Almost Ordinary (The Song Wreckers Book 2) (26 page)

Chapter 35

Autumn was my favorite season. I loved the changing leaves, and weather that allowed me to wear jeans and T-shirts. I thought of romantic hay rides, sitting outside on the patio drinking hot chocolate, and spending the day together sans kids to enjoy hours and hours of shopping for the holidays. It didn’t matter that Caleb and I hadn’t actually done any of those things, but one day we could.

So, despite being on my way to my non date with Cooper, I was in a good mood.

Which faded, and replaced itself with anxiety the closer I drove to the restaurant.

I parked the van. I took some deep breaths. I tapped my foot. I forced myself to stop tapping my foot. I took more breaths. I stepped out of the van and walked into the restaurant.

Cooper was already there, so the hostess led me to his table. He had chosen the restaurant, and looking around, I knew why. The lighting was dim and the seating was all booths with high backs. It lent an air of privacy to the place. Here you could talk and not be overheard. The patrons dressed in a way that conveyed they had money without being formal.

I slid in a booth across from Cooper. He had an iced tea in front of him, and one waiting for me. “Thanks,” I said.

The hostess handed me a menu that didn’t list the prices. Yup, rich folk came here when they wanted to keep it casual.

In typical Cooper fashion, he didn’t say anything. It’d be up to me to start.

I sipped my tea and looked over the menu, making sure it covered my face. I needed a moment to school my features into easy-breezy and remind my foot to keep still.

I decided on an entrée and sent the menu down. Cooper stared at me, waiting for me to say something. “This is a nice restaurant.”

“3D meets clients here sometimes when they don’t want to be seen going into the offices. A lot of well-known people eat here.”

“How’s Franny? Does she know you’re meeting me?” I’d decided not to call her and ask for her blessing in meeting Cooper since I planned to do it regardless.

“She does.”

“Good.” I didn’t want to feel like we snuck out to see each other.

He drank, but said nothing.

“She’s one of my favorite people. She was a great nanny, I hated to see her go. Not that I’m not happy she got a great job at 3D.” Nervousness crept up. “Her parents probably miss her working with them at their restaurant. Not that they’re not happy you hired her. I’m sure they’re thrilled. Or something.”

I cringed and pressed my lips tightly together so I’d stop babbling, and it helped the waitress chose then to take our orders.

“Can I ask you some questions?”

He nodded. “That’s why we’re here.”

I glanced around to be sure no one listened in on us, and because I was curious to see if I could spot a public figure. Nope. “I can understand that you didn’t want a relationship with me. I never understood how you walked away and never looked back.”

“That’s not a question.”

“Why did you choose to walk away?”

Cooper didn’t look surprised at my question so he had to have seen it coming.

“I knew I didn’t have what it takes to be a parent.”

“You couldn’t even try?”

“No.”

My eyes widened. “No?”

“No,” he repeated. “Molly, believe me when I tell you that you were better off without me in your lives. And anyway, you have Ram now.”

“I love Ram more than I ever thought it was possible to love someone, and I couldn’t imagine not being married to him, but that doesn’t mean I don’t deserve an answer as to why you did what you did.”

“When you told me you were pregnant, I didn’t feel anything except shock. Then the shock wore off and, nothing. I tried to picture a kid of mine, someone like me.” He shrugged. “Nothing. I should’ve been mad at myself for not feeling anything. I blamed it on the fact that I’d seen too much death and violence in life already and it warped me.”

“What, from being in the army?”

He nodded once. “I’ve seen and done some bad shit.”

“Is this a nicer way of saying that the thought of being tied to me was awful, and you don’t want to say it?”

Cooper’s eyes flashed with surprise in a rare show of emotion. “How can you think that?”

“How can I not?”

His face scrunched in thought for a moment. “When we were together, I knew that you were most men’s dream.”

I rolled my eyes. I’d always considered myself okay in the looks department. Come on, most men’s dream? That was a bit much.

“You were. Are. I could see that. If I’d been capable of being in a relationship with someone, you would’ve been perfect. You’re beautiful, smart, sexy, funny. You can be weird, and you tend to babble at times, but it’s part of your charm, I guess. I understand why Ram fell in love with you. I just couldn’t.”

An extended version of
It’s not you, it’s me
, and I wanted to believe it.

The waitress delivered our food and I dug in. I was three bites in when I noticed Cooper looking at me funny.

“What?” I asked.

“I’ve never seen anyone attack a meal like that.”

“I work out a lot and I’m nursing. I need the calories.”

In-between bites we continued our conversation. “I’m happy for you and Franny,” I told him. “But what changed? A minute ago you told me you weren’t capable of being in any relationship.”

I wasn’t jealous.
Why her, though?

“Don’t know. She came into 3D one day—”

“To clean your pig sty of an office.”

He nodded. “And I was attracted to her. She kept stealing glances at me so I knew she was attracted to me too, but we’d decided to hire her so I didn’t try to, you know.”

“Get in her pants?”

“Yeah. So anyway, one day she asked me out. For some reason I couldn’t say no. I took her out and for the first time I found myself wanting to be around someone as much as possible.” He fidgeted with his fork. “I can’t even explain it. I’m drawn to her.”

I smiled. “Sounds like how I feel about Caleb.”

“I knew I shouldn’t bring her into my life because she deserved better. I mean, what the hell did I have to offer her? I tried to distance myself from her. She wouldn’t have it and I couldn’t keep pushing her away.”

“Holy shit,” I said. “This reads like it’s from my book. God, I tried to push Caleb away because I thought he was way too good a person to be brought into my fucked up life. I mean, there I was, pregnant by you, trying to deal with the reality of raising twins on my own, and falling in love with him. The more I pushed him away, the harder he pushed back and I gave in. Do you know hours after I accepted his proposal, I tried to talk him out of it because I loved him too much to drag him into my drama?”

“Jesus. Maybe we were separated at birth,” Cooper said.

I barked out a laugh. He’d made a joke. I didn’t know he had it in him.

“Caleb chewed my ass out good for trying to talk him out of it, too. It was like, I had no other choice but to believe he really did love me.”

The corner of his mouth raised. “Franny chews my ass out at the drop of a hat. When she found out about us, that I never even attempted to step up to the plate, that was the worst. I have no idea how or why she overlooked that.”

“Because she loves you just like Caleb loves me,” I told him. “And they’re strong. They had to be to carry the amount of baggage we brought.”

“Those two deserve a medal for putting up with us.”

No doubt about that. “I’d like to think we offer them something they can’t bear to live without.”

“Like what?”

“Like, we’re their perfect complement or something. Me and Caleb, we work as a couple. We understand each other.”

Cooper rubbed his hands up and down his face. “Yeah, it’s like Franny and I are friends or something.”

“Yes!” I said and smacked the table. “Don’t get me wrong, Katie’s been my best friend since the first . . .”

“. . . day of ninth grade,” he finished for me.

So sue me. I told people that a lot. “Yes. But Caleb and I are friends on a whole other level. He’s . . . we’re . . . Ugh! I can’t even put it into words.”

“God damn, I get it. This is . . .”

“Yeah,” I said.

We finished our meals, and the waitress came and offered us dessert.

We spoke at the same time.

“Yes, please.”

“No, thanks.”

“Oh, I mean no thank you,” I corrected.

Cooper asked for the dessert menu.

“So, speaking of things we have in common,” I started. “How about almost dying? That sucked, right?”

I wasn’t making light of our experiences, my attack and Cooper getting shot. It was the segue I needed to talk about something else.

He blew out a noisy breath. “That’s one way to put it.”

The waitress placed the dessert menu in front of us. I ordered chocolate cheesecake while Cooper ordered a lemon tart.

“Kind of changes your perspective on things,” I hinted. “Near death, not dessert.”

He shrugged one shoulder. “I guess.”

“You see the connection, right? Almost dying, feeling things on a deeper level. Come on, Cooper.”

“I faced death in the Army more than once. Didn’t make me all emotional.”

“That’s different.”

“How?”

“For one thing, you were younger. You didn’t have all these grown up responsibilities. ‘Losing everything’ had a different meaning then.”

He pondered my words for a while, the minutes ticking by. The waitress set dessert in front of us. “Thank you,” I told the waitress. Then to Cooper, I said, “Now you have a successful business, employees whose livelihood depend on you, and . . .”

Alex and Zander. The reason we were here, yet I struggled to say their names in front of him. Yes, they were only
technically
his kids, but not
really
his kids.

We finished our dessert in silence.

Cooper set his fork down while I scraped every last bit of chocolate off my plate.
Scrape, scrape.
I kept at it, licking every brown tidbit off my fork.

“Stop. That sound is worse than your foot tapping.”

I set my fork down. “Okay, let’s do this.” I cracked my knuckles, as if preparing for a fight.

In a way, I might be.

“Calm down, I meant what I said last time we spoke. Ram is Zander and Alex’s father and I have no intention of changing that.”

It was the first time I’d heard him say the boys’ names. I placed my hands in my lap, glad Cooper reiterated not wanting to push Caleb to role of step-father.

“Have you thought about what you want from us?” I asked.

“I tried. I want to see them, be in their life, but—” He put his elbows on the table and buried his face in his hands. “But, not as their father. More like an uncle or something.” He looked up at me. “Does that make sense?”

“It does. You want to know them and you want them to know you. From a distance.” I nodded, more to myself. “I get that, and I think that’s the best solution.”

“I don’t want them to know I’m their biological father.”

“At some point, they deserve to know the truth. Caleb and I want to wait at least until they graduate high school to tell them, but Cooper, we can’t keep this from them forever. It’s not fair.”

The bill came and Cooper handed the waitress his credit card. “I can live with that, I guess.”

Although we’d finished eating, I grilled Cooper about his medical history. He had no major issues or illnesses, and none ran in his family as far as he knew.

I invited him and Franny over for dinner. Because he’d return to Tampa in a few days, he agreed to come the next time he and Franny would be home.

He walked me to my van and as we stood looking at each other, I saw every way in which Alex and Zander resembled their biological father. The shape of his nose, brown eyes darker than their hair, I saw Cooper in my boys.

A hug didn’t seem appropriate despite making great strides today. I held out my hand. “Talk to you soon.”

He grasped my hand, but didn’t shake it. “Thank you, Molly. This wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.”

We dropped our hands. “We’ll muddle through this, Cooper. Somehow we’ll find a way to make this work and not lose our minds. Did you ever buy those stuffed animals I saw you with?”

“I did.”

“Bring them when you come over. The boys will love them.”

I practically dove into my van and texted Caleb:
Done. Home soon.

He texted back right away.
Did you punch him?

Geez, people. I didn’t punch everybody!
Ha-ha.
Nope, I only punch you.

I drove home, relieved that Cooper and I were in agreement as to what his role in my family should be.

With my not-a-date out of the way, it was time to work some more magic. I think Cooper and I parted as friends, and if I could manage that, I could manage to convince my mom and Mama to move home, where they belonged.