All I Have Left (30 page)

The truck shook as Shane moved around, his feet near my head.

“This is because of you, Grayson!” Shane yelled, standing on the truck bed and swung the bat shattering the back window in his truck. Glass sprayed over me, in my eyes, over my body, grating against my raw skin.

When Lance was done, Shane jumped down from the bed of the truck and over to Grayson, the bat in his hand. He stared at him for a long moment, longer than I would have expected him to before he smiled at him.

“Fuck you, soldier boy. You couldn’t fucking save her or yourself!” Shane spit and then swung the bat.

The sound it made when it connected with Grayson’s temple was one I will never forget. It was a bone chilling sound, a heart stopping and life ending.

The stillness that followed consumed me. A bitter cold, lightless, future played out without him.

I don’t remember them leaving. I don’t. I remember dying inside. That’s what is felt like when I saw Grayson fall face first into the dirt, blood pouring from the side of his head.

I somehow made my way over to him. My knees gave out again and I collapsed next to him. My arms and legs felt too weak to support me, and they don’t, they can’t.

There was blood everywhere. I couldn’t…I sobbed into his chest, crying so hard, so loud, his head fell back in the gravel, blood pouring from the gash on the side of his head. I held him, it was all I could do.

Grayson came around, mumbled something, and then vomited. I turned him to the side, trying to help, but then he went limp in my arms, his body completely still.

“Baby, it’s okay,” I said, pressing my lips to face. “Please stay with me…” I rocked him back and forth, telling him this, over and over again. “I love you…I love you…”

I kissed his hands, his bloody face and lips, told him I loved him as much as I could. If this was the end, he needed to know. If by chance he was still alive, those were the last words I wanted him to hear, all he had left to hear.

I’ve lost all I have. My hands and fingers felt numb, my body and mind dazed at what to do next. I was at an impasse and just stayed with him, a moment frozen in a corner of hell.

It’s hard to describe the pain you feel when you lose everything you love.

I’m being burned alive. I felt my skin melting and peeling, dying. My chest was ripped open, bare, bloody, my heart for the taking.

I looked at him intently. I could have burned a hole through him.

They’re lucky. He’s fucking lucky. I’m going to kill all them with my bare hands. No way will they walk away. I wasn’t going to let them touch her.

But they did. He did. And she was screaming. It’s a horror I will never forget. A nightmare I’ll never walk away from.

“I will kill you. I will!” I cried, my throat raw with protests. “I will!”

I could see Evie, horrified and shaking, her screams were silent now, but I felt them. The sound cut deep and I tasted its blood, its fear, its fucking sadness.

My eyes closed, I breathed but the breaths hurt, a bitter cold taking over. I don’t want to feel anymore. I can’t. I don’t feel anything. But then, with a blink, I felt everything.

I’m detached, like maybe I was dreaming but I wasn’t. It’s so fucking real that I’ll never wake-up. I’ve been here. I know this. It doesn’t end with me walking away this time. It never did. From the beginning, to the end, this was how it would end. If anything could destroy me, it’s her and this.

I prayed for darkness and it finally came. I saw the bat, my bat, the one I hit seventy-eight home runs with my senior year. The first bat I ever swung.

It was slow motion when he swung, and as it was mid-air, I closed my eyes, my last vision of Evie, being raped, screaming for me to make them stop.

I thought maybe I was dreaming. I heard things, people talking but it’s not a conversation, it’s words I’ve heard before, different voices, different days. I felt unbearable sickening pain, my heart being ripped out. It’s on the ground before me and I’m staring at it in the dirt.

…

“Grayson, let’s just tell them anything. Even if it’s a lie. Then they’ll let us go.”

…

“I love you…”

…

“Are you sure?”

…

“I want new memories…”

…

“Tell Kate and Kellen I love them…”

…

“This is enough right here. Don’t let go.”

…

“Fuck you, soldier boy. You couldn’t fucking save her or yourself!”

…

It’s amazing to me the strength, the physical power you could have when adrenaline takes over. I could barely walk the distance to get to him after those bastards left but somehow, some way, I knew it was our only option.

I dragged Grayson to his truck, a path of blood followed, but I couldn’t get him inside.

I didn’t have time to wait so I ran to back to the road, covered in both our blood, and flagged down a truck driver.

Once the helicopter landed in the middle of the road, I was rushed to the hospital with Grayson, my own injuries making themselves known.

Everyone wants your story. They want to know what happened in the face of a tragedy.

“Ma’am, are you okay? Are you hurt?” There was a paramedic in a white shirt asking me questions as he helped me inside the helicopter.

“What happened to him?”

I tried to get it out. “He’s hurt…a bat…”

“A bat? What do you mean a bat?”

“Hit…his…head…” my shaking took over before I could get out anymore.

Voices were all around me, but all I have are the memories of a vicious attack. I couldn’t speak, I could barely breathe. All I cared about in this moment was Grayson…my Grayson.

Once inside the helicopter, Grayson came around for a moment. He lifted his head, his eyes dilated to the point you couldn’t see any color, only immeasurable depths of black surrounded by red.

Trying to focus, he blinked again, and then vomited again, it was all I could do to keep from passing out myself.

“How long has he been out?” they asked, but I couldn’t speak. I tried.

The paramedic looked at my dress, blood soaked and ripped, knowing.

“I don’t know…”

Grayson twisted, coming around, and then vomited again, all over the paramedic, blood flowing from his nose and mouth. He slumped to the side, his body still again.

I wanted to die when his heart stopped.

I think I did. That incessant hum of the heart monitor telling me I was losing…losing the battle between good and evil, losing my heart, piece by broken piece. It couldn’t end this way, it just fucking couldn’t. We’d been separated for too long for the selfishness of a select few to take away what we had. They just fucking couldn’t win.

They air-lifted Grayson to Birmingham and it took another four hours before any of our family arrived.

Four hours where I was utterly alone, in a hospital bed unable to process how this day had turned into our worst nightmares, all the while thinking he was gone. They intubated him on the way to the hospital and performed CPR. I sat crammed against the side of the helicopter, crying and rocking myself back and forth, the shock consuming me.

They admitted me and got me hooked up to an IV of antibiotics and medication. Luckily it allowed me to sleep and escape the nightmare.

I wasn’t able to sleep for long before I received test after test, confirming the fact that I had been raped. Something I knew already but voicing the cruel and life altering word was more than I could fathom. Such a simple four-letter word that held so much pain, so much heartache, and took everything I had left.

Raped…

I couldn’t sleep, I just needed to know if Grayson was okay and no one had any answers since he was still in surgery early Monday morning.

My mom arrived first, and immediately crawled in my bed with me, everyone else stayed away or sat in the waiting room. I didn’t mind.

Sometimes you need your mommy. Right then, I fucking needed her. I turned to face her, my head and hers rested on the pillow.

We spoke with that look, but nothing was said.

When we did speak, it was low and slow.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

My chin shook. “I’ll never be okay.”

Her hand rose sweeping my hair from my face. “With time, you will be. It won’t be easy but it doesn’t last forever.” My mom sounded like the voice of experience…I held onto that hope that one day the vicious attack I’d endured wouldn’t occupy my every waking moment.