Alien Redemption [Clans of Kalquor 06] (2 page)

Rachel was getting wet and she forced herself to look away. She’d heard Kalquorians possessed a keen sense of smell, better than an Earth bloodhound. She certainly didn’t need to humiliate herself by letting Conyod know he aroused her to distraction. One of her worst fears was that she’d do something that would make the gorgeous Imdiko reassign her to another doctor. And while she liked most of the psychiatric staff in Kalquor’s largest hospital, none of them were Conyod.

She made herself look around her room. It was small, but comfortable. She had her thick sleeping mat in one corner, the softest surface she thought she’d ever slept upon. She made it up tidily every day though the orderlies were perfectly happy to do it for her. The room was softly lit, but she knew the illumination was more than bright enough for Conyod. Kalquorians could see in the dark, it seemed. Rachel envied the aliens that ability. Too many times she’d wakened in the middle of the night, certain she was still in the bowels of the prison, alone and frightened.

Stubborn pride had kept her from sleeping with the lights on, so she’d spent many a sweat-soaked night peering blindly about until one of the night orderlies, keeping careful watch on monitor vids, came to check on her and give her a sedative.

Restful cream-colored walls and dark blue carpeting kept her room from looking too institutional despite the spartan decor. Her only furnishings beside the sleeping mat and Conyod’s Kalquorian-sized seating cushion consisted of a low table to take her meals at and another seat cushion, which she sat on now. Two vids provided pictures of pretty outdoor scenes, giving the illusion Rachel was looking out of windows. She had the options of viewing landscapes of any number of worlds. She kept the vid settings on random, and the view changed about ten times a day. Right now, one vid showed her the rolling hills of Joshada. The other depicted a Kalquorian mountain range which Conyod had commented on when he’d entered the room.

“That reminds me of my childhood home,” he’d said. As complex as ever, his expression had registered both sadness and pleasure.

How badly she’d wanted to ask why Conyod had such mixed feelings about his past. Not for the first time, she wondered how a man dedicated to healing the pain of others seemed to find no relief from the conflicts he himself bore. She was sure something preyed on the psychologist’s mind. He wore sadness like an almost visible cloak.

Rachel knew the feeling well.

Her doctor’s voice brought her back from her contemplation of the mountains that reminded him of home. “What do you want more than anything, Ray-Ray?”

She turned to look at him. His eyes were big, bigger than most Kalquorians she’d seen. The vibrant blue-purple orbs almost seemed to glow against his dark skin. She swallowed hard, the lump in her throat having nothing to do with the blockade against her speech. What did she want? Boy, she would love to give him an earful on that.

Conyod nodded in encouragement. “If it’s something I can get, I will. Then all you have to do to claim your prize is say just one word. Any word.”

Love. I want to say love. Because every time I look at you now, that’s what my heart
screams. It might be just infatuation, but damn it, it feels like the real thing.

He leaned close to her, his gaze avid. “There is something you want. I can see that. Tell me.” He nodded at her handheld computer sitting on the floor next to her cushion. She used it to communicate with the staff, since her stubborn throat refused to open up.

Damn it, she didn’t want to type. She wanted to talk. But fear of what she might say, the secrets she might tell, kept it all bottled up. Back on Earth, she’d been beaten and tortured for information. She’d kept the words inside, only screaming as hideous pain was inflicted on her poor body.
I’ll never, ever tell you anything
had been her internal mantra for all those terrible months. And now she couldn’t tell anyone anything at all.

She wanted to make Conyod proud. And he’d said she could say any word. Perhaps a word her now-dead torturers wouldn’t understand?

Rachel opened her mouth. She thought of a new word, saw its brightness in her head.

Watched it travel down, down, closer to her mouth, approaching where the blockage always appeared just in time to keep her silent. Closer still, the passage still open, almost there…

“
Retig
,” she said.

The word was little more than a breath, with just enough grating undertone straining through to make it audible. It had been years since she’d spoken, and the weakness of her surgically healed vocal chords was obvious. But she’d said a word. Damn the bastards who had shut her up, she’d
talked
.

Conyod's mouth dropped open. He blinked. Then pure, unadulterated delight suffused his face, making him smile broader than Rachel had ever seen him smile. Her heart thumped painfully to see how he transformed with unguarded happiness.

He laughed hard, and the deep, rolling sound of it filled the room. Rachel had always wanted to hear Conyod laugh. It was a beautiful sound. His eyes were bright, as if they'd filled with tears. He reached for her as if to gather her in an embrace. Apparently he remembered himself just in time and settled for clapping.

Boy, she wished he'd hugged her instead.

She'd said hello after all. She'd said it in Kalquorian, but she'd done it. And he was so pleased with her. She smiled at his undisguised delight.

Finally Conyod was able to speak. “Excellent, Ray-Ray!” He nodded at her handheld. “I saw on the reports you were studying my language, but I never thought to have you speak it instead of your own. Well done!”

Rachel ducked her head, a little embarrassed to be praised so highly for uttering one word.

But she knew it was a huge breakthrough. She kept her eyes on Conyod, enjoying the sight of him smiling so broadly.

He picked up his handheld and tapped its surface in short, quick bursts. “It’s safe to speak Kalquorian because so few Earthers understand, isn’t it?”

She nodded. As always, he’d seen right to the root of the issue. The man’s intuition made him a very good psychologist, at least in her opinion.

Conyod chuckled and put his handheld down again. His steady gaze enveloped her in warmth. “Wonderful! I’m so proud of you. Now … I believe I owe you a reward? What is it you want?”

Rachel deserved a reward all right. And suddenly she decided she would claim it rather than ask for it. It was the only way to ensure she’d get what she wanted.

In one smooth motion, as if she’d not left Earth with nearly a dozen badly healed broken bones, Rachel shifted from a cross-legged sitting position up onto her knees. She grabbed her startled therapist’s face between both hands, leaned forward, and closed her lips over his.

His lips were as soft as she’d imagined. In his shock, Conyod’s mouth opened to gasp, and Rachel brazenly took advantage of the opportunity. She flicked her tongue inside his mouth, tasting him.

She’d forgotten how raspy the Kalquorians’ tongues were, how like raw silk the texture of that flesh was. He tasted of sweet spice, and she uttered a weak groan.

Conyod’s arms, as strong as she’d dreamed, wrapped around her, pulling her up against his broad chest. She felt the strength of his muscled body and rubbed against him as desire, denied over almost a year while being his patient, overtook her.

Conyod growled a little, and his tongue invaded her mouth in a passionate kiss. Rachel’s insides melted to pool into her panties; hot, wet need. She climbed onto Conyod to rub her sex against his with wanton desperation.

He suddenly gasped and pulled his face from hers while simultaneously pushing her away.

She whimpered and strained against his hands. Her heart thudded painfully.

Conyod slowly shook his head. “Rachel, this isn’t appropriate. I’m your doctor.”

Rachel detected a scent she’d smelled before and glanced down at his groin. The crotch of his pants was tight around an obvious erection. Her gaze met his again, and she arched an eyebrow at him.

He reddened. “I didn’t say I didn’t enjoy it. But it’s wrong for me to act on this. I cannot take advantage of my patient.”

Rachel blew out a frustrated breath. She could see his point and appreciate the awkward position she was putting him in. Still, he looked so damned good and felt twice as wonderful.

She leaned back, putting the distance he needed between them. Smiling ruefully, she settled back on her seating cushion and picked up her handheld to type.

Let’s see what you think of this, my gorgeous, ethical doctor,
she thought as she wrote what she wanted to say:

You and Dr. Govi said my fear of speech was the only thing keeping me here. That once I
spoke, I could be released. Would you like me to fire you as my psychologist right now so we
can explore this?

Not that she meant a word of it. No doubt a man like Conyod already had a woman. Maybe his clan even had a Matara, a lifelong female mate. She’d never asked because she didn’t want to know he was unattainable. But now that she’d spoken, the clock was ticking on the time she had left as his patient. It was better to know now rather than later just how unavailable he was.

Even if he is without a mate, he’d never want me. Not broken, scarred, and ugly Rachel
Hicks. He could definitely do better.

She was willing to settle for one glorious round of lovemaking. With the memory of being in Conyod’s arms to sustain her, she’d at least have that to treasure for the rest of her life.

She handed him her handheld, noting how it trembled the least little bit in his grip. He read it and gave her his patented Rachel-you’re-being-naughty-and-you’re-not-getting-away-with-it frown. He could be so paternal sometimes.

“You know there’s more to being cured than getting you to say one word,” he chastised.

She took the handheld back from him. Rachel decided it was time to go for broke and to give Conyod his chance to put an end to her dreams and her desires. To deny her the love she ached for him to return. Once he did that, she could start to plan for a productive, Conyod-less life, as empty as it would be.

She typed,
I’m a grown woman who knows my own mind. I’ve had men, one of whom was
Kalquorian. I want you. If you feel nothing for me beyond your professional compassion, tell
me now.

Conyod read the message, and his eyebrows shot up. Rachel was just surprising him all over the place today. If she wasn’t so certain this session would end with her heart broken, she’d enjoy it.

Instead of telling her it could never be between them, Conyod said, “I wasn’t aware you’d been intimate with one of us. Were you coerced? We’re not allowed—”

Oh for heaven’s sake.
Rachel leaned forward and put her hand to his mouth to shut him up.

His breath was warm on her palm, and the thought of how his mouth had felt on hers made her insides clench. He watched her face and waited. She took her handheld back from him and sat back down. Typed another message.

I was very much the seducer, my rescuer’s first woman. You asked what I wanted in
exchange for a word. I will tell you exactly.

She watched him read it, and when he looked up at her questioningly, she opened her mouth.

It’s not English. The words are Kalquorian. Say them.

“Imdiko Conyod.” A strengthless croak that came from her straining throat.

He heard it nonetheless, and his large, beautiful eyes shut with feeling. She couldn’t tell if it was because he was disgusted with her answer or enthralled because he’d cured her inability to speak.

Handheld again, because she only knew a few words of his language.
If you don’t want me
too, say so. It will hurt, but I can take it. I’ve lived through worse.

He read it. Then Conyod lifted his gaze to hers. She braced herself.

“I do want you.”

The entire world stopped in that instant.
I didn’t hear that right. My wishful thinking made
me hear something I wanted to. There is no way this man could care for me beyond doing his
job.

But he was nodding slowly, his shoulders lifting as if a huge weight had been released. “I have almost from the moment you got here. From the second I laid eyes on your beautiful face and saw the strength behind the agony in your eyes — and now, hearing my name come from your lips—”

Conyod stopped, as if overcome. His hands covered his face, but not before Rachel saw the mix of despair, hope, and longing on his expression.

He sat that way for a few seconds, and she let him. She had no clue what to say or what to do. She simply waited for him. All the while, her thoughts yammered
, He wants me! He wants
me!

But something was wrong with the situation, something beyond the sacred doctor-patient issue. When Conyod emerged from behind his hands, his words bore that out.

He looked at Rachel and gave her the saddest, most heartrending smile she’d ever seen.

“You are the only good thing I’ve known for a long time. But Ray-Ray, things are complicated right now with my clan. This … I need to think about this.”

He’d said
clan
, but not a word about a Matara. Rachel couldn’t help but allow a flicker of hope.

It was obvious Conyod wasn’t going to let himself be overcome by desire at this time, but Rachel could live with that. She would settle for a token of affection.

I’m sorry if I came on too strong, but I have very intense feelings for you. I know it’s not
proper, but I really, really need you hold me.

As soon as he’d finished reading that, she added, “
Krewet?
” Please?

Conyod looked at her, his expression that of a man who felt as lost and frightened as a child alone in the woods. He took a deep breath and held his arms out to her.

Rachel went to him, sitting in the cradle of his crossed legs. His arms curled around her, surrounding her in warmth and protection. Rachel burrowed her face against his chest and sighed. His cheek pressed against the short cap of curls on top of her head and rubbed back and forth against the softness.