Almost (37 page)

“I'm sorry,” I whisper, horrified that I might have hurt her or scared her somehow. I try to back away even more, but Jess's arms are clamped around me like a vice. Her tear-stained face is breaking my heart. “Are you okay? Jesus, I'm such an ass. I'm so sorry. I couldn't stop myself. Please stop crying.”

Her breathing is as ragged as mine. “No. I'm happy. I know now that—I do love you—I do! You've made me feel like I'm not afraid of anything anymore. Not anything!” She smiles up at me. “It's all because of you—and that kiss. OMG. Kissing. Kissing you...is awesome.”

She lets out a long breath of air.

I fight back the sensation that I'm tearing up too. Did she really say that she loves me? Have I finally cracked through her mask for good? I pull her legs up and over mine so we're closer and I wipe away some of her tears.

“You're wrong to credit anything to me. You're the most fearless person I've ever known. There's nothing to be afraid of anymore. Not between us. Let me tell you what I've wanted to say for the past few days. This is not going to be easy to say, but you have to know some things about me. About us.”

“Okay—but first, kiss me, again,” she commands. Her eyes are full of her impish teasing.

“No. You'll have to wait. Jess, I'm trying to be serious.”

“No. You'll have to wait,” she pleads, tightening her arms around my neck and scooting closer. “Come on just one more?” She closes her eyes and actually puckers up old-movie-style.

I groan. “You're killing me. Stop distracting me and listen. You promised me this.”

“Fine.” She blinks up at my face, frowning.

I disengage my arms from around her waist and lean back as far away from those lips as I can. Which is difficult because she doesn't seem to want to let go of me. I take in a long breath, searching for courage. “How do I start? I have a lot to say.”

“You're so cute when you're nervous. I love when you let me read your expressions.” She peers into my face. “What?
Holy
. You really are freaking out right now. How bad could it be?”

“That's for you to decide. I guess I need to begin with when I first met you. Do you remember meeting me, freshman year?”

She shakes her head. “I think I would remember meeting you—meeting those eyes anyhow. Or your voice. At the very least, that.”

“We did meet. I actually formally introduced myself to you once. Like a complete dork. It went something like,
Uh…hello…you're …uh…uh….Jess Jordan, right? Duh…duh…I'm the biggest loser in the world?
Something like that anyhow.” I smile. “My voice wasn't quite changed yet. I'm afraid I still sounded like a choir soprano that year.”

My chest thumps with fear, watching her face for any sign of recognition.

She furrows her brow. “There's no way. That never happened.”

“Oh it happened. You destroyed me. Walked away with a, “Yeah, nice to meet you,” and you never looked back. I had such a painful crush on you back then. One I've never truly gotten over. Obviously.”

Jess tilts her head, her face still shrouded in disbelief. “ If that's true, then why have I never seen you at school? You don't seem the type to give up after just one brush off? Or was I that mean? Why didn't you try again? I never even see you in the hallways. Did we have a class together?”

“No. No classes. I wanted to try to approach you again but…I…I…
Crap
! This is so difficult.”

“What?! What is it?”

I put my arms back around her waist. My heart is racing so badly I can hardly speak, but I know that I can't chicken out. “Let me start over…forget about when we met. Let me start with now—with this summer. The internship. The boyfriend contract and why I agreed to do it.” I brush the hair out of her eyes.

“Okay?” She shoots me a look that tells me she thinks I'm nuts, which is fine because I actually feel crazy right now. Crazy in love and crazy scared to lose this girl.

I start up again, hoping she can feel I'm giving her my heart and every inch of my honesty. “I never thought I'd get to have this moment with you. Let alone having just kissed you. Finally. Do you even know how many times I've wanted to kiss you, all summer long?”

“Well, that goes for two of us, then.”

She flushes and looks away as I continue, “So you can see where this is overwhelming me. Tonight, with you admitting that
you love me
, I'm about to die of happiness. I don't want to chance losing you, I still don't. I love you so much. And I'm scared. If I tell you this the wrong way then there's a chance that you'll never even—”

A loud cough and then Corey Nash's telltale fake, overloud, “EHEM” explodes like a bomb on the other side of the willow tree branches.

“Porter. I have to stop you there. I can't have Michelle hearing all this romantic
talking about your feelings
crap. You're seriously turning into a freak. So, yeah. FYI. We're standing right here and I bet you DON'T want us to hear this anyhow. So…this is your official, shut-the-hell-up, we've ruined your moment intervention.”

Corey comes through into the alcove with a giggling Michelle in tow.

“Aww, look at you two,” Michelle says, smiling at me. “Sorry for interrupting.”

“Your timing sucks,” I say, hating them both at that moment.

“We've been looking everywhere for you two.” Michelle is beaming from ear to ear and silently sending some sort of super-secret girl code to Jess. Jess unwinds her arms from my neck and pulls her legs off me. She's smiling and nodding, voicing some secret language back to Michelle. If I weren't all tangled up inside my head and about to flip out right now, I'd swear Jess had actually given Michelle the thumbs up!

“Guys. I just need a few more minutes to talk to Jess. Can we just meet you in the car? Please,” I say, shooting my own super secret-silent-language to Michelle. I mouth:
Get lost
.

Michelle shrugs, her expression apologetic. “No can do. There's a possible Gran emergency. I'm sorry. It's serious.”

“Gran? What's wrong?” I leap to my feet.

“She called through to Corey's phone. She just kept saying for me to find you and that you needed to come home right away. If she hadn't sounded so freaked I'd let you two have more time in the old love garden. But Gray, you'd have killed me if I hadn't found you.”

“Yeah. You're right.” Michelle knows me so well. “Thanks,” I tell her as I pull out my phone. The monitor's gone black. “Stupid battery. What if she's had a relapse? I should have stayed home with her.”

“Gray, the doctor said she'd be fine. And Gran sounded okay. Just sort of panicked,” Michelle adds.

“I hope so.” I turn to Jess. “We can try to talk in the car, but…I don't know if what I have to say needs to be said in front of these two. It's private. Can you wait?”

Jess relaxes against my shoulder. “I can wait for the talking part, but could we try that kissing thing again one more time before we go?” She grins. “You guys promise not to look, right?”

“Oh. No. You. Did. Not. Just. Say. That,” Corey groans. “I refuse to witness your sappy bullshit and public making out with my best friend.” He smirks, before going on. “But if Jess wants to kiss Michelle in front of me…now
that's different
.”

Michelle socks him in the arm. “You freak. I don't kiss girls, ever. Our life is NOT like what you see on TV. Get OVER that stupid show you saw, or move to New York City and see if you can find girls to kiss in front of you. And good luck with that. Do something, Gray. He's so out of line.”

I stand and punch Corey's other arm as hard as I can.

Corey winces. “Bullies. Destroyers of dreams.”

I ignore his glare and put my arm around Jess's shoulders when she stands and shoots me a smile. Her cheeks are bright pink and her eyes tell me she's remembering our kiss. I pull her closer.

“Have I mentioned to you two how much in love I am with this girl?” Gray says.

“We know, dork.” Michelle laughs. “Now let's go.”

“What have you done to my best friend, Jess Jordan? And when can I have him back?” Corey rolls his eyes.

“Never,” Jess says. “He's mine, now.”

I love the sound of that. But without finishing our conversation, I can only hope she means it.

Chapter Thirty-Four

Jess

I have no idea how I make it to Michelle's minivan for the ride home. I can only float across the parking lot like I'm a helium balloon tethered gently to Gray's hand. My lips and cheeks burn as my mind replays and replays
me
kissing Gray! Gray kissing
me
!

Every inch of my skin is on fire. I swear I still feel his hands brushing against my cheeks, his fingers lingering on the back of my neck and running through my hair.

Kissing is amazing… weird… beautiful! Everything I didn't expect, but all that I'd dreamed about. My cheeks burn all over again. I know I've been in a constant state of ‘blush’ since Corey and Michelle interrupted us, but I can't seem to stop.

I don't want to stop.

“Tired?” Gray asks as we wait for Michelle to find her keys and unlock the van.

For the first time ever, I feel no need to lie. “Yes. Very.”

He smiles, but his eyes are dark, troubled. I can almost see the tension radiating from his expression.

“Don't worry. I'm sure your gran's just fine,” I say, hoping to calm him. We open the van door. I call out to Michelle who's on the other side of the car, “Michelle, let Gray borrow your phone to call home. He's beyond stressed.”

“Yeah…hang on,” Michelle says.

“It's not that,” Gray says, lowering his voice. His eyes flash and cloud more. “I'm—I need to finish our talk. Really. I have to know we're on the same page here.”

I brush a bold, quick kiss on his lips before stepping up into the van. “We are. I'm in. You win. I'll give it a chance. I'll trust you,” I say over my shoulder. “Just call Gran first so you can talk to me without that weird, completely upset expression on your face.”

I work my way past the bucket seats to the bench, grabbing the giant blue orangutan Gray had put in the car earlier. I shove the monstrous thing into some semblance of a ball while Gray makes it into the van and takes the seat beside me. “I love my new pillow. Thanks again for winning him.”

Without a word he squishes the awkward stuffed animal half onto his lap. “This time, you buckle into the middle. I'm your pillow too. If you can't accept that, the monkey dies a terrible death.”

Pleased, I rest my head on the monkey and lean my weight on Gray. I've never been so aware of how long his legs are. He smells like lime and warmth as usual. But this time he's got a cotton candy tinge coming off his shirt. I sigh, feeling completely safe and unbelievably comfortable. Happy, all over—again. I kind of want to scream.

OMG. I kissed Gray Porter and it was AWESOME. And he's my boyfriend!

Michelle starts the car and turns to toss her phone to Gray. He catches it with one hand leaving the other on my hair. “We probably won't have signal until we get closer to Denver,” she says.

“I thought you said she called Corey's phone. If there's no signal—how did the call come through?” Gray asks.

Corey pipes up, “We were making out in the sky ride—it's the only place that gets signal. We were at the turn-around point. Gran ruined my ‘hand-up-the-shirt-move’.”

“Corey! Can't you just tell them we were enjoying the view?” Michelle says. “As for your
move
, I sure didn't notice it.”

“Oh, it was in full play. I was about to let my fingers enjoy the view of the lace on your shoulder strap and
then
, I was going to check out that little spot on the side of your neck that my lips like so much. And
then
I was going to look for more lace and try a little—”

“Shut it! Or you're about to enjoy this ride home from the bumper.”

Corey laughs, totally unashamed. “What? A guy can dream.”

“As long as you keep them to yourself. Otherwise, my dad will be happy to help you adjust the dreams you have regarding me and the lace on my underwear any time.”

One of them turns up the music, drowning out the rest of their flirt-argument.

I sigh. Enjoying the moment, the warmth of Gray's body so close to mine, and the goose bumps travelling up and down my arms. Gray's hand—the one that had been playing with the ends of my hair—has wandered to my cheekbone. It lingers there a moment and traverses the length of my shoulders so he can gently rub my neck.

I completely relax. It feels so wonderful…

...

Nothing happened.

Let's get out of here.

You're a very lucky girl…lucky, lucky girl.

“There's someone in here.”