All of the Lights (50 page)

"I'm so sorry, Jack," she whispers against my neck. "I'm so sorry."

What does she have to be sorry about? We're victims of circumstance—all of us. Rae, Sean, and me...we've been dealt shitty hands and I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I feel like we've been working against fate from the beginning, fighting against the sins of our parents, pushing back at the machinations around us, out of options, out of choices, out of luck.

It doesn't have to be that way anymore.

Today, we take it back.

My hands slide up her neck until they rest against her cheeks. Her eyes flash a beautiful emerald green, a lush meadow I could get lost in for days. It's okay. I'll let myself feel it now.

"Hey, Rae?" I murmur. "Can I ask you a question?"

She nods into my hands, giving me permission with wide eyes.

"How do you feel about me?"

Those emerald eyes only double in size, surprise and shock bouncing around in them without abandon. God, I want to kiss her.

"Okay," I laugh and let my hands fall down to her shoulders. "Maybe we'll work up to that. Can I tell you how I feel about you?"

Her lips part and she sucks in a deep breath. When she nods, her gaze still hasn't left mine and now it's just intensified to a jade green, filled with enough sharp, cautious edges that tells me I have to tread carefully.

I haven't thought of anything
but
what I feel for her since I stepped off Roark Callahan's property to grasp hold of my own fate. My own destiny. Forever linked with hers.

"I've been fighting this since the day I realized who you were," I tell her softly. "I hated you at first. Well, I think I
wanted
to hate you. I knew I needed to hate you. I don't know if I actually did because underneath all the animosity, there was always this...this pull. That night we first met? I feel like this invisible string rolled out between us and bound us together. I've pulled against it, tried to sever it, tried to ignore it, but it hasn't worked. I tried to tell myself it was just because of what we were trying to do for Sean, but it was never really about that, was it? What I feel for you has always been more than that. I want to protect you. I want to hold you. I want to
know
you. I want to..." I trail off, my courage suddenly waning thin underneath the weight of all these feelings. "I just know I...I just know I want you, Rae. Is that alright?"

It wasn't as eloquent as what I'd practiced in my head. I'm just this scared little boy, terrified of rejection and the prospect that maybe I've imagined this connection between us. But, given the way her lips tremble and the way her hands reach for me, I think I might be right.

But then, just as quickly, her hands fall back at her side.

"I don't...everything you just said, Jack—those were all the right things to say."

I nod tightly and take a small step closer to her just for good measure.

"What about the other day? What's changed since then?"

That's a fair question. She deserves an honest answer.

"It was too complicated before. Too twisted," I shrug and shake my head. "But when I heard everything Roark Callahan had to say tonight...I was just sitting there thinking,
what am I still doing here? Why do I care what this man thinks?
I don't feel like we have to keep our distance just because of all this history we've had no control over. I don't care what Brennan thinks. I don't care what happened with my dad and your mom. None of that matters to me anymore. I let it get to me before, used it as an excuse to walk away from you, but...I don't wanna walk away."

Her eyes flash with something I recognize and I use that as fuel to push forward, making sure my body is as closing to touching hers as possible.

"I don't want to be anywhere you're not," I tell her simply. "It's not just because I feel this superhuman, wicked crazy need to protect you." I chuckle a little at that and rub my mouth. "Who woulda thought, yah know? When all this started, who woulda thought I would end up feeling crazy when I'm not with you—I figured it would be the other way around. I always wonder what you're doing, what you're thinking, what you're feeling, if you're okay, if you're thinking about me, what you're feeling about me...I just pushed it away because I thought I had to and I don't."

Her breath hitches in her throat and I'm glad I'm close enough to feel it. This is a good opportunity to touch her and I take it, letting my hand snake around the side of her hip to draw her in closer, to pull her in tighter. Her hand flies to my chest, but she doesn't push me away.

"I didn't mean to hurt you," I murmur as my free hand drifts up so my thumb can brush her cheek. "That's the last thing I wanna do. I'm so sorry...I thought I was doing us both a favor, but I can't stay away from you anymore even if I wanted to. I just want to be with you, Rae."

I pause for a moment, letting all that sink in and swim around for a little before I press on: "Do you feel any of that too?"

She nods without hesitation and swallows hard, her fingers brushing the scruff on my cheek. "Yes. It terrifies me."

"Yeah," I laugh easily and resist the urge to press my lips to hers. I need permission for that first. "I feel that too. But we're not them, Rae. You don't have any reason to be scared of me. I promise you—I'll never hurt you again. And I'll never let anyone else hurt you again either."

Her lips curl up and I let my fingertips ghost over their softness. "You're right. We're not them."

"Can I kiss you now, Rae?"

She nods and with that, the tides shift. My lips find hers and press into them, savoring every touch because I know just as well as anyone that this could all be ripped away tomorrow. Or more specifically, in two days. But for now, everything is deliberate. Every movement is carefully calculated because for once in my life, I'm actually getting exactly what I want, when I want it. There's no need to rush, not even with fate knocking down our door.

Her skin is silk underneath my fingertips. Her lips part for me and I take them again, sliding deeper and deeper until I've lost track of where I end and she begins. In the wake of strewn clothes and stumbled steps, we pause long enough for Rae to lock her furry monster in her bathroom.

Different...everything is just so different with her. I know why. I know why I need to let my hands wander over her skin, tasting and exploring every new curve. Her breath catches when my lips pass over the base of her neck and I linger there a moment longer, giving myself the time to revel in it.

I take my time with her—I need the time to discover her, all the angles and dips, the smooth softness, the sweet scent of her skin, I need to know it all. She gives it to me with abandon, responding softly and then all at once, as if she's suddenly aware that she's wanted this just as long as I have. It's here, raging against us. All the things we fought to keep at bay are raining down on us until I can't see anything but the soft glow of her skin under my touch.

Caught in a storm with her is the only place I want to be.

And so we fall, tangled limbs and murmured embraces, headfirst with hearts and arms open,
 
bodies and souls in beautiful tatters.

Jack

The next morning, I wake up to a beautiful sight. She's all around me, her auburn hair kissing my cheek, her right leg strewn over my lap, her right hand resting lightly on my chest...what's better than this? I lean in, taking a deep inhale of her soft, sugary scent and close my eyes. I don't ever want to leave this bed. Who cares about food, water, hygiene...okay, maybe we should care about that a little.

Besides, this is as good an opportunity as any.

"Hey," I whisper in her ear. "Let's get up."

"No," she groans and burrows her face in my chest, squeezing her right leg around my torso to keep me in place. "Let's stay here."

A low groan rumbles in my throat, but I have to bat it down. She drives a hard bargain and her light touch trails down my chest, lingering on my stomach...nope.
Focus, Flynn
.
You'll have time for this later.

Time. Right.

We have less than 48 hours before the fight. I just need to keep my eyes forward and focus on what I can control—I need to start proving to her that she matters. That she's not someone I'm just going to throw away like all the men in her life have done before me. I almost made that mistake before and I'll never do it again.

"C'mon," I try again, leaning in just enough so my lips can brush her hair. "I want to..." I trail off, struggling for the right words to describe just what it is I want to do. "I want to take you out on a date."

That gets her attention. Her eyes snap open and she jerks up to her elbows. "What?"

"You heard me," I laugh. "Let's do it."

Her eyes gleam mischievously. "I feel like we skipped a step or two. I've been out of the dating scene for a little while, but if I remember right, I thought people usually went out on a few dates before they..." she gestures with her head toward our tangled limbs. "You know."

"Yeah," I chuckle again. "I know. So I skipped a few bases before sliding into home. Big deal."

Her shoulders shake with laughter and I just pull her closer to my chest just because I feel like it. Just because I can. Finally.

"I mean it though, Rae," I try again. "I want to take you out on a real date."

She cocks an eyebrow at me. "Like we're a couple?"

"Yeah," I lift a shoulder. "That's what we are, aren't we? I mean, I've been out of the dating scene for awhile, but if I remember right, usually when the guy comes over to the girl's apartment and lays everything out on the line after being a ragin' jerk and then they have bangin' hot sex not once, but twice...doesn't that usually mean they're together after that? I mean, I could be wrong, but—"

She smacks me playfully and then dips her head back into her pillow, grinning wide and beautifully as she laughs, happy and carefree. I like to think I played a little part in that. It's an exhilarating feeling. One that fills me up and carries me forward as a plan takes root. It might be a little uncomfortable for her at first, but this is the only way I know how to show her what I'm feeling, to show her I just don't give a shit about anyone's opinion but hers.

Of course, she chooses that moment to put a kink in those plans when she swings the rest of her body over mine, hovering over me and pressing into my hips in a way that sends another low groan rumbling in my throat. I'm quickly learning she's not one to waste any time because her lips leave a trail of fire in their wake, up and down my neck, making all the hairs on my body stand on end just from that simple touch.

"Rae," I murmur hoarsely. "You keep this up and I'm gonna start to get the feeling you don't really wanna go out with me."

"What are we—in high school?" she laughs against my skin and I shudder a little from the impact.

"Nope. But I need you to get up and get dressed, okay? Why is this so hard?"

She glances down in between our bodies and when she gives me her eyes again, her eyebrows waggle smugly. "I think I know."

"Ah shit," I mutter and gently pry her off me, sending her body sliding back down to the bed, and I give her a little push. "Get going. I'm serious, Rae."

"Okay, okay," she throws her hands up in the air in exasperation and then her face falls. "Wait...oh no. Shit. Jack, I have to work today. I completely forgot."

I can't imagine why she's been distracted, but I see her point. "So call your sister and work somethin' out with her. I'm not taking no for an answer. We're going."

Her eyebrows lift in amusement and slow grin spreads over her face. "Alright. I guess I'll see what I can do."

I raise a mental fist-pump in victory and settle back against Rae's plush pillow to watch this all play out. She reaches out to her nightstand to snatch her phone off her charger, swipes across the screen, and hits a button.

"Put it on speaker," I whisper loudly, gesturing to her phone. "I gotta hear this."

She rolls her eyes, but she still obliges me and I take that opportunity to reward her by dragging my thumb lightly up the side of her arm, all the way up to that sweet spot underneath her earlobe. She shivers a little underneath my touch and shoots me an exasperated look as she bats my hand away. Okay. Point taken.

"Hey Luce," she tells her sister.

"Hi Rae. What's up?"

She shoots me a quick, anxious look and when I just smile in response, she dives right into it. "So, um, I know I have to work today, but I was wondering if—"

"If you could take today off and spend some time with your boyfriend. You know,
Jack Flynn.
Right?"

Rae's mouth hangs open in a brief moment of shock, her eyes wide shards of emeralds.

"Come on," her sister just laughs through the phone. "Did you think I was stupid? The way he came into our store the other day...he couldn't see anything but you. And
you
. Geez, you were the worst. You looked like you wanted to jump him right in the middle of the store and I've never seen you blush that much in our entire lives. You've got it bad for him, don't you?"

"Yeah," Rae answers softly, her eyes flicking up to meet mine as she speaks. "I do."