Alias Grace (35 page)

Here’s to your good health, Grace, he said. I thanked him and returned it. And are you happy here? he said.

The house is a very beautiful one, I said, with pictures and a piano. For I did not like to speak ill of anyone, and especially not my master and mistress.

But in a quiet and removed situation, he said, regarding me with his bright and shining eyes. He had eyes like blackberries, and the air of being able to see more than most could; and I could tell he was trying to look into my mind; but in a kindly way. For I believe he always had a regard for me.

It is quiet, I said. But Mr. Kinnear is a liberal gentleman.

And with a gentleman’s tastes, he said, giving me a shrewd look. They say in the neighbourhood that he has a hankering after the servant-girls, especially those close to home. I hope you will not end up like Mary Whitney.

I was startled at that, for I thought I was the only one to know the truth about that affair, and which gentleman it was, and how close to home, and I’d never told a living soul. How did you guess it? I said.

He put his finger alongside his nose, to signify silence and wisdom; and said, The future lies hid in the present, for those that can read it. And since he already knew so much, I unburdened myself to him, and told him everything I have told you, Sir, even the part where I heard Mary’s voice, and fainted, and ran about the house with no recollection of it; except about the doctor, as I felt Mary would not want it known. But I believe Jeremiah guessed about it, for he was a great man for divining what was meant, even when not spoken out loud.

That is a sad story, said Jeremiah, when I had done. As for you, Grace, a stitch in time saves nine. You know that Nancy was the servant of the house, not so long ago, and did all the rough and dirty work that you do now.

This was very direct, and I looked down. I did not know that, I said.

Once a man gets a habit it is hard to break, he said. It’s like a dog gone to the bad — once a sheep is killed, the dog will get a taste for it, and must kill another.

Have you been travelling very much, I said; as I did not like this talk of killing.

Yes, he said, I am always on the move. I was lately down in the States, where I can buy notions cheap, and sell them up here for more; for that is how we peddlers earn our bread. We must be paid for our shoe leather.

And what is it like there? I said. Some say it is better.

In many ways it is the same as here, he said. There are rogues and scoundrels everywhere, but they use a different sort of language to excuse themselves; and there they pay a great lip service to democracy, just as here they rant on about the right order of society, and loyalty to the Queen; though the poor man is poor on every shore. But when you cross over the border, it is like passing through air, you wouldn’t know you’d done it; as the trees on both sides of it are the same. And it’s generally through the trees I go, and by night; as paying the Customs duties on my goods would be an inconvenience to me; and also the price to such good customers as you would have to go up, he said with a smile.

But are you not breaking the law? said I. And what would become of you if caught?

Laws are made to be broken, he said, and these laws were not made by me or mine, but by the powers that be, and for their own profit. But I am harming no one. A man with any spirit in him likes a challenge, and to outwit others; and as to being caught, I’m an old fox, and have been at it a few too many years for that. Also I am a lucky man, as can be read inside my hand. And he showed me a cross on the palm of his right hand, and one on the left as well, both of them in the shape of an X; and he said he was protected both asleep and awake, as the left hand was the hand of dreams. And I looked into my own hands, but could not see any such crosses.

Luck can run out, I said. I hope you will be careful.

Why Grace, do you have a tender concern for my safety? said he with a smile; and I looked down at the table. Indeed, he said more seriously, I have thought about giving up this line of work, as there is now more competition than formerly, and with the improvement of the roads, many go into the towns to make their purchases, instead of staying at home and buying from me.

I was disappointed to hear he might stop the peddling, as it meant he would not be coming any more with his pack. But what would you do then? I said.

I could go about the fairs, he said, and be a fire-eater, or else a medical clairvoyant, and trade in Mesmerism and Magnetism, which is always a draw. As a younger man I was in partnership with a woman who knew the business, as the thing is generally worked in couples; I was the one who made the passes and also took in the money, and she was the one to have a muslin veil put over her, and go into a trance, and speak in a hollow voice, and tell the people what was wrong with them, for a fee of course. It is wellnigh foolproof, for as they can’t see inside their own bodies, who’s to say whether you are right or not? But the woman got tired of it, or else of me; and went off down the Mississippi on one of the boats.

Or I could become a preacher, he continued. Below the border there’s a great demand for it, more so than here, in particular during the summers, when the preaching is done outdoors, or in tents; and the people there love to fall down in fits, and talk in tongues, and be saved once a summer, or more if available; for which they are willing to show their gratitude by a liberal scattering of coinage. That’s a promising line of work, and rightly carried on, it pays a good deal more than this.

I did not know you were religious, I said.

Nor am I, said he; but so far as I can tell it is not required. Many of the preachers there have no more faith in God than a stone.

I said it was wicked of him to say so, but he only laughed. So long as the people get what they come for, what does it matter? he said. I would give full measure. A faithless preacher with a good manner and voice will always convert more than a limp-handed long-faced fool, no matter how Godly. Then he struck a solemn pose, and intoned, Those strong in the faith know, that in the Lord’s hands even the infirm vessel is put to right use.

I see you have made a study of it already, I said, for he did sound exactly like a preacher; and he laughed again. But then he looked more earnest, and leant across the table. I think you should come away with me, Grace, he said. I don’t like the feel of things.

Come away? I said. What do you mean?

You would be safer with me than you are here, he said.

At that I gave a shiver, for it was close to what I myself had been feeling, although I did not know it until then. But what would I do? I said.

You could travel with me, he said. You could be a medical clairvoyant; I would teach you how, and instruct you in what to say, and put you into the trances. I know by your hand that you have a talent for it; and with your hair down you would have the right look. I promise you’d earn more that way in two days than you do scrubbing the floors here in two months. You would need a different name, of course; a French one or something foreign, because the people on this side of the ocean would find it hard to believe that a woman with the plain name of Grace had mysterious powers. The unknown is always more wonderful to them than the known, and more convincing.

I said, wouldn’t that be a deception and a cheat? And Jeremiah said, no more than at the theatre. For if people wish to believe a thing, and long for it and depend on it to be true, and feel the better for it, is it cheating to help them to their own belief, by such an insubstantial thing as a name? Is it not rather a charity, and a human kindness? And when he put the thing that way, it had a better light on it.

I said that a new name would pose no problem for me, as I had no great attachment to my own, it having been my father’s. And he smiled, and said, Let us shake hands on it then.

I won’t conceal from you, Sir, that the idea was greatly tempting; for Jeremiah was a handsome man, with his white teeth and dark eyes, and I recalled that I was supposed to marry a man with a J to his name; and I thought also of the money I might have, and the clothes I could buy with it, and perhaps some gold earrings as well; and I would also see many other places and towns, and not always be doing the same hard and dirty chores. But then I remembered what had happened to Mary Whitney; and although Jeremiah seemed kindly, appearances can be deceptive, as she found to her cost. What if things went wrong, and I was left in the lurch by myself in a strange place?

Would we be married, then? I said.

What would be the need of that? he said. Marriage never did any good, as far as I can see; for if the two are of a mind to keep together, they will; and if not, then one of them will run off, and that’s the long and short of it.

This alarmed me. I think I had better stay here, I said. In any case I am too young to be married.

Consider it, Grace, he said. For I wish you well, and am willing to help you, and care for you. And I tell you truly that you are surrounded by dangers here.

At this moment McDermott entered the room, and I wondered if he had been listening outside the door, and for how long; for he seemed very angry. He asked Jeremiah who the Devil he might be, and what the Devil he was doing in the kitchen.

I said that Jeremiah was a peddler, and well known to me from former days; and McDermott looked at the pack — which was opened by this time, for Jeremiah had opened it up as we were talking, although he had not spread out all of the things — and said that was all very well, but Mr. Kinnear would be annoyed to find out that I had been wasting good beer and cheese on a common rogue of a peddler. He said this not because he cared two straws about what Mr. Kinnear might think, but only to insult Jeremiah.

And I replied that Mr. Kinnear was generous-minded, and would not refuse an honest man a cold drink on a hot day. And at that McDermott scowled even more, for he did not like it if I praised Mr. Kinnear.

Then Jeremiah, to get between and make the peace, said that he had some shirts, which although used were good ones, and a bargain; and they were just the size to fit McDermott; and although McDermott grumbled, Jeremiah brought them out, and displayed their qualities; and I knew McDermott was in need of some new shirts, having torn one of his past mending, and ruined another by letting it lie muddied and damp, so that the mildew got into it. And I saw that his attention was caught, and silently brought a mug of beer for him.

The shirts were marked H. C., and Jeremiah said they’d belonged to a soldier, a gallant fighter too; but not a dead one, for it was bad luck to wear the clothes of the dead; and he named a price, for all four.

McDermott said he could only manage three at that price, and named a lower, and so they went on until Jeremiah said well, he would do it, he would give the four for the price of three, but not a penny less, although it was highway robbery and he would be bankrupt in no time if things went on this way; and McDermott was very pleased with himself to think he’d made such a tight bargain. But I could see by the twinkle in Jeremiah’s eye that he was only pretending to let McDermott get the better of him, and in fact had come out of it very well.

Now, Sir, these were the very same shirts that figured so largely at the trial; and there was much confusion over them, firstly because McDermott said he’d got them from a peddler, and then changed his tune and said, From a soldier. But in a sense both were true; and I believe he turned the story that way because he did not want Jeremiah standing in court against him, knowing he was a friend of mine, and would help me, and would testify against McDermott’s character; or so he must have thought. And secondly, because the newspapers could not get the number of shirts right. But there were four of them, not three, as they said; for two were in McDermott’s carpetbag, and one was found covered with blood behind the kitchen door; which was the one McDermott had on when he was disposing of Mr. Kinnear’s body. And the fourth was on Mr. Kinnear himself, because James McDermott put it there. So that makes four, not three.

I walked with Jeremiah partway down the drive, with McDermott looking on with a baleful scowl from the kitchen doorway; but I didn’t care what he thought, as he was not my owner. When the time came to part, Jeremiah looked very earnestly at me, and said he would come back soon for my answer, and he hoped for my sake as well as his own that it would be yes. And I thanked him for his good wishes. Just knowing I could go away if I wanted to made me feel safer, and happier as well.

When I went back into the house, McDermott said it was a good riddance, and he didn’t like the man, as he had a low foreign look about him; and he supposed he’d come sniffing around after me like a dog after a bitch in heat. I did not reply to this remark, as I found it very coarse, and was surprised by the violence of his expression; and I asked him to kindly remove himself from the kitchen, as it was now time for me to busy myself with the supper.

It was only then I remembered the peas that I’d dropped in the garden, and went outside to pick them up.

Chapter 31

Several days later, the doctor paid us a visit. Dr. Reid was his name, an elderly gentleman, or so he appeared; but with doctors it is hard to tell, as they put on grave faces and carry many sorts of illnesses about with them, in their leather satchels where they keep the knives, and this makes them old before their time; and as with crows, when you see two or three of them gathered together you know there is a death in the offing, and they are discussing it. With the crows they are deciding which parts they will tear open and make off with, and so it is with the doctors.

I do not mean you, Sir, as you have no leather bag or knives.

When I saw the doctor coming up the drive in his one-horse gig, I felt my heart beat painfully, and I thought I was about to faint; but I did not do so, as I was downstairs by myself and would have to answer for anything that might be needed. Nancy would be no help; she was upstairs lying down.

On the day before, I’d assisted her in fitting the new dress she was making, and so I’d spent an hour kneeling on the floor with my mouth full of pins while she turned around and viewed herself in front of the mirror. She remarked that she was getting too plump, and I said it was a good thing to have a bit of flesh, as it did not do to be all skin and bones, and that the young ladies nowadays were starving themselves because of the fashion, which was to be pale and sickly, and they laced their stays in so tight they fainted as soon as looked at. Mary Whitney used to say that no man wanted a skeleton, they liked something to take a hold of, some at the front and some at the back and the more arse the better; but I did not repeat this to Nancy. The dress she was making was a light cream-coloured American print with sprigs and buds, and a tucked bodice coming to a point below the waist, and three layers of flounced ruffles to the skirt; and I told her it was very becoming.