All This Time (31 page)

Chapter
Fifty-Nine

Silently
slinking out of the bed, I glance over my shoulder and see Blues lying naked
turned on his left side with one arm snaked under his pillow. A serine smile
plays along the corners of his dark red lips. A single tear slips off my lashes
before I turn around and leave him sleeping. I sneak off into the living room
and wiggle back into the clothes I discarded earlier. It’s still dark out and
the clock on the microwave reads four in the morning.

I
step out the front door, shuffling my bag onto my back after digging out my
cell phone. I do a quick search on the internet and locate a local taxi service
that is willing to come out this far. Then I book a flight back to Atlanta
leaving out of Raleigh in two hours. Anxiously waiting for the cab, I write a
short note and stick it in the mailbox, lifting up the little red flag on the
side. I just hope that Blues notices it when he discovers me missing later
today. I need him to understand a few things before he shows up at Decks’ house
banging on his chest like some modern day caveman.

Blues,

I
needed time to get over what happened with Wise and with your help I’ve done
that. Thank you. I need to be with Decks. Don’t come after me and don’t come
between us.

Angel

Five
hours later an Atlanta taxi pulls into the driveway at my house. I drag my weak
body out and up the front steps reaching for the door just as it is being
pulled open.

“There
you are,” Kris says smiling, but one look at me and her happy demeanor drops
instantly. “Come on honey.”

She
guides me upstairs where she pulls back the covers allowing me to get into bed
and then she climbs in with me. We stay quiet for hours. Sporadically she plays
with my hair while smiling sadly at me. The whole time, all I do is
feel
sorry for myself for letting go of a man that I should
never have gotten involved with in the first place. Suddenly razor sharp anger
begins to boil through my veins. I jolt up out of the bed and begin scurrying
around my room.

“What
are you doing Sam?” Kris asks sitting up with her back resting against the
headboard.

“I’m
going back,” I announce tossing clean clothes into small bag.

“Wait,”
she says sliding off the bed, but I ignore her. “Sam, wait,” she yells. I stop,
twist around and look at her like she has lost her mind, which is exactly how
she’s looking at me. “What are you doing? I’m not letting you leave here
tonight.” I cut my eyes at her. “Stow it sister, you are not leaving here until
after we talk. I don’t give a damn about your protocol or what you believe you
need to hide from me because you think you’re protecting me.” I flinch back
away from her. “Yeah, I know all about it. You think I don’t know what you’re
job is really like, but I do Sam. I just don’t want you worrying about me
anymore than you already do, which is entirely too much, by the way.” She jams
her fists onto her hips and glares at me. “I’m not a child and I’m sick of you
treating me like one. Whether you like it or not Sam, someday something bad
might happen to me and it won’t be for your lack of trying to keep it from
happening. It’s just the way of the world.” I can’t reason it and I don’t
understand it but right now I am so pissed off. “So just stop!”

“Stop
what Kris?” I shout stepping toward her. “Stop caring about you? Stop wanting
to make sure that my best friend, who I love more than any person on this
entire planet, is shielded from the nasty, disgusting world I live in?” She
pierces me with an angry look. “Is that what you want? Well fuck that. No! I won’t
stop. With my last breath I will do everything I can to make sure that my
fucked up world doesn’t affect your life.” I screech while I slam my fist into
the door leading into my bathroom.

“That’s
where you are wrong, Sam. It does affect my life.” She counters stomping her
foot in an attempt to demonstrate how angry she is too. “Do you know that I see
just as much bad shit happening here while you’re off playing super badass
chick?” I glare at her for that ridiculous claim. “Yeah it’s true. Everyday
there are different children who come into the emergency room for one simple
complaint or another. After examining them we discover quickly that they are
actually victims of domestic violence, usually at the hands of their own mother
or father.” A sob breaks through her voice while she continues, “And you don’t
even want to know how many kids come through the door near death from a drug
overdose. Many times it turns out that they got into their parents illegal drug
stash.” Tears streak down her face and she wipes at them wildly while still
yelling at me. “If all of that isn’t disgusting I don’t know what
is Sam
. I may not know for certain like you do who the bad
guys are, but I’m just as much living in the bullshit world you live in.” She
rushes out of my room, crosses the hall into hers and slams the bedroom door
shut behind her.

Completely
frustrated with the way things escalated between me and Kris, I slam my bedroom
door and dive back into the bed. I pull the covers over my head and for the
first time in a long time I release the pain that I’ve held onto for too long.
All I ever wanted was to protect Kris and I honestly thought I was doing the
right thing. Seeing her so angry with me and then hearing about how she really
feels about it breaks my heart. She’s the only person besides my Gran who knows
all my inner most secrets and still loves me.
Being raised by
two parents who have nothing but contempt for me, left a deep and painful scar
in my heart.
I managed to live through their torment and built a life
that I am proud of, but I still keep my ability to really care for anyone
packed tightly away making it hard for me to love. That is until I started this
damn case. Now everything is different. My strength is waning and I feel like
I’m losing myself. Where do I go from here?

Silent
tears slip down my cheeks as I lie in the bed and replay every word Kris said.
Without saying the words I know that she was implying that I treated her like I
didn’t trust her. But that’s just not true. I trust her with everything…
Everything
except Blues.

In
an instant I leap from my bed, rushing through my bedroom door and banging
forcibly on hers. “Kris, open the door,” I shout.

“What
do you want?” she growls through the closed door.

“I
need to tell you something.”

There
is a long pause and I know Kris well enough to know that she is making me sweat
it. I don’t blame her, I totally fucking deserve it. Right now though I wish
she could find another way of torturing me.

“I’m
dying out here Kris. I really need to talk.”

She
jerks the door open and glares at me. Her eyes are red rimmed and puffy. She
feels just as terrible as I do about what happened earlier. I sigh and step
into her room, wrapping her up in a tight hug.

“I’m
sorry,” I state. “Will you forgive me?” I pull away and stare into her green
eyes glistening with tears. She nods her head yes and grabs me for a hug this
time. “Oh thank God. I was beginning to think you were going to be your usual
stubborn self for a minute there.”

“What?”
She laughs breaking her hold. “I’m stubborn? You’ve lost your mind Queen
Stubborn Ass.” I laugh and clutch my hand over my heart pretending to be hurt
by her name calling.

“How
dare you? I’m no Queen. I am an Empress!”

“You
got that right,” she laughs shoving my shoulder before walking over and taking
a seat on the edge of her bed. “What now?” she asks staring out the window
across the room waiting for me to respond.

“Now?”
I ask taking a seat next to her and drawing her hand
into mine. “Well how about for starters we discuss some very important things
that have been going on in my life and then we’ll talk about you and the
amazing Tate?
Yeah?”

She
smiles happily and bobs her head, “You’re actually going to go first? I don’t
believe it! Miracles really do happen.” She says playfully shaking her head.
“Okay Sam, where do we start?”

She
narrows her eyes on me guardedly, like she’s waiting for my magical subject
change that will in a matter of a minute have her doing all the talking. It’s a
cool little trick that I’ve managed to master over the years, but I’m not going
to do that to her today. Today is about letting go of the old Sam so I can live
in the here and now.

Sniffling
back against an onslaught of tears that will most definitely come after this
confession, I sigh and say, “I’m in love.”

Chapter
Sixty

I
am a hostage by my own design, a victim of my own making and I am willing to do
whatever it takes to escape my prison before I am destroyed all the way. Being
in love is amazing, but loving the wrong man is absolutely the most horrible
tragedy to ever strike me. I feel vulnerable and ripped apart. I have exposed
myself fully to a man who makes me feel more cherished and valuable than anyone
before him. But it’s all a lie. He doesn’t know the real me and he never will.

Kris
and I spend the week together. She has great advice when it comes to love, but
in the end she understands my unique situation and agrees that severing the
connection immediately is the best idea for everyone involved, although, she
doesn’t believe that this is the end of mine and Blues’ story. Her last piece
of advice was to wait, but I just don’t have it in me to do that. Returning to
Decks and getting him to turn states evidence are my only objectives.

Kris
drops me off at Holidays today where I pick up my Jeep. It’s been parked in the
lot since Wise was killed. I snag my spare key from the magnetic holder placed
near my rear tire and I don’t even glance at the building when I pull away.
Making my way through the rolling hills I center my mind and regain the control
that I relinquished when the shit hit the fan over a week ago. Passing Blues’
house, I spot his Bentley and Lourdes’ white Land Rover parked in his driveway.

“Looks
like Blues didn’t move on, he slunk back,” I say to myself. “Good. Actually
it’s great. Beasts from hell are like birds of a feather. They deserve each
other.”
Bastard
.

I
park my Jeep outside the front door and jog up the steps. Climbing the
staircase to the third level, I can tell by the ominous and muted air that
Decks isn’t home. Blues told me he came back last Sunday, but I guess he had to
leave again. I enter my bedroom and cross the wide distance over to the bay
window overlooking the black lake below. Kicking back against the wall as I
sit, I lean my forehead on the glass and lower my eyelids needing to absorb the
solitude.

Up
until this point I’ve just been expecting the opportunity to finalize this case
to just present itself up on a silver platter. I wonder how the hell I got here
and I realize that I let myself get complacent. Sure I have Decks wanting to
take me to bed and he has even confessed that he wants everything with me,
meaning a serious relationship. I also know that he murdered for me, and claims
that he will do anything. Remembering his persistent declaration sets my mind
into motion, and within a minute I have devised a masterful plan that all but
guarantees an immediate end to this job.

“Now,
if he’ll just get his ass home.”

An
hour later, I’ve made a light snack and am returning to my room when I hear the
front door open. I smile knowing this is finally it. Today I will do something
despicable, but if it’s a success then it will end the reign of terror from
this band of dope peddlers.

I
place my plate and glass of wine on the nightstand before returning to the
hallway. He would have seen my Jeep parked out front and will be running up to
meet me so I might as well start now with my overacting job.

“Decks?”
I call sweetly as I approach the doorway of my
bedroom.

“You
wish,” a low snarl comes down the corridor leading from the staircase.

I
stop, cross my arms over my chest and widen my stance, waiting for the super
bitch to do her best. Lourdes walks with purpose and a renewed determination.
Maybe she got a little from Blues and it has put a renewed pep in her step.
Jealousy rolls through my soul just thinking it.

“What
do you want?” I ask already irritated with her presence.
I hate this bitch.

In
her five inch heels, she stomps straight up to me and pokes a fingernail into
my right bicep. “What do I want?” She barks. “I’ll tell you what I want. It’s
what I’ve wanted since the first time I laid my eyes on your disgusting face. I
want you to disappear.”

“Yeah,
well, that’s not going to happen. So pick something else,” I smirk and my total
disregard causes the red flame of anger to flash up her neck.

“You
really think you’re cute, don’t you? You may have all of them fooled, but I see
you.” She narrows her eyes at me raking them up and down my body in disgust.
Her bully techniques are laughable and I refuse to respond to psycho Barbie. “I
know what you are and I don’t care what it takes I
will
remove you.” I
relax my stance slightly and she paces a few steps around me. I turn, following
her as she skulks passed me. I’m curious to see where this freak show is going.
“You are a filthy whore. I know that you threw yourself at Ethan.” I snort at
her ignorance, but with the odd distant look in her eye I don’t think she’s
really aware that I’m still standing here. “He is mine,” she snarls flashing
blazing blue eyes at me and I just shrug a shoulder. I guess she is lucid after
all. “You are nothing to him. Do you hear me?” She stalks closer and stares
directly into my eyes.

“Okay,
so going against the general consensus you don’t think I’m cute, but you know
who I am.
Wooooh
,” Making a ghostly sound I wiggle my
fingers in the air. “Vanquishing the whore who threw herself at your
ex
is your ultimate plan. Does that about sum it up?” I finish antagonizing her
with a bored glare.

“I
should have stayed behind,” she mumbles.

I
hold my hand up to my ear. “What was that?”

“I
should have made certain.” Her eyes and features become obsidian.

Narrowing
my eyes on her, I ask, “What are you talking about Lourdes? I’m trying to stay
with you here, but you’re not completing your thoughts anymore.”

A
flash of light moves behind her on the lower level, but with her eyes locked on
me she doesn’t notice. Seeing it for myself I know that it’s the front door
opening.

“You
lasted entirely too long,” she states stepping closer to me. Now I begin to
take her serious and scan over her searching for weapons. She just might be
crazy enough to kill me.

“I
warned you,” she spits. “I warned you that first night. I told you that you
better keep your sticky fingers to yourself or
I
would deal with your
thieving ass.” I arch an eyebrow up to her, but remain quiet. I think I’ve
annoyed her enough…for now. “I’ve been watching you. Watching how you’ve been
slinking your way through all the men. Shane was the next one in your sights.
Wasn’t he?” I refuse to dignify that ridiculousness. “I blame Rad for bringing
you here. If it weren’t for him you certainly wouldn’t be an issue now and all
of the bullshit wouldn’t have been necessary. Fortunately we don’t have to
worry about him. After getting busted with the largest shipment on the record
books he’ll never see the outside of a prison cell again.” My hackles are on
full alert. She is definitely suffering from a psychotic break.

“Lourdes,
why don’t you go home, calm down for a little while and then when you feel
better you can come back over later so that you can finish whatever this is,” I
say holding my hands out signaling surrender, but really preparing for the
moment her head pops off.

“No,”
she screeches.
Damn, I wish I had some holy water
. “Don’t you ever tell me
what to
do!
You will listen to me now.” She stares at
me with ice cold eyes daring me to try patronizing her again.

“Okay…”
Drawing out the word, I nod my head agreeably.

She
paces over to my bedroom door and stares into the room. “When I removed him from
the game you didn’t go away. You just moved along like the slut that you are,
taking Decks as your next fuck toy.”

“What?”
I stutter, “What do you mean you removed him?”

“I
removed him. That’s all you need to know.” She states coolly, glancing over her
shoulder at me with dead eyes. Is she the one who set up the bust?

“So
you wanted me gone and the best way for you to do that was to remove Rad.”

“I
couldn’t believe that my brother was so desperate. He stepped right into Rad’s
shoes or bed rather, and you leaped at the chance. Didn’t you?”

“It
didn’t happen like that Lourdes. Why don’t you talk to your brother about it?”

“My
brother is a fucking idiot,” she screams. Her hands are tight fists clenching
in front of her and her face is solid red from anger. I cross my arms again and
after a minute of seething she finally gets control over her emotions again.
For a minute.
Now she’s laughing and it’s creeping me out.
“Even when you told him to fuck off he saw it as a challenge, proving that he
only thinks with his dick. Since getting rid of Rad didn’t make you disappear I
decided to take matters into my own hands.”

Something
tells me that what she is about to confess will be life-altering.