Always (Wesson Rebel M.C. Series) (8 page)

Too bad hindsight is twenty—twenty. I should’ve known then that shit couldn’t last. The memories show me how weak I’ve been.
No more.
I shake my head, shrugging off the memory residue. He broke his promise today when he rode off without a damn word. Why should I honor mine any longer? Anger rises and I cling tight to it, allowing it to propel me forward. Because if I stop right now and think of all I’ve lost—I’m going to break.

Float On

Dallas

My eyes are burning, and my body is aching.
Good, it matches the organ inside of my chest.
I do a slow blink and the grittiness in my eyes make my retinas beg for mercy. I scan the road and see green metal squares with stick people and cutlery. Food and sleep. The thought of eating turns my stomach, but I know I need the fuel and the reprieve from the road. My body is sticky from the heat, but my mind has been gloriously blank. I turn off the deserted highway. The back of my bike feels empty without Cora on the back and I long for the baby fresh scent of R.
Maybe I shouldn’t have left.
I push the doubts away. I know all too well what life is like with a man who’s been broken. I wouldn’t put Cora or R through that.

My father rode my ass from the minute I hit five.
I became a soldier. A small adult to mold, shape and push to the limits of breaking. Every time he knocked me down, I was forced to get back up. It made me stronger, but it came at a high cost. When my mom died, it broke something inside him and it never healed quite right. He became cold and distant. I lost my mom and in so many ways my dad too, which was far worse. Seeing him day in and day out, but never being able to connect became a slow torture I learned to live with. I decided I’d be the best biker badass I could be, but even that was never truly enough. The thought of my son wilting under my guidance makes me sick. I pull into the parking lot of the first motel I see with an attached restaurant and park. They’re better without me right now. Cora and I are no stranger to turbulence. Once I get my shit together. I’ll go back and we’ll mend the cracks running through our family.

I get off my bike an
d my mind is flooded with images of Cora. Wherever I go, I carry her with me. She’s the rhythm of my heart. The very reason my blood continues to flow through my veins, keeping me upright and breathing, despite the beatings I’ve received from life. 

Past

“What the fuck were you thinking, Dallas? When you saw shit didn’t look right you should’ve bailed on the run. Fuck. How long you been doing this?”

My father
’s hot breath assaults my face and his bellows make my ears ache. His words bounce off the walls in the tiny office where I’m getting bitched out. I stare straight ahead.

“Answer
me, boy.”

His snarling growl raises the hairs on the back of my neck.
I look him in the eyes. Twenty-five years old and my old man still has the ability to make me want to piss my pants. “I don’t know what you want me to say, P.”

“You don’t know what?
” He looks up at the ceiling and shakes his head. “That’s all you got for me? Please tell me you aren’t bringing this sorry shit to my doorstep. I trusted you to do this. Have been trusting you for months. Do I need to start wiping your ass again, every time you take a crap?” His brown eyes are like lasers seeking to destroy.

I flinch. His words are like bullets, tearing at m
y skin, shredding up my insides and destroying my self-esteem. It’s a sick ass cycle. I live to please him and I think he lives to put me back in my place.
I knock you down, so I can build you back up, better and stronger,
he always says. “It looked okay to me. Nothing seemed off, same drop off, same people. There was no way I could’ve known the shit would go south.”

He narrows his eyes and I feel my six foot frame sink to about five eight. He has that effect on people.

“You sure about that?”

“Yes, I’m damn sure.
We deliver the guns, they come out with the duffle just like every other time, and then next thing I know, it’s fucking raining bullets. You think I’d put my brothers in harm’s way like that?”

“Would you?”

“Fuck no.”

“That’s not how I heard it told. I hear they were antsy.”

“They were forking over fifty G. It made sense to me that they’d act a little wary.”

“There’s your first mistake
, thinking instead of doing what I tell you to.” He grabs my cut and pulls me to him. “If we lose Torch over this shit, it’s on your head.”

My head
pounds and my temples pulse along with my heartbeat. Images of my friend covered in blood fills my vision. He’d been right in front of me when he’d been mowed down. We returned fire, but that did shit for him. The sand below him turned red with his blood and his rattling breaths were some of the most horrific sounds I’ve ever heard.

When
Shipley retreated, I knelt beside him, stripped down and placed my shirt over the wound. We load him into the cage we used to transport the weapons and rush him to the hospital. I watch as the life begins to slip from him as his breathing went faint, then his skin goes pale and cool to the touch. “You think I don’t already know that?” I asked, swiftly retreating from the incident too raw to examine.

“You want to take this outside? You thi
nk you’re ready to be king?”

He has
asked this question so many times, I’m tired of hearing it. “Did I say I was?” I whisper.

His head
s snaps back like I punched him.

“If I decide to go f
or your crown, you’ll know it.” My chest heaves and heat engulfs my face. My mind is a mixed bag of anger, regret and fear. Fight or flight sets in.

“You want to come at me right now? I dare you.”

My body shakes and for a minute, all I can see is everything he’s ever put me through. The back handed compliments, hazing and mental abuse. I clench my jaw, ball my fists and prepare to unleash the hell locked within, festering as it rots me from the inside out.

The air between us is char
ged. He squares his shoulders. The sound of his phone going off is a crisis-ending intervention. He pulls the phone out of his pocket and gives me his back. “Rule.” 

His shoulder
s slump and I know we just lost Torch.

“When? Yeah.” He
releases a large sigh. “I’ll let the brothers know.”

My stomach is a whirl
pool. The remnants of my last meal swirl around in a circular motion, climbing their way back up towards my throat. I take a step back toward the door.

My father turns around. There’s pity in his gaze
, along with sorrow. “Torch is gone.” 

With those three wor
ds, my world is turned on its side.
I was the one in charge of this run. This is on me.
I think of his old lady and his two–year-old, Tommy. I turn on my heel and walk out.

“Dallas.”

My father’s voice is background music as I stroll to the bar and snap my fingers at the blonde behind the counter. “Whiskey bottle now.”

She scurries over to the shelf, grabs a bottle of top grade and sets it in front of
me.

I snatch it off the counter
, unscrew the top and take a healthy swallow. The burn is welcome and necessary to keep me from knocking someone’s head off. My father steps out of his office and I walk to my room. I don’t want to hear the news a second time, or share this moment with other mourners.

The bottle is
half gone when a knock sounds on my door twenty minutes later.

“
Dall, it’s Danny.”

Only my baby brother would risk my
wrath right now. “Good for you,” I slur.

“Fuck. Are you drunk?”

I laugh. “You think?”

The
doorknob turns and the door opens slowly.

He knows me well enough. I’m not a happy drunk when I don’t want to be bothered.

He steps into the room. “Hey, you okay? We all heard about Torch.”

Do you think I’m okay? I got my best friend killed out there.
“I’m solid.” I raise my bottle. “To Torch! May he rest in peace.” The words are acid on my burn. I take another swig to wash away the sting with a different type of fire.

“You don’t look solid.”

“Then you must have something wrong with your eyes.”

His face lines
with irritation. He always wants to be touch feely, it’s like we don’t come from the same gene pool. He’s never had to deal with the harshness from Dad, not as the baby. That’s an honor that falls solely to me. The bitterness wells up, turning my mouth sour and I take another drink. This is all the medicine I need. My soul is weeping. But I can’t let it show, it’s not the Wesson way. I can’t be a pussy on top of being a failure. My father’s words haunt me.
This is on you.
My hand clutches the bottle tighter.

“You need to talk to—
”

“Danny?” I meet his gaze. “Get the fuck out.”

He opens his mouth again to speak.

I bare my teeth. “Did you fucking hear me?”

“This isn’t you, this is Dad.”

It’s the wrong thing to say. My mind goes blank.
The bottle explodes against the wall beside him before I even register I’ve thrown it. 

He jumps back.
“Jesus Christ, Dallas! What the fuck is wrong with you?”

I stare him down.

“Fine…shit.” He backs out of the room and slams the door behind him.

Exhausted
, I fall back on my bed, remembering all the things Torch and I shared over the years. The liquor is kicking in, making my head spin. I close my eyes and let the darkness creeping up to take me. The next few days are a blur of alcohol, arguments and reliving the moment I lost one of my best friends. In the silent darkness of my small room with no windows, I wish I’d joined him.

The door slams
against the wall and I groan. “Go away,” I croak. My mouth tastes like something died inside it and my head feels like it’s being squeezed in a vice. I can hear movement in my room, but moving is not an option. Ice cold liquid explodes over my head.

“What the fuck.” I jump from bed, and stumble over my boots, ready to
murder someone. I blink my eyes and the fuzziness fades, focusing on the pissed off woman in front of me.

Cora stands in the middle of the room with her hand
s on her hips. Her dark eyes narrow at me and her full lips purse. “You had your time to mourn. Now, you’re going to pull your shit together and move forward.”

“What the fuck—
?”

She holds up her hand
while shaking her head. “We all lost Torch and we’ll spend the rest of our lives missing him. It doesn’t mean you stop living. Frankly, I’m shocked. It’s not like you.”

“
Maybe it is. I had one job to do and I couldn’t get that shit right.”

“Hey, this is not on you.” She furrows her brow.

Cora has a way of seeing the things I don’t see. I call it her own personal window into my soul.

“Now
, I get it.” She walks forward and cups my face.

I want to pull away, but I can’t when her eyes are boring into mine and she has that soft
, loving look. I’m fucking melting on the inside. The fucking Belle to my beast, she soothes the monster that lives inside me.

“You don’t get to take this onto yourself. This is our life. These are the risks taken. We all know it.”

“I was the one he followed.”

“And it could have just as easily been you. Is there so little to live for you’d drink yourself into oblivion?”

I see the hurt in her eye and I flinch. When she hurts I bleed. “Fuck, I can’t stop hurting you, Cora. I don’t want you to be another item on the list of shit I wrecked. I couldn’t take that.”

She places her hands
over my mouth. “Save the speech for someone who gives a shit. We’re in this for always, right?”

Her w
ords squeeze my heart. I inhale her sweet scent and allow myself to soak in her goodness. A brief moment in heaven before I call off the one thing I cherish most. I won’t let my poison infect her and drag her down.

“You’re stuck with me now
, Wesson. You told me I was your soul. Then, doesn’t my will overpower your own? I know P pinned this on you, it’s what he does. Delegate the blame. You trust me, you always have. So, believe me when I say, shit happens. You claimed me for your own, Dallas Wesson. You gave me everything I spent my life dreaming for and more. Don’t you dare think for one second, you can take all that back.”

My heart races. She’s fighting for me.
My body trembles.

“This is about more
than just us now, biker. Time to get your shit together.”

“What?” I say against her hands.

She lowers them to her side. “I didn’t want to tell you like this. But you got what you wanted.”

Excitement builds
up, pushing the darkness away as hope peers up into the blue skies that live within her space. The world is a better place simply because she exists. I think I always knew that. “You telling me you got my baby growing inside you right now, Cora?”

A wide grin spreads across her
lips and she nods.