Almost A Bride (Montana Born Brides) (5 page)

BOOK: Almost A Bride (Montana Born Brides)
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“You need to learn to duck.”


You need to learn to run faster.”

He shot her a dry look and she almost smiled. She was fast, but in a neck-and-neck race they both know he
’d beat her.

They pulled into the yard and parked the car. A couple of the guys called out congratulations as they headed inside. Tara was just pleased they had something to think about other than her personal life.

She caught Reid’s elbow as they approached the patrol bay, stopping him so they could talk in the relative privacy of the corridor.


So you know, I’m going to ask Sarge for a week off.”


Good.”

He surprised her then by reaching out and brushing his thumb across her cheek, careful not to touch her cut.

“You should get this looked at, too. Just in case.”

The contact was fleeting, less than the time it would take a person to blink, but the warmth of his touch stayed with her after he
’d turned away. She stared at his retreating back for a long beat.

Then she took a deep breath and went to talk to the
Sergeant.

Sergeant
Crawford insisted she take two weeks’ leave instead of the one she’d requested. She, in turn, insisted she would finish her shift rather than head home immediately. Consequently it was after five by the time she was back in Marietta.

She headed straight for her mother
’s place. Over the past few months she’d gotten into the habit of dropping in on Tammy every few days so she could take care of any little chores that needed doing—washing, vacuuming, cleaning up the kitchen. Her mother’s Parkinson’s disease was not yet so advanced that she couldn’t still do these things for herself, but she had been struggling with mood changes and depression since her diagnosis, something the doctor was still trying to sort out with medication, and she tended to let things slide if Tara wasn’t there to help her out.

And, of course, Tara needed to tell her mother what had happened with Simon.

She took a minute to compose herself when she arrived, listening to the car tick-tick as it cooled, preparing herself for her mother
’s reaction. Then she drew in a deep breath, let it out, and climbed out of her car.


There you are. I was beginning to think I wouldn’t see you,” Tammy said as Tara let herself in the front door.

Her mother was in her favorite chair by the window, a magazine in her lap.
Her blonde hair was piled high and sprayed into place, her face perfectly made up, even though she probably hadn’t left the house all day. She was wearing a pair of the tight black pants she favored, along with a leopard-skin T-shirt with a bejeweled neckline. The two-inch wedge-heeled mules she usually wore around the house—her idea of a casual shoe—sat beside her chair, at the ready in case someone who wasn’t family came to the door.

Tara spared the damned things a dark look. Her mother wasn
’t supposed to wear high heels any more, her balance having been affected by the Parkinson’s, but she insisted that she couldn’t stand flat-heeled shoes and that she was too used to wearing heels to stop now.


I had a few things to sort out at work,” Tara said. “How have you been?”

She kissed her mother
’s cheek, breathing in the smell of hair-spray and Tammy’s strong floral perfume.


Oh, you know. The usual.” Her mother shrugged, her mouth pulling down at the corners.


Do you need me to get any groceries for you?” Tara said. Her stomach was tight. She so didn’t want to do this.


You took care of that last time, remember?” her mother said, giving her a curious look.


Right.” She’d cooked up some meals, too, and frozen them in portions for her mother. “Anything else that needs doing?”


The bathroom could do with a once-over, if you wouldn’t mind.”


Sure. Do you want me to take something out for your dinner?”


If you like. I haven’t been very hungry lately.” Her mother attempted a wan smile.


Well, you need to keep eating. You know that.”


I know.”

Tara went into the kitchen and opened the freezer. Half a dozen plastic containers filled the basket, each neatly labeled in her own hand-writing.

“Chicken hotpot or chili con carne?” she called out.


The chicken sounds good, thank you.”

Tara pulled a container from the freezer
’s depths and left it on the counter. Her gaze went to the cupboard under the sink where the cleaning supplies were stored. It was so tempting to slope off to the bathroom and busy herself with cleaning rather than bite the bullet and do what needed to be done. But delaying wasn’t going to make this task any easier.


Would you like a cup of tea? Margot dropped in with some of that fancy Lady Grey stuff she gets online from France,” her mother said from the kitchen doorway.

Without waiting for Tara to answer, she crossed to the counter with the slow, rigid gait that had been one of the first symptoms of her condition.
She reached out to flick on the kettle, her hand trembling uncontrollably.


Mom, there’s something I need to tell you.”


Well, go ahead, then. No one’s stopping you,” her mother said with some of her old sass.


Simon’s been cheating on me. We broke up last night, and the wedding is off.”

Her mother
’s eyes widened. A hand lifted to her chest, pressing flat against her sternum. “Oh. Tara. No. No, no, no.” The last words came out on a wail. “This can’t be happening. Not again. Tell me it’s a mistake. Tell me someone got something wrong. You two are so good together. He’s such a sweet man. So reliable and hard working.”


Reid saw him leaving a motel with the girl.”


Girl?”


She’s one of his students.”

Her mother
’s mouth opened, but no sound came out. Tears were rolling down her face now, and the hand pressed to her chest clenched into a fist.


No. I refuse to accept it. I won’t accept it. I simply won’t.”


I’m okay, Mom,” she said, even though her mother hadn’t quite got around to asking.

But her mother was already lost in a world of her own pain.

“Oh, Tara. I can’t bear it. This is the one thing I wanted to protect my daughters from. The one thing. People talking and looking sideways at you in the supermarket. Everyone feeling sorry for you. And knowing that they’re out there somewhere together, enjoying the happiness they stole from you. Laughing at you. Making up stories for each other to excuse their own weakness.”

Her mother was shaking all over now, an emotional reaction and not a Parkinson
’s symptom.


This can’t be happening. It just can’t. I won’t let it. Do you hear me, I won’t let it?”

The kitchen echoed with the high pitch of her mother
’s voice, every second word punctuated with a thump of her fist to her sternum.


Mom, you need to calm down. Simon’s not worth this kind of upset.”

Her mother moved closer, reaching out to catch both of Tara
’s hands in hers. Looking into Tammy’s faded blue eyes, Tara could see her bone-deep pain, still as fresh today as it had been thirteen years ago. She’d given everything to Jason Buck, and he had left her half a woman when he’d abandoned her. Her mother had never recovered. Worse, Tara suspected she didn’t want to, that at a certain point, whether consciously or unconsciously, Tammy had decided that if the hurt her ex-husband had inflicted on her was all she had left, she would cleave to it utterly.

That was how much she
’d loved her husband, how devoted she’d been to him.


You can’t hide your hurt from me, Tara. I know how hollow you feel right now. You loved that man, and he’s taken all your happiness and trust and left you with nothing. You will never be the same. Never.”

No.

The single word came from a place deep inside Tara, an absolute denial of her mother’s assessment of the situation. She’d planned a future with Simon, but she hadn’t made him her everything. She’d never given a man that kind of power over her life and happiness. She might feel foolish, she might be embarrassed, but she wasn’t broken. She wasn’t shattered.

She frowned, trying to grasp the reali
zation she sensed hovering just out of reach. Then that moment in the corridor at work today came back to her—Reid’s thumb brushing her cheekbone, the heat from the small contact ricocheting through her body long after he’d gone—and something shifted inside her. Blinking stupidly, she suddenly understood something she’d never allowed herself to acknowledge before.

She had never loved Simon the way a woman should love her husband. He had never set her world on fire or consumed her thoughts. He had been good and steady. He had been attentive and kind. A good choice, in other words, for a woman bent on not repeating her mother
’s mistakes.


Mom, you’ll make yourself sick,” Tara said, urging her mother toward the kitchen table so she could take a seat.

Inside, she was reeling as the full repercussions of her epiphany hit home: she
’d almost married a man she didn’t love.


I’ll take her. Why don’t you see if she’s got any of her tablets left?” Scarlett said from the doorway.

Tara had been so distracted, she hadn
’t heard the front door or her sister’s footsteps in the hall. Scarlett edged Tara out of the way, giving Tara a sympathetic look before guiding their mother into a chair. Tara seized the reprieve her sister had offered and escaped to the hallway, walking briskly to her mother’s bedroom.

She sank onto the end of the bed, feeling a little as though someone had
sneaked up behind her and smacked her on the head with a two-by-four. She’d felt foolish yesterday when Reid had told her what he’d seen, but that was nothing compared to the searing sense of her own stupidity she was experiencing right now.

She
’d made a deal with the devil, trading off love and passion for security and dependability—and then her stable, safe husband-to-be had cheated on her with a seventeen-year-old.

Her mother
’s voice floated down the hallway, tinged with hysteria, and Tara pushed herself to her feet. There would be plenty of time for self-recrimination later. Right now, she had her mother to deal with.

 

Chapter
Five

 

 

It was past ten that night when Tara opened the door to her sister.

“Well. That was a barrel of laughs,” Scarlett said. “Finally got Mom to go to bed. A minor freaking miracle.”

At her sister
’s insistence, Tara had left her sister to finish the Herculean task of calming their mother. Scarlett had argued that with Mitch away, settling his affairs in Australia so he could move permanently to Montana, she had plenty of time on her hands, and Tara had let herself be talked out the door. There was only so much a person could handle, and Tara recognized that she had already pushed the envelope once today.

Now, Scarlett brushed past her as she entered the house, stopping in her tracks when she saw the packing boxes piled all over the living room.

“Don’t tell me you’re moving out?” Scarlett couldn’t look more aghast if she tried. “He’s the rat, Tara. He’s the one who goes, not you.”


Relax. I’m just packing his stuff.” As well as anything that reminded her of him. Which, it turned out, was quite a bit.


Oh. That’s all right, then. Do you need a hand with anything?”


Sure. Grab a box. Shove some stuff in it. Join the party.”

Scarlett gave her a narrow-eyed look.
“Have you been drinking?”


Maybe.” She’d needed it after her epiphany.


Thank God. Hit me with whatever you’re having.”

Tara led the way into the kitchen, pulling down two glasses and pouring vodka shots for both of them. Scarlet gave her a look.

“You been drinking out of the bottle up until now?”


Yep.”

Tara was well aware that her younger-by-five-minutes sister considered her to be a stick-in-the-mud
goody-two-shoes. Scarlett looked as though she couldn’t decide whether to be impressed or appalled by the fact that she’d caught her sister drinking hard liquor straight from the bottle.

Tara knocked her shot back, hissing as the alcohol burned its way down. Scarlett followed suit, shaking her head.

“Yow. Okay, that should take the edge off.”

Tara walked back into the living room and resumed stacking Simon
’s books into a box.


Has he called?” Scarlett asked.


Five times.”


Did you speak to him?”


No, ma’am, I did not.”


Good. Have you spoken to the school yet?”


Why would I do that?” Tara asked, frowning at her sister.


Because he’s screwing one of his students. He needs to lose his job.”

Tara smiled grimly.
“I think you’re forgetting we live in a town with a population of ten thousand people. I guarantee that the school principal knew about Simon’s extra-curricular activities about five seconds after I did.”


Good point. So he’ll be out of a job first thing tomorrow morning.”


I’m guessing he’s already had a phone call telling him not to come in.”

Simon
’s life was in the toilet, no question about it. His career was shot, his reputation ruined. Then there were Paige’s parents...


You know Paige’s dad used to be a pro football player?” Tara said conversationally. The vodka had set up a little heat factory in her belly, sending warmth radiating through her body.


You’re kidding me.”


He played two seasons with the Patriots. Apparently they used to call him The House.”

Scarlett pressed her fingers over her lips to try to hide her smile.

“And Paige’s mother is the head of the local chapter of the NRA.”

Scarlett laughed outright.
“No shit.”


No shit.”

Scarlett
’s smile faded as she studied Tara. “You must feel so goddamned betrayed and heartbroken.”

Tara glanced down at the box full of Simon
’s books. “Well, one out of two isn’t bad.”


What is that supposed to mean?” Scarlett asked.

Tara eyed her sister, then walked to the couch and dropped into the cushions. She needed to be sitting for this conversation, she was pretty sure.

“I didn’t love Simon. At least, I didn’t love Simon in the way you should probably love the person you’re planning on spending the rest of your life with.”


What are you talking about? You and Simon were great together. You were glowing when he asked you to marry him.” Scarlett was looking at her as though she had rocks in her head.


He was safe.” There was a bunch of other stuff she could say, but that was it in a nutshell, really.

Scarlett was frowning, looking confused.
“Well, yeah. He’s a school teacher. He loves history. Sometimes he wears white socks with jeans. But you loved him, Tara.”


As a friend. As a person that I liked spending time with. But he didn’t make me breathless. He didn’t make all the little hairs on my arms stand on end sometimes, just because he walked into the room. I didn’t dream about him. He was... a good choice. Solid.”

Scarlett sat down beside her.
“You really mean it.”

Tara nodded. It had taken her most of the evening to sift through her own feelings and responses after her moment of clarity at her mother
’s house. For instance, she now understood that the anger she’d had so much trouble bottling up today had been all for herself, because she had very deliberately played it safe and picked a man who had Good Husband stamped all over him in an attempt to ensure her marriage would go the distance, and life had blown a big fat raspberry at her.

If you stepped back far enough and squinted, the irony of it all was kind of funny
—especially if you’d had enough vodka. It was also really, really unfair. She’d been prepared to sacrifice a lot of things in order to secure her future happiness.

She
’d been prepared to ignore the way she felt when Reid looked at her or touched her. She’d resigned herself to always wondering, never knowing. She’d accepted warmth and friendship instead of the intensity she’d witnessed between Scarlett and her new husband, Mitch, when he’d flown into town from Australia a few months ago and swept Scarlett off her feet and all the way to the altar.

And for what?
Simon had betrayed and humiliated her anyway. She’d sacrificed all the good in an attempt to avoid the bad and gotten the bad anyway, regardless.


I don’t know what to say,” Scarlett said, breaking the silence. “No, actually, that’s not true. I do know what to say—I’m glad. I’m glad that dirty cradle-robber didn’t break your heart, and I’m glad that you aren’t going to spend the rest of your life married to someone you don’t love.”

Tara studied the pale mark on her finger, the only sign she
’d ever worn an engagement ring. “I’m not quite at the glad stage yet. But I can almost see it, on the horizon.”


It doesn’t mean Simon isn’t a complete asshole,” Scarlett said.


Oh, he’s definitely an asshole.” An asshole with no self-control or ethics, and dubious values.

An
asshole who had made it necessary for her to make an appointment for an STD check first thing tomorrow morning.


Tara... “ Scarlett reached out and took her hand. “What happened with Mom and Dad... it sucked. But that doesn’t mean we should spend the rest of our lives looking over our shoulders, worried the same thing is going to happen to us.”


You appreciate the irony of saying that when it already has happened to me, right?” Tara said.


No, it hasn’t. Mom adored Dad. He took a part of her with him when he left,” Scarlett said quietly.

Tara stared at her sister for a long moment. Then she nodded.

“You’re right. It’s different.” That was the realization she’d had today, after all. The hurt she was feeling was nothing compared to her mother’s, because her feelings hadn’t been as deeply engaged.


The truth is, life is a crapshoot,” Scarlett said. “You can die choking on a peanut, or you can live to be a hundred.” She shrugged. “No one knows. But you know what? I’m not gonna stop eating peanuts. I love Mitch more than I can say, and if something happens to him, or between us, I am going to be a hot mess for a long time. But I’m not going to give him up, either.”

Her sister
’s words had the ring of absolute truth about them. Tara squeezed her sister’s hand.


You’re braver than me,” she admitted.


No, I’m not. We’re just brave in different ways. I would never have been able to make myself marry Simon, for example. Not for all the security in Fort Knox.”


I would never have taken off for the other side of the world to marry a man I’d met on the internet,” Tara said.

Scarlett rolled her eyes.
“And look how well that turned out.”


You still did it. There are so many things I have never done because I was too scared or I thought it wouldn’t look good or some other stupid, dumb reason.”


Like what?” Scarlett asked.

Tara thought for a moment.
“‘I’ve never traveled.”


Easily fixed. Next.”


I always wanted a motorbike.”

Scarlett
’s jaw dropped. “Shut the front door.”

Tara nodded.
“Not a Harley Hog or anything huge. It looks like fun, you know?”


What else? No, wait!”

Scarlett scrambled to her feet and rushed into the kitchen. When she came back she was carrying the bottle of vodka and a pad and pen.

“We should make a list, so you don’t forget any of this stuff. A bucket list.”


I’m twenty-six.”


Okay, a fuck-it list, then.”

They both laughed. For the first time in days, Tara felt okay. Not happy
—it was going to be a while before she could forgive herself for the mistakes and decisions she’d made—but okay.


Item number one: a new haircut,” Scarlett said, pretending to write it down.

Tara shoved her sister in the shoulder.
“Nice try. Put the motorbike at the top of the list.”

Scarlett grinned and did so.
“What next?”

Tara gazed off into the distance. There
were so many things...


I want to have a reckless, wild affair with a man I can’t say no to,” she said, the words popping out of her mouth without her even thinking about them.


Better than the bike. Way better,” Scarlett said, adding it to the list. “I’m putting it at the top.”

Tara reached up to scratch her nose, hoping her face wasn
’t as red as it felt. Thank God her sister wasn’t a mind reader, because she didn’t want to have to explain why she’d had Reid’s image in her head when those words had slipped out of her mouth.


What next?” Scarlett asked, pen poised.

Tara reached for the vodka bottle. It was going to be a long list.

BOOK: Almost A Bride (Montana Born Brides)
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