Alpha Me Not (22 page)

Her throat worked and he yearned to comfort her, but priorities were in order. Joe knocked.

Barb, paler than chalk, opened the door. Auburn hair scraped back, brows almost invisible, lips twitching, she shook her head.

Joe didn’t hesitate. He gathered her into his arms. “Cry, babe. Cry. Petey deserves a shitload of tears.”

Barb straightened. She tipped back her head and met his gaze. “Kieran’s losing it. You and Tate need to corral him.”

“I sent Tate after him. Tate’s better at stuff like that.” Joe ached at the torment in her brown eyes.

“I know.” She took a deep breath and moved out of his embrace. “You must be Susie. Kieran told me about you. I am so happy for you and Joe.”

Susie weaved her fingers together. “I don’t know what to say or do. Anything. Anything at all that will help. Just tell me.”

Barb tried for a smile, but Joe knew her brilliant beam and that was simply a baring of teeth.

“Susie knows about me, Barb. And Kieran and Tate. You don’t have to hide anything from her.” Joe knew what worried Barb, her mother and father. To have to keep a secret while in dire grief wouldn’t be easy.

Barb glanced at him, and she understood his unsaid words. She turned and grasped both of Susie’s hands. “Then, there is something you can do. Jump in if I blab something I shouldn’t. Joe told you about Petey’s condition?”

“No. I didn’t. I figured that wasn’t my place.” Joe clamped his hands on Susie’s shoulders and kneaded. “Should we maybe close the door before saying any more?”

Barb shook her head. “I’m not thinking straight. Of course, and let’s go sit in the living room.”

He closed the door.

Susie and Barb walked ahead of him through the arched foyer and down the four steps into the sunken, cozy room Kieran had designed for his wife. Barb tugged Susie down next to her on a brown leather couch.

Joe slumped into one of the opposite arm chairs.

“About two years ago, Petey was diagnosed with Menkes Disease. It’s a fatal condition unless it’s caught between six to eight weeks of birth.” Barb shuddered. “Because Petey is part panther, he didn’t develop the symptoms until much later than a normal child would have. Only Kieran’s parents, Joe, and Tate knew about Petey’s condition. I couldn’t tell my parents without having to explain why he hadn’t succumbed to the disease earlier. My parents don’t know about Kieran being a panther shifter.”

Susie appeared about to pass out. Her lips had gone white, and her scent had darkened. She licked her lips. “And there’s some way I can help by knowing this?”

“Yes. Since…since we found Petey, I can’t keep it together. I keep thinking aloud and not even knowing I’m doing it. The other day I muttered something about if only I had been panther too, maybe Petey would’ve had a nine lives’ chance while stacking the dishwasher with my mom. That was when she decided I needed sedatives.”

“Maybe a sedative or two would help?” Susie wore a puzzled frown; she clearly had no idea where Barb was going.

“Actually I haven’t taken any but plan to do so today. I’ve never had one before, and I don’t know how I’ll react. If I start to say anything that sounds like one of our secrets—will you jump in? I know that means you have to be glued to my side—”

“Done deal. That means you’ll have to pee when I need to. But I’m your gal.” A few wayward tears streamed down Susie’s cheeks, but she slashed at them and continued, “And don’t worry if I bawl. I
will
guard you like a hawk. There’ll be no mistakes on my watch.”

Joe wanted to whirl her around and around. Kiss her senseless. Shout his pride in her to the world, the galaxy, the entire universe. She did him proud, Susan Elizabeth White, soon to be Huroq.

Events moved hard and fast after that.

Both sets of parents arrived. Kieran and Tate showed up disheveled and worse for wear. But both headed straight to Kieran’s study and came back spruced into public presentability.

Joe had ordered a limo, and it arrived exactly thirty minutes before the closed-casket, nondenominational ceremony. The journey to the funeral home was accomplished in complete silence.

They all filed into their respective seats.

The pastor opened the proceedings.

Kieran’s father delivered the eulogy. The only dry eyes in the house after his moving speech were Kieran’s.

Joe let the tears stream unchecked. Susie nudged him. It was time for his reading.

He hated public speaking worse than he hated crying.

Joe trudged to the podium.

Closing his eyes because he knew if his gaze met Barb’s or Kieran’s, he was done for, Joe said, “Barb asked me to do this reading. It’s a poem by W. H. Auden and is titled, ‘Funeral Blues.’ There have never been words more fitting.”

He took a deep breath then began to recite. “Stop all the clocks…”

His voice faltered when he heard the rustle of the mourners. Clenching his fists, he managed to croak out the rest of the verse, but had to swallow a few times after delivering the terrible line. “Scribbling in the sky the message: he is dead!”

The memory of Petey’s gap-toothed grin made his throat clog. He gritted his teeth and doggedly continued. “He was my north, my south, my east and west, my working week and Sunday rest.”

Barb sobbed aloud, a cry of anguish that sliced his heart in two, and he met her stare. Her cheeks were wet and glistening and she had bitten her lips raw, but she jerked her chin at him, demanding he continue.

“I thought love would last forever; I was wrong—”

His vocal chords refused to function and he just stood there holding Barb’s gaze for what seemed like an eternity.

All of a sudden Susie was right beside him. She grasped his hand with both of hers and squeezed.

Knowing he had to finish the whole poem for Barb’s sake, Joe concentrated on her and blocked out everyone else. “Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood. For nothing now can come to any good.”

Chapter Ten

Ten hours of sleep should have resulted in Susie waking up energized and raring to go. Instead she awoke sluggish and sorrowful. Her cheek rested on Joe’s chest, and the familiar musky aroma of him comforted her. She blinked and stared at the soft black hairs dusting his rib cage. Unable to resist, she traced the chocolate flesh surrounding his nipple, making smaller and smaller circles until she fingered the flat, budded tip.

He brushed his lips against her forehead.

She looked up. Their gazes met.

Moisture beaded the fine lines bracketing his eyes. He had been crying silently. Her heart ached. She rubbed a fingertip over the slight dimple in his chin and said, “You did good yesterday.”

“Nothing about yesterday was good.”

“You’re wrong. Petey was laid to rest. There was closure. Barb finally broke down when you finished that poem.” She paused because her throat had all clogged up. “I’ve never read anything by W. H. Auden, but ‘Funeral Blues’ will be forever etched in my mind. I wish I’d been able to read those words when my grandfather and father died. There is some comfort in knowing the feelings are universal.”

“I’d never known of it before either. But I never want to go through another day like that ever.”

He shuttered his eyes and she suspected they glowed, because his voice was coarse and rough.

“Barb told me she felt so guilty. Because Petey was going to die a horribly slow, painful death. And in some ways this was better, because it wasn’t drawn out over years.” Susie bit her lip. “I think she’s trying to convince herself of it. Joe, you have to make sure she never knows what really happened to her son.”

“The only people who could tell her besides me and the coroner is Kieran, and he could never do that to Barb. Never. It would be like cutting his soul out with a razor blade.” Joe finally turned to face her. “I can’t thank you enough for yesterday. For being there for Barb. I could tell she was able to grieve openly because she knew she could rely on you.”

She fell head over heels and then some right there and then. Alpha he was, but that hadn’t stopped him from being gentle, caring, and sensitive. “She has a special place in your heart, doesn’t she?” Susie caressed his cheek.

“Barb was my ballroom dancing partner. It was kind of amazing as Kieran and I had been friends for so long. But he was at MIT, and she’d always wanted to learn. Once she heard about Coach Tommy’s scheme, she bugged Kieran until he agreed, but only if I was her partner.” He framed her cheeks, and the warmth of his calloused palms proved the ultimate comfort. “Barb and Kieran and Tate were the only family I had. Until you.”

She melted. Literally.

Her bones turned to mush, her stomach collapsed, and her eyes puddled.

Damn it. She hated being teary.

“I’m not letting you go. You know that, don’t you?” Joe licked her lips.

“It works both ways.” Her blurted response came as a surprise. Even to her. She yearned to hold him to her heart. Agree to anything he wanted. Babies. Marriage. Alphaness.

“Oh, babe. You don’t know what those words mean to me.” He kissed her mouth, tongued her whorls, and nibbled her earlobe.

“Gawd, what you do to me when you pay attention to my ears.” She arched her neck to give him better access.

“No way, my love. You have to tell me
exactly
what you want.”

She cuffed him. “I want you to make love to me. To make me feel whole again. Can you do that?”

“I can. And I will.” Joe peeled the T-shirt she wore over her head. “You know that your nights of wearing anything to bed are doomed, don’t you?”

Susie’s face flamed. Joe’s casual approach to total nudity made her uncomfortable at the best of times. While she loved being able to ogle his hard body, when he returned the favor, she wanted to jump under the bedcovers and pull the linen up to her nose.

He nuzzled her nape. “You smell wonderful here. Soft and fuzzy and innocent.”

“Innocent? Isn’t that an oxymoron? Now, anyway.” She squirmed sideways to see him.

“Pure might be the better word.” He cupped her breasts. “You have a purity of spirit. I see nothing in you but good.”

She shook her head. “I have a bad temper. And I hold grudges.”

“And you’re unfailingly kind and generous and fiercely protective.” Joe bent his head and kissed one nipple, then the other.

The contrast of Joe’s onyx curls against the slight walnut color from her daring nude suntanning proved arousing and erotic. She knit one hand in his soft hair, and a wave of tenderness swamped her veins.

He dropped an openmouthed kiss in the middle of her breastbone and soft nibbles along her décolletage.

Susie plucked at a curl. “I need you inside me, Joe.”

Amber-rimmed eyes met hers, and she spiraled into the hypnotic waves of desire blazing from his dilated pupils. He settled between her thighs, his gaze locked onto her, and hooked an arm under each knee. His nostrils flared, and he eased into her, his cock a fat, delicious invader.

A muscle in his jaw worked. She traced the sharp ridge of his cheekbone and followed the square line of his chin, relishing the prickliness of his early morning stubble. The poignant intimacy of the moment, face-to-face, his penis stretching her, her vaginal muscles clamping his thickening erection, welled moisture to the corners of her eyes.

His slow, excruciating entry drove her crazy.

She cradled his face and ran her tongue over the seam of his mouth, seeking entry.

He took charge of the kiss, thrusting his tongue in the same maddening cadence of his plunging cock. She bit down on the tip, and he growled; the deep rumble vibrated over her lips, the sensation acute and electrifying. Her pussy throbbed, and her achy clit pulsated.

Susie massaged his bulging forearms, kneaded his powerful shoulders, and joined in his tongue salsa play.

Joe clamped his teeth on the crook of her neck. He widened his hold on her knees, drove into her pussy on a powerful stroke, and bit. The quick nip shoved her over the edge. Explosive contractions wracked her vaginal walls. He suckled her stinging skin, licking away the hurt, and pounded into her. She climaxed again, the intensity hurled her into the stratosphere, and she clung to his shoulders, her nails scraping his steel-hard flesh.

“Look at me, Susie.”

She opened her eyes immediately at his growled, urgent command.

“You are my everything.”

Never, ever would she forget the expression on his face, the stark need in his gruff voice, the small beads of sweat on his forehead. Contrarily her eyes misted and hot tears streamed down her cheeks.

“This isn’t how it’s supposed to be.” He feathered kisses over her eyebrows, temples, and the corner of her mouth. “You aren’t supposed to cry.”

“Happy tears.” She swiped at them. “I am so grateful to be alive. To have you.”

He slipped out of her and rolled them over so she lay sprawled all over him. Susie rose on her elbows. She touched his chin. “You didn’t, um, finish.”

They stared at each other.

“Not going to happen this morning.”

What did he mean? She glanced down at his obvious arousal. “I don’t understand. I mean. You’re, um, ready.”

He flicked her cheeks. “I’m always ready where you’re concerned. But today, Kieran, Tate, and I start hunting Petey’s killer. Two things I can’t do when I get like this. Come. Relax.”

“How can I help?” She wanted Petey’s killer caught as much as he did.

“I need you safe. Gray’s going to be your guard for the next couple of days.”

“Gray? I thought he was at the cabin.”

“No, he’s not there. I have a few things to tell you.” He sounded so dire her stomach clenched. “Gray’s been tracking your hooligan-in-training. His name is Eric. He’s a street kid who fell through the foster care system.”

“Eric.” Her chest ached. Bile rose in her throat. “Do you think he’s still alive?”

“You’d know that better than me. Is he?”

She shuddered. “You want me to let him in.”

“Can you?” His eyes glowed amber.

“I don’t know. But I can try to stop fighting it.” She had instinctively battled each vision, trying to cling to any semblance of reality.

The doorbell rang.