All of Me? The Trust Me? Trilogy (2 page)

“Jeni, I really think you need to talk this out with him. He deserves that much.”

“Okay,” I say hesitantly.

“Good, when do you want to go?”

My heart is saying now, right now, but my head says never.

“I’ll get dressed and we can go now. Will you come with me?” I plead.

“Of course, Jeni, I’m here for both of you,” Chris says, leaving my bedroom for me to get dressed.

I find my comfy grey sweat pants and an old pink sweater; I put on some shoes and walk to the dining room with mixed emotions. On one side I am ecstatic to be seeing Aiden again, but on the other more terrifying side I’m going back to
that
apartment where all this mess started. I will see Aiden, and in a way I feel like my soul has been dying without him, and maybe he can bring me back to life. I quickly squash that thought as my anger returns. I just can’t seem to get past my utter disappointment in him.

“You’re going to go like that?” Sarah asks.

I nod my head. Chris glares at her sternly, like he’s telling her to shut up. I put my hair up in a ponytail and grab my handbag. Chris walks with me to his car. We drive in silence to the apartment, rain pours heavily on the windshield; my heart is pounding in my chest, making my breathing shallow and short. I feel lightheaded. I can see out of the corner of my eye that Chris keeps peering at me while he drives. We arrive at the parking garage, Chris pulls up next to the Aston Martin and we get out of his car. He squeezes my hand and we walk to the elevator. The panic flooding my veins suddenly overwhelms me. I turn to Chris.

“I can’t do this,” I say and head back toward the car.

“Jeni, Jeni, stop.” Chris says. He takes hold of my arm at the elbow and stops me in my tracks. “Jeni, listen to me. You need to see him, to tell him how you feel, and then you can either move on or start to work things out. He deserves to know either way; it’s the right thing to do.”

I sigh and even though my heart feels ready to burst, I know that Chris is right. I gather the courage and walk back toward the elevator and pull out the key card from my bag. Chris pushes the button and the doors open. I exhale and step in with him. He lets go of my hand and wraps his arm around my shoulders, holding me tightly to him. I’m so lucky to have Chris in my life; he really is like the brother I never had. I feel so safe around him, and right now, he’s my safe place.

“Remember, I’m right here beside you.”

My brain is in overload with all of these conflicting emotions. Elation that I will see Aiden but also an undeniable anger and sense of disappointment toward him. I really hate this place and what it represents: pain, anger, hurt, betrayal, and most of all, the loss of something that was so amazing. The elevator stops and so does my heart. The doors open to a quiet dark apartment.

We walk into the living room; Chris has his arm wrapped tightly around me. The lights are off, and through the windows, I see Aiden is sitting on the balcony with his back facing us. A nearly empty whisky bottle is on the table and a small glass in his hand. He has a blanket wrapped around him. I see his hair disheveled, and not in a good way. I swallow a lump in my throat as the sight of him looking so depressed brings new nerves to the surface. Chris starts to walk toward the balcony, taking me by the arm with him.

“I can’t,” I whisper, as fear grips me, a fear of being hurt, a fear of hurting him. Either way, I am terrified of feeling any more pain than I already feel.

“Jeni, you have to,” Chris says loudly, making Aiden turn his head and look straight at us.

Aiden’s eyes lock onto mine. His once beautiful sparkling blue eyes are now distant, dull, and full of anguish. He stares right at me. Aiden stands, dropping the blanket to the floor. He stumbles, trying to get inside to me, but he falls, breaking his whisky glass when he lands.

He stumbles to get back up and staggers into the apartment toward Chris and me. I can smell the whisky on his breath as he shuffles towards us. I can’t move. I am stuck in this spot as my body won’t allow me to do any different. I am so happy to see him but devastated to see him this way. He looks as broken as I feel.

“Jeni,” he whispers.

Chris makes his way to the balcony, closing the door behind him, leaving us alone.

“You’re here? God I miss you baby,” he says stumbling toward me. He looks terrible; he hasn’t shaved and is wearing the same clothes he was wearing the day I left. “I love you so much,” he stutters, choking out his words.

“Aiden… I…”

He’s looking at me intently waiting for me to finish my sentence.

“You look terrible,” I say, making him chuckle.

“Well, you look beautiful.”

I shake my head. “Aiden, I don’t know what to say.”

“Say you love me.”

I close my eyes. I know he’s right—I do love him—there’s never been any doubt about that.

“Love’s never been the problem, Aiden. I’m still angry at you.”

He takes a step closer to me. “I know, baby. I’m so sorry; I’ve been kicking myself every day.”

I swallow another lump as I know what I am about to say will hurt him. “I don’t think I can forgive you.”

“Jeni, please. Please come home. I’m a mess without you,” he begs, swaying then falling to the ground in front of me.

“Aiden, get up!”

He stumbles and falls again.

“You’re so drunk that you probably won’t even remember I was here.”

He stands up wobbling and puts his hands onto my shoulders, shaking me.

“Jeni, I love you. You can’t leave me. I won’t let you.”

“
You won’t let me
?” I yell. I push his hands off my shoulders.

Chris comes in from the balcony to assess the situation.

“See what I mean. You’re drunk and aggressive. I can’t trust you. I love you, I will always love you, but I can’t be with you. Aiden, it’s over!” I walk toward the elevator.

Chris rushes over to me as Aiden falls to the floor; tears roll down his face, his chin trembles, and the color drains from his face. The sight breaks my heart. He sits on his knees, with his head in his hands, crying for our lost relationship.

“Jeni, please. We can work this out. I love you so much. Please, please, please,” he continues to beg while we wait for the elevator.

Chris gives Aiden an understanding nod while he watches his best friend fall apart in front of him. He looks torn as he steps into the elevator with me. Chris puts his arms around me when the doors shut, and I collapse into them. He holds me tightly while I cry into his chest.

We head back to Sarah’s house. I’m sitting in the car with my legs cradled to my chest, while I rock back and forth. I can’t cry anymore as my tears have run dry. We pull up in the driveway; Chris walks with me into the house. We walk past Sarah, and I see Chris shake his head at her.

She frowns and comes to my side. “Jeni, are you alright? Is there anything I can get you?”

I shake my head and curl up on the sofa. It hits me—I’m no longer with Aiden—we’ve officially broken up. I feel numb, emotionless, and weak as I lay on the sofa. Sarah pulls down the blanket and places it over me. I hear her walk into the kitchen with Chris, and I overhear them whispering.

“What happened?”

“He was wasted. He blew it.”

“What does that mean?”

“She broke it off with him.”

I hear Sarah sigh. The landline rings and Sarah answers it.

“Hello? Hey, Aiden, I heard. How are you doing?” she asks, making me tense up when I hear his name. “Yeah, I think she means it. I’m sorry,” she says, and then I hear Chris take the phone from her. He starts to talk to Aiden, but I tune out as a ringing starts in my ears. I’m overwhelmed and certainly not feeling like myself. I take in deep, slow, steadying breaths as I hear Chris hang up the phone.

“It sounds like he’s a mess,” Sarah says quietly.

“You’ve no idea.” I hear Chris reply.

I sit up on the sofa feeling nauseated; the thunder continues its loud crashes as it passes overhead. My stomach churns and my mouth floods with saliva. I race to the bathroom getting there just in time to expel the bile from my mouth. I cough and splutter, my stomach twists and turns making me dry retch. I feel Sarah’s hand on my back, letting me know she’s there, comforting me while I continue to heave into the bowl.

“Jeni, it’s going to be alright. Let it all out.” She rubs my back ever so gently.

Eventually my stomach starts to settle. I turn and sit next to the bowl with my head in my hands. Sarah sits opposite me in the small room. She stays with me in the bathroom for the entire night, while I lay in her lap either sleeping, vomiting, or crying.

It’s morning and I feel Sarah fiddling with my hair. I take in a deep breath and sit up.

“Morning,” Sarah says looking at me with her brows furrowed. The door of the bathroom creaks open, and Chris comes in to check on us while we sit cramped in the small room.

“Morning,” I say to them both.

Chris puts out a hand for us each to take, while helping us up off the cold tile floor.

“Sorry, Sarah,” I say, feeling guilty for keeping her in here with me for the entire night.

“It’s okay, that’s what best friends are for.” She walks with me arm in arm to the dining room, where we sit down.

“Thank you,” I say.

I feel slightly better than I did last night; at least my stomach isn’t churning. Chris brings us both a cup of coffee and sits with us at the table.

“Now that you have decided to end things with Aiden, where are you going to work?” Sarah asks seriously.

I shrug. “I have no idea,” I say.

The landline rings again. My heart thuds in my chest causing me to sigh as I instantly assume that it’s Aiden calling. Chris gets up to answer it.

“I told you to call my cell, man,” Chris says sternly. “Woops, sorry. Yes of course, she’s right here. I’ll put her on.” He pulls a funny face and mouths,
sorry
. “Jeni, it’s your mom.”

I walk over to the phone and have a conversation with my Mom about how I ended it with Aiden and how I don’t have a job. She kindly offers for me to work with her at her salon while I look for something I’m more suited to. After a few tears and some comforting words from my caring mother I hang up the phone and walk back over, sitting back down at the table with Sarah and Chris.

“I have a job, working at our moms’ salon,” I say to Sarah who’s displaying a wide grin.

“Um no offense, but you have no idea about beauty, nails, waxing, hair, makeup, body wraps, or—”

“Yes, I know, but I can learn, can’t I?” I interject. I sit back down to drink my coffee. “At least I have a semi plan in place to get me back out into the big wide world.” I sigh, holding my mug in my hands.

“I’m proud of you, Jen Pen.”

I frown, not knowing why she is proud of me. “What for?”

“For starting again. It’s hard, but if you’ve made your mind up, then I’m proud of you for getting yourself back out there.”

“I’m not dating anytime soon, if that’s what you mean? As a matter of fact, I don’t think I’ll ever date again.”

Sarah laughs. “Good God, no. So, not what I meant. I mean getting out of bed and off the sofa. Slowly but surely, Jeni.”

CHAPTER 2

I turn over and reach for my cell, unlock the screen and see four missed calls. I frown and delete them. I get up the earliest I have in weeks because I start my new job today. It’s taken almost a month to get to a point where I feel like I can semi-function, but I’m glad I feel together enough to start something new. I get up and get dressed in a pair of black pants and a black frilly top. I walk to the bathroom and check myself in the mirror: my eyes are still a little puffy and there are very dark circles under them, the bruising is practically gone, with only a few minor yellow marks around my left eye. I pull out my make up and start to apply it, covering the yellow bruising and dark circles enough so that no one will notice, which makes me happy.

I walk to the kitchen where Sarah and Chris are kissing each other. It makes me think of Aiden, and I wonder how he’s doing. He calls every day, and every day I let it go to voicemail. I’m okay, not good, just okay. With the help of Sarah and Chris, and my mom, I’m able to at least semi-function. Sarah and Chris quickly separate when they see me. I fix myself some toast and a cup of coffee while Sarah stares at me tilting her head and raising her eyebrows.

“Going somewhere today, Jeni?”

“Yep, to the salon.”

She smiles a beaming smile that makes her eyes sparkle, then she walks over and hugs me.

“I’m proud of you for finally getting out of the house. It’ll do you good.”

Chris walks past me and pats me on the back.

“Thanks, I think it’s time.” I eat my breakfast and head out to my car. The poor thing struggles when I try to start it. It’s been over a month since I’ve driven her. I turn on the radio and Sinead O’Connor’s “Nothing Compares To You” blares out. I instantly think of Aiden. I turn the radio off, because the words ring true and hurt my heart. I know nothing will ever compare to Aiden, he is… was the love of my life. I clear my throat, holding back the tears that threaten to fall. I put my car in reverse and drive into the city, arriving at Mom’s salon. I park on the street behind Mom’s car. It strikes me as odd, as the techno pink and the salsa colored Chevy Sparks sit, one behind the other. I take after my mom; we obviously love bright colors. I lock my car and walk into the salon. Mom looks up and gives a small squeal when she sees me.

“Oh, honey, you’re here. I was beginning to think you were having second thoughts about working for me.”

“I’m here, and I’m looking forward to a hard day’s work.”

“Your face is healing fast.” She brings her hand up and lightly touches my cheek.

“What would you like me to do?” I say, trying to fight off the image in my head of Jason beating me.

“Let’s start with you answering the phone, taking bookings, sweeping up after the hair dressers, and general tidying up. Does that sound alright with you?”

“Of course, as long as it keeps me distracted.”

She takes me over to the front desk.

“Oh, hi, Jeni!” I hear someone call out. I turn around and see Sarah’s mother. She walks toward me with her arms open wide.