Alpha Unleashed (15 page)

“How bad?” Lucas said.

“I couldn't really look at them.” I squeeze my eyes closed for a second as the image of Elsa on the floor of the library came to mind.

“Adrian?” Dastien said.

“Yeah.” He stood up from where he was sitting—at the foot of Dastien's bed.

“Can you take them to see Dr. Gonzales?”

“Sure. Of course.” Even he seemed a little pale. He moved slower than normal as he opened the door.

Claudia pulled me into a hug. “I'm sorry, too. This had to be so hard for you.”

I huffed. “Me? No. I really am so sorry. If I knew—if there was something I could've done—I would've.”

“I know. Me, too. I feel like this is my fault. I didn't do enough. If I'd moved against her sooner…” She stepped back. “But we can't know that. We could've done everything right and still gotten to this same place. So we have to keep moving forward. I'm going to see to my friends' bodies, and then we can look at what I brought back from Peru.”

I nodded. “Whatever you need. I'm here.”

“I'll call you,” she said. Lucas followed her out of the room, giving us a small nod, before closing the door behind them.

I melted down to the couch. They'd only been here for a couple hours, but it felt like years. It was like I'd been hit by an emotional eighteen-wheeler. Even if Shane and Claudia said it wasn't my fault that this had happened, it felt like at least some of the blame fell to me. If I hadn't ended up with the pack, if I had been with the coven, maybe I could've prevented all this.

My head rested on Dastien's chest, and I let his steady heartbeat soothe me. He knew he was probably listening in to my thoughts, but I didn't care.

What the hell were we going to do now? Everything was such a mess.

After a while, he pulled me out of the chair. “Come on.”

“Where are we going?”

“You can play ‘what if' all day long, thinking up all kinds of scenarios to torture yourself, but it's not going to do any good. Do you trust me?”

“Always,” I said as I looked into his amber eyes. It was the truth. I trusted him with everything that I was.

“Then come with on.” He pulled me up. “Let's shift. We're going for a run.”

It'd been days since I'd had time to shift. My wolf was aching to get free. “Okay. Where are we going?”

“You'll see. Just shift, and follow me.”

In a blink of eye, his form changed. He stuck his wolfy tongue out at me, and I shook my head. I circled my finger in the air. “Turn around.”

The sound he made might've been a laugh, but I couldn't be sure.

As I traded my skin for fur, all my worries melted away.

This was a fantastic idea.

Chapter Fourteen

Wind whipped against my fur as I ran through the forest. There were so many scents to chase. So many things to see. Dastien herded me where he wanted to go, with a nip here and a chase there. Finally, the forest opened up and we were standing in the middle of a clearing.

Our land. He'd taken us to our land.

Wolf-Dastien ran off behind a tree and appeared a minute later dressed in a pair of sweats. “There are clothes for you back there.”

I followed where he pointed. A plastic crate sat half hidden in the bushes behind a patch of trees. Supplies were stashed everywhere around campus—generic sweat pants, T-shirts, water, and granola bars—but I didn't know Dastien had stashed some here.

Ever since I'd stopped fighting my shift, it had quit hurting. Now it was a sweet release. My muscles rippled, bones moving so quickly, that one moment I was wolf and the next, human.

I flipped open the top of the crate. Inside were a bunch of clothes and some swimsuits. Although if Dastien thought I was ever swimming in that pond, he was going to be sorely disappointed. I found a pair of smaller sweatpants and a T-shirt and slipped them on.

Dastien waited by the pond. “I thought we weren't allowed to leave campus.”

He shrugged. “Eh. Who needs rules anyhow?”

I shook my head. We were so getting our asses reamed for leaving, but he was right. I needed a break from it all. Ever since my birthday, it was like the hits just hadn't stopped coming. There hadn't been any room to relax.

If I didn't take a little time for myself, I might crack. I rubbed my temples as a headache pounded. It was only just after lunchtime, and I was already exhausted. I could've gone back to bed right then and slept for another million years. It wasn't just the physical exhaustion of the fight yesterday, but the emotional drain. Telling Claudia that her whole coven had been murdered by Luciana had been worse than I thought. The only good thing was that at least she had someone to lean on. Lucas seemed like a good guy. And if he was anything like Dastien and Donovan, he'd treat her like his queen.

I leaned into Dastien as he wrapped his arms around me. Being here—standing next to the pond with him—made me nervous. What I'd seen in my vision wasn't going to happen. We hadn't talked about it and I wasn't wearing a white dress… But still, nerves creeped in.

“Are you okay?”

It was probably stupid to mention, but I couldn't help it. “In my vision, we—”

“No. Don't worry about the vision. I haven't had an Orangina in days, no matter how much I want one.” He tickled my side, and I squirmed away, laughing. “That proves we can change what you saw.”

He moved to the ground, pulling me down with him. The grass dampened the back of my sweatpants as we sat cross-legged, knees touching. The tension in his shoulders told me he wanted to talk about something serious. I was worried I couldn't take much more today, but he wouldn't have brought me all the way here if it wasn't important.

“I thought we both needed a moment. It's been one thing after another, and it's overwhelming, you know?”

“I was thinking the same.” It was nice when we were in sync. It made me feel safe. “I just feel so terrible for my cousins. I can't imagine what they're going through.”

“They'll get through it. And so will you.”

I huffed a laugh. “You don't know that. Especially not now.” My fear of what I'd
seen
clung so thick it was like I was wrapped in a blanket of it.

Dastien tilted his head to stare out over the pond. He searched the calm surface like the answers to all our problems were in the murky depths. I could feel his anxiety, like he was building up to something, but I didn't want to pry. He was always patient with me, so I'd do my best to be patient with him.

Finally, Dastien turned to back me. The sunlight shone around him, giving him a glow. A curl slipped free from behind his ear, and he shoved it back. “I think we should finish bonding before Luciana attacks again.”

I licked my lips as I processed his words. I didn't want to upset him, but he had to be kidding.

“That was the last thing I saw before—” Why would he want to risk it? It was like taking one more step down the road that led straight to both of us dead. He had to be overstressed or he never—
ever
—would've suggested it.

I stood up, swiping my hands down my butt, but then gave up, and started marching off—not even sure where I was going.

“Tessa, wait.”

I spun to him. “No. You wait.” My vision changed everything.
Everything
. For all we knew, going through with the ceremony now—before we defeated Luciana—was exactly what got us killed. “You talk about changing the future, and that's what we're trying to do. Staying away from Orangina is easy enough, but what if I find myself in the conference room? We have no proof that anything has changed. Bonding now could send us straight to our deaths in that church.”

His eyebrows rose as he took in my anger. “I disagree. You're putting way too much stock in the vision. You can't let your fear of the future rule your life.”

My breath came in sharp pants, and fur rippled along my arms. Shifting now wasn't a good idea. We had to talk this through. Which meant that I needed to calm down, but the fear of what might happen was so overwhelming, I could barely think straight. “You don't get it. I
saw you die
and it was the worst thing I've ever experienced. After what happened at the compound, that's saying something.” My hands shook, I was so scared what might happen. “If we end up there, I'm going to do my best to keep
you
and everyone else alive, but I won't do anything that could push us closer to that happening.”

Dastien's face flashed from pensive to angry to sad. “
Non.”
He grabbed my shoulders and a burst of power followed his word. “You think that if we end up in the church
you'll
have to save
me
? If we end up there, it will be
our
responsibility. We can fight better as a team. That's why everyone is so jealous that we're True Mates. We're far more powerful together than we are apart. Remember?”

I'd spent so much time alone that I was used to it. I knew we were a team, but
knowing
it and
being
it were two different things. Now doubt niggled at me. What if delaying our bonding was weakening us? “But what if it sets off a chain reaction that ends with you dead? It would be my fault for not stopping it now and then I'd be alone. Without you. I don't know that I can survive that.”

He drew me against his chest, and his heart thumped steadily. I closed my eyes as I relaxed against him. “There's always a chance that something could happen to one of us. That's part of being alive. But none of that will ever be
your fault
. I didn't mean to bite you, and I take responsibility for that—but it happened. If I'd done it a different way, could that have changed Luciana's reaction and everything that happened since? I don't know, but if I thought that way, it would be easy to say this is all
my
fault.”

I wanted to argue his logic, but I couldn't. If I tried to accept blame, then he had some, too, and I didn't like that. Not one bit.

“Something tells me that Luciana has been going down this road for a very long time, and nothing anyone could've done—not you or me—would've stopped it.” He ran his fingers through my hair. “No matter what happens, you have to place blame where it belongs. On Luciana. She's the one who cast the spell on Meredith. Who attacked us. Who drained your powers and murdered her own coven. You didn't do any of those things. Accepting blame for any of it is crazy.”

“That doesn't change my mind about bonding. I know you want it—and believe me, I do, too—but we have very compelling reasons why we shouldn't go through with it right now.”

He cupped my cheek. “Fighting Luciana is going to be hard, especially now. We need everything we can get. Being a full unit, thinking like one, can only help us in a fight.”

“But we'd bonded in the vision, and we still died.”

“Did you see that part happen? You said in the vision that you couldn't find me for a second. If we were really bonded, you could never lose me.”

Technically, I hadn't seen us go through with the ceremony. I'd just assumed. We'd been here, on our land. I was wearing white, but maybe it wasn't what I thought. The only thing I'd really seen was us kissing. “I just assumed since I was in a white dress and you were in khakis and we were here, that it had to be because we were bonding.”

“See. Anything could've happened. What if we'd only been here for date? What if we started to bond, but something came up again?” He shook my shoulders. “You've got to stop thinking the worst is destined to happen.”

I couldn't hold his gaze. “I'm scared. Like really, truly terrified.”

“That's understandable.
I'm
scared of what might happen when we face Luciana again. But not living our lives because of what might or might not happen? That's not okay.”

He was totally right. This was crazy, but he was right. Maybe what I saw in the vision was going to happen. Or maybe it wasn't.

If I cut myself off from him because I was scared, then I wasn't really living. I was getting by.

And if I really thought about it… If the worst happened, I'd regret not doing this and I'd forever wonder if completing our bond would've made a difference.

“Okay,” I whispered the word.

“Yes?” His eyes flashed brighter, glowing amber.

“Okay. Yes.” I said it a little louder this time.

He swept me up, and my feet hovered above the ground as he spun me in circles. I couldn't help but laugh as the world blurred around me.

When he set me down on my feet, I leaned into him. He cupped my face in his hands. “We're going to have a long, happy life here. In the house we're going to build. With the kids we're going to have. I know it. I can feel it in my bones. We're going to get through this, and then we're going to have the most amazing life.”

I sighed as his conviction washed over me. I hoped he was right. I wanted it so badly I could taste it, but we had so much to get through before we got there. It seemed almost impossible.

But none of that changed how I felt about him. “I love you.”

Dastien pressed his forehead against mine. “
Je t'aime, mon amour. Toujours.
”

Half of me couldn't believe I was agreeing to this. The other half was one hundred percent, totally all-in. “Okay. Let's do this. What do we need to do?”

“Let's go back to campus to avoid any cross-over with the vision. Then we'll figure out what Lucas and Claudia did, and we'll do it. Now.”

“Right. Because Luciana could attack tonight.”

“No.”

“No?” Did he know something I didn't?

“No. If the past few weeks have taught me anything, it's that life is precious, and I can't stand wasting another minute. I want to be with you. I want to be your mate. Your husband. Your partner. I want it all. I don't want to wait. I don't want something else to come up. I want us to take the time we deserve and do this just for us and no other reason.”