Allie's War Season One (115 page)

We’d finished eating. I was still at the table, one leg drawn up to where my arm circled my shin, holding my foot on the seat of a wooden chair.

Revik had surprised me, by being able to cook at all I guess. What he made definitely fit the “unusual” camp, in terms of a human/western palate, but it had been good...some kind of mango curry thing with nuts and spinach and a few things I couldn’t identify. I knew it was seer food from the way he ate it.

When I did the same, the textures grew even more subtle. In fact, they did so well past my tongue, creating a warm flow in my light from my throat down to my legs.

Just when I’d started to wonder if maybe there was an ulterior motive for all of this after all, he disappeared into the other room without a word. I heard the shower start up a few minutes later and sighed, settling myself in to wait.

Now I gave him a fleeting smile as he sat down in the wooden chair he’d vacated before, directly across the table from me.

He returned my smile, leaning back and running a hand through his wet hair. He’d shaved I noticed, and wore clean clothes, a loose shirt that was almost Chinese in cut with those rope-like, knotted fasteners, and jeans. From Cass’ pile for me, I’d found a silk kimono, black with a gold bird on the back. I wore it all through dinner. It was long, embroidered and hardly revealing, but now...glancing under the table at his jeans, I wondered if maybe I’d been pushing it.

He reached into a pocket and produced a hiri, which I’d never seen him smoke, although I’d smelled it on him more than once on the ship. He lit it with a wooden match, which he shook out and left on his plate.

I considered asking him for one as well, then decided I hadn’t quit smoking like a human only to start as a seer. When I glanced up, he was watching me through a cloud of sweet-smelling smoke.

“Does it bother you?” he said.

“No,” I said. I was telling the truth. Unlike human cigarettes, hiri smoke actually smelled good.

He looked at the end of the hiri, then at me.

Leaning my arm on the table, I tried, unsuccessfully, to blank out my mind. I had nothing to say, really, but I couldn’t seem to stop thinking about it.

I wasn’t up to talking about the war...or even asking where he’d been for the last few weeks, or about the limp I’d noticed again as he crossed the room. I wasn’t ready to think about tomorrow yet, much less that night. I didn’t really want to know details about what was going on at the compound, or how long we had before someone made us go back there. The very last thing I wanted to do was revisit our aborted conversation about Maygar. I didn’t want to try to make small talk, either, which both of us completely sucked at.

I didn’t want to talk at all, when it came down to it...but I wasn’t sure where that left us.

“Do you want to sleep?” he said.

Before I’d thought about why, something in my chest constricted. I fought it, keeping it out of my light, or at least away from where he could see it.

“Sure,” I said. Without my willing it, my eyes flickered towards the bedroom. “You can go ahead, if you want.”

I focused on the bruise on his face, then looked away.

When the silence stretched, I glanced around us surreptitiously. There was a low couch with a stack of thick blankets on one end, and a pile of pillows on the other. I tried to decide if I should just come out and ask him.

He rose to his feet, grinding out the hiri.

I held my breath, thinking he was going to disappear into the bedroom again...leaving me even more lost as to what I should do...but he didn’t. He walked around the table. I didn’t look up as he sank to the chair beside mine, moving it closer with his feet so that our knees touched.

He took my hands in his, and I stared down at our fingers. His knuckles were still bruised, but the marks had faded.

“Allie,” he said. “What’s wrong?”

Removing one hand from his, I pushed back my hair, and was horrified to realize I was crying. I wiped my eyes, smiling in embarrassment...and more than a little bewilderment. I wiped my face again.

“Wow,” I said. “I’m sorry.” I clutched his hand where his fingers wound around mine. “Is this that irrational thing you warned me about?”

He moved closer. “Yes,” he said, soft.

I couldn’t bring myself to return his gaze.

I remembered how he’d felt all those days I’d been at Tarsi’s. He hadn’t come for me, or even asked about me, for over two weeks. He’d avoided me in the Barrier. As I sat there, I realized how much I didn’t want to talk to him about that, either. When I started to get up, he caught my arms, holding me in place.

“Allie.” His voice held an edge of panic, and it brought my eyes to his. “What am I doing wrong? Tell me.”

“You’re not doing anything wrong, Revik. I’m just tired, I—”

“Allie!” His light hit at mine, forcing a gasp from my lips. He pulled me closer. “You said to let it go, so I did! Are you angry at me?”

“No.” Biting my lip, I held his gaze with an effort, shaking my head. “I’m not angry. I swear I’m not, Revik.”

He just looked at me, his light eyes showing incomprehension.

Pain circulated in my light veins...I realized part of it was from my light interacting with his. I ended up bunching my hands into fists, focusing on our fingers, the differences between our hands...in size, in skin color.

Shaking my head, I took a breath.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “...I just don’t understand. This seems like a bad idea, us alone up here.” I looked around the fire-lit room, feeling my skin warm. “What are we doing here?”

Understanding reached him.

I felt it click in; then his mind whispered past mine, remembering that morning in Seertown. As he did, his pain slivered through me, and I winced, pulling away from his light. I felt him react to that, too.

Staring at the fire, I tried to decide how to get out of this awkward mess, when his hand slid into my hair.

“Allie.” His voice was soft again. “Allie...you’re so beautiful.”

He kissed my face. My skin warmed. Disbelief hit as his words sank in, and he kissed me again, caressing my cheek with his. He’d never complimented me before...not my looks, anyway. Come to think of it, he hadn’t complimented much of anything about me. He wasn’t really the complimenting type.

“I wanted to come earlier,” he said. “I wanted to.” His fingers stroked mine. “I had hoped you would ask for me. I waited, Allie...as long as I could.”

Before I had time to think about that, he kissed my face again, leaning across the space between us. He leaned closer when I let him into my light, resting his head on my shoulder, caressing my hands. Everything about him was warm, merging into me, into my skin. His light was more open than I’d ever felt it.

I honestly had no idea what to do with him like this.

He raised his head, looking at me.

“Thank you,” he said. “For the ring.”

My skin flushed more.

“You don’t have to wear it,” I said. But I fingered it on his hand anyway, stroking the inside of his wrist when he moved it deeper into my lap.

I looked up, feeling him pull at me.

His eyes were intense in that way that was foreign to me still. When I caressed his fingers, looking again at the one with my father’s ring, his pain ribboned out at me again. I felt more of him in it that time, a flood of feeling that slid deeper into my light.

After the barest pause, he leaned towards my mouth.

Seeing where he was going, I touched his chest, pushing him back gently.

“No.” Moving my head aside, I shook my head, fighting a little for breath. “No,” I said. “I need more than that. You need to tell me...something.”

His eyes glowed faintly with firelight. He closed them, longer than a blink.

He leaned back in his chair.

“All right.” For a moment, he didn’t speak, caressing my fingers with his. I watched his eyes, saw their focus aim inward before he looked up, turning them back on me. “Allie.” He took a breath. “Allie, I wanted to...” I felt him form words before he spoke, as if translating. “...I wanted to request, formally...”

His mouth hardened, just before he shrugged.

“...I suppose you’d view it as a proposal,” he said, more in his normal voice. “I want to consummate. Tonight, if you’re willing.”

I was positive I hadn’t heard him right.

At the same time, pain tried to infiltrate my light, making it hard to replay his words in my head. I almost couldn’t hear when he spoke next.

“...It’s an open offer, Allie.” His face darkened slightly as he studied mine. “I know this isn’t very...well...” He gestured vaguely with one hand.

“...I tried to find out from Jon and Cass, but they didn’t know. What you’d want. If you’d expect a more...” He met my gaze. “...Human ritual. I didn’t know if you’d want anything.” He cleared his throat, gesturing delicately with the same hand. “...A ceremony. There are seer versions. I’m open to a human variant...in India, or somewhere else.” He cleared his throat again. “We could bring your people here. Or we could travel...if you’d rather do that. I don’t know if you want me to explain more...about how this works with seers...”

I must have blinked. I continued to stare at him, wondering if he’d possibly been replaced. It actually crossed my mind that Terian had replaced him.

I realized then, that he was waiting. He expected me to speak.

“Revik.” I found I was stammering. “I really don’t need—”

“Just think about what you would want,” he said, quicker that time, as if heading off something he saw on my face. “I know I’m springing this on you, but just think about it.” His fingers tightened on mine. “...And where you’d want to live. We’ve never talked about any of the logistics...we should. I’d like us to share a home. I’m open as to where, Allie. Really open. There are probably safety considerations, but we can negotiate with the Council...”

I swallowed again, staring down at our hands.

“Allie, I don’t want you to think—”

“Revik. Stop.” Holding up a hand, I took a breath, fighting to control my light. Finally, I shook my head, closing my eyes. “Please don’t take this the wrong way. Please. I really, really appreciate that you were willing to do this. And yeah, I know we’re both in pain...a lot of pain.” I hesitated, forcing myself to look up. Wincing a little at his expression, I added, “But I can’t...I really can’t have this be your solution to what Maygar did.”

He stiffened. For a second he didn’t move at all.

Then his face changed, his features bleeding rapidly into shock.

“Alyson...
d’ gaos!”

“Please! Don’t be offended...you know why I’m saying it.”

He continued to stare at me, his face frozen in an expression that didn’t seem to know what I was saying at all.

I bit my lip. “Revik...please. This is exactly the opposite of what you said to me the last time we talked.” Swallowing, I waved a hand towards the fire. “I’m not letting that whole...thing...force your hand. We should just go back to the original plan. Make sure this is right.”

When I glanced back, he was staring at me, his eyes still buried in a kind of disbelief. It had progressed from earlier though; I saw him thinking now, maybe trying to decide what to say. In any case, his silence, mixed with that lost, puzzled look on his face, made it hard to look at him for long.

“Maybe you were right before,” I said. “Maybe we should talk tomorrow.”

“Allie, you’ve completely—”

“Look,” I said, cutting him off again before I’d thought. “...I’m sorry. But I don’t think we should do this tonight. Let’s just...sleep on it.”

Feeling another ripple of emotion off him, I searched my mind for some neutral way to end this. I only found one.

As casually as I could, I started to regain my feet.

Grasping my arms, he pulled me down again.

“Allie, no.” He softened his voice, but I heard tension in it. His fingers were warm as they clasped mine. He touched my face, turning my chin so I would look at him. “Please...listen to me.
D’ gaos
....have I fucked things up with us that badly?” Feeling something off me, or maybe just feeling me pull away, he clutched me tighter. “Alyson! This isn’t about Maygar!”