All I Want For Christmas (5 page)

“No.” Maggie giggled.

“Want to try it with me?”

“Yes!” Clapping her hands she jumped up and down.

“Come on, then.” Tina moved back ten feet, Maggie following.

“We're going to run toward the pile. Just before we reach it, we'll jump in.” Feeling silly, but ridiculously happy, she took hold of Maggie's hand. The tiny fingers held hers tightly, and a sweet feeling warmed her. “Ready?”

“Set, go!”

Laughing, they ran for the leaf pile. Just before they reached it, Tina let go of her hand. Giggling, the little girl jumped in, Tina right behind her.

They came up sputtering and laughing and covered with leaves.

“That was fun!” Maggie said. “Can we do it again?”

Tina glanced up to find Ryan watching them.

“Maggie helped me rake leaves.” She looked at the mess they'd made and laughed. “Looks like I'll be raking them all over again.”

His stern expression was not what she expected.

“Time for a rest, Sunshine,” he said, all brusque and hard-faced.

Tina frowned. “If I've somehow offended…”

“Later.” He jerked his chin toward Maggie. “Let's go home.”

“Tonight, then,” Tina said.

“We can't make it, after all.”

“But you said we could come.” The joy drained from Maggie's expression. “I'm sorry, Daddy.” Her face crumpled.

Not at all happy at this turn of events, Tina placed her hand on the child's narrow shoulder and stared Ryan in the eyes. “Your daddy's way off base, sweetie. You were a big help to me. You didn't do anything wrong. If anyone's at fault here, it's me for not sending you home.”

Ryan actually grimaced. His eyes revealed uncertainty and confusion. “Tina's right. You did fine.” He shook his head, as if to clear it. “All right, we'll come to dinner.”

Maggie sniffled and nodded.

“Will you wait for me in the front yard?”

“'Kay.”

He didn't speak again until his daughter rounded the corner. Then he gestured Tina closer. “We need to talk,” he said.

W
ITH HIS DAUGHTER
in the front yard, this wasn't the ideal time to say what needed to be said, but that didn't matter. Ryan's job was to protect Maggie, and he would set Tina straight.

“Why are you so upset?” she asked, her arms hugging her waist.

Fresh air, laughter and irritation with him had put a pink blush on her cheeks. Several leaves clung to her hair and her coat.

Resisting the urge to brush them away, Ryan stuffed his hands into his jacket pockets and tried to explain. “Maggie's been disappointed a lot.”

“All we did was rake leaves and have fun. She needs to laugh, Ryan.”

As if he didn't know that. “But she doesn't need to get hurt.”

Two tiny lines appeared between Tina's eyebrows. “I'd never hurt her.”

She stared straight into his eyes. Hers were big and blue-gray, with sooty lashes—beyond beautiful. For a moment, Ryan lost himself in them. From out of nowhere the urge to kiss her took hold of him, so strong it stunned him.

Her pupils enlarged and he knew she, too, felt something. At the same time, they backed away from each other.

“If she gets too attached to you, she will,” he said in a gruff voice.

“Will…?” She looked confused, as if she'd forgotten what they were talking about.

“Get hurt.”

Tina nodded. “Don't worry. She knows I'm only here through Thanksgiving. We talked about it.”

“That doesn't mean she won't be upset when you go.” Leaving him to pick up the pieces. No, he would not allow his daughter to suffer.

“But I'll be back at Christmas.”

Which was more than he could say for any of the other females in Maggie's life. Ryan let out a cynical laugh. “That's something, I guess.”

“May I ask you a question?”

Ryan shrugged. “Shoot.”

“I know about your wife. But what happened with your fiancée and the nanny?”

“You heard about that, did you?”

There weren't many secrets in a small town, but Ryan was clueless as to how she'd found out something he rarely mentioned. He didn't want to explain, but she'd asked…

“Christy—my ex-fiancée—decided she'd rather take a job promotion and move to Texas than get married. Mrs. Miumi—that's the nanny—has a daughter with a drug problem. She moved to Virginia to raise her grandson. She'd been with us since Maggie was a few weeks old.”

Either Tina looked relieved by this information, or Ryan was blind.
Why
was anybody's guess.

“I'm so sorry.” She laid her hand on his forearm.

Even through his denim sleeve he felt her warmth. It burned into him. “I don't want your pity,” he said, removing her hand. “I just want to protect my daughter.”

“And she wants to protect you.”

Uncertain he'd heard right, he squinted. “What's that supposed to mean?”

“Maggie feels responsible for your happiness. At least, that's what she said.”

This shocked him. And cut deep. Ryan swore. “What the hell am I supposed to do about that?”

“Well, you…” Tina glanced past him. Her eyes widened. “Hello, Maggie.”

How much had she heard? Ryan spun toward her, his gaze combing her face. “What is it, Sunshine?”

“I'm tired of waiting, Daddy.”

He saw no sign that she'd heard or understood. Relief poured through him. It was time to take his daughter home. Even if this conversation with Tina wasn't over.

“Why don't we talk more tonight?” she said.

He nodded. “Tonight.”

After a not-so-relaxed dinner, Ryan helped Tina clean up the kitchen. They didn't talk much, which was okay by him and not all that different from their meal.

Tina had tried to keep the conversation going, when she wasn't casting anxious glances at G. G. The older woman looked as if she'd aged a decade, her face gray and taut, and her occasional comments clipped. Good thing his daughter liked to talk, because without her constant chatter things would've been downright uncomfortable.

Ryan had been no help, his mind focused on finishing the afternoon's conversation with Tina. There were other things on his mind, too; things that had nothing to do with talking.

Like it or not—and he did not—he was intensely attracted to Tina Morrell. He sensed that she felt something for him, too, which made his feelings that much more dangerous. But tonight wasn't about him and his inconvenient sexual desire. He was here for two reasons—because Maggie had begged and because he needed Tina's help and advice. Period.

He shook the placemats over the garbage can. Aside from that, he was extremely worried about G. G. “G. G. seems worse than she did a few days ago,” he said under his breath.

“I think so, too.”

Tina loaded the cutlery into the dishwasher, then cast an anxious glance over her shoulder, probably checking to make sure Maggie wasn't eavesdropping. But she and G. G. were in the living room, Maggie reading aloud from one of the
I Can Read!
books G. G. had saved from her teaching days.

“The pain isn't going away, but she won't let me contact her surgeon,” Tina murmured, her eyes dark and filled with shadows. “Or Dr. Dove, who's treated her for years. He's the one who recommended her surgery. Maybe I'll call him, anyway.”

“Can't hurt.”

Ryan scooped leftover casserole into a plastic container. He wished he could ease Tina's anxieties, but he'd never been good at comforting others. As he handed her the casserole dish, his gaze dropped to her lips.

For a moment he forgot what they were talking about. The urge to kiss her was just as powerful as it had been this afternoon. Too damn bad. He wiped his hands on his jeans and stepped back.

“Do you think I should call tonight?” Tina asked.

“Uh, sure.” Here they were, talking about G. G.' s pain and he was wondering whether Tina tasted as sweet as she looked.
Really nice, Chase.
Best leave now, and talk about Maggie later. But instead he said, “Want me to stick around while you call?”

“Would you?”

Her eyes lit up with gratitude, making him feel like a total dog for wanting her at a time like this. “I'll wash that dish,” he said. “You make the call.”

“Thanks. After I talk to the doctor, we'll finish our conversation about Maggie.”

While he scrubbed off the baked-on food, Tina dried her hands. She stole quietly to the door between the kitchen and dining room and peered out, checking on G. G. and Maggie. Maggie's voice floated toward them. Still reading, then. By the time Tina closed the door, the dish was clean.

Phone in hand, she gestured Ryan to sit down at the table, then she joined him. She'd reached an answering exchange, which connected her to the doctor. Ryan meant to concentrate on her words, but several times his attention strayed to her mouth. He tried not to kick her foot with his, but his legs were long and this was a small table. More than once their knees brushed. They were both wearing jeans and the contact never lasted more than a fraction of a second, yet the whole experience was erotic as hell. Damned if a certain part of him didn't wake right up. As if he were some hormone-crazed kid.

What was his problem?

Frowning, he scooted back, putting some distance between their legs. Tina shot him a surprised look before returning her attention to the phone. Proving that the under-the-table attraction thing was his problem alone. Man, he really needed to get laid.

“Thanks, I'll do that,” she said, hanging up. “Dr. Dove says some pain is normal, but G. G. might be trying to do too much. To be on the safe side, we scheduled an appointment for Monday morning. If she spikes a fever, though, I'm to call him back right away.”

“You want to take her temperature now?”

Tina shook her head. “I don't think she'll let me—especially while you're here.”

“Then we'll leave.” He started to stand.

“We should talk about Maggie first, while we can. She's bound to get tired of reading soon.”

Good point. Ryan sat down again.

“By the way, she invited me over on Monday, to meet her hamster.”

Tina in his house? Ryan wasn't sure about that, but Maggie had already invited her. “We're busy all day,” he said. “She goes to bed at eight. Could you come between dinner and then?”

Tina nodded. “I won't stay long.”

Time to get to the point. Ryan spoke his thoughts. “What you said this afternoon…It shook me. I'm responsible for Maggie's happiness, and not the other way around. At least that's how it's supposed to be. I wish I knew how she twisted that.”

“You'd be surprised at how often kids take on responsibility for things that have nothing to do with them,” Tina said, her huge blue eyes fixed on him. “I certainly did. Especially where my daddy was concerned.”

Every time Tina shared what had happened to her as a kid and how she'd felt, Ryan counted himself lucky. She'd been where Maggie was, and her insights were invaluable.

Arms on the table, he eyed her. “Did you ever tell your father?”

“I never said a word to anyone. Like Maggie, I simply assumed his happiness was up to me.”

In his mind Ryan pictured Tina as a kid, with all that responsibility. A burden no child should be saddled with. For sure, not Maggie. Hadn't she been through enough?

He'd screwed up again. At the painful realization, he groaned in frustration. “What a mess. How do I fix it?”

“It's not so difficult. Be happy, and Maggie will be, too. Once she sees that you're okay, she'll stop worrying about you and start enjoying her own life.”

“I
am
happy,” Ryan said, sounding gruff and defensive to his own ears.

“Maybe so,” Tina said, but she looked doubtful. “Apparently, though, you haven't convinced Maggie.”

Mad at himself, he swore. Tina reached across the table, started to draw back, and then changed her mind. As she had this afternoon, she touched his forearm, her gentle squeeze reassuring. Unlike this afternoon, however, this time he welcomed the contact. And when she drew back, he missed the warmth.

“How do I do that? I'm not a man who laughs much. I never have been.”

“Happiness is more than laughter, Ryan. It's waking up with energy and enthusiasm, enjoying time with friends and loving what you do in life. I learned that from living with G. G.”

“Yeah?” He eyed Tina. “From what I see, you're not happy, either.”

She bristled. “I am so!”

He didn't believe her, and he wanted to find out what had put the shadows in her eyes. More than concern over G. G.' s health, he guessed. But her problems were none of his business. Besides, this conversation was about Maggie.

“What else?” he asked.

She settled again in her seat. “Don't smother Maggie. Let her enjoy some activities without you, like playing with her friends.”

That stung. “As if I wouldn't. And I don't smother her.”

Though he did spend all his free time with her. That wasn't smothering, was it? Feeling like an inadequate father and unable to sit still, Ryan stood and began to pace the kitchen, which was too small for the long, rapid strides he was inclined to take. But he wasn't about to open the door for more space, because that might draw Maggie's and G. G.' s attention.

“She's too worried about you to make plans with her friends. If you had some of your own, that would help.”

“I do.” He kept in touch with several buddies in L. A.

Tina scooted her chair closer to the table so that he could bypass her. He brushed past, catching the smell of coconut—a breath of summer in late fall.

“Here on the island?”

“One or two.” Though at the moment he was hard-pressed to name them. Busy with Maggie, he hadn't made an effort beyond the neighbors. He reached the stove, pivoted and headed toward the back door.

“Do you ever invite them over or hang out with them? Or maybe go out on a date?”

Was she fishing, to find out if there was a woman in his life? He stopped pacing and leaned a shoulder against the back wall. “After what Maggie's been through, I don't date. My spare time belongs to her.”

“Aha.”

Ryan ran his hands through his hair. “I moved here so that we could spend more time together. You're telling me that's wrong?”

“Not at all. She's truly lucky to have your undivided attention. Just, maybe you could find a hobby? A way to spend some of your free time apart from her, in an adult activity you enjoy, so she doesn't continually feel obligated to entertain you?”

Between work and taking care of his daughter, there wasn't time for hobbies. Ryan didn't say so, figuring this was more proof that he was smothering his kid.
Well, hell.
He crossed his arms.

“I play golf, but not in this weather.” And not since moving here. “In the summer, I like to hike and fish. With Maggie.” He glared at Tina, who suddenly irritated him no end. “Are you saying I shouldn't take her with me?”

Her back stiffened and her eyes flashed—he'd irritated her, too. “Of course not. We're trying to think of something you can do with adult friends, something that doesn't involve her.”

With her head high and her lips compressed, she was more beautiful than ever. Ryan pushed away from the wall. “There is one adult activity I like a lot that has nothing to do with Maggie.”

Hardly aware of what he was doing, he started toward Tina.

“What's that?” Her eyes were wide and wary.

“This.”

Taking hold of her upper arms, he pulled her to her feet. And kissed her.

R
YAN WAS
kissing her! Caught completely off guard, Tina stood still and let him. Her head barely reached his shoulder, but his mouth was hard on her lips and his hands gripped her shoulders. His bright, angry eyes bored into hers.

Provoked and without an ounce of tenderness or passion—this was no way to be kissed. Tina placed her palms against his chest to push him away. He must've misinterpreted, though, for he growled, the sound vibrating through her. Then his arms wrapped tighter around her, his eyes closed and he gentled the kiss.

Warmth filled her. Her own eyelids drifted shut. Instead of breaking contact, she slid her hands up his solid chest, wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled closer.

The instant she sank against him, the kiss turned hot and demanding, Ryan lifting her so that their heads were nearly level.

She hadn't been kissed in a long while, and never like this. She opened her mouth for his seeking tongue and lost herself in his taste, his smell…his arousal.

The instant she noticed, her feet were on the ground again and Ryan was backing away.

“Don't know why I did that,” he said around a ragged breath. “I apologize.”

Dazed, nerves taut and humming, Tina wasn't sorry. Not by a long shot. She
was
confused, though. Hadn't Ryan just explained in no uncertain terms that Maggie was the only female in his life, period? That he didn't date?

Unless Tina was mistaken, those kisses said otherwise. “I don't understand,” she said.

“Like I told you, with everything that's happened to Maggie I can't afford to get involved.”

Apparently, she
was
mistaken. “Don't worry about me. With a career to worry about I'm way too busy for that, too.” Her fingers trembled as she fluffed her hair. “It was only a few kisses.”

A doozy of a few kisses. She touched her lips, which felt slightly swollen.

Ryan's eyes followed the movement, darkening with heat. “Glad you feel the same way.”

She didn't, though, not at all. His kisses had jolted her awake, as if she'd been asleep since her breakup. Her body was hungry, and her heart. But she wouldn't let herself think about her deep longing for a man's love.

“You probably should go home now.” Before she made a fool of herself by falling all over him.

She opened the door to the dining room. And heard Maggie, still reading to G. G.

Thank heavens.

“I appreciate the advice about Maggie,” Ryan said as they neared the living room. “If you need any help with G. G….”

What she needed were things Ryan didn't want to give and she couldn't afford to want. “I don't, thank you.”