All She Wanted (2) (30 page)

Briggs

The months seemed to compound one after
the other once Charlie got back into her school routine. We still connected
daily in some way—even if it was only a text goodnight, but her schedule had
become much more demanding, as had her practice time. She had been receiving
offers left and right as prospective agents came to listen to her play. With
each one, I created a new boundary to stand behind. I didn’t want to sway any
decision she made—no matter what the ramifications were for me. It was her
choice.
Her
future.
 

Whether consciously or not, there had
been a shift in our interactions since the “Alex encounter” in mid-July. We had
teetered too close to the edge of
something
more than friends
that night, and I knew I wouldn’t be strong enough to
handle it a second time. I didn’t need to test that theory.

Instead, I did everything in my power
to keep us from having another one like it.

That, however, may have been the wrong
tactic.

Me
: So what did you decide? Turkey day is
just two days away…when are you rolling in?

Miss
Strawberry Shortcake:
Camille
really wants me to meet her family, and I only have three days off. I’m just
gonna stick around here. I told my parents earlier today…they’re gonna visit my
Aunt in Tulsa now.

Charlie and I had been counting down to
Thanksgiving weekend for months. Not only was I dying to get to see her (on
something other than a phone screen or laptop), but I was going to get to be
near her, for days. I had even planned to take her to Angie’s on Black Friday
for leftovers and game night. To say I was disappointed with her change of
plans would have been the understatement of the century. It was difficult to be
understanding when I couldn’t shake the feeling that this decision was
personal—not logical like she wanted me to believe.

Me
: Wow…that’s a bummer, Charlie. I was
really looking forward to seeing you. It’s been months…

Miss
Strawberry Shortcake:
I
was just there, Briggs…Labor Day, remember? Please tell Angie and Cody “Happy
Thanksgiving” for me.

Me:
Just here? That was three months ago!
And of the two whole days you were here…I saw you for maybe two hours of it,
with your parents!

I was fuming as I saw her reply, she
knew exactly what she was doing…and so did I.
 
  

Miss
Strawberry Shortcake:
Need to
go…I’m late for class.

I stared at the phone in my hand like
it was my mortal enemy.

Instead of being the vessel that
connected us, it felt more like the barrier that separated us.

Charlie was slipping away from me more
and more each day, and I was powerless to stop it.

Charlie

It hadn’t all been a lie.

Camille had asked me to go home with
her to meet her family over the holiday weekend, conveniently they only lived
twenty-minutes away from school. I may have only had three days off, but that
turn-around time would never have stopped me from coming home in the past. And
it wasn’t the reason I had chosen to stay back now. Neither distance nor time
bothered me, but the status of my heart did.

That
bothered me very much.

The difference was slight at first,
almost as if I had imagined it. We would talk, text, email, video-chat, like
everything was fine—like we were fine. But really, we weren’t. Something had
changed.

I could sense it in his word choice, I
could hear it in his voice, and I could see it in his face during our Wednesday
morning coffee dates online. The only problem was, my heart wouldn’t conform to
this change.

Even though I knew he was pulling away
from me, my will to fight it was stronger than my ability to let go.

Hadn’t
that always been the case? Yes.

I had gone over our conversations in my
head countless times, searching for the cause of our regression. I always came
back to that night in July, after my run-in with Alex. I had taken a risk that
night, hoping for
something more than
friends
to be the result. But like always, he had let me down easy,
reminding me exactly what we were: Friends.

I wanted that to be enough, to tide me
over for forever, but the track of denial only went so far. And my train was
running out of steam.

I couldn’t go home and face him. Pretending
indifference over the phone was one thing, but having to keep up this act while
being near him? That wasn’t possible—not yet anyway.

I didn’t know how to
un-love
Briggs, but I had to try.

I had to.

**********

“What are you going to do with this?
Ever going to finish it?” Camille asked, holding up the composition I had
started a year ago—the one I still hadn’t finished.
 

She lay on my bed, rifling through my
old music binder as I typed an email reply to my mom. She was always so good at
keeping me updated on everything going on back home, no matter how small. This
made the big stuff—the Briggs stuff for instance—feel like less of the giant
life-sucking complication that it was. Somehow hearing about the neighborhood
holiday bizarre, which was right around the corner, was just what I needed
right now.

That was the kind of information I
could process. It was simple, concrete, solid.

I sighed. “I don’t know. I just can’t
seem to finish that one,” I replied.

“Why is that? It’s the only one that’s
not completed, out of this entire book…”

I shrugged, clicking out of my email.

Camille had moved into my dorm nearly
two months ago now. After Sasha was expelled for drinking on campus (again), I
requested Camille as my new roommate. She proved to be a great match—not that
there was any doubt about that. She had become a great friend to me. In
addition to my texts and occasional phone calls with Tori, Camille had quickly
become the strongest female influence in my life—outside of my mother.

I knew that if not for my time at home
during spring
term,
my fate would have likely mirrored
Sasha’s. It was bittersweet for me to think of that season of my life. On the
one hand, I was grateful for what my time home had shown me—how it had grown
and shaped me, reminding me of the importance of my faith, showing me hope and
love, but on the other hand…

I stood and rubbed my palms anxiously
on my pants. Winter break was almost here. Avoidance was not going to be an
option for me much longer. I couldn’t skip Christmas like I had skipped
Thanksgiving—four weeks was hardly a three-day weekend.

“You have to talk to him when you go
back, Charlie. He deserves to hear it, as much as you need to say it.”

I was startled by the change in subject
matter.

I sighed. “I’m not saying anything,
Camille. We’ve been over this a thousand times…you’re really starting to get on
my nerves.” I rolled my eyes.

“But what if you’re wrong? What if
there’s a reason he hasn’t said more…what if he’s waiting for some reason?”

I spun around, my hands coming up to my
hips defensively.

“I’m
not
wrong, and even if I were…there is no reason he would keep
feelings like that inside. He doesn’t work that way. Briggs says everything he
thinks—believe me, he is
not
shy.
I’ve been on the receiving end of many an uncomfortable conversation because of
that fact. If he...”

I couldn’t even say the
words,
it hurt too much to hope that they could be true.

“If he
loves
you…then what?”

“Then he would have said so already.
Opportunity has not lacked between us, Camille…we talk every single day. There
is no reason, there is no excuse, there are just facts—the same ones I have
told you over and over. He doesn’t love me, not the way I…not the way I love
him. Please, I can’t keep having this conversation. It’s not helping.”

“I’m sorry…I guess I’m just a hopeless
romantic.” She shrugged apologetically. “I just want to see your fairytale
ending.”

I shook my head sadly, “Take it from
me, Camille, there is no such thing as a fairytale ending.”

Briggs

The chief insisted on Christmas lights.

Today was December first, and today,
like every other year that had come before it, was “light day”. I groaned inwardly
as I stared at the three giant Rubbermaid containers in front of me. I hated
this job…that was no secret. But this year, I seemed to hate it even more.

This year I was finding it hard to get
into the holiday spirit at all.
 

Charlie was coming home in five days,
and though I should feel ecstatic, the only thing I felt at the moment, was
confused. It wasn’t only the emotional distance she had wedged between us in
these last few weeks that worried me; it was also the way she had been
responding to me as of late.

I could squeeze more warmth from an ice
cube than I could from Charlie right now.

 
If
there was another way to ask her
what was
wrong
, I certainly didn’t know it. Apart from asking her in Pig-Latin, I
could honestly say that I had tried everything.

The chief walked out, greeting me and
carrying yet another box in his hands. He laid it at the base of the hydraulic
ladder—the one I was just about to step onto. He stretched his arms above his
head, rotating his shoulders.

“Here’s one more, Briggs. And one of
those larger ones over there should have the Santa sleigh and the Nativity
scene for the side yard inside it, I think,” he said smiling.

“Does it also have the Easter bunny in
it, too? Or that Leprechaun guy from Saint Patty’s day?” I grumbled.

“No, but I think I just found the
Grinch.” He folded his arms over his chest, but continued to watch me—an odd
look crossing over his face.

“I’ll look for them in a bit, sir,
sorry.” I pulled the first long strand of lights out, and climbed into the
lift’s cage.

He walked a bit closer, putting his
left hand on the lift’s rail as if trying to get my attention. I had just
grabbed the staple gun when I met his scrutinizing gaze for the second time. I
stood upright, waiting for him to speak his mind.

“Have you spoken with Charlie
recently?”

A pang shot through my heart at the
mention of her name.

“Yeah, just texted lately though.
Why—is something wrong?”
 

I leaned on the back rail, hanging the
staple gun onto my belt loop.

He rotated his shoulders again,
shrugging slightly in the process. “I think something might be going on with
her.”

My brows furrowed as my heart rate
increased, “Like what?”

I was not in the mood to be accused of
anything, especially when it came to her. I had done everything that had been
asked of me, kept every promise I had made to the man. It was most likely those
very promises that had me second-guessing our relationship right now.

“Relax, Briggs…this isn’t an
interrogation. I know you’ve been nothing but honorable when it comes to her,
but her mom and I think…”

“What?”
 

If I hadn’t been talking to my chief—
a.k.a
Charlie’s Dad—I would have demanded him to speak
faster, but I held my respect in check, and waited for him to continue.

“We think she’s trying to avoid
something…it’s what she does when she’s anxious or stressed. It was odd for her
to change her plans so last minute at Thanksgiving, and now with winter break
almost here, she doesn’t even seem…excited about coming home.”

I knew exactly what he was talking
about, maybe even more than he did.

“Yeah.”
 
I nodded in agreement, pulling on my neck.

“Ever since she got back to school
after the tour…she hasn’t seemed like herself. Her grades are excellent, and
she’s received several invitations to go abroad after graduation, but yet,
there’s no passion in her voice when she talks about it,” Chief said, raising
his arm off the lift and stretching it across his body, massaging his shoulder
in the process.

“I’ve noticed that too, sir. I don’t
know what I can say to help, though…I’ve tried to ask her, believe me,” I said,
shaking my head.

“But that’s just it, Briggs. What I’m
trying to say, is that Julie and I think her lack of passion is somehow
connected to you.”

Ouch
.

“Is this supposed to be a
kick-me-when-I’m-down-conversation, sir?”

“Not at all…I think maybe I’m gaining
some new perspective. I think you did more for her than what I may have given
you credit for.” He paused, shifting his feet as he held my gaze. “Briggs…do
you still love my daughter?”

I stared at him, desperately trying to
believe that what I was hearing was real—hoping to God that this was not just
my sad attempt at a daydream.

     
“More
than my own life,” I said firmly.

     
He
nodded, but as he did, he staggered forward a step…and then another.

     
“Sir—sir,
are you okay?”

     
He
clutched his chest as I jumped out of the lift, staple gun falling to the
ground with a loud clang.

     
“I
think…I’m having a heart attack.”

**********

     
One
might think it
lucky
to have a heart
attack surrounded by a bunch of paramedics and firemen, and maybe that was
true, but it didn’t change the fact that our chief was currently being rushed
into surgery.

     
Mrs.
Julie had just walked in a few seconds before, followed by Kai, as we piled
together in a private waiting room. It had seemed like years had passed with
the amount of worry that saturated the air, but in reality, it had been no more
than twenty-minutes since the chief had spoken his last words to me.

     
I
knelt beside Mrs. Julie, just one thought reverberating inside my head.

     
Charlie
.

     
“Mrs.
Julie, have you spoken with Charlie yet?” I asked softly.

     
She
shook her head slowly, her face dazed in shock.

     
“I’d
like your permission to go pick her up and bring her back here, but I think it
would be best if no one calls her until I’m with her. I’m afraid if she hears
about this now, she will get on the road regardless of what anyone says, and I
don’t think that would be safe. Do you agree with me?”

     
She
took my hands in hers. “Yes, I do. Just bring her home to me safely, Briggs.
Please have her call me as soon as she’s with you.”

     
“I
will, ma’am, I promise.”

     
Kai
and Evan were at my side the second I stood up. I grabbed Kai’s shoulder,
pulling him close. “Nobody calls, Charlie,” I said through gritted teeth,
“Nobody.”

     
“But
it’s gonna take nearly four hours to get to her,” Evan said.

Kai shot him a warning look, he knew
what was coming.

I pointed my finger at his chest. “When
you love a woman the way I love Charlie Lexington…you will do whatever it takes
to keep her safe—even if that means keeping her safe from herself. She can’t
drive with this in her head. So, I will say it one more time Evan, nobody calls
her!”

Kai stepped between us. “You have our
word, Briggs. We’ll make sure of it, and I’ll keep you updated with the latest
on Chief.”

“Thanks.”

And with that, I was gone.