Air Kisses (18 page)

Chapter Twenty-Four

I felt like death physically, but like soft whirls of fairy floss mentally. I had kept my word to Dan and inhaled three red wines while waiting for my flight the night before, on top of two at dinner, and now I was hung over, and stiff from a sleepless night next to an overweight man who’d invaded half my seat and snored like a banshee. All of that aside, there was the afterglow of Dan, which cloaked me cosily and made me smile dreamily even when my circumstances were more deserving of a grimace.

I’d chosen to compensate for feeling foul with a turbo-charged appearance. As soon as the flight landed, I’d raced home to shower and dress, blow-drying my hair,
and choosing a hot white dress to wear with the ravishing new Miu Miu wedges I’d bought in Hawaii. I couldn’t wait to show them off to Iz, but as she was doing a megaconference, she was busy until late this evening, when I would probably be soundly asleep. I completed my look with loads of bronzer and pink gloss to offset my tan. Looking roughly 678 times better than I felt, set off for the office.

‘Hannah! You look
amazing
!’

Kate greeted me with a mile-wide smile and a hug. She was illegally chipper for 8.25 a.m. and as I was still pre-caffeine, I wanted to put her on slow motion, and maybe dim her brightness a bit, too. Thankfully, Jay and Marley were both at a day spa on the coast for a conference with a yoga-wear client, so I didn’t have to speak too much at work. And, as I had no functions, I was free to go home as soon as I was done filing my story on how highlights in the right places can change the look of your face. It took me eight hours to write 350 words, but once they were done, I was off.

Part of me was annoyed I had no functions where I could show off my tan and my wedges and my tales, but I’d see the girls soon enough, and an outfit unseen was an outfit that was as good as brand-new, I consoled myself.

Hang on, what about Gabe? I called his mobile; it rang out. How unusual. A text chimed in seconds later.

I smiled and shook my head.

Feeling jovial after Gabe’s texts, I decided to splurge on a cab. I waited patiently in the queue, enjoying the looks my summer-girl get-up was attracting from men in suits who walked by. I couldn’t stop smiling and lightly swaying in the warm evening breeze. I must’ve looked pleasantly intoxicated. In a way, I was.

‘Hannah, is that you?’

I knew that voice.

I did not want to see the person with the papers to that voice.

I turned my head weakly and swallowed. Jesse stood behind me, smiling like a loon.

I took a deep breath in and smiled widely. Stuff it. I looked good, I felt strong; hit me with your best, punk.

‘It
is
you! You’ve changed your hair! Wow. You look great…really tanned. Where’ve you been?’

‘Hawaii.’

‘I love Hawaii. I went there myself a few weeks back.’ He paused, hoping I’d ask why.

A taxi pulled up to the curb. Thank
God
. I began walking towards it.

‘Han.’ Jesse was calling from behind me. ‘Han, um, do… do you want to get some dinner, maybe?’

Pardon?

‘I…I can’t, Jesse, I’m sorry but…I’ve got plans…’ And with that I closed the taxi door. I had no idea what had just come over me, but it smelled faintly like strength.

As we pulled onto the expressway, I finally calmed down enough to reflect on what had just happened. Jesse had asked me out. I wondered why I wasn’t smiling. Here was Jesse, saying something I had dreamed of for months, and yet I didn’t feel excited. I just felt kind of confused. And numb. And like I wanted to be back in Dan’s arms.

I got home and paced around nervously. My overtired brain began to go ballistic. Why hadn’t Dan called to see if I’d got home safely? Why was Jesse suddenly wanting to hang out?
And why was there never any fucking FOOD IN HERE?!

A fresh text came through with ‘I Suck’ attached as the name. Jesse.

I couldn’t believe his arrogance! After months of nothing he thought I’d drop everything for a date with him! I reread the text disbelievingly. And then I read it again. And again.

I opened a bottle of wine that, being worth over $50 and a gift, was not meant for a solo session of angry drinking, but it was all I had. I was totally confused. My ego was popping the cork of some Bollinger, nodding smugly and doing a victory dance, but my head was standing with its arms crossed, tapping its foot and saying, ‘Oh
really
? You want to go back
there
? After all you’ve been through? Remind me, why did we bother with all of those rules and regulations? Have you forgotten all the hard work we’ve done? ARE YOU ON DRUGS?’

This event needed immediate workshopping.
I needed Iz.
I called her mobile; it was off. Desperate, I called her home phone, even though I knew there was little chance she would actually be there. After a few rings, a male voice answered the phone.

‘Hello?’

‘Oh, Kyle, hi, it’s Hannah… Um, I think I know the answer but Iz isn’t there, is she?’

‘Nope, she isn’t, but this isn’t Kyle…’

Oh God. Not
now
. I needed her to be stable right now!
How could she have broken up with Kyle already?

‘Well, whatever your name is, do you know when she’ll be back? It’s urgent.’

‘Hannah, Hannah, it’s Dec. Are you okay? What’s wrong?’

Dec. Dec! Of course! ‘Dec, I’m so sorry. I’d completely forgotten you were staying with Iz.’

‘Hopefully not for too much longer; I’m two-thirds of the way to finding a place of my own.’

‘But surely Iz doesn’t mind?’

He laughed. ‘I wouldn’t do it to her, Han. Not as I’m moving back for good. There’s no way we could stand living together full time.’

What? Dec was going to be around all the time? I’d been given way too much information for one fifteen-minute span. My head was going to implode any second.

I cleared my throat and tried to play it cool.

‘Wow, welcome home! Why did you…?’

‘Well, I’ve just signed a pretty meaty contract with my well-paying telco friends, meaning they basically expect me to be on call twenty-four hours, not every few weeks…and, you know, it had always been on the cards, but Pia never really wanted to…’

‘Oh. Well, I mean, it’s great that you’re back home if you always wanted to come back here.’

‘Yeah, it just feels right, you know?’

‘Well, Iz is, like, the best person in the whole world, so it will need to be somewhere pretty flash to convince you to move out,’ I joked feebly. Was I already trying to dissuade him from moving out?

He laughed. ‘You know, I don’t actually mind living with my sis, even if her male supermodel is over and playing Xbox twenty-four-seven. Hey, how was your trip to Hawaii?’

He didn’t even need to be in front of me and I was blushing like a fool.

‘Um, yeah, yeah, it was nice… Ilearnttosurf!’ I exclaimed, making the conversation light and not about Dan, even though Iz would’ve told him everything.

‘Noooo, little Han’s gone all surfer chick! That’s unreal! We’ll have to go out for a wave sometime.’

An image of me looking walrus-like in a wetsuit with my hair all over my face flashed into my head. No. There would be no surfing with Dec.

‘Uh, maybe not. I’m kind of really bad.’

‘Then I’ll teach you so you’re kind of really good.’

I laughed flirtatiously before realising I was laughing flirtatiously. Hannah!
Focus!
You’re not here to flirt with your best friend’s older brother. your ex-boyfriend wants a date and
you need to speak to Iz!

‘We’ll see. Hey, if you see Iz can you ask her to call me urgently?’

‘Sounds serious – let me guess, you need to borrow a dress and it’s a matter of life and death?’

‘Dec, don’t be an arse. Just ask her to call me, please.’

‘Okay, Gidget, will do.’

I laughed and hung up. I shook my head at how my day was panning out. When you are finally into one guy, five other guys will always crawl out of the woodwork to confuse things.

I dialled Iz’s mobile again. This time she answered.

‘Iz, hi! I’m so glad I got you: Jesse asked me on a
date
! I saw him at the taxi stand, and I looked really good, and then he texted me asking me to catch up, and I should be over the moon but I’m not, I’m really not, and I’m thinking
that maybe that was the test, you know, from the universe, and that it proves I am over him, like, for good, because if I wasn’t, I’d be totally frothing about it, but I’m not, and—’

‘Han, honey, slow down. What happened? Jesse gave you a test?’

‘No, nooo. He didn’t give me a test, it was a test from the
univer
— Forget it, have you finished work?’

‘Just now. Shall I come over? I want to hear Hawaii stories, too! Shall I bring wine?’

‘Nope, I already have a bottle with our name on it.’

‘So you don’t feel anything for Jesse? Nothing? Not a
thing
?’

‘Honestly, I don’t!’

Iz looked at me in a way that implied she didn’t really believe me. She took another sip of her wine and screwed her mouth over to one side, as if she were weighing up whether to let me be over Jesse or not.

‘And what if he calls?’

‘I’ll say I’m busy.’

‘Sends flowers?’

‘Enjoy them, send a thank-you text and tell Dan so he gets jealous.’

‘AHA! Dan! It’s about Dan, of course it is. Han, do you think that maybe you’re only feeling like this because you’ve still got the scent of Dan on you?’

‘Well, no – I mean, yes, I am obviously still thinking about Dan because I just spent a week in the same bed as him, and, you know, I guess I like him, even though I shouldn’t – I mean, he hasn’t even fucking texted me yet!’

‘Back to his old tricks.’

‘But, see, I always thought that the minute Jesse asked for
another chance, I would fall to bits and dump any guy I was with to see him. But I have no urge to go on a date with him. Seriously.’

‘I think you do.’

‘No, Iz, I’m telling you to your face, with no crossed fingers or toes, that I do not.’

‘No, no, ssshh, I mean, I think you should go on a date with him. Just to know, once and for all. What if you never go, and then you later realise, when you’re barefoot and pregnant to a plumber, that maybe Jesse was the man for you?’

I hated that she was right. I hated the idea of having to go on a date with him when I was feeling so strong. What if I melted? What if he got me again? I didn’t want that. I wanted Dan.

‘Okay, okay. Say I do go on the date, and I start to like him again, and then he hurts me? Then what, huh? Does that make the last eight months null and void? I couldn’t bear going through all of that torture again, Iz… I just couldn’t.’

I was starting to get a lump in my throat. I really needed some sleep; I was being far too emotional.

‘Just think about it for now. He may never call.’

‘Oh, thanks.’

‘No, I didn’t mean it like that. I just mean maybe we wait until he calls again till we do our heads in about it? And anyway, you should be riding the high of riding Dan for as long as possible. Tell me about how you nearly drowned again.’

As I opened my mouth to start, Iz’s phone beeped loudly with a new text message. She checked it and started squealing.

‘Kyle got the job. Kyle got THE JOB!’

‘What job?’

She stopped texting back and stared at me. ‘This is all too much for one day. How about we have dinner at mine tomorrow and I tell you everything then?’