All I Need Is You (19 page)

“Do you want some of mine?” Eli held out a small piece of chicken on his fork. To Kay’s surprise, Hope immediately leaned forward.
 

“Careful,” Eli crooned. He allowed Hope to take the bite and then pulled back. “It’s just a small piece. That’s okay, right?”

Kay nodded. “I’m just surprised she took it. I always have to trick her into eating when she’s cranky like this.”

“I think it’s just the novelty of having me feed her. Here, let me try.” He held out his arms and Kay allowed Hope to crawl into his lap. He grinned down at the baby and fed her tiny pieces from his plate. Hope stared up at him the entire time, seemingly fascinated.
 

“Whoa, what is she doing?” Eli struggled to keep a grip on the baby as she squirmed in his arms. Finally, she turned over and then stood up, her tiny feet balancing on his thighs. She slapped two hands on his bald head and squealed. Delighted with this new toy, she patted his head again and then tried to move his head backward and forward.

Kay giggled along with her daughter. “I think she’s fascinated with your head.”

“I never thought I’d hear that from a woman.” A rare smile crossed Eli’s face and his deep chuckle rumbled through the room, the sound causing a bubble of joy to escape her own mouth.
 

How beautiful a sound to hear him laugh. It was the kind of thing dreams were made of, to have her daughter and the man she loved laughing and happy.
 

And she did love him
, she thought. No matter what he told her, it wouldn’t take away that obvious truth.
 

She loved his gentle heart, his tender way with her daughter, his firm refusal to allow anyone to put her down including herself. In that moment, Kay knew for certain that nothing he could tell her would change that.
 

They worked together, cleaning the table and the kitchen. By tacit unspoken agreement, neither brought up the conversation they knew was coming. It was like a last moment of calm before the storm. She just wanted to enjoy it. Because even though she knew it wouldn’t change her feelings, there was no denying that whatever he’d done might impact their future. It was impossible not to speculate on what it could be. What if he was a drug addict? What if he’d killed people?
 

Kay bathed Hope in the hall bathroom and then rocked her until she fell asleep. She kissed the baby on her soft, fragrant cheek and then placed her carefully in the playpen. For a moment, she watched her sleep, her tiny features so peaceful. Peace was hard to come by lately.
 

When she left the room and emerged into the living room, Eli had dimmed the lights and a fire crackled cheerfully in the hearth. The flames threw soft light and shadows across the room.
 

Kay sat on the edge of the couch and waited. She heard Eli before she saw him. He entered the room from the kitchen and sat on the other end of the couch. It dipped under his weight, bouncing Kay slightly.

“I had just finished college when I met him,” Eli said.
 

Kay turned her head at his statement. She was afraid to move or breathe wrong for fear that he’d stop. So she said nothing and just waited.
 

“I was only twenty-two. Only a little older than you are now. Thought I knew everything.” He chuckled but she could tell he wasn’t at all amused. There was a wealth of pain in the sound.

“His name was Justice. Or at least that’s the name he went by then. There was nothing exceptional about him at first glance. He could have been anyone. He could blend into any crowd, fit in with any group. It wasn’t until later that I learned it was a skill he’d learned and developed over the years. A skill that I would learn and develop as well.”

He was quiet for a time, gazing into the fire and twisting his hands in his lap. There was just the soft crackle of the flames and the creak of his knuckles as he clenched and released his fingers.

“The first time I went with him on a mission, it was to break into a local gang’s hideout. They were into running just about anything you could think of. Drugs, booze, women. If they could make money from it, they were doing it. Our job was to get the girls out. To set them free. And we did. Or at least I thought we did.”

He turned to look at her and Kay shivered. There was nothing of the man she knew in that gaze. He looked like he was a million miles away, reliving whatever it was he saw in his head. And whatever he saw was bleak.

“We did this many times,” he finally continued. “Breaking into criminals’ homes and places of business. Taking their money and destroying their stashes of drugs and weapons. We were like modern-day Robin Hoods, stealing from the rich to help the poor. It was a powerful feeling.”

Despite his strong words, Kay could sense his fear and his shame. He glanced over at her then, and she leaned forward, worried that he’d stop talking.

“What happened then?”

“It was about six months after I’d joined the group that I discovered the truth. We were living in this hovel on the south side of D.C. I hadn’t seen anyone in my family during that entire time. The group discourages you from staying in contact with anyone you knew before. The Circle becomes your family. You live together, work together, and play together. It was hard, but we were doing important work. The police couldn’t help people the way we did. We weren’t bound by the rules of law. If a woman got beat up by her pimp, what was she going to do, call the cops? She’d end up getting arrested. But we could help. I regret a lot of things from back then, but not that. Beating the hell out of any man who puts his hands on a woman is something I’ll never feel guilty about.”

Kay agreed. She wrapped her arms around her middle. He looked so fierce while he was telling his story, but this was the side of Eli she was used to. The protector. The one who took care of her and would never let her come to harm.
 

“You shouldn’t. It sounds like you were just trying to protect people.”

He cringed and ran his hands over his head. “Yeah, I’m making us out to be real heroes. See, the thing is while we were playing Robin Hood, we had no idea what was going on behind the scenes. The girls we liberated? They were simply sold to someone else. The drugs we stole? They weren’t destroyed the way I thought. That was how the group leaders made enough money to fund our activities. I thought I was taking from criminals but I was
working
for criminals. I was a foot soldier in a war that I wasn’t even aware of. When I think of the girls I delivered to them…”
 

His voice broke and he pressed his palms over his eyes. He turned in the opposite direction and wouldn’t look at her for a minute. Tears welled in Kay’s own eyes, but she dashed them away with the back of her hand, afraid that if he saw them he’d interpret it as horror at what he’d been a part of.

Or worse.
Pity.
 

He cleared his throat and glanced at her before continuing. “We were busted by the FBI and I was picked up in the raid. Most of the guys I’d lived with and trained with were killed fighting back. I was captured alive and held for weeks while they tried to ferret out the head of the group. Once they realized they’d captured a lower-level member, I was able to cut a deal. In exchange for telling them everything I knew and cooperating with their investigation, I was able to avoid jail. I’m still helping them to this day. It feels like I’m still under investigation sometimes.”

“That sounds miserable. Isn’t there a time limit that you can be held accountable?”

“There is no statute of limitations on domestic terrorism charges,” Eli stated.

“Oh, I see.”

“Do you?” Eli got up and then knelt on the floor in front of her. “My life isn’t my own. I work and I sleep. I spend each and every day trying to make up for the consequences of a decision I made almost a decade ago.”

She squeezed his hands. “It sounds like you’ve done everything you could.”

“No matter how much I’ve done, it’ll never be enough.”

KAY SAT QUIETLY, watching him with her big innocent eyes. It was a killer to have to be this close to her and not touch her. But he didn’t want to scare her or make her feel uncomfortable, especially now that she knew everything.
 

“You can ask questions if you want to,” he offered. It would probably be easier to get it all out at once.

“What happened to Justice?” She reached over and grabbed his hand. “Did he survive?”

“Yeah. He was picked up by the FBI and held for questioning, too. I ask about him sometimes. Check on him.” Even though he had to do it discreetly. One of the major provisions of his release was having no further contact with anyone in the organization. If Agent Harris ever found out about it, he’d probably assume that Eli was still a member and ferrying information back and forth.

“I’m not surprised. Even though he got you into something horrible, you still thought of him as a friend.”

“Yeah, I did. Stupid, but I did. He wasn’t cooperative with the authorities, so he ended up serving jail time. He won’t get out until next year.” He squeezed her hand, stunned that she still wanted to be close to him.

“What about your family? You said you left them behind.”

“My parents thought I was traveling. To this day, they have no idea what happened to me during that ‘lost’ year. I never told my brothers either. They all probably think I had some kind of breakdown.”

“That’s not what I meant. I was asking
how
you could leave them. What could have possibly happened to make you want to leave your family behind?”

“You’re the first person to ever ask me that. The only one who could see inside me and figure out that there was more to the story.”

Kay smiled and put a warm palm on his cheek. “I’ve seen you with your family. You adore them. Especially your mom.”

“Yes. I do.” Eli’s throat tightened. Images of his mom, frightened and hurt, flashed through his mind. “I saw something happen to my mom… Has Jackson ever mentioned our cousins? The ones that live on the west side of New Haven?”

“I’ve met a few. The tall, handsome one that’s a doctor was at the Memorial Day party.”

Eli gritted his teeth. “Handsome, huh?”

Kay bit her lip and grinned at him. He could tell she was trying to defuse the tension in the room. “Well, you Alexanders are known for having pretty good genetics.”

Eli grunted. “Yeah, yeah. Anyway, we all grew up together. Uncle Stewart is the oldest. My father was the second child, then Aunt Maria, and last is Uncle Gordon. He’s the drifter. Every five years or so, he’ll blow through town and then back out again just as fast.”

“If your father was the second son, why did he inherit the farm?”

Eli raised his eyebrows. “Your guess is as good as mine. Apparently Uncle Stewart felt the same way because they haven’t gotten along since. However, for the sake of us kids, they always tried to keep their feud as civil as possible. We played together on the weekends. Grant was as much of a tool then as he appears to be now.”

Kay slid forward until she was perched on the end of the couch. Her breath fanned across his cheek when she exhaled. “So you used to spend time together. What changed?”

“My parents don’t speak of it. I just know what I saw. Uncle Stewart kissing my mom.”

Kay’s hands tightened around his. “No! Your mother wouldn’t do that.”

“It wasn’t her choice, believe me. She slapped him so hard it left a handprint on his face. I was only seventeen when it happened, but I ran up and fought him off. My mom was crying. I wasn’t strong enough to fight him the way I wanted to back then, but I was like a beast possessed. My dad came in then and once I blurted out what happened, he punched my uncle in the face. That was the last time our families got together.”

“I am so sorry,” she whispered.

“She wouldn’t press charges. I couldn’t understand it. I pleaded with her and my dad, but they wouldn’t do it.” He covered his mouth with his hand. He needed to stop talking. Some of the secrets he was telling weren’t his to share. But now that the dam was open, it was like a gaping hole that he couldn’t cover. Everything came spilling out, and he couldn’t hold it back. “It broke something in me, knowing that he could do that to her and get away with it.”

Eli was startled when Kay pulled him closer and pressed a soft kiss to his forehead. “No wonder you feel so strongly about standing up for women. Because of what happened to your mom.”

“All I could think about for months afterward was what if I hadn’t heard them? What if I hadn’t been near the barn that day? He could have—”

“Don’t even think about it.” Kay caressed his face. “You were there and that’s all that matters. Just like you were trying to do the right thing when you joined that group.”

Eli blinked a few times. “Apparently you haven’t heard a word I’ve said. We were criminals, Kay. We stole and hurt people. The women we saved from the gangs ended up being sold into prostitution somewhere else. We were monsters.”

“Did you know ahead of time that this group was doing bad things?”

Eli sighed. “No, I didn’t, but that’s not the point.”