Always (39 page)

“
So,” he took a hold of my hand and led me back towards the sounds of the busy city, “It’s not the way of the Letrell family.”

“
To hunt?”

“
To kill,” he corrected.

“
Please,” I rolled my eyes. “I’ve heard that old nursery rhyme they taught their children in the early 1900s.”

“
In England?” He smiled wide.

“
Go outside only if you dare; But you know who will be hiding there; the Letrell brothers lurk in the night; and you won’t live to see the morning light,” I quoted.

“
My brothers always knew how to make an impression.”

“
Dominick and Damien?”

“
Contrary to what the children were taught, we do not go around murdering people.”

“
I don’t want to either, but,” I smiled wide. “That was…”

Rueben chuckled at my new mood. “Filling?” he offered.

“
Amazing. I feel like I could run clear to the ocean.”

“
It’s not that far away.”

“
Yeah, but now I feel like I
want
to. I want to see if I can walk on the bottom.”

“
Of the ocean?”

“
Have you ever?”

“
No.” He kept his smile tight, but I heard the rapid beats of his heart.

“
Where are we going?”

“
I’m taking you back to your place.”

My disappointment alarmed me. “No, I don’t want to go back there.” He gave me a sideways grin. “It’s too small there.”

“
You need a shower.” His nose crinkled comically.

“
Do I stink?” I made a show of smelling my clothes.

“
The clothes are clean,” he reminded me.

“
You’ll help me, right, Rueben?”

I turned to him, suddenly making him stop or run into me.

He smiled crookedly and sidestepped around me. I hurried to catch up. “You need help to shower?” he teased.

I giggled lightly. My entire mood was completely altered. “Maybe,” I teased back.

“
I’m not sure how Marcus would feel about that.”

“
He won’t care.”

Thoughts of Marcus made my smile falter slightly. I still missed Marcus, but suddenly I could see past that. I could actually see what my life would be without him, and I felt like I could manage it.

“
You love him still,” Rueben said.

“
How do you know?” I challenged. Maybe I didn’t love him as much as I thought. Maybe I just needed him. I needed him to hunt for me and keep me safe. What happened when I could do that for myself? What would be left of Marcus and me?

“
You just feel that way right now.”

“
What do you mean?”

“
The thrill of feeding; the high you get right after you feed; it feels like you can do anything and all you want to do is try everything.”

“
Yeah.” He was right about that, about everything actually. “I don’t want to just be weak anymore, though.”

“
I knew you wouldn’t”

“
Who would?”

It was easy to understand why Rueben found me disgusting before. I could understand now why he didn’t understand why Marcus allowed me to stay weak. If Marcus knew if could be like this, he should have forced me into it. All these wasted years. I shook my head sadly.

“
He was only trying to protect you.” Rueben turned a corner and I followed quickly.

The tables had turned drastically since just that morning. Now Rueben was the one defending Marcus while I berated him in my mind. It felt like someone had finally taken my blindfold off; the blindfold that Marcus had put on me.

“
Maybe,” I shrugged.

“
You didn’t want to hunt, so he didn’t make you.”

“
He should have.”

“
I agree, but he was only trying to…”

“
Protect me,” I finished for him. “I know.”

“
You’re here now.”

“
I’m glad he sent me to you.” I wanted to hold Rueben’s hand, but I wasn’t sure what kind of message that would send. “I’ll never go back to how I was,” I vowed. “Not now that I know.”

He smiled and pulled my hand through his offered arm. We walked slowly back to the apartment, neither of us in much of a hurry. I had a million questions to ask him, but the silence had settled comfortably around us and I was loathe to break it.

We stopped outside the apartment and I turned to face Rueben. “Are you coming up?”

“
No.”

My face crumpled and I looked down at the ground. “Oh.”

He chuckled lightly. “You go on up and shower. You have a lot to think about.”

“
When are you coming back?”

“
A few hours?”

I started to relax then and even managed to smile up at him. The yellow in his eyes was fighting for dominance this morning. He smiled back at me without showing his teeth. He was so different now.

“
You’re different, too,” he commented.

“
I am?”

“
Absolutely.”

“
You’re not so bad when you’re not screaming at me.”

“
And you’re not so bad when you aren’t lying around feeling sorry for yourself.”

“
Thanks.”

“
Not a problem,” he grinned.

“
I mean for not giving up on me.”

“
I know.”

“
I know that I was…” I swallowed audibly over the lump of hard emotion that had formed in my throat.

“
Impossible.” He rolled his eyes.

“
Something like that.”

“
You’ll be okay now.”

The cool wind blew across the empty parking lot, lifting my hair and causing it to dance along my jaw. All around me, humans laughed and argued with one another. For the first time in a long time, I actually believed that I might just be okay.

“
You’ll help me?”

“
I will.” He nodded once.

I smiled up at Rueben and he smiled back at me.

I miss Marcus.

I know you do.

But I’m ready.

I know.

My green eyes narrowed slightly and his honey colored ones lit up in appreciation.

Chapter
Forty

1986

“
I’ve decided I’m going to kill Silango,” I announced grandly.

Rueben’s nose crinkled comically. “Oh, yeah?”

He turned the short piece of wood in his hand, running the blade of his knife across it expertly. Rueben’s creations always amazed me; how an awkward piece of wood became a beautiful work of art. Over the years, he had gone through different phases of collections.

“
What’s it going to be this time?”

“
This?” He waved the still unrecognizable chunk in the air.

“
Yes.” I raised both eyebrows.

The sides of his lips curled up in what might have been a smile. These days, I didn’t see much of that. “This is going to be a drum set.”

“
Oh, are you creating a band now?”

“
The Beatles.”

“
Oh.” I sat back against the tree I was leaning on. Rueben and I had met at our usual spot: a small wooded area overlooking the city. We were still close enough to hear and see everything and yet far enough away to be alone. “I hope they never destroy this place.”

“
I’m sure they will. The human race is expanding and they need somewhere to live.” He rounded out the top of the wood, creating what could have been the beginning of a drum.

I caught my bottom lip between my teeth. “Do you think I’m ready?”

He didn’t look at me, but I heard the stutter in his heart, so I know he heard what I had asked. “I don’t think you’re ever going to be ready for something like that,” he finally said.

“
I’ll never get Marcus back if I don’t.”

We had talked about it enough over the years. Silango’s orders could not be ignored. If Marcus ever saw me again, he would have no choice but to kill me. The only way to cancel out Silango’s order was to kill him. Then, all the Letrells would be free.

“
You’re not even a warrior, Claudia. You’re only a third generation.”

“
I can do it.” I insisted. “You want me to, don’t you?”

“
I don’t want you to go on a suicide mission.”

“
I’m not giving up on Marcus.”

“
You should.”

“
Tell me again what he was like at Blakesly House.” Rueben had seen him just last month at the Letrell reunion that I had not been permitted to attend.

“
I’ve already told you.”

“
Did he ask about me at all?”

“
We’ve already been over this.”

“
Rueben.”

“
He asked how you were doing. I told him fine. That was it.”

I sighed. That is what he had told me last time I asked, too. I knew there was more to it. Marcus missed me as much as I missed him, I just knew it.

“
You haven’t found Sylvia yet, either?”

“
I can’t track the sisters down. Paris says he saw them in India.”

“
We should go.”

He scowled while still looking down at his carving. “I thought you wanted to kill Silango.”

“
I thought you said I couldn’t do it.”

“
I did.” He nodded a few times and then continued his drum set.

“
Which Beatle played the drums?”

“
Ringo,” he replied without looking up.

“
Oh.” I bit my bottom lip and then switched to the top.

“
Are you getting restless, Claudia?”

“
I’m just ready.” His lips pulled down at the corners. “Hey.” He looked up and I caught the worry in his eyes before he could mask it. “What’s wrong with you?”

“
Nothing.”

He answered too quickly, though. Something had been off with Rueben since he returned form Blakesly House, but I couldn’t figure out what it was. He was more withdrawn and he barely ever smiled these days.

“
You just seem…different.”

“
So you’ve been saying.” His eyes widened for a second.

I pursed my lips tightly. “Tell me how to do it.”

“
You can’t,” he began darkly, but then took a deep breath to calm down, “kill Silango.”

“
Tell me.” He had promised that when I was ready, he would teach me how to kill the old guard.

“
Fine.”
It’s not like you’re ever going to get close enough anyways.

“
I heard that.”

His familiar grin flashed. “It will be hard to kill him, to get close enough to actually do it.”

“
Is there a certain place I would have to stab him? And to what depth?” I sat up eagerly.

“
You won’t be able to just stab him; he’ll heal too quickly.”

“
Then?”

“
You have to behead him.”

“
Like, cut his head off?”

“
All the way off.”

I swallowed loudly. “Eww.”

“
Then you have to burn it.”

“
Burn the head?”

“
Yes. Do it quickly before his warriors can put him back together. His warriors will be waiting.”