Alicia's Folly (9 page)

“I’m glad you’re here, Mr. Langston. I’ve asked Ms. Danvers to relocate. Again. It seems she doesn’t want to take my requests seriously. Perhaps you can talk some sense into her,” James stated, his demeanor suddenly professional. He then gave them each a quick, abbreviated bow, turned on his heel and left.
 

“What the hell?” Nate growled.
 

“It’s quite the story. Are you sure you want to hear it, given it’s coming from an unemployed slack-about who takes inappropriate vacations?” she asked, her voice a low snarl. The anger she’d felt at his earlier comment was back now that he was standing in front of her
again. A sandy eyebrow went up as he eyed her appraisingly. She ground her teeth together to keep from blurting out everything going through her mind while she waited for him to speak.
 

“I’d like to show you something inappropriate,” he growled, closing the distance between them. He took hold of her hips and pulled her in close, completely disarming her. Anger turned to confusion as they just stood there, looking into each other’s eyes for several long seconds. “But first I need to apologize for my earlier comment. I had no right to make any kind of assumption. It was boorish and impolite and – ”
 

Alicia silenced Nate with a kiss, preventing him from finishing. She didn’t need to hear any more. The sentiment was sincere. She could see that by the set of his shoulders and the look in his eyes.
 

“Am I forgiven then?” he breathed when they finally pulled apart several minutes later. She was pressed fully against him and his arms were wrapped tightly around her. She couldn’t help thinking how good and right it felt to be held like this. His forehead was pressed against hers and her nod “yes” rocked his head too. “And you’ll fill me in on all of the details so I can’t make anymore juvenile assumptions?”
 

“Over pizza and a movie, after I relocate?” Alicia offered hopefully. The thought of going out in public and having to be “on” didn’t appeal to her in the least.
 

“Theatre or in-room?” Nate asked. The word “theatre” was accented by a slight loosening of his embrace, the words “in-room” by the tightening of his arms around her and a subtle sway of his hips. Alicia grinned.
 

“In-room,” she whispered. “Definitely in-room.”
 

Elizabeth saw Nate and the blonde leaving the hotel, her suitcase in tow, and frowned. They both looked – tired, but not the good kind of tired that comes with spending an afternoon making love. Suddenly she found herself being worried for him. He’d been here for three weeks now. What if the blonde was a gold-digger who’d latched onto him the moment he arrived? What if she was inextricably worming her way into Nate’s life and he was too emotional to see it?
 

“Over my dead body,” she hissed, startling an elderly couple nearby. Embarrassed over having spoken out loud, she apologized then followed after the lovers. There was no time like the present to demand a sit-down with her ex.
 

* *
 

Phillip listened to James rant with half an ear. He was done in and, quite frankly, didn’t give a damn what his friend believed. He wasn’t “self-destructing”. He was choosing to live his final weeks the way he wanted. That’s how much time the oncologist figured he had left.
Weeks.
It could turn into a couple or few months, if he followed the treatment plan he’d been prescribed, but he really didn’t want to prolong the inevitable. He knew what was coming and was determined to face it head-on. The only loose end he had to tie up was seeing Alicia taken care of.
 

Guilt crashed through him at the memory of the hurt he caused her yesterday. Trying to screw with her head like that had to be the stupidest thing he’d done in his life, other than saying “no” to her when she first hired on. He wasn’t proud of his most recent actions. He’d simply forgotten, for about half an hour, that he was dying and had absolutely nothing to offer her. Seeing her on the beach with Langston was the cause of his memory lapse.
 

“And now she hates you,” he muttered at his reflection in the mirror across the room. James’ tirade stopped short – thank Christ! – in the middle of something to do with destroying friendships. Before he could think of a suitable response, his friend, or perhaps non-friend, slammed out of the house. He scoffed. “Who the hell puts a mirror in the middle of a cluttered wall anyway?”
 

He looked around the jam-packed living room and decided James was a hoarder, yet one more thing he needed to seek help for. Phillip also came to the conclusion he couldn’t stand to be in the middle of such a mess anymore. He was starting to feel like the junk would swallow him whole. With considerable effort, he pushed himself from the too-soft chair he was in and headed for the door and the beach beyond. If he was lucky, he would run into Alicia. He owed her an apology.
 

Alicia looked sightlessly at the water. It was another beautiful, sunny day out and she wasn’t even interested. Her mind kept going back to the events of yesterday. Between Phillip’s sudden arrival at her hotel room, then the unexpected visit from Elizabeth at Nate’s, the day went from bad to hugely crappy in a big hurry. What the hell did Nate’s ex mean when she called her a “gold-digging whore” anyway?
 

The unprovoked name-calling still made her see red, even now. To make matters worse, she’d left three messages on Nate’s phone throughout the day and he had yet to call back. She would have left a couple more, but she didn’t want to come across as clingy and insecure. Then there was the fact she wasn’t even sure why she’d called him at all. They weren’t dating and whatever they had between them would be over when they both returned to their respective lives. Maybe Elizabeth’s and Phillip’s arrivals were for the best.
 

“Hey,” a voice called quietly from a short distance away. Alicia came back to reality with a jerk. Blushing, she shielded her eyes against the sun to see who had called out to her. Her stomach twisted when she saw it was Phillip.
 

“Are you going to play head games or be straight up with me?” she asked. He looked like a stiff breeze would knock him over. “I don’t have the patience for games today, Phillip.”
 

“No games, Alicia. James filled you in on my ‘master plot’?” He walked over slowly as he talked. As he neared, she could see his eyes were shining with unshed tears. Her stomach lurched at the sight. There wasn’t a single time she could recall when Phillip Ostlund had cried, not even tears of joy. Torn between the betrayal and anger she’d felt toward him yesterday and the deep concern she was feeling today, she could do nothing more than look up at him as he came to stand in front of her. “Do you mind if we walk on the wet sand. It’s easier to navigate and less tiring.”
 

“It’s what I prefer too,” she answered, taking his arm and letting him lean on her. Surprisingly, he did. Another first for the strong, self-assured man who used to be her boss. She opened her mouth to comment but he cut her off at the pass.
 

“I have no pride left,” he said quietly. “It went out the window about two days before I told you I was dying. It has been replaced by the soul-consuming need to see you taken care of. I’ve come – ”
 

“You have to – ” Alicia cut in, suddenly exasperated. Phillip snapped at her, something he was known to do, but rarely. She almost felt like she had the old Phillip back for a few seconds. Almost. The old Phillip wouldn’t have apologized, though.
 

“I’m sorry. I feel the need to unburden myself, supposedly under the guise of trying to help you understand the reason for my actions and behavior, but more than likely in order to gain your sympathy. Hell, I’ll even take pity if it means being able to spend this time with you.”
 

The silence which followed his admission was incredibly uncomfortable. Alicia felt tears welling up as the implication of what he’d said hit home. A feeling of hopelessness washed over her as she let them fall.
 

“You said you wouldn’t ask me to take care of you,” she said, remembering a conversation they had the day after he broke his horrible news to her.
 

They were in the kitchen, grabbing a quick bite to eat before returning to the mayhem, and she asked him what his plans were. She became upset over the fact he planned to “go it alone” since his brother wasn’t returning his calls or emails. He forestalled her offers of assistance by telling her he could never ask that of her, given their history. He promised he
wouldn’t become a burden to her or anyone else in the office. Now he was going back on his promise and she didn’t know whether to be merely sad or full-on angry. Anger won out when she heard his answer.
 

“I’m not asking you to take care of me, Alicia.
I
want to take care of
you
. It turns out the knowledge of impending death does put things into perspective like everyone says it does. Though I don’t regret my decision to keep things strictly professional between us, it would likely have served us both better if I would have been honest about how I felt. Then you could have gone to work for a different firm and I could have pursued and corrupted you without the worry of you sabotaging my practice when or if things went south between us.
 

At first, my feelings for you were purely driven by lust. Then, as time passed and I came to know you better I wanted more. By then, you were seeing Lance or Larry or  – I don’t know. You dated someone with a L-name, didn’t you? It doesn’t matter. You were out of reach. When we were simultaneously single again, I was a bitter, jaded fool. I didn’t need to add ‘first-rate bastard’ to that list by dating you and destroying your loving heart.”
 

“If you weren’t ill, I would punch and kick and scratch at you until you begged and pled for mercy,” Alicia seethed. “Damn you, Phillip Ostlund, and your constant need to run my life. How the hell dare you? I am not now, nor was I ever, some weak and fragile flower. I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. Maybe you should have let me decide whether I wanted to have my heart ‘destroyed’. I mean, did you ever once stop to consider that maybe we would have worked out and been happy?”
 

The look of pure pain that creased Phillip’s features when she finished speaking took her breath away. Alicia didn’t know whether to scream or cry as he pulled her into his arms and whispered, “Please forgive me!” over and over again. They stayed like that, holding each other at the water’s edge, for several minutes, oblivious to everything and everyone around them.
 

When they broke apart, Alicia realized Phillip was at the end of his endurance. She gently turned him toward the nearest set of stairs to the boardwalk and supported him as they walked over the loose, dry sand toward them.
 

“I’ve spent my whole life running away from serious emotion,” Phillip admitted when they reached the stairs. Alicia helped him sit so he could catch his breath. She remained quiet, sensing he had more to say.
 

“I did try to allow myself to consider the possibility of our being happy. I envisioned all of the things being in relationship with you would entail. The love, the babies, the sheer fullness of my life. Every single damn time, my daydream ended in some form of tragedy. So, in an effort to avoid what I thought would be inevitable pain and heartache, I convinced myself I was doing you a favor.”
 

“And now you’re trying to make up for it by trying to choreograph the rest of my life?” Alicia asked. Phillip had the good grace to blush. It was the only color he had at the moment. “Let’s get you back to James’ place. I assume you’re staying with him?” she asked. He pulled a face.
 

“I am, but I’d rather check in to a hotel. He has so much junk in his house, I’m starting to feel like it’ll all glom together to become a living thing that’ll eat me.” He curled his hands into claws as he spoke and swiped them through the air. The motions were followed up by snarling-snuffling noises that made her cringe and shrink away from him. Her reaction made him grin foolishly. He quickly grew serious again and asked if she’d relocated like James told her to.
 

“I did,” she said, pulling a face. The hotel is supposed to be more upscale, but the rooms are nowhere near as nice. “I won’t move again, though. I’m only here for two more days. It’s not worth it.”
 

“The benefit of being in the same hotel as Langston doesn’t outweigh the difference in comfort?” Phillip asked. Alicia blushed hotly.
 

“Time to go,” she answered, standing suddenly. She helped him to his feet and got him up the stairs. Before he decided to make another veiled reference, she explained about Elizabeth.
 

“Ah, so you’re going to give up without a fight. Bad move, sweetheart. Don’t be like me, Alicia. Don’t be a coward. Go – ” She cut him off, annoyed with the fact he was still trying to direct her life.
 

“This situation is different, Phillip. He and I don’t live – ”
 

“ – to him. Make love with him or fuck – I mean, screw his brains out, whichever you’re inclined to do,” he continued, as though she hadn’t spoken.
 

Alicia’s jaw dropped at Phillip’s choice of words. She started to shake her head, to object but he waved her to silence. “Consider this as well. You’re a free agent, jobwise. You can go anywhere you want. What’s to stop you from relocating to Miami, going to school for a year or two to learn the ins and outs of Florida’s legal system?”
 

“The fact I won’t go, even if he professes undying love for me. It’s too much, too fast, Phillip. And you know me. I don’t do the ‘quick fix’ thing. I – ”