All of Me (10 page)

Her sisters would
kill her if they knew she’d put off calling her oncologist, Dr. Winston, but
she wasn’t ready yet.  And she’d already prepared herself that she’d be losing
the other breast anyway…might as well enjoy it for a few more weeks.  Pretty
soon, uni-boob would be nada-boob.  There would be more chemo, more radiation,
less hair, and a lot of barfing.  She’d be weak, fragile, and totally dependent
on her family.  She’d face more decisions about possible reconstructions and
have to deal with more complications.  It was a soul-zapping, body-ravaging cycle
of destruction that Stella wasn’t looking forward to repeating. 

But she wasn’t
going to dwell on it today.  It was a beautiful, clear 82 degree June afternoon
and Stella’s mood improved as soon as her feet hit the sidewalk.  She wasn’t
much of an exerciser, but a good, long walk always did her a world of good. 
Eminem’s “Lose Yourself” blared out her earbuds as she hit a comfortable
stride.

Stella turned the
corner onto Vinsetta and almost ran smack dab into none other than Mr.
Match.com himself. 

Stella pulled her
earbuds out and took a step back.  “What are
you
doing here?”

Nathan Drazek
looked delicious:  Indians hat on backwards, dark Ray-bans hiding his eyes, and
his muscular arms glistening with sweat.  Stella resisted checking out his
legs, but she lost that fight.  Big time. 

Yep, they were as
delectable as she’d imagined:  long, muscular, and dusted with light brown
hair. 

Nathan jerked a
thumb over his shoulder.  “I live over on Deacon St.  Just moved in a few
months ago.”

“Oh.  Well, welcome
to Old Brooklyn.”  Stella was very rarely at a loss for words, but she had no
idea what to say to this man next. 

“Going for a run
too?” he asked, hands on hips.  Trim hips that Stella could only imagine were
attached to a chiseled chest and six pack of abs.

Jesus, Mary,
and Joseph…

Stella shielded
her eyes from the sun.  “More like a stroll.  Not much of a runner.”

He cleared his
throat and looked around at nothing in particular.  “Nice day.”

“Yeah. 
Beautiful.”  Stella dropped her arm and crossed her arms over her midsection. 

They entered into
some sort of weird, supercharged stare down.  But it wasn’t antagonistic or
confrontational.  It was way more thoughtful than that.  And, for reasons
Stella didn’t dare examine too closely, all of a sudden she like crying again. 

What is it
about this guy that makes me want to bawl my eyes out?

Stella forced a
half-smile.  “So did you deliver the bad news to your buddy?”

“My buddy?”

“Yeah.  Did you
tell him I wasn’t interested?”

“Oh, yeah. 
Danny.  My partner.”  Nathan cleared his throat again.  “Yeah, no big deal.  No
problem.”

“Wow, he gives up
easy, huh?” 

Nathan’s brows
dropped.  “But you said –“

“Just a bad
joke.”  Stella exhaled a breathy laugh.  “Sorry.”

“Oh.  Right.”  He
looked around again.  “Well, I, uh, better get going.”

Before her brain
caught up with her mouth, Stella asked, “Do you want to walk with me?  I’ve got
less than 6 weeks to get myself ready for a charity run.  Maybe you could push
me a little today.  Otherwise I’m liable to wind up on a patch of grass
somewhere staring up at the clouds.” 

Stella laughed
breathlessly, but not to be coy.  It was because she was actually a little
breathless.  With stupidity.

What are you
doing?

His horrified
expression had Stella praying for Armageddon, Christ’s second coming, or at
least a bolt of lightening to strike her down.

She forced another
laugh and waved it all off.  Her invitation.  His reaction. The ache in her
chest. “No worries.  Just a thought.”

Nathan eyed her. 
“Which charity run?”

“Uh, the 3 Day
Walk for the Cure.” 

“I’ve got a run
coming up too.  The Beacon of Hope run.  It’s in about a month.”

“Oh, for the women
and children’s shelter?  That’s great.  Is it a police thing or…” Stella asked.

“A lot of the
officers run in it, yeah.” 

He scratched at
his left bicep and Stella’s eye was drawn toward the ink she’d seen the other
day.  The tattoo was bigger than she’d imagined.  She wished she could get a
better look at it.  And touch it.

“That’s really
nice.  Maybe I’ll try to do that one too next year.”  If she wasn’t as sick as
a dog.  “Like I said, I’m more of a walker than a runner, but it’s the thought,
right?”

He nodded. 

“Well, it was nice
seeing you again.  Take care.”  Stella walked around him.

He uttered a weird
sound:  half grunt, half mutter.  She turned back and watched his Adam’s Apple
bob up and down a couple of times. 

He wanted to say
something
,
that much was obvious.  But he didn’t.  Maybe couldn’t. 

Hoping her
instincts weren’t off, she gestured to the spot next to her on the sidewalk. 
“Come on.  Let’s tear up some pavement, huh?”

But Nathan didn’t
move.  Instead he continued eyeing her before saying, “I thought you were angry
with me.” 

“Angry with you? 
Oh, what you mean about the other night?”

Truth was, she had
been.  Stupidly angry, baselessly disappointed, and ridiculously hurt.  But
something about this guy was tugging at her heartstrings.

He nodded and
Stella waved it off.  “No harm done.  I get mad quick, but I can’t stay mad
long.  Too short of an attention span.  Unless, of course, you do something
really bad.  Then I’m liable to tear you apart limb by limb and never forgive
or forget.  It’s an Italian thing.”

Nathan’s eyes
narrowed.

“Another…joke.” 
Sort of.  Stella gestured again.  “Wanna go?”

He nodded and fell
into step beside her. 

They walked in
amiable silence for a few seconds before Stella’s nervous chatter began.

“How long have you
been a police officer?”

“Ten years.”

“You like it?”

“For the most
part.  Probably like most jobs – good days and bad days.”  He hiked up his mesh
shorts and rested his hands on his hips. “You like being a nurse?”

“I love it.  Most
of the time.  Like you said, some good days and some bad days,” Stella
replied. 

His legs were a
lot longer and he was obviously in prime physical condition, but still paced
himself to match her shorter strides. 

“What’s the worst
thing you’ve been through as a police officer?” Stella asked.

Nathan didn’t
answer.

“Sorry,” she said,
laughing.  “I’m a little intrusive.  Or so I’ve been told.”

When he still
didn’t say anything, Stella babbled on.  “I used to work Peds, before I went
down to the ER.  The kid stuff was always the worst for me.  It’s hard enough
watching adults go through stuff, but to watch a little kid suffer…yeah, I
couldn’t stay there.  Not after my sisters started having kids.  It was too
hard.”  Stella gave him a sideways glance.  “Probably sounds wimpy, huh?”

“Not at all. The
worst thing I have ever seen as a police officer was a 4 month old baby beaten
to death by her mother’s boyfriend.  Nothing wimpy about never wanting to see
that again.”

“God…makes you
wonder why we didn’t both become engineers instead, huh?  Gluttons for
punishment, I guess.”

Stella suddenly
realized she didn’t have her fake boob on.  She never exercised with it on
because of its propensity to shift or pop out.  She wondered if Nathan had
noticed how lopsided her chest was. 

She automatically
pulled at the front of her teeshirt, hoping to billow it out a bit.  As if that
helped.  And as if it mattered at all if this guy noticed her uni-boob.  It
wasn’t like he cared.

“Did you grow up
here?  In Cleveland?”  She thought it was an innocuous enough question, but his
sideways glance suggested otherwise.

“Yes.”

“Where?”

He blew out a
breath.  “East Cleveland.”

“Oh, me too. 
Whereabouts?”

Nathan didn’t
answer, so she changed the subject.

“Do you have any
brothers or sisters?”

He stopped short
and faced her.  “You know I do.  Stop with the mind games.”

Stella reared back. 
“I beg your pardon?”
   “I know you remember me from the old neighborhood.  You don’t have to
pretend like you don’t.  It’s not a big deal.  Just drop it.”

“Wow…okay…”  The
reality that Stella was walking alone with a man she didn’t really know sank
in.  A man that obviously had some sort of chemical imbalance.  “I actually
don’t remember you.  From anywhere.  If I did, I would have said, ‘Hey, I
remember you from the old neighborhood.’  I know you don’t know me very well,
but let me assure you that I don’t get off on pretending not to know people
when I secretly do.”

“Then why do you
keep staring at me like that?  Like you’re fucking pitying me or something?” 
Nathan turned his head to side and ran a hand over his shortly cropped hair. 
When he turned back to face her, his game face was back in place. 

Stella met his
eyes head-on.  “Nathan, if we’ve met before, I honestly don’t remember.  I
despise lying and I’m no good at mind games.  And I wouldn’t do that to you,
okay?  I think you have me confused with someone else.”

“Your last name is
Ciaramitaro.  Your dad owns – or did own – the little grocery store at the
corner of Groveland and Hennings.  You have four sisters and your mom used to
run the cash register, right?”

Stella nodded
slowly.  “Yes, that’s right.  Did you live in that neighborhood?  Did you shop
at C’s?”

 He scoffed. 
“Something like that.” 

“I don’t
understand…”  Stella studied his hard face and stiff posture.  She had no idea
what was going on here, but this poor guy was
really
upset.  “Did you
work there?”

“Forget it. 
Sorry.  I…I must have you mixed up with someone else.”

“Someone else with
four sisters and a dad who owned a grocery store called ‘C’s?’”

Nathan stared at a
phone he’d pulled out of the waistband of his shorts.  “It’s getting late. 
I’ve gotta work tonight.  I better get going.”

“I want to get to
the bottom of this,” Stella said.  “I’m not a big fan of leaving weird stuff
like this hanging out there.”

“No need.  I was
confused.”  Nathan backed up several steps.  “Forget it.  But I have to go.”

Stella really
wanted to chase him down and force him to talk to her, but managed to restrain
herself.  “Okay.  Well, thanks for the company.  Have a safe night tonight.”

He stared at her
for a few seconds before jogging off.  Stella watched him until he turned the
corner and disappeared from view. 

Chapter
Nine

Boot camp is not a
place for people with thin skin.  Nathan remembered many of his fellow Army
recruits breaking down night after night; crying themselves to sleep in their
bunks while Nathan lied awake wondering why.  It had never occurred to him that
other people hadn’t spent their entire lives being screamed at, called names,
and deprived of even the most basic human needs. 

For him, boot camp
had been something of a vacation.  At least no one could hit you and you got
fed three squares a day.  Plus, you had your very own bed in a heated barrack. 
And most of all, there was structure – something Nathan never had and always
craved.

His little trip
down memory lane had been prompted by the arrest of three young dummies:  freshly
minted airmen from Wright Patterson Air Force Base.  They’d gotten drunk and
started brawling (with each other and anyone else in the general vicinity). 
After getting the call, Danny and Nathan had found all three of them – bleeding
and half-dressed – stumbling down Aurora Ave.  They’d all passed out in the
back of the cruiser on the way to the drunk tank with stupid smiles on their
faces. 

Nathan could
hardly remember being that young.  Or dumb.  But he’d definitely been both.

After getting off
at 5:30 a.m., Nathan headed home, pulled on his running stuff and grabbed his
phone a bottle of water.  He opened his front door and stopped cold.

Stella Ciaramitaro
was sitting on his front steps – smooth, olive-skinned bare legs crossed and
her chin in her hands.  After getting a really nice eyeful of her amazing ass,
a sweat broke out on his upper lip.

She turned with a
sheepish smile.  “You’re a cop.  Tell me, is it possible for two people to
stalk each other?” 

“What are you
doing here?”  Nathan felt like shit when her smile faded.

“Uh, I worked
midnights and, uh, I thought maybe I’d catch you going for one of your morning
runs.  Thought maybe you’d wanna go again.  Maybe do a little less fighting and
a little more running this time,” she replied, smiling.

Nathan slammed the
door behind him.  “How did you find out where I live?”

“White Pages. 
Sorry.”  She laughed breathlessly.

“I like to run
alone.”  He brushed past her.  Nathan was very pissed off to see her.  And
very, very happy.

“Oh…okay…” she
said softly. 

He made the
mistake of looking at her. 

Shit, she was
beautiful.  And she wasn’t like anyone he’d ever met.  She was so fucking
open.  And kind.  And he saw something in her eyes he couldn’t describe, but it
was something he had inside of him too. 

Nathan wanted to
run away from her as quickly as he possibly could. 

And how convenient
that he already had his running shoes on. 

All he had to do
was hurt her feelings really badly once and he instinctively knew she wouldn’t
be back.  She was kind, but she wasn’t stupid and she was no doormat.  He
doubted she ever gave someone a chance to hurt her twice.