Charlie
“So when are you going to tell me where
we’re going?” I asked Tori. We had been driving for nearly thirty minutes
already. The longer we drove, the farther out of the city we seemed to be
heading. My curiosity was growing, steadily.
She smiled, “Well, would you rather
know now, or be surprised?”
“How much longer till we get there?”
She laughed, “I bet you’re a thrill to take
on road trips, Charlie.”
I laughed. I hated road trips,
actually. Though I loved to drive, I did not enjoy days on end of living on the
road. The irony of the six-week tour I had just been invited on had not slipped
my mind in the slightest. I hadn’t given them an answer yet, but I needed to
soon. They were waiting on me.
If I said yes, I would need to leave
soon after the wedding so I could learn the music before hitting the road.
A heavy sadness sunk into my chest.
Why had Briggs responded that way to me yesterday,
as if he didn’t have an opinion? He always had an opinion. Did he really not
care if I left?
“We’ll be there in about fifteen
minutes. Briggs just texted—looks like everything is on time.”
And then another kick to my gut, I was
going to see Briggs today.
Great.
This day isn’t going to be awkward at all.
“Hey, I forgot to tell you, Stacie
bought you a gown. She got you two different sizes cause she wasn’t sure…but
she is
certain the coloring will be
perfect for your hair and skin tone
!” Tori said, doing her best
impersonation of Stacie. That got me out of my head for the moment, it was
pretty funny.
“She didn’t have to do that, I was
planning on getting something,” I said.
“No, you don’t understand. Stacie needs
to go to fashion rehab. She is a freak about this stuff. Getting your gown was
probably the highlight of her week.”
I laughed again. I was excited to see
it.
“I’ll bring it by the house next week.”
We pulled into one of the largest
fields I had ever seen, and then I saw the tarmac…and the plane.
And three bodies I distinctly
recognized climbing aboard it.
Oh
dear Lord, what has Briggs done now?
Briggs
Kai had been a good sport about the
blindfold until the last five minutes of our hour-long drive. I was honestly
surprised that he’d lasted that long. His guesses had included: hunting,
shooting, golfing (laughed at that), white water rafting, and every sporting
event known to mankind, but he had not guessed right.
Even with our scheduled appointment
time, we would likely be waiting for a while. I had cleared my plan with Tori first,
more afraid of her reaction than Kai’s, but she had been great about it—as
usual.
Kai yanked at his blindfold when Jack’s
Jeep came to a stop. We both stared at him, gauging his reaction.
“What the…?”
We watched as he sorted out his
surroundings—putting two and two together.
“You’re taking me sky-diving?”
Both Jack and I started laughing
hysterically at the shock on his voice, after a only a few seconds, Kai joined
in. “Dude…no way! I can’t believe you guys did this! I would have never guessed…”
He looked around again in disbelief.
“Are you…alright with this?” I asked.
He smiled—that was all the assurance I
needed.
As we got out of the Jeep he hit me on
the back, laughing again. “This is gonna be awesome…nothing like taking the
plunge before I take the plunge,” Kai said.
“Hey…that was supposed to be my line!”
I yelled over the noise on the tarmac.
Jack and I had both jumped tandem
before, but this would be Kai’s first time. We had talked about doing this
together years ago, but never got around to it. I was glad now that we had
waited for such a memorable occasion.
“You’re gonna be hooked after this,
Kai. It’s like nothing I can even describe,” Jack said.
We walked into the office and checked-in.
After watching the mandatory instructional video and signing our lives away, we
waited.
I texted Tori to let her know my best
guesstimate on our jump time, that part I was keeping a surprise. Kai would be
thrilled to know that she had watched.
She texted me when she arrived, right
on time.
Perfect
.
Our names were called.
This
is it.
Charlie
“Oh my gosh, that’s them! They’re going
to jump out of an airplane, Tori!” I yelled, nearly bursting out of my skin
with nerves. I covered my mouth, watching the plane ascend higher and higher
into the horizon.
I felt sick to my stomach.
“I know, awesome, huh? I kinda wish I
was up there with them; Kai is going to love it. He is such an adrenaline
junkie…well, so are Jack and Briggs for that matter. They’re really a pretty
scary trio when I think about it,” she laughed.
I laughed too, only it was of the high-pitched
hysteria variety. I could actually feel my face start to crack from the spasms
going through it. My eyes watered, unsure of what emotion they should be
preparing for. I looked at Tori again; she represented everything calm and
serene, I was pretty much the opposite side of that spectrum.
If I wasn’t so busy freaking out, I
would likely be embarrassed of myself.
She’s
a trauma nurse—she gets paid to be calm.
I didn’t know what to do with my body,
my hands, or my mouth. I was one big nervous ball of energy. I started bending
at the knees over and over, fixating my eyes on the plane above. Tori turned
her head to me then, eyeing me suspiciously, but thankfully she didn’t say
anything. I didn’t need a medical diagnosis to tell me that I was acting like a
lunatic. I may only be
a music
major, but I was pretty
sure I could diagnose myself. That fact did not deter my crazy antics in the
slightest though.
Briggs
is up there. Briggs is up there. Briggs is up there.
The heat in my chest was a constant
flow of hot lava. I was certain it had to be doing permanent damage to my
insides; my esophagus was likely charred already.
And then…I saw the black specs.
One.
Two.
Three.
I was screaming, but I didn’t know it
until Tori asked me if I was going to be alright. I had to stop my loud soprano
hair-dryer noise in order to answer her, but as I did, I kept my eyes fixed on
their falling bodies in the sky. I thought I would vomit in the sixty seconds
it took for each of their shoots to open, but I didn’t. I made it. I pulled
through.
Seriously?
You are not the one who just jumped out of an airplane!
Their bodies finally hit the ground.
Without so much as a word to each
other, Tori and I were running toward them, both thinking the same thing. My
emotions were wildly insane, but I didn’t care.
I couldn’t wait to see Briggs, my
concerns of yesterday no more.
Briggs
How do I describe free fall?
BEST. SIXTY. SECONDS. EVER!
And then I saw Charlie.
And I was falling again.
Charlie
We yelled their names—okay, I might
have yelled quite a bit louder than Miss Composure over there, but it did the
trick. They saw us. Kai was the closest one to us on the field where they had
landed, and was completely taken by surprise at the sight of Tori. He ran to
her, lifting her up, and kissing her in mid-air.
I slowed my run the second I made eye
contact with Briggs, my heart slamming harder against my rib cage with every
step I took toward him. He closed the gap between us quickly; his bulky jumpsuit
and straps hanging off his body. I could feel the adrenaline coming off of him
in waves.
It was intoxicating.
I
want you.
I knew the thought was mine, yet I knew
with absolutely certainty that it was his, too. I could see it in his eyes. I
could hear it in his mind. I could sense it from his body.
He lifted me up like I was the size and
weight of a paper doll and spun me around. I threw my head back and laughed,
wrapping my arms tightly around his neck. I had never wanted his kiss more than
in that moment. My spine tingled as I felt his breath on my neck, and then on my
cheek, and then on my mouth.
I was drowning in want.
I begged for it with my eyes—pleaded
even, but with a pained look, he simply slid me down his body instead, until my
feet hit the ground again. His breathing was labored; as he lifted his hands to
my face, and touched my cheeks.
He held my gaze for days…weeks…months…
And then, I was left wanting.
Briggs
Blindsided.
There was no other way to put it.
I had just jumped out of an airplane!
It was fair to say my defenses were down. When I saw Charlie running toward me
a minute after I had landed, my first reaction was not to stay away from her. The
words were written across her face, they were in her eyes, and on the lines of
her mouth.
I
want you!
I couldn’t tell where her want ended or
where mine began. The words were burning a hole inside my chest before I had
even reached her.
And then…
I
ALMOST KISSED HER!
I set her down, actively reminding
myself of why I couldn’t have her; of all the reasons she couldn’t be mine. An
eternity passed before I was strong enough to drop my hands from her beautiful
face.
I saw confusion flash in her eyes as I
pulled away, and then I saw something even worse: Rejection. I scrubbed my face
hard enough to take off the first couple layers of skin.
“Charlie, I don’t-”
“Hey! So, how was it?” Tori asked,
walking toward us, hand in hand with Kai.
I couldn’t take my eyes off Charlie, she
was hurt…and I was the reason.
“It was great.” My response fell flat,
drawing the attention of both Tori and Kai as they looked between Charlie and me.
“Okay…” Tori said.
Charlie turned then, walking back
toward the parking lot.
My heart sank.
“Should I….uh?” Tori asked pointing at
Charlie.
I nodded. Tori didn’t hesitate; she was
in stride with Charlie before I could have even verbalized the request. I
wanted more than anything to be the one to comfort her, but I knew that was an
impossible task. I was supposed to be creating boundaries, not confusion. I was
failing miserably.
I looked at Kai, trying to distract from
my latest Charlie blunder, “Best fall of your life?”
He smiled wide, Jack joining us a
second later. “Pretty darn close, man.”
Kai refocused his gaze to rest on Tori’s
back as she walked with Charlie through the field, his meaning clear.
There was no competition with falling
in love, or being fallen for.
Charlie
I was beyond mortified.
Briggs had come over to my window
before we pulled out of the parking lot, but I could hardly face him. I didn’t
know how to fix what had just happened, mostly because I didn’t know
what
had just happened.
All I knew was that I wanted to crawl
in a hole and never come out—ever.
How
could I have been so wrong?
For a brief moment I had been certain,
certain that he felt what I had been feeling for weeks. That, apparently, was
not the case.
I was so tired of acting like a fool
for the sake of love.
What had I been
waiting for?
Whatever it was, it wasn’t coming. He didn’t hold back his
thoughts—ever. He had expressed his feelings of friendship to me, and nothing
more. Whatever our kiss had meant the night I told him about my past, there was
no future to it.
Briggs had made that clear today.
I felt a tear slip down my cheek as I
looked out the window of Tori’s car, my chest aching with each breath I took. I
could handle the pain of mistaken love. I could even handle the rejection of an
unwanted kiss. But I could not handle losing Briggs.
I’d take a permanent friendship status
over nothing at all.
Whatever I needed to say to fix the
awkwardness I had caused, I would.
He was worth it.