All of You (7 page)

“Of course I noticed. I couldn’t take my eyes
off you since I saw you in the tent.” He reached up to caress my
cheek with the back of his fingers, but I pulled away again.

“Lincoln… we can try to be friends, but
that’s all this will ever be,” I said, sadly.

“Why?” Lincoln asked. “You don’t want
me?”

“It’s too soon. There are things you don’t
know. I don’t know if I can trust…I don’t really know you.” I
stumbled over my words, hating how lame I must have sounded.

“Jillian. Jillian. It’s okay.” He paused and
took a step back away from me. I looked up at him confused.

“Hi,” he said, smiling warmly. “My name’s
Lincoln Monaghan. I’m 26. I play hockey, and I love hot chocolate.”
He extended his hand for a handshake. I rolled my eyes at him, but
smiled and shook his hand. He grasped it tightly, and his eyes
shone with hope.

“Hi. My name’s Jillian Thompson. I’m 24, and
I don’t really know a whole lot about hockey,” I admitted, blushing
slightly.

Lincoln laughed out loud. “Nice to meet you,
Jillian,” he said and I smiled back. Maybe this would be okay. Just
this. Nothing more.

Chapter Five

We continued our walk around the pond,
talking easily. He gave me a brief explanation of the rules of
hockey and we talked more about my research and college classes. We
discussed Lincoln’s hockey schedule and what he did in the
off-season, and I commented on how close he seemed to be with his
siblings.

“I know I can trust them with anything,”
Lincoln said while nodding. He talked about being popular in high
school but not being able to develop a deep friendship with anyone.
He never knew who would ask for information about the senator’s
family in an attempt to get a scoop on a new story, and he was
never sure whom he could trust. The media salivated at the idea of
cracks in a politician’s personal life and would do whatever it
took to exploit information. His parents forbid him to go to any
parties in high school, knowing underage drinking and drug use even
recreationally by a senator’s son would be front-page news, even
though he promised to behave. Life got better for him once he got
to college. He was away from the pressures his parents put on him,
for the most part, although he still had certain responsibilities
as a member of a political family.

“Sorry,” he said when we were almost back to
his vehicle. “I probably sound like I’m complaining about
everything.”

“No, it’s fine. I can’t imagine being raised
like that.” I sympathized with him.

“Oh, I don’t mean to make it sound terrible.
I really do love my family. Especially Ken and Carter.”

“Kennedy seems really nice.”

Lincoln let out a small laugh. “Yeah… sorry
about her last night. She doesn’t usually drink like that,” Lincoln
said, apologizing for his sister.

“Oh, that’s okay. It looked like she was
having fun. That’s the important part,” I said with a smile. “Why
wasn’t your brother there?”

Lincoln shrugged. “He’s still under my
parent’s influence. He thinks it’s a bad idea to be seen at bars or
parties, even though he’s in his midtwenties now,” Lincoln said
sadly. “He’s probably going to follow in Dad’s footsteps.”

“Oh? He’s going to run for office?”

“Not yet. He’s still too young for that. But
he’s currently working on Dad’s legal team, so if he was spotted at
a party and the cops ended up getting called or something, it would
be very, very bad.”

“Oh.” I couldn’t think of anything else to
say to that. Maybe I had been too hard on him earlier when I
thought he couldn’t know what it felt like to be lonely. That life
sounded very isolating.

“Okay, enough about me. What about you?
What’s your family like?” Lincoln asked, switching the focus back
to me.

“Um… well, I was born and raised in Chicago.
Never lived anywhere else…” I trailed off. I didn’t really want to
talk about myself, and I definitely didn’t want to tell him about
my past.

“How long have you lived with your sister?”
Lincoln asked, prompting me to continue talking.

I smiled. “Rebecca got pregnant my senior
year of high school. She was in her last year of nursing school.
Our mom was furious but refused to let her drop out of school. She
moved back home for a little while after Tabby was born. After
Becca graduated, she found a good nursing job and was able to get
her own place with Tabitha, but she worried about daycare. I needed
to move out of the dorms my freshman year, so I moved in with her
to help. I took as many classes online as I could so I could stay
home with Tabitha while Becca worked. If I needed to go to study
group or a lab session and Becca was working, our mom would watch
Tabby. It worked out well.”

I thought about Tabby’s first year. I had
been so hurt and alone. My freshman year of college had been awful,
and if I hadn’t had my Tabby Cat to keep me sane, I would have been
utterly depressed. But just holding Tabitha in my arms most days
kept me from thinking about how hurt I had been.

“What about your dad?” Lincoln asked.

“Oh. My dad died when I was ten,” I said
quietly. I didn’t want to get into the details about how my father
died and how I had been scarred. He didn’t need to know that.

“Oh, I’m so sorry. How did he die?” Lincoln
asked with pity. Everyone in high school had pitied me. I hated it.
It made me feel even more like a freak.

I didn’t answer at first. I thought about all
the personal information Lincoln had just shared with me, knowing
he was raised with a fear of personal information going public. He
had trusted me with his personal stories. I could at least answer
his question.

“Our house burned down in a fire,” I finally
said without looking at Lincoln. But I heard him gasp.

“He died in the fire?”

I nodded. “They said he probably passed out
of smoke inhalation before he died, so at least he didn’t die in
pain,” I said quietly, desperately hoping the tears didn’t come to
my eyes. It had been a long time ago, but the passage of time
didn’t lessen the pain.

“Jillian…,” Lincoln said tenderly and stopped
walking. I turned back to see why he had stopped, only to be
enveloped by his big, strong arms. He was hugging me. I hadn’t been
held like this in a long time, and it felt so good. I felt like, in
that moment, he didn’t want anything from me other than to provide
comfort.

I wrapped my arms around him and pushed the
side of my face into his hard chest and inhaled. He smelled
amazing. It was like candy to my soul.

“Thank you, Lincoln,” I said into his
chest.

He rubbed my back in a small circle.
“Anytime,” he said and kissed the top of my head.

We walked the rest of the way to his vehicle
in silence. Lincoln hit the button to unlock the doors, helped me
in, but then stopped before closing my door. I looked up at him in
surprise as he leaned against the doorframe.

“I feel like I should apologize to you,” he
said, looking at the ground.

“What? Why?” His tone made me a little
panicky. I thought things had gone well, considering this was the
first time I had opened up to anyone since… well… for as long as I
could remember.

“I… I’m sorry. Here I am complaining about my
life when the only problem I really had was my parents sheltered me
too much.” Lincoln sounded ashamed, and I reached my hand out to
his arm.

“Hey. Lincoln. Don’t worry about it. We all
have our struggles.” I gave him a small smile.

He looked up at me. “You lost your father,
Jillian.”

“Yes. And it wasn’t anyone’s fault, Linc.
Trust me I went through years of therapy before I was able to say
that. I don’t think any less of you because you still have both
your parents. Everyone has his or her own things to deal with. I
don’t want to dwell on it. It was a long time ago, and I’d rather
focus on the positive in life,” I said, trying to put him at
ease.

Lincoln stared down at me without moving for
a long moment. He then moved his hand up and brushed his fingertips
lightly across my cheek. “You are an utterly amazing person,
Jillian Thompson,” he finally said.

Utterly amazing? Me? I wasn’t anything
special, but he closed my car door before I could argue with
him.

Lincoln hopped into the driver’s seat and
smiled over at me as he put his seatbelt on and started up the
vehicle. “So you never wanted to move out? Get your own place with
friends?” Lincoln asked, trying to lighten the mood. His question
was innocent, but I felt dread and embarrassment. I didn’t want to
tell him I didn’t have any friends. He would find out eventually
how big of a freak I was, and then he would abandon me as well. But
I covered up my pain with a smile and blamed my niece.

“Well, you met Tabby. Could you leave her?” I
asked warmly.

He chuckled. “No, I suppose not.”

Lincoln drove us back to my house in
comfortable silence. I was lost in thought over this man. I was
still unsure of his intentions. I didn’t have enough confidence in
myself to believe that he was attracted to me. He was out of my
league — that much was plain to see. But maybe we could be friends.
He seemed like a kindred spirit. An equally lonely soul. But that
could just be a ruse. I sighed involuntarily and mentally kicked
myself. I hated having those negative thoughts and letting my past
rule my life, but the past still hurt and made me gun-shy. As
Lincoln pulled up to the curb outside my house, my stomach growled.
“Are you hungry?” Lincoln asked.

I smile and clutched my stomach. “I wonder if
Tabitha ate all the waffles.”

“Would you like to go to brunch?”

“With you?” I asked, surprised.

Lincoln smiled, “Of course with me.”

“Oh, I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” I
said shyly.

“Why not? You’re hungry. Is there anywhere
good to eat around here?”

I was trying to trust Lincoln, but I wanted
to take things slow. “I should probably just go home,” I said
quietly.

Lincoln looked over at me, but I turned away
and looked out the side window. I didn’t want him to see my
emotions right now. He sighed. “I have a game tomorrow night in
Denver. Can I see you when I get back?” He reached out and clasped
my hand. I looked up and gave him a small smile.

“What do you want to do?” I asked, tilting my
head.

“Are you busy this weekend?”

I shrugged. “I have dinner plans Sunday
evening, but I’m free otherwise.”

“Hmm… can I call you Saturday morning?” He
sounded so hopeful.

I bit my lip and nodded. Lincoln smiled
brightly and we exchanged numbers and for the first time in a long
time I felt hopeful. “Thank you, Jillian. Thank you for this
morning. And thank your sister and Tabby for me for the
waffles.”

“I will.” I didn’t know what else to say.
Lincoln was staring at me attentively, and as I met his gaze I
realized I wanted him to kiss me again. I inhaled deeply, and
Lincoln leaned slightly toward me. I closed my eyes and tried to
compose myself. I didn’t want to lead him on. We could only be
friends.

“Good-bye, Lincoln. Good luck at your game.”
I felt his fingertips on my cheek again and I opened my eyes and
looked up at him.

“Not good-bye, Jillian. I’ll see you later,”
he said tenderly. I nodded and got out of the vehicle. I knew he
was watching me walk into the house but I didn’t want to look
back.

I walked into the house and was immediately
bombarded with questions from Rebecca. But before I could escape
her, my phone chimed. It was Lincoln, thanking me for a nice
morning.

I peeked out the front window and saw he was
still sitting in his vehicle in front of our house. I smirked to
myself.

“
Who is this?”
I typed in reply.

“
It’s Lincoln. Please let this be
Jillian.”
he texted back.

“
Sorry, dude. Name’s Harry. Think U got
fake numbered, man. lol”
I sent the joke and giggled, imagining
Lincoln’s reaction. I couldn’t help but tease him, but the longer
it took for him to reply back the less funny my text seemed. I ran
to the front door and opened it only to find Lincoln standing on my
steps holding his phone out.

“Jillian. I thought—I thought we had a good
morning. I—ahem—I just wanted to tell you I won’t bother you
again,” he said in sad voice with a touch of anger. He turned to
leave.

“Lincoln, wait!” I called after him. “Look!”
I held my phone out to him. “It was a joke. I was—I was trying to
be funny.”

Lincoln looked down at my phone with
confusion. He took it and ran his thumb down the screen and I saw
relief in his eyes.

“I’m sorry, Lincoln.”

Lincoln looked back at me and took a deep
breath and gave me a small smile. I felt terrible that I had made
him worry and doubt himself. I didn’t know what else to do, so I
threw my arms around him and gave him a big hug. “I’m sorry,” I
said again. “I guess it wasn’t funny.”

He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me
tightly, and I could feel him inhale deeply against my hair. “Well,
if you promise to hug me like this every time, feel free to do it
again,” Lincoln said with a laugh, not letting go of me. I laughed
nervously and stepped away from Lincoln. He laughed again and
caressed my cheek with his hand. “See ya later, Jillian,” Lincoln
said with a smile. I smiled back, shook my head, and went
inside.

“
Brat.”
My phone chirped as I saw the
text from Lincoln.

“
No more hugs for you.”
I replied with
a smile.

“
Now you really are a brat.”

“
Go away. I want to eat my waffle.”
I
typed, wanting anything except for him to go away. I tried to hide
the excitement on my face.

“
Fine. Eat. Text u later?”
Lincoln
replied. I sent a smiley face in return and went into the kitchen
preparing for Rebecca’s inquisition.