All At Sea (2 page)

See you tomorrow
.
Amelia

P.S. “Do you dance?” Bah! Dancing in Public = Amelia June’s Second Biggest Fear in Life. No, I do not dance.

Monday 13
th
January 11.45pm

—Blue Volcano Tavern—

OK, I have sent a playlist to you.

I can dance. I have a friend back home who likes ballroom dancing, and I’ve been her partner a few times. You pick up things. But I do a lot of sport. I like martial arts, boxing, running. You were making jokes about my abs, but having a strong core equips you to do all kinds of activities. You can turn up and you’re good to go.

The truth is I get depressed if I sit around too much. That’s kind of why I am here. Hiding from a sedentary career someone else has all planned out for me.

Anyway, dancing is good because you increase your heart rate without thinking about it, you can involve all your muscle groups, and it’s fun. If you find a song you like, really go for it with big explosive movements. That’s called plyometrics.

Next time we’re going all the way in the water!  Are you ready? What do you think?

Tuesday 14
th
January 12.15am

—Waikiki Yacht Club
—

Thanks for the playlist. I’ve heard a couple of the songs before but most of them are new to me. I’m listening to them right now. So far so good!

You seem to be about the least sedentary person I’ve ever met, so whatever job that is all planned out for you back home, I’m glad you’ve come to Hawaii to escape it. Everyone should be allowed to choose their own path in life, I think.

I’m ready to get all the way in the water. I’ll be up all night worrying about it, but I’ll be there with bells on
!
Amelia

P.S. Ballroom dancing, huh? I figured you more the reggae type. Interesting.

Wednesday 15
th
January 3.01pm

—near Waikiki Beach, HI—

Hi, Kody. I’m writing from the marina shuttle before I lose my nerve. I want to let you know that I won’t be back to lessons. This third time was just too much. But I think having done three lessons, I can walk away knowing I gave it a solid go. I feel good about the experience overall. You got me up on the board and it was amazing.  And even though it was only on a little wave and only lasted a few seconds and ultimately ended in disaster, I’ll remember those few seconds always. Especially your face and the way you laughed and cheered me on. I think you were happier than I was!

But your friend is right. (It pains me to admit that because he’s so unnecessarily callous about the whole thing...) but he’s spot on about me. I’m a “giraffe trying to be a dolphin” a “hazard to myself and others” I need to “go back to the baby pool and start from scratch.” (UGH! JERK!) But it’s true. He’s right.  When my head goes under, I lose all sense of myself and become a primal flailing mess. My heart goes into my ears, my brain shuts down, and I become 100% fear. All I can do is panic and flail and grab at nothing. I blackened your eye! You have a bruise on your face, and scratches down your neck, and for what? To pull the panicked, flailing Kansas giraffe out of the water AGAIN?  No. I can’t keep doing that. It’s not fair.

I do think however that I owe you a deeper explanation as to the problem.

I went to this school where swimming is part of the weekly curriculum. You’d be skill tested over time and I never got beyond the beginner levels because I’m so petrified to put my head under the water. My classmates had a great time mocking me for it. Then I was pushed off a crowded pier into a lake last summer. It was at this popular girl’s house (who apparently hates me for reasons unknown). I went to the party with my family, otherwise I would never have been invited. Our families have business dealings with one another. My step-dad is co-owner of SPAM (they make canned meat?) and this girl’s dad owns a cattle ranch so they deal in meat by-products. People say I fell into the lake, but there was a push. I know it. I was fished out, and in the end it was all okay, but it only exacerbated my already deep aversion to water.

I don’t like water. My experiences with water have all been bad. I won’t even go near the edges on the yacht. I grip the rails and walls when I walk around here, and I feel sick a lot of the time. Even when we’re not moving, I feel anxious. Just knowing there is water underneath me and around me makes me break into sweats. My mother is trying to help me. She wanted me to come to Hawaii and live on the yacht to face my fear. She’s the one who suggested surf lessons. I draw and paint water landscapes all the time but I don’t even like skipping over a rain puddle.  

So, that’s the whole story. I wanted you to know so that you don’t think I’m a quitter altogether and for no real reason. I hope you understand and don’t think less of me for stopping lessons.   

Amelia

Wednesday 15
th
January 4.16pm

—Rub-a-Dub Pub Coin Laundry and Liquor—

OK. That must have been really scary.

But look how far you’ve come in a short time! You can get in the water now. Remember I said sometimes you need to go backwards to go forwards – or sidewards. It doesn’t matter as long as you’re going somewhere!

Don’t worry, I’ve had a black eye before. It’s no big deal. In fact, Lachie told it really well, and everyone at the pub had a great laugh about how I was beaten up by a girl.

Thursday 16
th
January 2.22pm

—Hang Eleven Surf Shop—

Missed you today.

I’ve been thinking about the reasons that people are mean to other people.

Sometimes it’s because they want attention. Have you ever noticed how, if a parent is ignoring a little kid, they will do something naughty? Then the parent will stop what they’re doing and pay attention to the kid. It might be to yell at them, but the kid is happy, because they got what they wanted. Maybe that’s what happened to you? Someone wanted to distract you. Someone wanted to alter your course, if that makes sense.

Sometimes they are jealous. There is something intrinsic and natural to you that they can’t be, and it makes them mean and twisted and want to hurt you. I don’t know if you know this about yourself but you’re remarkable looking. I can’t think of anyone who has a face like yours. I can see how even some really pretty girls might feel ordinary next to you because your features are really interesting.

I don’t know. Maybe I have crossed a line, but I reckon if we gathered a group of random people and asked them what they thought, they would say the same thing, so you are, like, empirically interesting looking.

But the fact that you make pretty women feel ordinary doesn’t mean you should change you. Those people who feel ordinary are lost, and they need to find what
their
thing is – the thing that lights them up inside and makes them glow.

Sometimes it’s because they are bored. They don’t have enough imagination or talent to create something positive, so they hurt someone else.

But none of those reasons have anything to do with you at all. Do you get what I’m saying?

I want you to come surfing again, not because you’re proving something to the pusher, whoever that was, but because you did get a buzz out of it. You were grinning like an idiot. If you can find a passion for something, it takes you out of your own head, just for a little while, and you’re living moment to moment, just being, and that’s a good thing on its own, don’t you reckon?

Even the primal flailing thing, if you think about it, is really living in a way those tourists floating in the pool on their lilos are never going to understand.

Saturday 18th January 3.48pm

—near Waikiki Beach, HI—

It’s been three days in a row now, and I am a little bit sad that I won’t get to see you again.

The truth is that I really enjoyed your company. You and your remarkableness.

When I’m holding on to you I can feel your heart rate and I know you are genuinely scared (and the assault was a bit of a give away), but you get in there and you make a joke and grit your teeth, and you get it done. I think you’re interesting, and I reckon I probably have things to learn from you too.

But if that’s what you’ve decided, I respect that too.

Can I just say good luck to you, and if you’re ever feeling low, and the waves keep coming, and you’re feeling overwhelmed, just breathe and wait, and let them roll by, because your wave will come along.

Sunday 19
th
January 8.13pm

—Waikiki Yacht Club —

Hi. Thanks for the nice comments. About my face and features and whatever. I don’t really see myself that way. But it’s nice to know other people might look at me and see something more interesting and remarkable than I see. I look in the mirror and see a surprised owl at best. Mostly, I just see regular Amelia. 

I’m sorry I’ve been hiding out. Putting all of that down was jarring.

But hey, it’s not all doom and gloom! Even though I haven’t been in the water, I’m happy to report that I’ve been working on my fitness!
I started the dancing thing like you suggested and it turned out to be a surprising bit of fun. Last week, I was really plugging away at my “plyometrics.” Doing some real bopping, popping, explosive moves but then I turned around and the cleaning lady, Konani, was standing there. She was staring at me like I was possibly having a seizure and might be in need of medical assistance. She dropped a stack of towels and covered her mouth and started laughing when she saw my earbuds and realized what I was doing. “Oh, you’re
dannnncing
?” she said. Then she pulled me in front of the mirror and showed me some hula steps. “Ami,” which is the basic hip circle and then variations of it. Talk about strengthening the core, sheesh!

I know it was only a few hours we spent together and most of the time I was in panic mode but I like to think you’re right about me, too. I AM interesting and could teach you a thing or two about a thing or two. Maybe I could just come down to the beach and watch and say hi at your break or whatever. I like walking at the edge and letting the foam tickle my feet. I could bring you a sack lunch. I know lots of ways to make canned meat interesting. LOL.

And maybe, since I’ve pretty much spilled my guts and whole life history to you, you could tell me a little more about YOU? All I know so far is that you’re A.) Australian, B.) an extremely fit surf instructor, and C.) have a jerk bestie name Lachlan who likes to regale pub crowds with tales of other people’s misfortune.

Okay, let me know.

Wednesday 22
nd
January 5.16pm

—Foodland
—

I saw you today. You came up to North Shore? I’m sure it was you. Did you see me waving? I guess we probably all look the same from that distance. Slick seals out there.

Big waves today. Awesome fun. See you next week for a lesson maybe??

(Did you see the old dude that walked passed with the big long board? He’s kind of a legend around here. He’s, like, sixty-eight or something.)

Wednesday 22
nd
January 5.17pm

—Chanel Boutique at Ala Moana Shopping Center—

I didn’t see you, no. Probably would have helped if I looked up from my book from time to time. But for sure, you’re like a colony of seals out there. (Is it a colony or a pod? *Googling.* Pod, herd, or rookery. If they’re breeding...a
harem
. Ha!)   

But the old guy stands out. I know exactly who you’re talking about. People were genuflecting when he walked by, I swear. 

Friday 31
st
January 12.05am

—Blue Volcano Tavern—

OK I want to try something new. Remember how we did the thing where you put your feet on my feet and I walked you in the water? That was really funny, and we got you all the way up to your waist before you got all fluttery like a trapped sparrow.

I think we could do something like that with getting your head under.

It might not make you comfortable, but I reckon we could try it.

So what if we stood side-on to the wave, and I totally grabbed your noggin and pressed your forehead to my forehead and we just let the wave wash over us, and you have to stand really still. Reckon we could try that?

It would only be for maybe three seconds. The worst thing that will happen is that you’ll get an ear full of water. I promise.

Friday 31
st
January 7.18am

—Waikiki Yacht Club—

I can’t picture it as anything other than terrifying but if you think it is something that will work then…agh…okay. (I hoped you weren’t going to mention that walking thing. I felt like a two-year-old. Blah!)