ALWAYS FAITHFUL (7 page)

“You’re right. I was out of line when I assumed that this was Mike’s. In fact, I’m pleasantly surprised to know that this is your ride. So how long have you been riding?”

Letting the question hang in the air, Claire wasn’t sure she was quite ready to let Nic off the hook. It pissed her off that people often assumed that Mike was the bike rider in the family when he couldn’t stand to ride. She also got mad when people just dismissed it as a phase and told her she should just be an officer’s wife and mother and remember Mike’s career. She was her own woman and had been when she met Mike. She wasn’t the average officer’s wife. So she just looked at Nic, thinking she was just like all the other officers who assumed that wives lived for their husbands and their careers. She waited until Nic looked up at her again before she spoke.

“Look Major, I am not the typical officer’s wife and I am damn sick of being treated like I live for my husband’s career. I’ve seen it over and over again, wives who have careers and lives outside the military are patronized by those wives who don’t. It sickens me. I’m tired of being marginalized by a system and a group of people who don’t give a shit about anything but appearances.”

Nic was taken aback by Claire’s tone and realized she had made a huge mistake. She looked at Claire’s angry expression and wondered how she was going to smooth this situation over. She had apologized for her flagrant error when she assumed the motorcycle was Mike’s so she didn’t know what to say or do next. So she went with her gut.

“I really am sorry, Claire. You’re right. I was way out of line. It’s just that I don’t meet many women, especially officer’s wives, who ride. I mean, I love to ride and I just assumed that I was an anomaly, that’s all. Most of the women that I meet who ride are
different
, if you know what I mean.”

Just as quickly as her anger had flared, Claire felt it leave. “I’m sorry Nic. You’re right. How would you know that I ride? Besides, I’m taking my frustration out on you for the way I’ve been treated by a few uppity wives.” Claire turned towards the motorcycle, trying to hide her embarrassment. Nic was staring at her, making her a bit uncomfortable. It had been a while since anyone had paid any attention to her. She was always Mike’s wife or Grace’s mom but she was rarely looked at for herself and she realized she was enjoying the attention again.
But is it appropriate to feel this way?
She had just lost her husband, and her child needed a mother more than she needed attention of her own right now.

“So, again, how long have you been riding, Claire?”

“Well, to be honest, I guess you could say I’m a seasoned rider. When my parents divorced, my father thought that it would be fun to teach his kids to ride a motorcycle, and a fun way to spend time with us. So I have been riding since I was about twelve.” Claire was proud of the fact that she was a serious rider, with lots of riding experience, and not just a
once in a while
rider.

“It must be hard to ride with Grace and with Mike overseas….” Nic realized her mistake immediately and wished she could take it back. “I’m sorry. I seem to be putting my foot in my mouth a lot today. I’m not normally this careless,” she said. “Well, I guess I’m not this careless because I rarely have in depth conversations with many people, especially family members of other Marines.”

Hoping to change the conversation back to motorcycles, her favorite topic, Nic asked. “So when was the last time you went for a ride?”

“Well, let me think.” Claire put her finger to her temple dramatically, and closed her eyes as if she was in deep contemplation. “That depends on what you call a “ride”, Nic. I have a girl who lives down the street who baby-sits for me when I need to run errands and I can’t take Grace. For things like Dr.’s appointments, the gym, and stuff like that, I usually take the bike. It gives me a reason to ride since she isn’t with me and I can have a little freedom, if you know what I mean. I haven’t been on a ride for longer than, say, twenty minutes in so long that lately I take whatever I can get.”

Nic could hear the longing in Claire’s voice, and saw the wistful look in her eyes as her fingertips played over the chrome handles. Nic was sympathetic to Claire’s plight. It had been all she could do to stay sane when she was rehabbing and wasn’t able to ride her motorcycle. Sometimes she would daydream about a trip she had taken on her bike, and although it seemed to help with the stress, it also seemed to add to the anxiety when she was frustrated with her progress. The day the doctor had given her the OK to ride again she did just that, coming home and putting on her gear as fast as she could and hopping on her bike. The problem was that while the mind was willing, the body was a different story. She found that she was using muscles that hadn’t had a workout in months and she wasn’t used to the constant tension and pressure on her shoulders, let alone the pressure on her injured hip. It took her about a month to readjust to the bike and the constant vibration the machine put on her body. After a while she didn’t notice the small discomforts caused by riding because of the relaxed state she found herself in after a ride.

“Look, well, I was thinking….” Nic faltered, trying to stop the offer from making it to open air. Claire wasn’t a friend. She was a duty.

“Spit it out, Nic. I won’t bite, trust me,” Claire said with a wide smile that lit up her face and made Nic’s stomach flip.

“I was just thinking that maybe we could go for a ride sometime, I mean if you want to, that is. Maybe you could have the babysitter come over and take care of Grace and we could go for a ride, but probably not until after everything has settled down.” Realizing how insensitive she sounded she quickly back peddled. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have suggested that I was out of line. I mean with everything that is going on I’m not being very respectful.”
God, how could I be so selfish?
Nic pressed her lips together wishing she could put a lock on them.

Claire only hesitated for a moment. “I would really like that, Nic. I find riding very therapeutic. It helps me process my day and relaxes me and I think I’m a better mother when I get home. So yes, let’s do it.”

Moving to stand in front of Nic, she took Nic’s hand and held it. “And, Nic, you really need to quit apologizing every time you think you’ve said something wrong. It’s all right. I’m not that fragile, honest. Besides, you don’t really know about my relationship with Mike. I mean, well, we….” Just then the baby monitor went off with Grace babbling something in her bedroom. “Oh, it’s not important,” she said, pausing briefly. She suddenly realized she was about to confide in a near stranger about the truth of her relationship with Mike. She opted not to, since she suddenly realized she wouldn’t be seeing Nic after Mike’s funeral anyway.

“I need to get inside if you don’t mind Nic.” Making it a statement rather than a question, she walked past Nic and into the house, and as she did, she hit the garage door button.

N
ic had decided to take a much needed day off and ride to the ocean. As Nic cruised down the street, she wondered what Claire had been about to say before being interrupted the day before.
It’s none of my business how the Monroe’s lived,
she thought. Putting it out of her mind she concentrated on her ride. She could smell the clean air, and feel the heat of the day warming her through the leather jacket. It had been awhile since she had taken the bike out on the picturesque drive and she wondered why she had waited so long.
Oh yeah, rehab and informs,
her two least favorite things to do these days. She let the surging traffic take her along the open highway, picking up speed as she maneuvered in and out of traffic.

She watched as the beach opened up on her right-hand side and thought about taking that walk she had planned to make a few days ago. The ocean was cool on the Pacific coast side. In fact, it was downright cold and left her with little desire to swim in it. Nonetheless she loved the west coast a lot more than the placid east coast beaches. The Pacific had that unsettled beauty that often echoed her moods. She had been a rebel in her youth and was often amazed that she had lasted as long as she had in the military.

Her dad often commented that he thought that she would be kicked out the first time someone told her to drop and do push-ups, opting instead to tell them where to stuff those push-ups. But she had surprised him and everyone else, flying through ROTC and Officer Basic, both at the top of her class. She knew why she did it- because someone had said she couldn’t and she was just stubborn enough to want to prove them wrong. Being told only men could be good officers and pilots probably had something to do with it, too.

Regardless, she had made it this far, surviving both the military and the war. But now she felt it was time to make some decisions regarding her future. She had known this day was coming and sitting here on the back of her bike gave her some time to mull options over without any distraction. She took the exit to Del Mar and coasted her bike down the winding road. She had to be careful with all of the locals and tourists who loved this part of the world as much as she did. She wound in and out of traffic taking 15
^th
Street to Sea Grove Park, one of her favorite spots in San Diego. A person could look from Dana Point to La Jolla while sitting in the park. It didn’t hurt that there was no shortage of beautiful girls to look at either. Nic never objected to eye-candy and San Diego had its fair share of bikini clad bodies year-round.

Nic found a parking space and drifted into it. She pulled her sunglasses off, slid her helmet off her head and shook her hair out as she sat and watched a few kids flying kites down on the beach. She stood and stretched, wondering how long she would be in San Diego. Her recovery was right on schedule. In fact, it was a little ahead of schedule, but she wasn’t in a hurry to go back overseas again. She felt bad for thinking that, but she had damn near lost her life and wasn’t in a hurry to put it back on the line for a cause she didn’t believe in.

Her thoughts drifted to Claire and what she was going through. She was, without a doubt, one of the stronger wives she had met in the unit. She was handling Mike’s death with an inner strength that was admirable. She wasn’t like some wives who were so dependant on their husbands to the point of being unable to function without them. She had gone on informs where the wife didn’t know where their life insurance policies were, who their finance companies for their automobiles were and some even had husbands that paid all the bills online from overseas. She had met one or two who were definitely the matriarch of the family, but they were rare.

Nic wanted a partner, not a dependant. She wanted someone who would never be above or below her, but always right beside her. She wanted someone who was both independent and someone who wanted to share a life together. She knew that being with someone who was independent could be a blessing and a curse but communication was the key to any relationships survival and she thought she was a pretty good communicator. Ok, she hadn’t been doing so well with Claire, but she couldn’t figure out why. Every time she was with Claire, she became tongue-tied and babbled like a schoolgirl.
What is it that throws me for a loop when I’m around her?
Sure, she was beautiful, and she had all the things that Nic looked for in a woman. A great body, long brown hair, big brown eyes, soft features, and the most kissable lips she had seen in a long time. The main problem, a big one at that, was that Claire wasn’t gay. Certainly not according to Nic’s gaydar.

There was no way she would go down that road. She had friends who tried to get with straight women. It always ended up the same–the straight woman was “just trying it out” because she had thought about it once or twice in college or had a friend she had kissed in college and she thought that she
might
be a lesbian. Then after a few weeks or months, she always found out she really wasn’t. The few friends it had happened to were devastated from the experience and warned her off about ever trying it for herself. Nope, no matter how beautiful the woman or how horny she was, she would just wait and find someone she connected with.

Nic suddenly realized she hadn’t moved the whole time she was thinking about Claire. She looked around to see if anyone noticed that she hadn’t moved since getting off her bike. She didn’t want anyone thinking she was a weirdo or something. Not seeing anyone looking at her, Nic took her keys from the ignition and strode to the grassy area of the park. A soft breeze ruffled her hair and she turned to the ocean to look out over it. She loved the way the salty scent was stronger depending on the weather. It seemed the sunnier it was, the less salty it seemed. Yet when it was cold and cloudy, it was definitely different, the salt hung in the air with the mist.

She sat on a park bench that fronted the ocean and watched as a few kids were gliding their kites in the soft breeze, just strong enough to put them aloft. She wondered what it would be like to have kids, the responsibility, the love and the time it would take to raise at least two. She never thought that she wouldn’t have kids, she just never really thought about who would carry them. Or maybe they would both carry one? However, she definitely saw herself with a couple of kids, a wife, a mini-van and a dog. She hadn’t let herself think about it since her accident, but it was time to make some decisions as far as the military was concerned. As long as she was in, she couldn’t have those things so she would have to get out if she wanted any of it.

Her time on active duty was almost over, and she had served almost all of her time that she owed ROTC and flight school. She was looking at another six months, maybe a little longer, and then she could go to the inactive reserves or she could find a home in a National Guard unit, if she wanted to. The problem with the National Guard was that they were going overseas as fast, if not faster, than the active Marine Corps and she didn’t want to go back overseas. In fact, she wasn’t sure she wanted to go into the Reserve Corps either. She had her Bachelor of Science degree in Engineering and knew she could find a job either with the civil service or out in the real world. She had wanted to get her Masters degree, but knew if she did it while in the military there would be more time to serve and she didn’t know if she wanted to do that again. She sighed and tossed a pebble out on the sand.

There was just one wild card in all of this, and it was the military. If they put a stop-loss out then no one got out until the military said they could, even if they had done their time, and that would change everything for a lot of people. With her accident and her injuries she might be able to “fly under the radar” so to speak, but she couldn’t bank on anything until she saw her orders in her hand, approving her release from service. But she was getting ahead of herself. As far as the military was concerned her future was tied to them and until she served all of her time she was their property, lock, stock, and broken-barrel.

She thought about Claire again as she watched the sun start to dip closer to the horizon. She marveled at how easily Claire slipped into her thoughts. Perhaps she should go by and check in on Claire,
just to make sure she is all right,
she reasoned. Plus, after Grace had woken up the day before, Claire had seemed to shut down, and had pretty much stopped talking. Figuring that she had overstayed her welcome, Nic had left with a promise to herself to do the paperwork another day. Today would be good, as she hadn’t seen her, or even spoken to her, and so wouldn’t seem over-eager. She could call the sergeant before going over to Claire’s so she could give the widow the latest update on Mike. While she knew better than to get involved with a straight woman, she reasoned that there was nothing wrong with spending time with someone she liked and found attractive, even if it wasn’t going anywhere.
Right?

When she pulled up in front of the house, she spotted Claire and Grace standing outside talking to a few women who had their children in tow. The group glanced over in Nic’s direction and dispersed. One woman stood by Claire’s side, like a sentinel or protector of sorts. A pang of jealousy shot through Nic at the thought, but she just as quickly banished it from her mind.
Remember Claire is straight. Claire is straight.
She realized that being considered a bearer of bad news, and therefore a reason for people to avoid her, bothered her as well.

“Good afternoon, ladies.”

“Good afternoon, Major,” both women said in unison.

“I happened to be on my way home and thought that I would stop by and check-in to see if there was anything you needed? And to see if you were ready to do that paperwork, Claire.”

“Well I should be going, Claire,” Mrs. Rouch announced when it was clear that Nic didn’t have any more bad news. Claire thanked her and the woman sauntered away, her hips swaying as though she knew she was being watched.

“She wouldn’t by chance be Colonel Rouch’s wife, would she?” Nic asked, now realizing why the woman rubbed her wrong. It wasn’t uncommon for some officer’s wives to wear their husband’s rank around the younger wives. It was done subtly, but they often threw their weight around by using their husbands rank as a way of getting the things they wanted. Pilots were the elite of the Corps, however, helicopter pilots were thought to be below those that flew jets. None-the-less many of these wives used their husband’s rank as a sort of entitlement.

“Why, yes she is. Do you know her?”

“Not really, but I know of her husband. He’s over in Iraq right now isn’t he?”

“Yes he is. It looks like his tour will be extended there too, but Carol seems okay with it, I guess.” Claire said, turning to walk into the house with Grace on her hip.

“Really?”

“Yea, surprising isn’t it.”

“Not really. She’s a bitch,” Nic threw her hands up and shrugged when Claire turned to look at her. “So I hear.”

“Well, come in and let’s get that paperwork started.”