All is Lost (All Series, Book 2) (25 page)

“
My mother yelled at him that Sam
was his daughter no matter what the paternity test results
revealed.” My heart hammers against my rib cage and I swallow back
the tears burning. Breesan's trembling hand on my chest begins
drawing slow, soothing circles while she remains quiet.

“
Damn what a mess that day was.” I
exhale. “After hearing those words, I just stood there. Denial was
my first thought. I just kept thinking I misunderstood my mother,
but then after only another minute my father’s raised voice snapped
me out of the trance. He had opened the door and discovered me
standing on the other side. The look of hatred that he pierced me
with was unnerving. I didn't say anything, I couldn’t. I didn’t
need to either because he knew that I had heard every word.”
Keeping my head tilted back, I turn to the side and face
Breesan.

“
He threw his whiskey glass across
the hallway, nearly hitting me and then stormed off. My mother
quickly ran after him, but stopped as she passed me and told me
that she would never forgive me if I ever spoke of it. My stomach
rolled at the thought of how much shit my father had put my sister
through since we left Willow. He had always made her feel like she
wasn't good enough. At that moment I knew that this secret had been
what his problem was all those years. We didn’t move to England for
the family business. We left Willow because he couldn't bare the
embarrassment my mother brought to our family by having a child to
another man, but was passing her off as a Walker.”

Reaching a shaky hand to my face, Breesan
caresses my cheek compassionately and through this touch, she gives
me the kindest sympathy I have ever received.

I kiss her palm softly and say, “It's fucked
up, I know. As time went along my mother's attitude grew just as
bitter toward me as Barret’s. She couldn’t face me because I knew
the truth. Eventually, they turned against me completely, like I
was the guilty person. I don't give a damn what they think of me,
but Sam is the kindest person I know. Don't get me wrong she is a
total bad-ass when it comes to the job, but her heart is completely
full of love. In my opinion, my big sister is and will always be an
angel.” Breesan smiles sweetly at my unwavering feelings for
Sam.

“
I could never tell Sam that the
reason our father was so cruel to her, and then later cruel to me
was because she wasn’t his child. She would feel horrible about
what it did to the relationship between me and them.” A protective
growl builds deep in my chest. “I won't have her blaming herself.
Barret Walker has unfairly blamed her enough.”

“
Mygod Marcus,” Breesan says,
complete and utter disgust dripping from her words. “That is the
most sickening thing I have ever heard a parent do, and you know
that I have Julia in my life.” Shifting around to lie back, she
looks up at the ceiling and sighs, “Poor Sam.”

She remains silent for another moment allowing
me time to settle the anger that began to rise. “Marcus, there is
nothing I can say except that I'm sorry you went through all of
that alone.”

Her kindness touches my soul deeply. “Baby,
you don't have to say anything. My father has only had one thing on
his mind all of his life. It isn’t his children, or anyone in our
family. Truthfully, no one matters to him. The only thing that he
loves is Walker Corporation, and I’m certain that it isn’t because
he wants to leave a legacy for his children. Barret Walker is a
greedy bastard that cares only for his image and making more
money.”

“
Damn,” she whispers.

“
The next summer in Willow I
started drinking, partying and I got into several fights. While
partying on the beach one night I met Raithe in one of those
fights. We were fighting on the same side and afterward became good
friends. Raithe never pressed to know why I was rebelling and
raising hell, but whenever I went out he tagged along, like my
shadow. I’m grateful too. If he hadn't been there for me I probably
would have ended up in jail.”

I think back to that summer and realize how
much shit Raithe tolerated keeping my ass safe. All this time I
thought it was me that saved him when I joined in to help him beat
the hell out of some surfers who were screwing his girlfriend.
Breesan rakes her tiny hand over my head, lightly tugging on my
hair, pulling me out of the old memories.

A soft rumble releases from my chest at her
aggressiveness, heating me up and making me want to do bad things
to her in this bed. I smile looking into her intense eyes that also
have passion blooming.

In a smoky voice she asks, “What would have
happened if you went to jail?” She continues running her hand
through my hair.

“
That would have really set
Barret's ass off. Looking back I'm glad for Granddad's sake that I
didn't do anything stupid.” Granddad wouldn’t have held it against
me, and that is why I didn’t want to embarrass him. “During this
time Morgan sensed the rift between me and our parents, and of
course being a true ass-kiss, he turned against me. I was dubbed
the outcast.” I feel my jaw twitching as I think about how shitty
he became without knowing the truth. “I believe that if Morgan knew
what happened between us he would most likely support Sam, but it's
not my place to tell their secret. If I was going to tell anyone it
would be her. I seriously pray she never hears the truth. Keeping
the truth from Sam rips my heart out daily. Initially, I debated it
relentlessly, running through every possible outcome. Spent many
restless nights agonizing over telling her the truth, but in the
end I decided that I couldn't stand the thought of watching her
heart break. I guess it's selfish of me, but I love her too much to
tell her that the reason he treats her differently is because she's
not his child.” I pause, judging Breesan’s reaction. She stays
silent, brushing her hand through my messy hair.

“
She rarely has contact with him,”
I add. “And when she does, he avoids her at all cost. God he makes
me sick.” Growling, I raise up sitting on the edge of the
bed.

I mentally cuss my parents and myself for
keeping their secret. How can a man treat someone, who he claimed
to love, the way he did my sister simply because he found out that
she wasn’t his?

Scrubbing a trembling hand over my face I walk
into the bathroom, leaving Breesan lying on the bed, completely
stunned. What the hell could she be thinking about me after hearing
all that shit? Catching a glimpse of her sitting up and leaning
against the headrest as I shut the door behind me. A sickening pain
tightens in my chest, threatening to choke the oxygen from my body.
Grasping the vanity, I ride the wave of nausea that hits hard and
deep in my belly. I press my fist against it, holding off the
forceful desire to vomit. Sliding against the counter top I stagger
to the shower, turn on the water and thrust my head under the
sprayer not waiting for it to warm.

I stay submerged allowing myself time to get
control over my unusual reaction. I never actually took time back
then to absorb the life-altering news. Holding it in all these
years and finally having someone I trust as much as Breesan to
share it with fucking overwhelms me and I’m just about to
break.

Hearing a light knock on the other side of the
bathroom door, I shut off the water and grab a towel from the
shelf, rigorously soaking up some of the water before opening the
door.

I pause slowly lifting my gaze up taking in
all of her. Seeing her curvy body partially covered in my clothes
sends a thrill through me, redirecting my thoughts away from my
father’s bullshit. Now, the massive tightening in my chest is
because of her. Shifting nervously on her petite legs, she reveals
the dark gray boxers, playing peek-a-boo under the edge of a white
extra-large tee-shirt, hitting just below her full hips. I make a
mental note to purchase some small shirts for future sleepwear as
my eyes continue to travel up the rest of her body. Seeing the
swell of her ample breast through the thin material makes my mouth
water instantly because I know that she isn’t wearing a
bra.

Breesan’s face reveals a touch of sympathy or
perhaps understanding, but it's her eyes that take me to a place
that is more beautiful than anything in creation. It isn’t sadness
or pity, there's hope and longing for wholeness unlike anything she
has ever known. Never before have I seen a look so abundant with
belief and loyalty, uniquely for me. Realization of what I see in
the depths of the gray tinted portholes to her secret-self jolts my
heart

Mygod she
loves
me.

Silently she expresses a love for me that
overshadows everything I have known from any other. Breesan has no
idea the power she holds over me and I desperately want to declare
it all to her. I open and close my mouth several times,
unsuccessfully. Before I can utter a word she approaches, pushes me
against the vanity and in one swift motion she leaps into my arms,
wrapping her tiny body around mine. Clearing my throat, I bite back
strong emotions threatening to expose how damn desperate I am for
her to love me. Shifts of fault lines could not have more of an
effect on the earth than this perfect woman has on my heart. She is
the remedy to my brokenness. Shushing me she tells me that it's
okay.

A shield of protection shelters us from
destruction and together no one will break our fortress.
I exist
whole now that she is mine and vow that I will be all she ever
needs
.

Chapter
Eighteen

Breesan

Hysterically laughing out loud, I stare
bewildered by the person staring back at me in the bathroom mirror.
I absolutely do not recognize her. It's more than the long,
electric blue wig pulled into pigtails, and the gobs of heavy
makeup disguising my appearance. The black corset with the black
and red plaid micro-mini skirt, and the ripped fishnet pantyhose
with the thigh-high black platform boots aren’t my style either,
but those aren’t the differences I notice. Something internally has
changed in me and the fearful young woman I was has been replaced
with a courageous determination to save the people I love.
Obviously I’m different. Otherwise there is no way in hell I would
dress like a dark ho. Right now though, I will do anything, dress
anyway, and be anyone it takes to get Anna and Waverly
back.

“
Okay Beatrice, let's go blow
Marcus' mind.” Giggling again, thinking about what will happen when
I open the bathroom door where he waits patiently on the other
side, I anxiously pull up the low-cut corset barely covering my
breasts, then smooth my trembling hands over it and release a loud
huff.

Opening the door slightly, I poke my head out
and call his name. Spinning around, Marcus faces me and my mouth
drops nearly to the damn floor when I see that he is also clad in
Goth attire.
Ohgod, what is he trying to do to me?
Wearing a
slashed Twisted Sister concert tee-shirt, black leather pants and
his standard black combat boots with his dark locks gelled and
spiking out in all directions combined with heavy eyeliner
accenting the deep jade in his striking eyes, he is unequivocally
the best looking man, ever.

Damn, I was not expecting that. Stepping
around the partially open door I watch his burning eyes
appreciatively travel the length of me from my hair downward.
Frozen in place, except for one hand rubbing the back of his neck
aggressively, Marcus’ eyes flare with savage heat. I gather my
resolve and continue toward him, stopping merely inches away. His
eyes drop from mine down to my cleavage. I become mesmerized
watching his jaw clenching and his throat work hard at swallowing
down his desire.

Biting back a moan, I tuck my bottom lip
between my teeth trying to focus on my breathing. Marcus is so
beautiful and the desire to be his completely possesses my body and
mind. Without realizing it, my hand rises up on its own accord to
lie over his hard chest. Hooded eyes lift to mine and I gasp at the
intensity radiating out, causing me to have difficulty swallowing
now. Raising his hand to mine, he covers it and guides it up and
around the back of his neck. I grip him tightly feeling a burning
sensation with the contact. His other hand slides down to my hip
where his fingers dig in and he draws me closer.

A deep growl from his chest signifies that he
is struggling to speak and boy can I relate. Staring intensely at
each other, we are well aware of the effect our new looks are
having on the other. I desperately want him to kiss me, and from
the look in his eyes his needs match mine.

“
Come here,” Marcus commands,
dipping his mouth down and covering mine.

Sliding his sweet lips roughly over mine, his
tongue taunts my bottom lip with several slow licks. He tastes
sweet and warm. Needing more, I part my lips and my tongue darts
out tempting him to open. He growls then draws me viscously against
him, wrapping his arm around me and I melt into his hot embrace.
This kiss is powerful and his assault on my lips is relentless. I
can feel how desperately he wants to devour me, and I want it too.
Sleeping with him every night is like a two sided blade; it hurts
without him beside me, and it is maddening that we are waiting to
have sex.

Knowing that our need is reaching an unsafe
level, I am the one who pulls away. However, Marcus only allows my
lips to separate from his, our bodies remain fiercely
connected.