Agatha Parrot and the Mushroom Boy (3 page)

The TV went off then James shouted through from the living room, ‘Here then you
BIG BABY.'
Without looking he hurled the remote in through the kitchen door.

OW!
It cracked me right on the head.

Dad was so busy admiring how shiny the mixing bowl was that he didn't see what happened and so I didn't bother telling him. He'd only have
come up with one of his silly made-up punishments. And besides, I knew I'd missed the end of the programme.

Thunk thunk thunk . . . creak . . .
SLAM!

James had run upstairs and shut himself in his bedroom. How pathetic. He should have known that he can run but he can't hide from Agatha. He knew that he'd been a bully with the remote and therefore
he was going to suffer. Oh yes he was indeed.
Sounds of dramatic music:
Dah-dah-dahhhhh!

(Read that last bit again out loud. Oh go on, don't be a wimp, you know you want to. This is the bit I mean:

Sounds of dramatic music:
Dah-dah-dahhhhh!

If you're in your classroom having quiet reading time and you just did that nice and
LOUD
then you're awesome. Wahoo! Right, on with the next chapter, although the time has only moved forwards by about twenty seconds . . .)

 

I
was in the living room pulling all the cushions off the sofa and the armchairs. The idea was to make Dad come in and ask me what the matter was but he didn't, so I had to make some sad little sighing
noises too. Dad still didn't come in, so I had to make the sad little sighing noises louder and louder until they sounded like this:
HOOOOOO-NAH.
Yes I know that sounds more like a hippopotamus but at least it worked because at last Dad stuck his head in through the doorway.

‘What's going on?' he said. ‘I thought you wanted to watch your programme.'

‘I do,' I said all sweet and innocent. ‘But I don't know where James has hidden the remote. Oh well . . .'
dejected sigh
‘. . . it'll all be finished now. I'll just have to watch the repeat on Monday. Or the backstage special on Tuesday or the highlights programme on Friday.'

Dad started picking up the cushions, feeling them for remote control-sized bumps, and then chucking them back. ‘It's no good,'
he said. ‘I want to watch the film later. Where is that remote? James? JAMES?'

Upstairs James's bedroom door creaked open, and soon he was back down in the living room getting a good grilling. ‘I passed it to Agatha,' he protested.

‘But I was in the kitchen,' I said. ‘How could you pass it to me unless you had the longest arms in the world?'

James was not looking happy at all.
‘Well, I sort of passed it,' he said. ‘It'll be in there somewhere.'

‘Then get it now please,' said Dad, and then he sat down in the armchair and opened his newspaper in front of his face in a daddish sort of way.

James went into the kitchen. He looked along the worktop, he looked under the table. Tee hee,
no chance!
He opened the fridge and looked inside, then he got the lid
off the rubbish bin and poked around in that.
Ha ha ha!
Of course I was only having a secret inside-my-head laugh. All James could see was me standing by the door looking serious.

‘What did you do with it?' he demanded.

‘You mean the remote? Don't ask me. You're the one who had it.'

‘You should have caught it,' snapped James crossly. Oh deary
me, the pressure was getting to him.

‘Caught it?' I gasped in astonishment. ‘You mean you
threw
it? Then maybe it went in the sink.'

‘I hardly threw it at all,' said James nervously, but all the same he went to look. The sink was full of sticky cloudy water so he pulled the plug out and gradually it drained away.
Yuk!
There was just one teaspoon lying in the bottom. For a moment James looked happy,
because he knew he'd have been in real trouble if the remote had landed in the water. It might have short-circuited and zapped itself to bits
ha ha!

James was looking round blankly again.
Come on James
, I thought to myself.
Get that little baked-bean brain of yours going and
THINK!
Where is the very worst place that remote could have landed? Even worse than the sink?

It was no good, he was never going to manage to work it out for himself so I had to give him a clue. I took a long deep sniff . . .

‘Hmmm, that cake smells really nice Dad,' I said. ‘How long before it comes out of the oven?'

‘It'll be a few minutes yet,' said Dad's newspaper.

If James's head had been a giant light bulb it would have suddenly come on –
Ping!
He spun round to stare at the oven and whispered to me: ‘When did Dad put the cake in?'

‘About the same time as you were stomping upstairs. Why?'

‘Oh no!' His lip was trembling. ‘And before that, was the cake mixture just sitting on the table?'

‘Of course it was,' I said, keeping it innocent. ‘Where else would it be?'

‘So the remote must have landed
in the mixture, and now it's in the . . . in the . . .'

‘In the what, James?'

But of course he didn't need to answer. He was staring at the oven so hard that his eyes were almost out of his head
HA HA HA!

My work was done. It was time for Agatha to casually walk out of the kitchen. Tumty tum. Tee tumtum. Tum.

T
he good thing about living at number 5 Odd Street is that all my best friends are either next door or next door to next door.

I desperately
HAD
to know who'd won
Sing, Wiggle and Shine
,
so while the cake was baking I went round to number 7 and rang the bell. There was a big noise like thunder
BAM BAM BAM
as mad Ivy came jumping down the stairs four at a time and then the door flew open. (That's the same Ivy as the Ivy who turned blue back on page 10.)

‘It's AGATHA!' said Ivy and then she grabbed me and gave me a big hug as if she hadn't seen me for
a million years even though she sits next to me at school all day.

‘Hey Ivy,' I said. ‘Did you see who won
Sing, Wiggle and Shine
?'

‘When's it on?' asked Ivy.

‘It's BEEN on,' I told her. ‘Didn't you see it?'

‘Aw no, I missed it,' said Ivy. ‘Who won?'

So that was useless, so then me and Ivy went to number 9. Their doorbell is broken, but you don't need doorbells when you've got Ivy.

‘Hey ELLIE!' shouted Ivy
through the letter box. ‘Are you in there? Did you see
Sing, Wiggle and Shine
?'

The door opened and Ellie was there holding her tiny baby sister who is just SO cute. The baby was only wearing a nappy and was wrapped in an old sweatshirt. Her little toes sticking off the end of her feet looked just like Rice Krispies and she had the most brilliantly snotty nose.