AJ's Salvation (24 page)

He was crying now, and Jam just whispered fake assurances about making everything all right. He only needed to soothe his son’s hurting heart. “Just a few more days,” he promised eventually as Alessandro had calmed down. 

By God, Jam hoped that was the truth.

“Are you still a judge?” Aly hadn’t even thought about the fact that Thomas Fairchild could be too old for the job and that would mean they’d need to find someone else.

“As long as Townsend doesn’t get a new judge who’s ready to fight against those damn Karmisons, I won’t retire. They need someone like me, little lady. Trust me,” he grumbled, anger clear in his voice and on his face. That was at least good news.

“Good,” she decided, moving on to another row of flowers, finding the task of weeding oddly settling. 

“Why don’t you tell me what you came for, Alessia? You’re not a girl easily frightened yet you seemed to stop smiling whenever a certain thought crosses your mind. Care to share?” Of course, she wanted to share, but somehow, she just couldn’t. This was too nice.

Get a grip. This is about your son, not you
, she scolded herself.

“Do you know Jamison Loane?” It probably was the safest way to start and guess what the judge thought.

“That poor boy. Of course, I know him. I’ve been at the hospital a few times when he was admitted for one football injury or the next. Never thought it was accidents causing his bruises and bleeding, but no matter how hard I tried, he wouldn’t talk. Someone was beating that boy up, and I couldn’t do a thing about it.” Regret shone in his old, watery eyes and Aly hated herself for it, but maybe she would be able to use his guilt for her cause.

“He’s a broken man today, and it’s the Karmisons’ fault. Thea Karmison’s husband beat their daughter until she didn’t have any other choice than to stay a victim all her life or become an abuser like her father,” Aly explained, wondering how far into Jam’s past she’d have to go convince the judge.

“I knew something was wrong with them. He conveniently always collapsed at their residence after another football injury. They always brought him in from what I hear.” 

Alessia nodded, wiping a dark strand of hair from her forehead. He was surprisingly well informed for someone who surely was kept out of the loop on most things in town on purpose.

“Why did he allow it? He was taller than her, wasn’t he?” Aly had feared that question and had turned possible answers over and over in her mind.

“Why does any man allow it? They don’t. They get belittled, beaten with objects, humiliated and controlled until they come to the point of thinking they are exactly what the woman accuses them to be. He was trying to make her happy and do the right things, but he couldn’t.” Aly almost gagged as she spun this so it turned out to be more a love story than what it really was. Jam’s sexual abuse was something only he had a right to share, and Aly knew Thomas wouldn’t judge her for that little white lie in the end. After all, there were greater sins to reveal.

“You’ve read up on the topic?” he wondered out loud, and Aly shook her head. There hadn’t been any need to. Jam’s body said it all, even if the man himself had remained silent. Plus, she knew Collene’s behavior.

“Jam and my brother, Greg, are best friends. I won’t lie. It took Jamison ten years to tell me what had kept us apart back then, but that doesn’t lessen the scars.” And it was true. Jam carried them around like a shield and while Aly hated it, she could understand him.

She took a few deep breaths, wondering how to approach the next part of the story.

“I don’t know if you ever heard about it, but Collene Karmison had a baby.” The sentence hung in the air for quite a while, and as curious as she was, she didn’t dare to look up and check for Thomas’ reaction.

“They didn’t want people to know, but I saw the file on the local station. It was a tiny investigation really,” he finally said, and Alessia breathed a little easier. He knew at least. “I always guessed something happened to the boy and that they just tried to cover it up.”

It was now or never. “Something did. His father gave him to a girl to get him away after Collene almost killed him.”

The old man sighed, sounding like a broken tire that lost all air while Alessia continued.

“The girl took the little boy over state lines and raised him as her own.” Her voice broke at the end, and she saw tears hitting the grass she was sitting on. This was it, the end of her story and, if the worst-case scenario came, it could be the end of her life as well.

Jam didn’t want to let his son go again and still, once Thea announced that they were leaving, Jamison knelt down and touched his child’s cheek.  “You need to stay strong. If you keep being a good boy, we’ll see each other again tomorrow. You heard that, right?” Thea Karmison had promised it earlier, and Jam counted on it to be true. That way he could check his son each and every day for injuries. He knew not to be obvious about it, touching the boy wherever he figured bruises could have built, but not once had his son winced. Alessandro was still safe and that was all that really mattered to Jam.

“I don't wanna go with her, Dad. I don't wanna be a good boy for them. I want to see Mom,” Lesso insisted, not ready to let go of Jam after hugging him.

Prying the little arms away from his neck and feeling his heart break with every damn inch, he pushed his son away from him, making sure Alessandro listened. Only after his son's blue eyes focused on him did he lean in as close as he could without crawling into the boy.

“Your mom's doing everything she can to get you back. I promise. Stop worrying and just play along a few more days. I'll come by tomorrow and check on you. We'll have some fun then. Promise.” He didn't know how often he had said the word now, but Jam didn't care. He meant it. He would not leave his son hanging, and they were so close. He just
had
to believe this would work.

“Okay,” Lesso mumbled, his lips turned down as Thea took his hand. 

“Eleven tomorrow at our home. If you are late, I'll not allow the meeting. If you are early, I'll never again allow any meeting,” Mrs. Karmison announced, and Jam just nodded. He'd ring the doorbell at exactly that minute. Whatever was needed, he’d do it.

The two left and still Jam remained in the kneeling position he had taken. Letting his son go was harder every time, especially because he worried it was the last time he’d ever see him.

“Come on,” Dorly whispered softly, placing a hand on his shoulder while he pinched the bridge of his nose, trying hard to stop the tears from falling.

“Let's go inside and settle in the living room. I'm too old to sit in a garden chair for long,” Thomas remarked, but Aly didn't miss the way he looked around his enormous garden as if someone could have possibly overheard them. She knew he was trying to take her back inside to talk some sense into her. It made her hold her breath to calm her heart down. Maybe it meant that even though he wouldn't agree to help, he wouldn't report her, either. It was more than she could really wish for.

Nodding, she gathered the lemonade glasses he had carried out earlier. Hers still sat untouched even though Aly's throat felt parched. She just didn't trust her stomach to hold anything in until she knew where they stood. Until Thomas voiced an opinion in any direction really, she was not willing to relax or settle. Already, she knew he'd be angry with her for pacing once they were inside, but since he had taken the weeding from her, she felt the need to occupy herself somehow.

“Why don't you start at the very beginning?” Thomas asked as they were in the living room. He had even turned on some quiet music, hushed enough so it wouldn't bother them while talking yet loud enough to distort the voices for anyone outside of the room. 

“It’s a long story, and part of it is painful, but not my history. I don't want to pull Jam into this more than I already did, so –”

“He’s in it, all right. He kidnapped his son,” Thomas injected. 

“That's out of the question. But some of it doesn't belong to our story, so I'll skip it.”

“Can you skip on to why a guy would have a baby with a woman who abuses him if he doesn't love her?” That was the main question, wasn't it really?

“I need to call him and ask. I won't decide what I can and can’t tell.”

“Oh boy, little Aly, what happened to you that you got into this?” Thomas asked, and only then did Aly realize she was crying. When had
that
happened?

“I think I just fell for ‘
the one’
way too early in life,” she admitted and then excused herself. It took a moment until Jam answered, and he sounded devastated. 

“Loane?” he said, and his voice was rough as if he had been crying.

“It’s Aly.” There was silence for a long moment at the other end, followed by muffled noises like deep breaths and throat clearing. 

“Hey beautiful,” he greeted her a lot more cheery, and Aly wondered if he was trying to lie to her or just make it easier for her.

“Tell me,” she pleaded. She wanted them to be a couple, and couples shared their worries, right?

“Alessia, just don't. Why don't you tell me why you're calling and where you are?”

“Jam?” she inquired again, and he sighed. 

“When we’re together, I'm sure we can do it all. Seriously, as long as I hold you close, I know we can get all this sorted out in the best way possible, but then I'm alone and see Alessandro, and I have to let him go, reminding myself that you can't come here. It's just a little much.”

Setting her jaw, she steeled her voice, trying to be strong for both of them.

“Okay, I'm going through the things I have to tell the judge. I promise I'll try to keep you out of this as much as I can, but Jam, what if I am asked how you can have a child with a woman you fear? I know it's your story to tell, but what if it comes up? And what do I say if I get asked about why you let all that happen?” She knew the answer to the last one, and it made her ready to cry again. This was all because of her.

“Aly, I know what you think, but trust me, once in the circle, it's hard to get out of it again. There was a point after probably half a year where I thought I deserved it because I was just that bad, that karma didn't want anything else for me. It wasn't you driving me any longer, but my self-hatred. Her punishments seemed the thing I needed. I wasn't good. I couldn't make her happy, or you, or my mother. Whenever you all looked at me, I saw the devastation. Not that I ever wanted to make her happy, but you couldn't even do it right with her,” he whispered, and she could see him shrugging in her mind. 

“She's abusive. Of course, you can't make it right with her. No matter what you try. And me ... I loved you and couldn't have you. If I had known what you went through because of me, I ... don't know.” She couldn't have changed anything. If she had known, she probably would have gone and talked to Collene, demanded her to stop treating him the way she did. 

“No what-ifs or buts, Alessia. It's done, and we can't take it back. At least, I started the healing process and all because of you. So if you need to tell the judge, tell him that abuse sometimes includes more than just beating, even for men.” It was all the permission she needed, yet she wished she could've seen his face while he gave it because it was so much easier to lie over the phone.