taps her foot impatiently. She looks tired and her sharp tone makes me wonder if she’s okay.

“What are you doing here? Actually, don’t answer that. If you’re here to make my day worse, you can just do one. Please.” She adds the last word with a forced smile and I’m not sure if this is a show for my benefit or if she’s really pissed off.

“Who says I’m here to see you?” I can’t help but play with her a little. I love it when she makes out that she’s more badass than she really is. She’s a pussy cat underneath the lioness exterior.

“Oh pleeeeeease,” she draws out. “You’re everywhere I freakin’ go. I can’t even go for a walk on the damn beach without you being right there. What do you want?”

“I want a date.”

“Well, I think you’ll need to stand on the corner for that.” She tips her head toward the end of the street. “Under that streetlight at around midnight would probably be the best time though.” The little smirk that plays on her lips betrays the hard attitude she’s trying to give me and I see an opportunity to win her over.

“I want a date with you.”

“No can do.” She purses her lips and tilts her chin up in defiance.

“I’ll be the perfect gentleman.”

“I thought you hated me.” Her face hardens as she throws the words at me. It stings and I immediately feel fucking terrible for making her think that. I had convinced myself that it was her fault so I didn’t have to look inward, which was a cruel thing to do, but if she’ll let me, I want to make it up to her.

“I don’t hate you. I−”

“I don’t think so,” she answers sharply and moves to walk off, but I grab her elbow. She yanks it out of my grasp and frowns at me hard with a warning not to touch her again.

“Please?” I ask her softly and she drops her shoulders a little. I’ve hurt her, I need to fix it, and soon.

“Why? Why would you want to go on a date with me so badly that you have to beg?”

“So I can show you that I’m not always an arsehole.”

“This morning on the beach, you told me that you can’t give me what I’m looking for.” Her voice is quiet, and it tugs at my conscience.

“What are you looking for?”

“Nothing, Finn. I’m not looking for anything but you already decided that whatever it is, you don’t have it. I don’t want to go out on a pity date with you because you feel bad for being a prick to me, okay?”

She saunters off down the street leaving me speechless. I’m a typical bloke when it comes to knowing the right thing to say. I call out after her, “I’m sorry.”

She throws me a look over her shoulder and flicks her dark hair back in my direction. “Are you?” she asks as she pushes open the door to the studio and disappears before I get chance to answer.

Damn. I am sorry. Truly sorry, but I don’t know how to put it right.

It’s been a game. A chase. The sassiness of her attitude that had me interested in her from the offset is still there, and now I find myself wanting it even more. But I’ve hurt her and I have to figure out how to make it better. 

“You okay?” Torran asks.

“Yeah, I’m good. Thanks for letting me have the morning off, Torr. I had the worst night’s sleep and didn’t want to be piercing people with blurred vision.”

“Have you caught up on that sleep this morning?”

“Uh … not exactly,” I reply sheepishly, mentally recalling the very not relaxing morning I had.

“Then you’re not fit to pierce this afternoon either.”

“Torr,” I protest, frowning at him. Working is the only way I can think of to keep my mind off my train wreck of a life.

“No, Meg. You’ve been pretty much useless all week.”

“I’m sorry,” I say quietly, feeling seriously reprimanded.

“Hey,” he rubs my upper arm gently. “I’m sorry, that sounded harsh. But, you’re distracted. I can’t have you working like that, you know?”

“I’ve got−”

“I know. You’ve got a lot going on in your mind. I know. I get that.”

“I’m pregnant.”

His hand jumps back as if he’s been electrocuted. “Y-You’re, what?” he stutters.

“Pregnant.” Saying it out loud still feels weird on my lips.

“Oh, shit.”

“Exactly.”

“It’s Damien’s?” he asks and I shake my head slowly, feeling like a total whore. “Then who?” he asks, his brows deeply furrowed. He bends slightly, looking into my eyes. “Meg?”

I sigh loudly, “It’s a mess, Torr. A total fucked up mess which won’t affect my job after tomorrow because I’m getting rid of it, and then it’ll all be sorted out.” The sharpness of my own words feels like they cut my tongue as they fly out and I stomp away from him with the hope that I can go back to ostrich status and dig my head as far in the sand as I possibly can.