Authors: Robin Roseau
"Beria," Maya said. "I know you met Nori, but it wasn't under the best circumstances. I thought we could start over. Beria, this is Nori. She has become one of my closest friends. In spite of how poorly we got started, you can see things are different now. Nori, this is my little sister, Beria. She is thinking of becoming companion to Omie, but she has certain reservations. Omie and I are trying to address them."
"Hello, Beria," Nori said. She offered a smile, but it was tentative. "I understand I am one of your reservations. I understand you feel I owe you an apology."
I glared at Maya. "You didn't have to tell her."
"Actually," Maya said, "I think I did. Beria, I don't often ask favors of you. I am going to do so now. Will you please talk to Nori for five minutes?"
"Do I have to?"
"No, actually, you don't. But if you don't, we'll tell Omie you have decided you don't want to go. I'll handle it for you. You won't have to look into her face and see the disappointment."
"Are you here as the senior companion or my sister?"
"Your sister."
"Then you suck."
Malora chuckled and I turned to her. "Do you think that's funny?"
She sobered. "I think it's funny that you checked whether you were going to get into trouble for speaking your mind. Your sister doesn't check."
They gave me a chance to think about it. "I suppose that part is kind of funny," I admitted. "I never talk back to her at school."
"And not that often at home, either," Maya said. "Beria, Omie needs a good companion, and I think you could be fabulous, but if you can't get along with Nori, you're going to be miserable. I won't allow that. Please, will you go talk to her?"
I didn't want to. And I really didn't want to be alone with her. I eyed her uncertainly.
"She won't hurt you," Maya said. "I promise."
"Does she promise?" I asked.
"Yes," Nori said. "I would like to talk to you, that's all."
I looked back at Maya. "Does she keep her promises?"
"Every one she's ever made to me," Maya said.
"Fine," I said. "I'll talk to her." I glanced over at Omie. She and Vorine were talking, but they were watching me, and they weren't smiling. I looked back at Maya, then at the Queen. "You're the queen of the Amazons."
"Yes."
"Aren't I beneath your notice?"
"No, you aren't," she said. "We aren't accustomed to spending this much time with a single prospective companion, but you are my companion's sister, and I agreed with Maya that we would do things her way. This is her way. It is certainly far better than my way was."
I looked at Nori. "I'll talk to you, but I don't like you."
"Maybe you'll give me another chance," she said. She gestured with her head, and together we walked away from everyone else. She didn't say anything for
a minute or two, then she suggested we sit in the grass at the edge of the field. We sat down facing each other a comfortable distance apart.
"I understand you believe I owe you an apology. I happen to agree with you."
I wasn't expecting her to admit that from the beginning. "You do?"
She nodded. "I believe I know what apologies you are owed, but I would like to hear what you have to say."
"If I speak plainly, am I going to get into trouble?"
"No. You and I will either work things out and put everything behind us, or we won't."
"And if we don't, Omie finds another companion."
"Yes. I'm sorry. You could find another warrior
from another village, but if you are living in Queen's Town, you and I have to get along."
"I'm not going if I won't live near my sister."
"I don't blame you," she said. "If she were my sister, I'd feel the same way. Maya is amazing. Everyone at Queen's Town loves her."
"They do?"
"Yes. Why does that surprise you?"
"I love her. And Mama and Father do. Even my brothers love her, but they wouldn't admit it."
"Ah. But you don't think anyone else does?"
I didn't answer.
"I believe your village elder does."
"She's my grandmother," I said.
"Juna is your grandmother?"
"Oh, no. Grandma Alara."
"Well, I believe Juna loves your sister. She certainly has deep respect for her."
"Juna doesn't love anyone. She's scary."
Nori chuckled. "Yes, she is. She is very fierce. She scared me."
I cocked my head.
"You don't believe me. I understand. But she did. I bet she's a very good elder."
"She is," I said with pride.
"We're getting sidetracked," Nori said. "Will you tell me what apoligies you believe you are owed?"
"So you'll know what to apologize for? Are you going to just say you're sorry when you're not?"
She narrowed her eyes at me for a moment, then smoothed her face. "I'm sorry. I'm not used to companions talking to me so bluntly."
"My sister doesn't talk to you like this?"
Nori chuckled again. "She's the exception."
"And you let her?"
"Yes. Beria, I'll apologize to you for the things I did wrong and I will tell you why I'm not apologizing for the things that aren't my fault. But I can't do that if I don't know what you think I did wrong."
"Fine," I said with a big breath. "You hurt my sister."
"Yes, I did. Keep going."
"You took her from us."
"Yes, I did."
"Juna had to teach school for the rest of the year last year."
She paused. "All right. Do you expect an apology for that?"
"Juna may be owed an apology."
"She's already had one."
"What?"
"Malora and I apologized to the village council," Nori said.
"Did they accept?"
"They said they understood the situation we were in and apologized for being part of the problem we were trying to solve. I think accepting either apology is going to take time."
"They let you talk to us," I pointed out.
"Our apologies came after that," Nori said, "but do you think it's possible to say 'No' to Maya when she gets something in her head?"
I cracked a smile at the thought of my sister ordering the council.
"What else, Beria? Is that your entire list?"
"Mrs. Winehouse is a horrible teacher."
"Ah. Anything else?"
"You made Mama cry."
She looked down. "I know. I bet I made you cry, too."
I didn't answer that.
"Anything else?" she asked after a moment.
"I guess that's it," I said.
"All right." She paused. "First, the way we came here last year was wrong. We should have done what we're doing this year. We've been arguing and begging with the village councils throughout all of Morehama, and it hasn't gotten us anywhere. Frankly, it never occurred to any of us to appeal directly to the villagers. Maya let us know quite clearly what she thought of that oversight, and she was entirely right. Malora and I both feel horrible for that, and I felt bad about it last year, too, but we were desperate and didn't know what else to do. Beria, I am sorry for scaring you. And I am sorry I hurt your sister. I am not at all sorry for taking your sister, but I am very sorry for how I did it."
I thought about what she had said. I actually couldn't believe she was apologizing to me like this. It was making it hard to stay angry with her. But then I hardened my resolve.
"What about Mrs. Winehouse?"
"That isn't my fault," Nori said. "I do not take responsibility for the actions of your village council. T
hey picked her, not me."
"They wouldn't have had to if you hadn't taken Maya!" I spat.
"No," Nori said, "but you have noticed that Maya isn't trying to stay in Gallen's Cove. I am sorry that taking Maya meant you needed a new teacher, but it is not my fault your village couldn't find a better teacher. I would understand if they couldn't find a teacher as good as Maya, but perhaps they could have found someone more appealing as Mrs. Winehouse."
I'd spent a year hating this woman. I'd spent a year hating all the Amazons, and it was difficult to believe my sister was one of them now. I looked over at Maya. She was standing with Queen Malora, Omie and Vorine. Malora was saying something, but all of them were watching Nori and me.
She looked really good in her Amazon clothes, and it was clear how she felt about Queen Malora. I thought it was clear how she felt about Nori, too.
"The queen listens to my sister."
"We all do."
I looked back at Nori. She was watching me. "I spent a year hating you."
"I don't blame you. I hate what I did. Maya has forgiven me. I haven't forgiven myself."
I was surprised to hear that. I wondered if she were lying, but she didn't look like she was lying.
I looked back at Maya. She smiled tentatively.
"Maya wouldn't let me do something wrong," I said.
"No," Nori said, "I don't believe she would."
"She wants me to come with you. She wants me to forgive you."
"She misses you terribly."
I looked back at Nori. "Last year, you took girls who didn't want to go. You would have let that girl take me."
"Yes. It's complicated, Beria."
"But you're not trying to take me like that anymore. I could stand up right now and walk away, and no one would stop me."
"I believe your sister would stop you and suggest you let her take you home. If she didn't, then Omie would. Queen Malora would probably order someone to take you."
I glanced at Maya again, then back at Nori.
"You're not used to an adult apologizing to you, are you?"
"No."
"It can take time to change your opinion of someone, even when you know in the end you're going to. Do you think you're going to stop hating me?"
I didn't want to admit it. I didn't say anything right away.
"It's hard to let go of hate," Nori said.
I looked at my hands. "I don't hate you anymore."
I said it in a small voice.
"You sound ashamed to admit that. Do you think admitting it means you were wrong to hate me this past year?"
I didn't answer. I was very confused now.
"You weren't wrong to hate me," Nori said. "From what you had seen, I was worth hating. But now you're seeing more of me, and you're seeing how Maya responds to me. Forgiving me now doesn't mean you were wrong before."
I still wasn't ready to look at her, but she let me sit and think about it before she went on.
"Beria," she said. It was said gently. "You're not a child anymore, but you're not an adult, either. I am about to give you a lesson in being an adult. Okay?"
"Okay," I said.
"Look me in the eye and tell me
you don't hate me."
It took a moment, but I raised my eyes towards hers. "I don't hate you anymore," I said again. "If Maya forgave you, then I should."
"Of the things I did wrong, what was the worst?"
"You hurt my sister!"
She smiled. "I am so pleased to see how loyal you are to her."
"You're making it hard to stay mad at you."
"I know," she said.
I looked back at my hands. "Mrs. Winehouse wasn't your fault," I admitted. "If Maya has accepted your apology, then I do."
"Do you really mean that?" she asked. "If you're just saying that, then this is going to fester inside you, and that wouldn't be good. If inside you hate me, or even don't trust me, then you should stay home, Beria. You would need to obey me and treat me with respect."
"Would you treat me with respect?" I asked, looking her in the eye.
"Yes, unless you give me reason not to."
I didn't look away this time. "I accept your apologies, Nori. Thank you. No hard feelings. Do you have them?"
"Hard feelings towards you? You're worried I'll take this out on you?"
I nodded.
"No, Beria, I won't." She cocked her head a moment, and I thought she had something else she wanted to say. I waited for her. "I want you to consider something else. Look around."
I did.
"You see all these women. A few of them are watching us: Maya and Malora, Omie and Vorine, and perhaps a few others."
I looked back at Nori.
"Why are they looking at us?"
"They're ready to go. They're waiting for us."
"I'm making you all wait?"
"Look around again. Do any of them look angry?"
I looked. No one looked angry. I thought perhaps Omie looked worried. But Maya was smiling, and when I looked at her, the smile broadened. She nodded to me.