All In: Playing to Win (Gambling With Love Book 5) (19 page)

Fuck
!

I jog down the steps and to my car with purpose. That son of a bitch! Jake would've seen Natalie at the photoshoot, and he must’ve ran his fucking mouth.

I sped to his house and am out of the car, banging on his front door a few minutes later, growing angrier by the second.

"Yo, Zack-"

"What the fuck did you say to her?" I ask him when I grab his shirt with both fists and slam his back against the foyer wall.

"What's your fucking problem?" he asks, trying to shove me backwards, but I'm bigger and so damn furious that I don't budge an inch.

"What did you say to Natalie?" I snarl, and recognition lights his eyes before he smirks.

"She tell you about me asking to fuck her? Is that why you're pissed? You deserve it you asshole!"

"I can't believe you! Why would you do that?"

"Why did you fuck Addison?" he snaps.

"I didn't! What does it matter about her anyway? I thought you hated each other."

"So you didn't fuck her that night you ate her out?" he asks with a furrowed brow.

"No. I couldn't. I was too fucked up over Natalie," I admit.       

"Hold up. You actually care about her or some shit? Well damn, why didn't you just say so?" he asks, like this is all my fault. Well, hell, I guess it is.

"What else did you say to her?" I ask.

"You fucking Addison may have come up. The whole fake girlfriend thing, too. She does know all about that, right?"

"Goddamn it!" I yell and let him go before I choke him to death with my bare hands. This isn't his fault. I should've told her. God knows I've had plenty of opportunities.

"Apparently not," he mutters, straightening his shirt

"No, she didn't know. I care about her. Fuck, I love her and now she's never going to forgive me for what I've done to her."

Every second I've spent with her she'll see as a lie, an act.

"Why didn't you tell her? How'd you get her to agree to it this long?" he asks.

"I asked her out, or more like bribed her to go out with me, in exchange for the calendar. I didn’t know I was going to end up falling for her."

"I don't know what to tell you, bro. Sounds like you're shit out of luck

Jake’s worthless with this sort of thing. I needed a woman to help me figure out how to undo this mess. Not a gold-digging whore but a decent, regular woman.

I didn't deserve her help but that doesn't stop me from pulling up to her townhouse a few hours later. I knock on the door, fully expecting Lacy to tell me to get lost, but I was desperate enough to try.

Her new man opens the door, which doesn't surprise me. I knew they lived together. It should bother me that we were together for an entire year and she wouldn't move in with me, but it doesn't.

Her new guy looks the same, brown hair, green eyes covered with glasses. Small. His eyebrows shoot up when he realizes it's me.

"Hey, is Lacy here? Sorry to just drop by."

"Lacy?" he calls out while still facing me.

"Yeah?" she answers from within the house.

"There's an NFL quarterback here to see you."  The guy doesn't seem all that upset to see me. His expression is more amused than anything else.

"Zack?" Lacy calls out a second before she appears. Her blonde hair is up in a messy bun, navy blue eyes wide in surprise, wearing a yellow cotton tee over her small baby bump and shorts. She looks beautiful as always, but she's never made my heart race or my gut clench like another blonde.

Actually, the two women look
a lot
alike, except...Lacy's eyes are blue and Natalie's are jade. Is that why I was attracted to Natalie after Lacy ended things? No. Natalie came
before
Lacy. Only briefly, but subconsciously maybe the similarities are why I'd wanted Lacy.

"What are you doing here?" Lacy asks, crossing her arms over her chest defensively.

"I've fucked up and I don’t know what to do. I need your help, even though I don't deserve it for all the shit I've done."

Her arms drop back to her sides and she looks at her new guy. He shrugs as if answering her unspoken question.

"Come on in, but Will's staying. Whatever you say you'll have to say it in front of him."

I nod my agreement and follow her through the foyer to the living room.

"How's everything?" I ask. "You know, um, with the baby and all?"

"Good. The baby is healthy. I'm right around twenty-two weeks now. We've decided not to find out the gender, but to ah, let it be a surprise."

Yeah, like the paternity. I really hope we don't all end up on Maury Povich. 

"So what's up?" Lacy asks, taking a seat on the cream sofa with Will sitting down beside her. I lower myself into the leather chair across from them. Right where I'd been sitting the day I found out I might be a father. Shit, one problem at a time.

"I…God I'm an asshole." I scrub my hands over my face trying to figure out where to begin.

"Tell me something I don't know," Lacy responds dryly. Fair enough.

"All right, I guess I should start at the beginning. You know I got into some trouble a few months ago because of my…extracurricular activities…" "

"Fucking every female you meet, and in particular the sluts on the plane?"

"They've since made a porno about you with that exact title," her boyfriend intercedes excitedly. "One of the lines they actually use is, 'I have had it with these motherfucking sluts on this motherfucking plane!'"

"I'm not going to even ask how you know that." Lacy smiles and rolls her eyes at her significant other. "Continue," she instructs me.

"Well, yeah, pretty much all the sluts in the press landed me in hot water. And then I got into a big mess with a gold-digging whore. The team agreed to bail me out and keep it buried, but the owner was pissed and ready to can me. He threatened to share my dirty laundry with the league if I got out of line again, to make sure no other team would even try to pick me up. He said that if I wanted to stay on his team I had to find a girlfriend. A real woman who was good and decent, not slutty like the women I'd been seen out in public with. I had less than a week to get her in front of the media, and the deadline was that Sunday's game."

I shake my head and take a deep breath before going on. "I met Natalie just a few hours later. She's…amazing. She works for the breast cancer foundation and was at the stadium getting merchandise signed for their fundraiser auction. I asked her out and she turned me down."

"I like her already," Lacy teases with a smile.

"Yeah, well, I was persistent. I offered her a calendar of half-naked football players to raise money for her organization if she'd go out with me a few times. So she agreed of course to help out her cause. After spending some time with her I realized she was a cheerleader at Carolina while I was there. We even kissed at the end of one of the games after I knocked her down. But I was an idiot and never asked her out. I couldn't believe my luck. Suddenly there she was, back in my life, and I fell for her. Hard. I didn't know when we started dating that she'd survived breast cancer a few years ago. When I found out it scared the shit out of me."

"You actually care about her," Lacy stats the obvious.

"Yeah, I do."

"And you didn't tell her the truth? About the owner's requirement and that you were using her to keep your job?" Lacy asks.

I shake my head. "She found out from Jake, who's in the same boat. He was trying to get back at me for screwing around with his girl. Natalie's never going to forgive me."

"Well, not only did you use her, but you used her life threatening illness to spin some good PR for yourself," she correctly observes.

"I know that's how it looks to her, and sounds when I explain it to you, but that's not what I was doing. I didn't even know about what she'd been through. But the damage is done and I don't know how to fix it."

Lacy sighs and lean back against the couch with a hand resting naturally on the top of her baby bump. "Do you love her?"

"Yes."

"More than football?" she asks skeptically with a raised eyebrow.

"What the hell? Of course I love her more than a fucking sport. Do you love your job more than him?" I ask incredulously, waving a hand at the man beside her.

"No. It's just a job. There are plenty of them and only one of him. Just like there's only one Natalie for you. It seems like you've got to prove that to her, so she'll know she's more than a pawn used by you to keep your contract."

"So you're saying the only way to get her back is to give up football?"

"Whoa now!" Will speaks up for the first time in several minutes. "Let's not urge him to make any rash decisions. Alex Marshall sucks. The Wildcats' season would be over."

Lacy slaps his shoulder playfully. "I tried to convince him to give up his loyalty to the Wildcats and become a Giants fan, but he refuses to budge. Anyways, would you rather have her or a Super Bowl ring?"

"It'd be nice to have both, but if I had to choose between winning the Super Bowl or winning Natalie, I'd choose her every damn time, without hesitation."

"Well then, there you go. Problem solved," Lacy says with a smile.

"What if I give up football and she still won't forgive me?"

"That's a chance you have to be willing to take."

I nod in acceptance but then I have a thought. "Would you be willing to talk to her for me? You see through my bullshit just like she does, so you might be able to convince her. I need her to know that I didn't mean to hurt her."

"I guess I could try."

"Will you take him with you?" I ask, nodding to Will. "I don't want her to wonder if there's anything still going on with us. I told her I might be the baby's father."

Lacy shrugs. "If he wants."

"Hell if it'll possibly save the season I'm all in," Will answers with a smile. 

"Thanks. I appreciate it. I guess I'll go talk to Jerry in the morning," I say as I stand up and start for the door. "I'll text you her address."

"Okay. I really do hope it all works out for you, Zack," Lacy says, and she actually gives me a hug before I turn to walk down the sidewalk.

"Me, too. Thanks, Lacy."

"I'm sorry about what I said," she tells me before I make it down the front steps. "About not wanting the baby to be yours."

"Oh." I wasn't sure what to say to that. Of course I knew she wanted the baby to be Will's, but the way she'd said it that day... it was like she was saying she didn't want to have to deal with sharing a baby with a pain in the ass like me. "It's okay, I get it. I was a jerk, and I'm sorry about how I acted. You know, that day you told us you were pregnant? I didn't want to be a father. I didn't think I wanted it to be mine, but now...I'm trying to be the man I need to be either way."

Even if Lacy's baby isn't mine, I want to have kids someday, hopefully with Natalie, and do right by them.

"She's moving if you want to feel her," Lacy says.

"She? You mean...the baby? It's a girl and she-she's..." I stutter in shock.

Lacy presses her fingertips to the bottom half of her bump and smiles. "I think she's a girl, Will thinks she's a boy. I just don't want to call him or her ‘it.’ So do you want to feel? If so, you better hurry because it might be a while before she does it again."

I hesitate for a second but then I just have to know. I head back up the porch and place my palm over Lacy's belly.

"Right here," she says, moving my hand lower and pressing down harder than I would have. And then I feel it, a soft nudge or poke. A few seconds later it happens again.

"Holy shit, that's...that's the baby." An actual baby moving and growing inside of her that might be...

"Yeah. It's pretty amazing, huh?" Lacy looks up and asks with a knowing smile.

"Like nothing I've ever imagined," I tell her. "Thanks for letting me feel her, even if she's not mine."

Natalie

I feel sick as I watch one of the Hollywood news channels, and almost upchuck the
Ben & Jerry's
I had for breakfast. There's breaking news, photos of Zack, hugging his ex last night. His
pregnant
ex-girlfriend that he's seen affectionately touching her bump. Wow. I didn’t think he was over her, but that just goes to show he doesn't care about me at all. It was all just a big fat lie, so he could keep his job, and oh yeah, he fucked me a few times on the side since he apparently couldn't be with anyone else.

After Rachel calls my phone three times in a row I finally decide to answer it in case something’s wrong.

“Hello?”

“I can’t believe what your sexy ass boyfriend did!” she exclaims.

“Yeah, well I’m not that surprised,” I exhale. “I just feel so stupid for thinking he actually cared about me.”

“Ah, what the heck are you talking about, Nat?” Rachel asks.

“The bastard was just using me to keep his contract. It was all a lie,” I confess on a sniffle as more tears escape.

“Natalie I don’t know what Kool-Aid you’ve been drinking, but a man that donates a quarter million dollars honoring
you
probably deserves a little more gratitude than that.”

“A quarter what?” I ask obviously having delusions of grandeur now.

“This morning we received an ‘anonymous’ donation by wire transfer for two hundred and fifty
thousand
dollars in your honor. Now who the hell else could it possibly be?”

“But…it could’ve been someone else…” I say, even though I can’t think of another soul that knows me and has that much money.  Maybe this was Zack’s attempt to try and buy me off so I’ll keep up the lie. Never going to happen. Oh, but we need that money. That’s over two thousand free mammograms!

Before I can ponder why Zack would do this, there's a soft knock on my door. I ignore it, but a few seconds later there’s another. Ugh.

“Hey Rach, I’ve got to go. Someone’s here.”

“Maybe it’s an incredibly hot quarterback!” she says before we say goodbye.

If so I probably still won’t answer it. Probably.

I reluctantly drag my unclean, rough looking ass over to check the peephole. I'm not expecting to see a pretty blonde woman standing there with a young brown-haired guy. Hold on, she looks familiar. Sort of like me but a lot like Zack's ex-girlfriend. What could she possibly want? To rub it in that he'd gone back to her? The two didn't seem to be moving, so I turn the lock and jerk the door open to get it over with. The man and woman both give me sad, pity-filled smiles.

"Natalie?" the blonde woman asks hesitantly.

"Uh-huh."

"Hi, I'm Lacy and this is my boyfriend, Will."

Boyfriend? Did he know she's seeing Zack on the side?

"Zack asked us to come talk to you. Can we come in for a minute?" she asks

"The Wildcats' season is at stake here," the guy says with a grin.

My sadness instantly falls away and my anger resurfaces. "I refuse to pretend to be his girlfriend! I don't care if the jerk loses his freaking contract!"

"No, no, no. I didn't mean to imply that," the guy says, holding his hands up in surrender.

"Zack loves you," Lacy says.

"What? He loves me? Are you out of your mind? He was using me!"

"Honestly, I was just as surprised as you. We were together for a year and he never cared about me the way he already cares about you," she says. "I mean look at us. We could be sisters, except your eyes are green, right? He met you first and obviously that's the only reason he dated me."

"I'm sorry, but you lost me," I say, rubbing my aching temple.

"Can we come in, so I can try to explain?" she asks.

I finally nod and open the door for them. Walking back through the apartment I quickly grab up the piles of tissues spread all over the place from crying my eyes out and toss them in the garbage.

I take a seat in my grandma's old rocking chair, so they can have the couch. The same couch Zack fucked me on. I shake my head to clear those thoughts.

"Zack told us everything from the beginning, and it sounds like he was an absolute jackass. He lied to you and used you without you knowing," Lacy says. "I completely understand why you're upset and never want to see him again. I'd feel the same way, which is why I agreed to come see you. If I were you I'd want someone to tell me that he screwed up, but he's genuinely sorry and he really does care. It wasn't an act. I know Zack and I've never seen him the way he was last night. He was distraught. He says he loves you, and I actually believe him. I've heard a lot of his lies, so I'm not quick to believe anything he says. But I believe this."

I shake my head. "He's a great actor. I'm sure he's just trying to keep his job."  

"Actually, he's giving up his job."

"What?" I ask.

"He's meeting with the Wildcats' owner this morning and walking away from his contract. He says you're more important to him."

"He can't do that. Alex Marshall sucks!"

"That's what I told him, but he wouldn't listen," Lacy's boyfriend says.

"It's just a job," Lacy says.

"An incredible job he loves and is great at."

"Maybe you should give him another chance and talk him out of taking such drastic measures," the guy says.

"No," I respond quickly.

"I remember that video from the UNC and VT game," Lacy says. "I didn't know who you were, but I was jealous of you back when Zack and I dated. He never kissed me like that. He wanted you before he made it to the NFL, without any ulterior motives. Why is it so hard to believe he wants you now?"

"He could have any woman he wants, so why would he pick me?" I ask.

"I thought the same thing when Lacy and I first met," her boyfriend says. "I made up all sorts of excuses, saying she was just using me as a rebound from Zack or trying to piss her father off. Even though I couldn’t figure out her reasoning, and still haven't, that doesn't mean I can't see that she loves me. For whatever reason, she picked me, and if I'm who she wants then I'm not going to argue."

"And I learned a valuable lesson about forgiveness. Will hurt me and betrayed my trust. I was so freaking pissed at him. But after my mom died, well, she helped me realize that sometimes the people we love are worth forgiving."

"I don't know," I say, biting my lip in indecision. "The whole time we were together was just one big lie. An act. He never actually wanted to be with me."

But when we were alone together, no cameras around, it did feel right and perfect. And why did he make that huge donation if he wasn’t trying to bribe me back into his lie to keep his contract?

"Come on. Give him another chance. He's been falling for you since the day he knocked you on your ass," she says with a smile. "Don't forget that he needs to keep his job because he might have a child to support soon."

"And hurry. The Wildcats' season is in your hands," the guy jokes.

"Fine. I'll go try to talk him out of quitting. For the fans and … possibly his child. But that's it."

"We can drive you to help you get through security. I have a press pass." Lacy jumps up and I relent.

…

Zack

I cleaned out my locker and loaded up everything in my car before sitting down in the driver seat to call my dad. I didn't want him to hear it from someone else. I wouldn’t bother calling my mom since I'm sure she'd be ecstatic. From little league she's tried to talk me out of playing football, saying it was too dangerous, and the concussions were causing more damage than the doctor's admitted.

"Hey, son. How's it going?" my dad answers.

"Hey, um, have you got a minute?" I ask. My dad's a busy pediatrician in Tallahassee, Florida, the same town I grew up in, but he always takes a few minutes to talk when I call. I miss my parents, but Florida no longer feels like my home. I've been living in North Carolina since my freshman year of college and this is where I want to stay.                                   

"Of course. Something wrong?"

"Um, I, ah, I'm getting ready to walk away from my contract."

"Sorry, I didn't quite catch that."

"I'm giving up football. I fucked up and have basically been on probation with Jerry for a few weeks now. I used the woman that I really care about to make management happy, so I think this is the only way I can show her that she's more important to me."

"Wow. Have you received any new concussions that I don't know about?" he asks, making me smile.

"No. I'm completely coherent."

"Even down here I've seen the pictures of you two. You look happy with her."

"I am. I was."

"Well, I know how important football is to you, so if she's more important...then I guess you're making the right decision."

I blow out my breath in relief at his understanding and acceptance. "Thanks, Dad. I wanted to tell you first, before you saw it on TV."

"Too bad you can't have both, then you'd have it all. You sure you won't regret your decision?"

"Maybe, but I'd definitely regret losing her."

"All right, as long as you've thought through your decision. You know your Mom and I just want you to be happy."

"Thanks. Tell Mom hi and I love her."

"Will do. So when are we going to meet this woman?"

"If I can actually convince her to forgive me then I'll fly her down soon. If not... I'll probably still come home."

"Good. See you soon. Love you, Zack."

"Love you too, Dad."               

I end the call and climb out of my car to head inside the stadium.  Decision made, sitting outside of Jerry's office, waiting for him to finish up his conference call, I feel surprisingly calm.

I have my phone in my hand about to call Dean and break the news to him when the office door opens and Natalie walks in. Wait, what is she doing here?

"Natalie?" I ask, jumping up from the waiting room seat. Her eyes are still red but she doesn't seem as angry as she was yesterday. She looks sad and I hate knowing I’m the one that caused it.                                               

"Zack, what the hell is wrong with you? You can't do this," she says.

"Yes I can. You're worth more to me than playing a sport, and I was stupid not to realize it sooner. I'm so sorry I wasn't honest with you and that I hurt you. I want you to give me another chance."

"I don't want you to quit football, but I can't...I just can't give you another chance. All this time...you lied to me about everything," she says with a sniffle.

"Not everything," I assure her. "Yes, I admit that I did lie to you, but the way I feel about you is real."

She shakes her head in disagreement. "I'll never know what was real and what was fake...and those doubts...I can't," she says as a tear snakes down her cheek.

"Ask me anything and I swear I'll tell you the truth."

"Why did you ask me out the first time?"

This is it, my one Hail Mary pass before it's game over. My only shot to convince her to forgive me.

"Because I needed to find a non-slut before Sunday's game to date for weeks if I wanted to keep my eighty million dollar contract. I needed to spin some good PR with one woman after a gold-digger blackmailed me and Jake. She had a picture of me and him naked after we, um...had a threesome with her."

"So when you originally asked me out...it was all fake just so you could keep your contract?"

"Until you shot me down...then I don't know why, but I just had to try and win you over. And I really wanted to fuck you, too. I was honest to God attracted to you from the second we met."

"And offering to do the calendar?"

"Fake so that you'd agree to go out several times with me in public."

"Kissing me in my office?"

"Real. That wasn't for anyone else but us."

"The concert?"

"Fake for press, except for kissing you. I couldn't stand the thought of never seeing you again."

"The Comedy Zone?"

"Fake in that I wanted our picture taken, but being with you that night in my car was real, even though I felt guilty afterwards."

"Carowind's?" she asks, wiping the moisture from her cheeks.

"Fake because I knew there'd be more pictures, but I really did want to spend a whole day with you. I knew it was our last date and I wasn't ready for us to end. That morning was real."

"Tickets and exposure at the first football game?"

"Fake and for the cameras."

"Halftime?" she asks in a hiccup when the tears fall faster.

"Real, and, Natalie, I promise you every second after that was real. There was nothing else for the press after they asked about us that day. If I'd known about your past...I wouldn't have done this to you."