Always Been Mine (13 page)

Dinner was been better than Valerie expected. Maybe it was just because hearing Alex’s message distracted her so much, but she actually skipped lunch, and she arrived at his house starving. Whatever the reason, she wolfed her food down in minutes. Luke laughed as usual, impressed on how much she could take in for such a dainty woman.

It was a brochure to a weekend-long George Stone real estate seminar held at one of La Jolla’s most upscale resorts. She opened the brochure, and there were two tickets in it. Valerie couldn’t help but smile. She leaned over and kissed him.

“Thank you.”

Purposely she kept the kiss to a soft peck but he leaned over and kissed her again. Only his kiss was much longer, and he licked her bottom lip when he was done.

Later in the evening, after a few glasses of wine, they danced on the romantic terrace that overlooked his backyard. This was the first time she’d been to his place, and as expected, it was lavish. The backyard resembled a resort with a huge pool and outdoor kitchen. He said it was all about the investment. A single man obviously didn’t need such a big home. Resale value is what he was looking at when he’d bought it.

She thought of Alex’s simple more unassuming house. Alex said the more house he had the more there was to clean, and he was hardly ever home so what was the point? But Valerie knew that as modest as his place was it was still upscale, because of the area he lived in.

Luke promised her the grand tour later, and she had a feeling she knew where the tour would end. He was already being more passionate than usual, and he’d started to call her honey. But it didn’t sound like when Isabel or her dad called her that. With Isabel it was like having your older sister say it, even though they were the same age. The way Luke said it, felt intimate.

Luke kissed her neck as they danced slowly and squeezed her a little tighter. Then he kissed her lips. Valerie focused more than usual on trying to enjoy it. She felt him start to breathe heavier as their tongues intertwined faster. His hand lowered on her back and caressed her behind softly.

“Do you know how long you’ve been driving me crazy?” He gasped between kisses.

Valerie shook her head. She didn’t want to know. It was hard enough trying to enjoy the moment without thinking about Alex. Now he was going to add guilt to the mix?

He stopped dancing and kissed her with more aggression. Thrusting his tongue deep in her mouth, his hand slid up her blouse and caressed her breast. Surprised that she was beginning to feel a little aroused, Valerie closed her eyes and let herself go with it. She welcomed his tongue and kissed him back with just as much passion even biting his lip softly.

In a flash, he picked her up. She instantly wrapped her legs around his waist, her skirt lifting. His hands squeezed her behind as she continued to kiss him even as he walked into the house. She held his face in her hands, kissing him with the kind of yearning she only ever felt with Alex. Her heart raced. She closed her eyes tight, excited by the unexpected enjoyment of it.

By the time they reached his bed she was fully ready to go to the next step, and it thrilled her. They fumbled undressing each other partially while still trying to keep their mouths together. She fell back on the bed, and he fell onto her. He took her naked breast in his mouth while she ran her frantic fingers through his hair.

“I want you so bad.” His strained voice was barely understandable.

She was so incredibly aroused at this point she could barely muster up the words herself. “I want you too, Alex.”

Luke froze, then jerked his face away from her breast. Valerie’s eyes flew open, her hand flew to her mouth, covering it as if that would take back what she’d just said. Mortified, she tried desperately to understand what just happened. Alex’s words rang in her head.
Please tell me you haven’t given up on us
.

Valerie nodded and climbed off the bed with the sheet around her feeling like a complete idiot. She didn’t even want to look at him. Her hand instinctively flew to her face for a second.

“Is there something you want to tell me?” His demeanor was unusually calm. She could only imagine the reaction she’d get if she ever called Alex by another name in bed.

“I was seeing him for a long time… and I haven’t been with anyone else since.” She looked away still trying to grasp what just happened.

She finally turned back to him. His expression turned to stone. “You were real quiet that whole night. You still have feelings for him?”

Her eyes went from the bed to the door. Maybe she could make a run for it.

“Talk to me, Valerie. You said you’d be honest.”

“I
was
honest.” She maintained. “I didn’t lie when I said I wasn’t seeing anyone else.”

She sat down slowly, clutching the sheet in front of her. She’d never regretted being somewhere so much in her life. The absurd thought of flying out the window crossed her mind.

“So, are you going to answer the question?” Luke sat on the edge of his side of the bed. “You still have feelings for him?”

For a second she thought about lying, and then thought better of it. She may as Well, come clean. Worst that could happen is he’d want to stop seeing her, and she actually hoped he would.

“I thought I was over him,” she whispered.

He was quiet for a moment. “I see.”

“But it’s not like I’ve done anything with him recently. It’s just taking me a lot longer than I thought to get over it.” That was putting it lightly.

“How long has it been?”

“Over a year.” She chewed her lip.

Luke grabbed a pillow and put it between him and the backboard. He made himself comfortable. “Well, looks like we have time to talk now. So tell me about it.”

Valerie couldn’t believe he actually wanted to hear about it. She shrugged, making herself a little more comfortable, and also leaned against the backboard. “I’ve known him since high school. We’d been on and off ever since. But it’s been off for
good
for over a year.”

“Can I ask who broke it off the last time?”

“That’s the thing.” Valerie felt ridiculous. “We’ve never actually been an official couple. He’s never been able to commit to a relationship. He always has a million things going on. School, his business, and he played college football for a while there, until he got hurt. Then he had a ton of therapy to go through. But mostly…” She frowned, unable to believe she felt like crying. “…mostly he just can’t commit. I finally accepted it and moved on. I’m just not over him yet. Apparently”

“What kind of business does he have?”

Of course that would be the thing Luke would get hung up on.

“A restaurant. It’s his family’s, but he’s taking over now, and he’s been really busy with it.” She paused, still feeling guilty. She didn’t want to say too much, but she felt he at least deserved an explanation. “My cousin Sarah is marrying his brother. I hadn’t seen him in over a year, but when I had to go the wedding shower a few weeks ago, I saw him there. I just hadn’t realized until then that…”

“Listen.” He reached across the bed and put his hand over hers. “I know what it’s like to have feelings for someone who’s not exactly reciprocating.”

“Why don’t you stay here tonight? I promise I won’t try anything.” He squeezed her hand. “I know where your heart is now, and I’ll respect that. But it’s too late and we’ve both been drinking.”

Valerie did feel tired. The effects of the wine kicked in. “But I didn’t bring anything to sleep in.” She had. But that piece of lingerie would definitely not make an appearance tonight.

Luke stood up and walked over to his dresser. Valerie felt funny seeing him in his boxer briefs. At least he wasn’t naked. He held a white t-shirt in one hand and a pair of shorts in the other. “Will this do?”

She nodded. He tossed them on the bed. “I’ll give you some privacy. Be back in a few.”

Valerie didn’t have to wait too long to find out if they’d be sleeping in the same bed. He climbed in less than fifteen minutes later. He asked if he could hold her, nothing more. Valerie said yes, and fell asleep with him spooning her. It was actually nice, and just like what happened earlier, she’d imagined he was Alex. This time it was a conscious choice. Alex’s arms were much bigger but it brought back memories of him holding her nonetheless.

*

“He was actually very understanding, which only made me feel worse. I think I would’ve felt a little better if he’d told me off.”

Isabel started laughing. “Wow. So, why’d you spend the night?”

Valerie told her the whole story as usual, not leaving a single detail out and then added, “I’m breaking things off on Monday.”

“What? Why?”

Isabel started making coffee halfway through Valerie’s story. They were both in the kitchen now, and Isabel poured two cups. She handed one to Valerie and leaned against the counter. Valerie sat on the barstool at the counter.

“I can’t keep stringing him along. Last night was just further proof that I’m in no way ready for a relationship. I’m a mess. It’s not fair to him.”

“What are you going to tell him?”

Valerie shrugged and drank some of her coffee. She wasn’t sure what she’d say. Whatever she did say, she knew Luke would try to convince her otherwise. But she was done faking it. Every kiss was so forced, and she knew it would get even worse now.

“The truth, I guess,” she said. “I’ll be gentle though, and not mention that the only time he managed to turn me on was when I was imagining he was Alex.”

Isabel smiled tilting her head. “Maybe after the wedding, when you don’t have to think about seeing Alex anymore, it’ll get easier.”

Valerie got up and started toward her room. “I hope so, Isabel. ‘Cause this sucks.”

She decided she was going to have a lazy weekend. Take a shower, read, maybe work on the painting some more. Anything to keep her mind off Alex. God, she felt pathetic.

She thought about making a date with her handy, Mr. Perfect, later that night, then thought better of it. That, if anything, would probably bring the most vivid thoughts of Alex. Well, hell, Alex was going to be the cause of yet another break up.

*

Monday came quickly, and Valerie had only one thing on her mind: breaking things off with Luke, No stalling. She needed a clean break before things got any heavier. She didn’t want to ruin their work relationship, although she knew it would be damaged.

Valerie had uptime, meaning she answered the office phone and any leads that came in were hers. The whole office rotated. Monday mornings were hers. She liked having Monday morning uptime. Anyone who had been out during the weekend looking at homes would be calling. The phones were busy, and she was glad for the distraction.

She would take another call or two before taking a break and talked to Luke. As she took the next call, she was sitting back in her chair, but the voice on the line made her sit straight up.