All or Nothing (7 page)

Ben finished tying his boots then strapped his ankle holster on, grabbed his flannel shirt and buttoned it up over his T-shirt. A quick glance around his room confirmed everything was in place, his guns were locked up, and he was ready to go. He grabbed his keys and made his way out the door to his black SUV parked in the driveway.

He was looking forward to today and had some high hopes, if truth were known. Not just because he hadn’t had a day off in a long time, but because he was spending the day with Presley.

They’d been on multiple dates in the last few weeks, but this one had been her suggestion, and he thought it was a brilliant way to spend the day. So much so, he’d been more than willing to take the day off of work and go with her on her normal Wednesday off.

She was warming up to him, in more ways than one. She still hadn’t made the next move, but he was hoping that her suggestion of today’s date was a start of things moving in the right direction.

Not that he thought she was teasing him or dragging him along. No, just the opposite actually. It was more than that—she seemed a bit skittish, only he wasn’t sure why. So he was putting in an extra effort to ease any concerns she might be having.

That was easy enough, at least for him, because every time they’d been together was better than the last. They enjoyed each other’s company. Well, he assumed she enjoyed his; otherwise, why would she have continued to go out with him? On his part, he was enjoying her more than any other woman he had dated before.

The way she looked at him, and responded to him when he kissed her… well, that was part of why he had high hopes for the day. Soon, he thought, because even though he had an abundance of control and willpower, she seemed to be zapping it more and more each day.

Pulling into the little driveway in front of her apartment, he shut the engine off, hopped out and made his way to her front door. She pulled it opened before he could even knock. “Come on in. I just want to grab a jacket.”

He watched her walk over to her little hall closet, pull out a dark green fleece and slide it over her head. His eyes traveled down to her jeans. Another pair that seemed to be painted on. He appreciated them, but it might not be the best thing for her to wear today. Or at least the most comfortable. “Are you going to be okay in those jeans?”             

She looked down and asked curiously, “What’s wrong with them?”

His eyes lit up. Not a damn thing, but he cleared his throat and answered, “Nothing wrong at all. They look just fine. Better than fine. But will you be able to move comfortably in them?”

She walked closer to him—stalked was a better word. “I can move well enough in them. The material is very stretchy. Go on, check it,” she said, encouraging him and meeting his stare of admiration.

Well, she said he could. So he placed his hand on her behind, tugged her close and covered her mouth with his. His other hand went behind her back, molding her body as tightly as he possibly could to his. She started to relax. Her arms went around his neck and she held on for the ride.

Minutes later, his heart racing and his pulse throbbing, he pulled his lips away from hers and nibbled his way to her ear. His hand pulled the material of her jeans away from her thigh, letting it slap back. “I guess they are stretchy,” he whispered.

“I told you,” she said, all but purring in his arms.

He reined it in as best he could. “Let’s go. I’m dying to see you move.” In more ways than one, but he kept that comment to himself.

Over an hour later they pulled into the Adventure Park. He was pleased to see her wide smile and the matching excitement spread across her face. Though conversation on the long drive had been light and fun, she seemed to be as antsy as he was and ready for some action. “Ever been here before?”

“No. Have you?”

“Not this one. But I’ve been to others. Of course, in the scheme of things for me, this is like going to the playground at an elementary school,” he said, laughing and teasing a snort out of her.

“You aren’t going to be showing off, are you?” she asked, cocking her head and narrowing her eyes, showing a bit of the fire he loved from her.

“Of course not. But I can’t help it if it’s easy either, can I?” he said modestly.

She grunted at his raised eyebrows. “True,” she said, climbing out of his SUV, then stopped and leaned over to check the laces on her hiking boots. He’d been impressed when she had pulled them on earlier. They were some serious hiking boots, not bought for style, but for usage.

As they made their way to the entrance, he caught her eyes on the courses off in the distance, high up in the trees. “I should have asked this earlier, but you’re not afraid of heights, are you?”

“Really, Ben,” she said, dripping with sarcasm. “Do you think I would have suggested this if I was?” She rolled her eyes but added a smirk.

“No,” he said, fighting back a chuckle. “They do team building exercises here. I’ve even looked into it for my staff. A lot of times these courses are used to overcome fears and build trust. I just wanted to know going in. Do you have any fears? Or trust issues?” he threw out nonchalantly, waiting to see her response.

“Any what? Fears? Of this course, you mean?”

“Yes, do you have any fears I should be aware of on this course? Or life in general, if you want to share?” he asked, grinning. He hoped she was relaxed enough to tell him but noticed she didn’t address his trust question.

“I guess you will just have to find out,” she said, smirking. “Somehow I have a feeling you could talk me through anything.”

He tried not to groan when she said that. If he was so good at talking her into things, then he still wouldn’t be waiting for her to make the next move. But the truth of the matter was he didn’t want to talk her into it. He wanted her to make the decision on her own. But then she stunned him and said, “I trust you… to catch me if I fall.”

Pushing her revelation aside, they walked to the main entrance. Ben was pleasantly surprised to see there actually was a team building exercise currently being set up. Thankfully, the guides let him and Presley jump ahead of the large group.

Frankly, he didn’t need a guide and almost told them that, but in the end decided he wanted to see how good the guides actually were in case he did decide to bring his officers here.

It didn’t take long for the guide to realize he wasn’t needed. Ben easily walked over the moving wooden bridges as nimble and steadily as he walked on the street. And he had to admit, Presley was good. She had great balance and coordination. She didn’t flinch at all walking over the bridges, not even when the wind picked up and caused them to sway back and forth some twenty feet up.

She easily adapted to everything around her, having not one problem clipping her harness in for each obstacle, moving effectively from one to another. She didn’t move as fast as he did, but she held her own, and they set a pretty good pace.

And her laughter was contagious. So far he was having a better time at this moment than he’d had in longer than he could remember.

Soon they were on to one of the trickier bridges that called for being more agile. He had been taking the lead. Almost running across each wooden or rope bridge, hoping that since it was Presley’s first time, and she was a quick learner, that watching him would help her.

But now he wanted to get a good look at her in that harness since she proved she knew what she was doing. So he offered to let her take the lead.

Actually, in the end, he was glad he did. There weren’t any pieces of wood to walk on, just a thin rope, while you grabbed ropes hanging down around you to help hold you steady while you slid your feet across.

She was doing great, a bit shaky, but still great. Until a gust of wind came up, causing the ropes to swing around her head more than normal, slowing them down until she could reach over and grab the next one before moving on.

When she started to hesitate, her legs looking a little unsteady, he moved in closer, warning her he was approaching so as not to spook her. “Take a deep breath. You’ve got this.” The wind blew again and shook the rope, causing her to look down, twenty-five feet below, and take a shaky breath, then another. “Don’t look down. Look straight ahead. Just remember, you’re strapped in, you can’t fall, and you can’t get hurt. Keep that in your mind at all times. You can’t get hurt. And I’m right here,” he explained in a calm precise voice.

She took a deep breath, exhaled out slowly, then said, “It’s not the obstacle. It’s the wind. I don’t feel steady for some reason. Like the room is spinning, even though it’s not. That type of feeling.” She took a few more breaths when the wind picked up again.

“Wait for the wind to stop. We’ve got all the time in the world,” he said slow and steady, wanting to make her relax. He tried another approach. “You said you trusted me, right? Well, think of it this way. It’s only you and I up here. All those people in that team building exercise below are shaking and cringing, watching us right now. You’ve heard all of their comments on how fast we’re going through the courses, right?”

“Yeah,” she said, her voice wavering.

“They’re following your lead. If you can’t do it, then they won’t either. They won’t even try, because in their minds, if
you
can’t do it, when you are obviously better than them, they won’t even attempt it. You and I both know you can do it. So help prove to them that they can, too.”

“I just want the wind to stop.”

“And it will. Give it another second, then when it stops, move. Don’t think, just move and keep moving until you feel the wind start again. Then stop and wait. You’ll be at the other side before you know it.”

She must have taken his instructions to heart, because the minute the wind stopped she moved. And she moved fast. Like a monkey swinging through the trees, grabbing one rope then another, nimbly moving across in record time, proving just how agile she really was. He jumped on the platform a second after her.

“Holy cow,” she said, adding a shaky laugh. “Thanks. Wow. That helped a lot, what you said to me back there.”

“No problem. It’s all mind over matter. Pretty much everything in life is that way.” It was the truth. He wasn’t always the biggest, or the fastest, or even the smartest during training. But he had more mental strength than most. His mind never broke, when so many others around him did. “If your mind is strong, your body can follow.”

She turned and looked at him, astonishment written all over her face. “I say that to the kids a lot, or something similar. I always tell them that their body may be weak, but if their mind continues to fight, they can make it.”

“And you just did the same thing. It’s the truth,” he said, sending a warm smile her way.

“Yes, it is.”

Then she surprised him by reaching up and placing her hands on his cheeks, her eyes having grown soft. A look crossed her face that he hadn’t seen before, and he didn’t know what it meant. Just as quickly as it was there, it was gone. Before he could question her, she leaned in and laid her lips over his, making a loud smacking sound.

“Beat you to the other side,” she said on a laugh, then grabbed the zip line, jumped off the platform, and took off with a happy scream.

A few hours later, they were taking a quick break in the cafe and refueling. She was having the time of her life. This was even more fun than she thought it would be and she couldn’t imagine doing it with anyone else.

She didn’t have any friends that had ever been willing to even try it. And thinking now, even if she had convinced them, they would have never made it to the end. She would have spent most of the time talking them through the courses rather than enjoying them herself.

Looking at Ben sitting across from her, she had to wonder what she was waiting for. She had been ready to make the next move for a week now. Only she couldn’t bring herself to do it.

She didn’t even know what she was afraid of. Maybe it had been too long, and she was just unsure of herself right now. Or maybe it was that she liked him
so
much, and she was afraid to change their dynamic.

Which was stupid if she really thought of it. She just hadn’t been adventurous enough to do it. That was it. That had to be it.

She had actually hoped that by coming here, it would give her that final push. So far it was working. And working well, at least on her part.

Damn, he was drop dead gorgeous to her right at this moment. Not just his looks. That was superficial. It was everything else. He was the whole package. Everything he did was effortless. He moved so gracefully. He never even looked out of breath, not even once today, when she had been panting a few times.

And when he helped her back there on that one bridge, well, she felt safe and secure. It wasn’t what he said to her that got her to the other end. No, not at all, even though it helped. It was his presence. That was the turning point for her.

She knew deep down he was there, right there behind her and he wouldn’t let anything happen to her. It wasn’t the harness she was strapped in to, it was him. Plain and simple. She wasn’t kidding when she said she trusted him, but at that time she wasn’t sure how deep that trust ran. Now she knew. It ran deep.

But she wasn’t done yet with the course. There was still more to do, and since she was here, she wanted to experience it all. She wanted to get that thrill. Wanted to get it with him. “Ready for the extreme course now?” she asked.

“Are you up for it?”

“Sure. I know you want to do it. And I think it’ll be fun. We’ve got time before it gets dark, so might as well get our money’s worth out of the day.”

“Then let’s go,” he said, picking up the remains of their quick lunch and tossing it.

Six more courses and several obstacles later, Presley’s arms were literally shaking. It had indeed been a blast and well worth the day. More so than ever, she was glad she asked him to do this with her.

But her body had had enough, and Ben seemed to realize that as she attempted to unhook her harness and failed to get her trembling hands to cooperate. “Let me do that for you,” he said, brushing her hands aside. “Wow, your hands are ice cold. Why didn’t you say something? We could have stopped earlier.”

She lifted her hands to her mouth and blew on them to warm them up. “I didn’t even realize it, to be honest. I think the adrenaline was rushing through me and warming me up, but now it’s leaving my body. Unfortunately I can’t seem to stop shaking. Thanks,” she said when he pulled the harness away from her so she could step out of it.

He quickly took his own harness off and they handed them back to the guide, who said, “It was pleasure today. I don’t often get people here who go through the course like you two did. Are you both in the military?”

Presley laughed. “No, I’m not and never have been.”

The guide looked at Ben, who only nodded briefly. “Well, either way, it was great. I rarely get to let go and do the course myself, or really enjoy it, but was able to do it with you today. So thanks.”

They were walking toward the door to leave when Ben’s phone rang. He reached in his pocket, pulled it out, stopped, then looked almost frozen with apprehension on his face. Presley had never seen him unsure before, so she leaned over and read then name flashing across it. “Trent’s mom. Who’s Trent?”

He hit the button on the side, silenced the ringing, and placed the phone back in his pocket quickly. Then he turned to look at her, apprehension gone, and a smile on his face—one that didn’t reach his eyes. “A fallen warrior.” He walked to the door, held it open to her and followed her toward his vehicle.

On the ride home, though he wasn’t quiet, she sensed the change in him. He was still chatting and laughing and grinning the whole time, but something was different. She couldn’t put her finger on it, but he wasn’t the same as he was hours before. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, why do you ask?”

“I don’t know. You just seem… off right now,” she said, concerned.

“Not at all,” he said, still sporting his grin. “Where to now?”

“I guess home.”

“You guess, huh? Want to eat first?”

“Sure. I’m always up for food. Then we can go back to my place.”

***

Ben wanted to ring his own neck. The day had been going perfectly. Everything was falling into place. He’d felt it, and knew tonight was the night. She had been sending out signals all day. Actually, she had been sending them out for weeks. He saw all the hints, all the signals and signs, and could have made a move at any point. She wouldn’t have stopped him, he was positive, but he told her it was up to her and he was sticking to it.

“Goddamn it,” he said out loud. “Jesus, Trent.” But it wasn’t Trent’s fault. Or Trent’s mother’s fault for calling when she did. It was all Ben’s fault. He had no one to blame but himself. Almost immediately Presley’s mood changed after that call came in. And he cursed himself for his reaction to the call in the first place.

All he had to do was turn the ringer off and put the damn phone back in his pocket. But did he do that? No. Instead he froze. He had looked at the name, and the dread crept up his body like a snake, tightening around his neck, all but suffocating him.

Every time he felt he was moving on and moving ahead, Patty would call, crying and pleading and asking for answers he couldn’t give. Pulling him right back into the abyss he was fighting so hard to get out of.

Things would get better for a time. Even the nightmares were getting better, but Patty would call and it would start all over again. The nightmares, the pain, the grief and the guilt. Always the damn guilt.

Patty hadn’t called in months, and he had hoped she was learning to cope like he was. But he doubted it.

Trent had been her life. He’d had no father growing up. It was just him and his mother, and Patty had smothered Trent. She wouldn’t let him breathe, refused to believe he was a man, and kept treating him like a child. His whole life, Trent couldn’t break from the apron strings his mother had tied tightly around him.

Ben had never believed the stories that Trent told him about his mom. How Patty would call Trent when he was on a date to check on him. How she would drive around and look for him when he wouldn’t answer his phone. The times Patty would pull Trent’s girlfriends aside and lecture them on how they needed to treat her son. Trent was so embarrassed by it all, it finally forced him to enlist in the Navy—the only way he could get away in his mind.

Regrettably, it hadn’t helped any. Matter of fact, it only made matters worse. Patty called Trent every chance she got. If she couldn’t track Trent down, she called Ben to find out where Trent was.

When they received mail, Trent would get ten times the amount of anyone else, and it was all from his mother. Each and every letter and phone call begging him to come home, pleading with him not to leave her.

The worst was the time Patty said her life was over with Trent gone and that she couldn’t go on without him. She
needed
him to care for her.

The first time Ben had seen those letters and heard those calls, he was sick to his stomach. Never could he imagine his parents putting that kind of guilt and responsibility on him. It was almost like Patty was the child and Trent was the parent.

On leave one time, Trent begged him to visit his mother with him and then asked if he could go stay with Ben’s family afterward. Ben reluctantly agreed, hoping to help Trent out. And it did seem to help with Ben there, at least he thought. Patty didn’t treat Trent like a child in front of Ben, but rather a man. Only, not in a good way.

It was almost a bit creepy, but it still didn’t seem as bad as Trent had made it all out to be, making Ben wonder if Trent had exaggerated.

Until their last day there when Patty pulled Ben aside and asked for all his contact information so she could check up on Trent. “I need someone to look out for Trent and it has to be you. You have to make sure that Trent comes home to me. I couldn’t survive if something happened to him, and I’m counting on
you
to make sure nothing ever does.”

They had flown out of Alabama and headed to New York to Ben’s home, that conversation with Patty weighing on his mind. After watching Trent with his own family, how he related to his brothers and sister, how his parents treated Trent like a member of the family, Ben knew he could never confess to Trent what his mom had asked of him. There was no reason to embarrass Trent any further. He would keep that secret and he would honor what Patty asked of him.

That first night in Ben’s old room, Trent had confided in him. “Dude, I’m so glad you went home with me. She was mild for once. You can’t imagine what it was like growing up with her. I love her, I really do, but now I know why my father left,” he had said with a laugh. “I guess I should be lucky she didn’t pull you aside and tell you to treat me well, that I deserved everyone to be nice to me because I was special. That I was supposed to take care of her.”

“We know you are
special
all right,” Ben had said, laughing, then said no more, because Patty
had
said those words to him. He didn’t understand them at the time and didn’t want to ask her to explain. He just wanted to get the hell out of there.

Staring at his hands on the steering wheel as he drove home after his date with Presley, his eyes rested on the silver band on his right hand. Unity and strength. The unity was gone now, but he needed the strength. Which was why he had placed that ring on his finger the day after they buried Trent. He had failed Patty, and in turn he’d failed himself.