Amber's Fantasy (9 page)

Ray looked up into Amber’s face, a face that through some
dark magic had become even more beautiful in the space of the last two hours.
As her words sunk in, a sharp ache began in his chest. He didn’t have to
analyze it. He knew immediately what that ache meant. Despite his better
judgment, he’d let himself fall for her. Even knowing that he was leaving town.
Even knowing he simply wasn’t in a good place right now to try and start
anything real with her.

Some foolish part of him must have been hoping there might
still be a way to make things work between them.

But not now. Not after she’d just so clearly confirmed that
no one man would ever be enough for her. The pain of that knowing sliced deep
through his heart.

She moved against him, pushing up to leave the couch, and he
growled and pulled her close again. She giggled. He sought her lips, longing to
possess her fully for just one more precious moment. Going soft in his arms,
she opened her lips, and he felt a little sigh go through her. Her tongue moved
against his, eager to answer his kiss. But about that time Cal came down the
hall, fully dressed, and Amber pulled away, grabbing the edges of her shirt
closed around her. She blushed and pushed herself up off of him, leaving his
body suddenly chilled as she scampered out of the room without looking toward
his cousin.

The two men were wordless for the space of several
heartbeats. Ray sat up, resisting the urge to cover his crotch with a throw
pillow.

“I should go,” Cal said.

“Yeah. I guess so. And thanks for…” Ray’s words trailed
away. Was he really about to thank his cousin for fucking the woman he loved?
Suddenly the whole scene felt so surreal. Like it was all happening in some
kind of cockeyed dream. He shoved himself up off the couch.

If it was all like a dream, why was he suddenly so pissed?
Why did he have the overwhelming urge to take a swing at Cal? He flexed his
fingers, forcing his clenched fists to relax.

“Just thanks.”

“Whatever,” Cal said, averting his eyes. He headed for the
door and let himself out.

Now what? Ray had certainly never been in this circumstance
before.

Maybe he could talk Amber into staying for a midnight snack or another cup of coffee before he drove her back to her car. He tried to
picture them sitting across from each other, taking polite sips from their cups
as they struggled for things to talk about.

I really liked the way you used your mouth on me while Cal had his dick in your pussy.

Yeah. No.

What
did
you talk about when you’d just shared your
woman with some other guy and she’d liked it and your guts were being savaged
from the inside out?

Maybe she’d at least stay the night with him? That he could
imagine—holding her close against himself as she slept, while he stayed awake,
attempting to memorize every nuance of her smell, every detail of the texture
of her skin.

He scooped up his slacks and headed down the hall. He had no
idea how to end this evening with any kind of aplomb.

“No! Oh, no!” Amber’s voice reached him just as he came in
the bedroom door. She was standing near the nightstand, her little purse open,
her cellphone pressed to her ear. Her face was drawn, her skin pale.

“What is it?”

“It’s a voice mail. From Dinitra. She’s at the ER. She
was—someone tried to—” She let out an anguished cry.

He strode to her side, noticing only summarily that she had
gotten dressed.

“Is she okay?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know.” Tears streamed down her face
as she listened again. “Oh, my God.”

“What?” He grasped her shoulders, steadying her.

“She’s left three messages. She’s been trying to reach me
for an hour, while I was—while we were—oh God!” She jerked away from him and
reached down for her shoes. Struggling to slip them on, she barked at him, “I
need to get to my car right away.”

“Yeah. Okay.”

He pulled on his slacks and grabbed a clean t-shirt from the
drawer. Two minutes later they were heading for the parking garage in the
basement of his building.

* * * *

The 737 picked up speed, engines whining, and Amber was
pressed back against her seat as it lifted from the ground. Below her, the Columbia River gleamed like a long green snake and the suburban sprawl of Portland grew
smaller and smaller. She leaned back and closed her eyes, giving in to the
exhaustion that ravaged her mind and body.

It was now ten hours since the last of Dinitra’s frantic
phone messages. When she’d called the hospital back from Ray’s car, she’d finally
succeeded in speaking to a nurse who knew her sister’s condition. Her heart
broke all over again as she reviewed what she knew. A man had accosted her
sister outside the club, had dragged her to an alley and attempted to rape her.
When Dinitra fought back he’d thrown her to the pavement, causing a mild
concussion and breaking her left arm. Luckily, someone had passed by at that
moment and scared the attacker away and called for help. No one had been able
to reach Charles. No doubt her older brother was passed out in bed, ignoring
the phone as usual.

A fresh wave of nausea rolled through Amber’s belly as she
realized that she hadn’t done any better at being there for Dinitra. Even as
her little sister had lain helpless in a hospital bed, alone and afraid, reaching
out to her, Amber had been too busy
fucking
to bother checking her
phone. Tears seeped from beneath her eyelids as she poked at the bald truth
over and over, deliberately focusing on how shallow and depraved her actions
had been. How could she have been so self-centered? So wicked?

How could she have let something so awful happen to her
sister?

And the worst part was, she’d loved every minute of it,
every glance, every touch. She’d never felt so sexy or desirable, or had a more
powerful orgasm than she’d had with Ray and Cal. The shameful memories licked
at the edges of her mind even now, luring her back into that aroused state.

“Excuse me, Miss. Would you care for a beverage?”

Amber opened her eyes and dashed the tears from her cheeks. “Yes.
Please. Just some water.”

She clutched the glass the attendant handed her and took a
long drink, feeling the chill all the way down to her empty belly. She’d think
about food later. Right now she had to come up with some way she could make
things up to her little sister.

Ray pushed his empty plate away and smiled at his
grandmother. “As usual, your pancakes are beyond compare, Gran. You’re spoiling
me. I’m definitely going to need to find a gym here in Salem.” He rubbed his
belly, unaccustomed to the little pad of fat now insulating his abs.

“Nonsense. You’re the picture of health! And with all the
mowing and handy work you do every weekend, you’re getting plenty of exercise.”
She patted his head as she scooped up his plate and took it to the sink.

“If only that were true.” The last two months had proven to
be so hectic, he’d all but abandoned his usual workout routine. Turns out he’d
bitten off almost more than he could chew at Gamble Electronics. But now he was
finally getting a handle on his new job and was feeling a sense of satisfaction
at meeting the professional challenges he’d never had at Crescent Design.

The moment his former employer crossed his mind, he shoved
the thought away. He’d actually gotten pretty adept at avoiding thoughts of
anything related to Amber Jackson. He’d learned that life was less painful that
way.

He’d last talked to her maybe seven weeks ago when he’d
called her at work to see how her sister was. She’d just gotten back from Denver and said she was feeling hopeful that Dinitra would finally be willing to move in
with her. Their conversation had been stilted, and after only a minute or two,
she’d made an excuse to hang up.

All for the best, he thought, pushing his chair back. It
couldn’t have worked out between them. He picked up his empty coffee cup and
took it across the kitchen, sliding it into the sink full of soapy water. His
grandmother looked up at him and smiled.

“Thanks, sweetie. Say, have you heard from Cal lately? I
don’t think he’s been down to see us since you moved in.”

Ray winced. Things were still strained between his cousin
and himself. They’d only talked a couple of times by phone, and their
conversations hadn’t been much easier than the one he’d had with Amber. He knew
he’d have to make it a point to clear the air between them soon. Family was
just too important to let things go unspoken for very long.

What was Gran rattling on about now?

“Oh, I’ve been meaning to let you know that Marian
Peterson’s granddaughter, Sarah, will be home from college next week. She just
got her degree in grafting art.”

“Graphic,” he said, squeezing her shoulders. This was the
third girl his grandmother had tried to set him up with. “I’ll see you later,
Gran. I need to get Granddad’s car into the shop this morning and get those tires
rotated.”

At that moment his grandfather hobbled into the room,
leaning heavily on the cane he’d used since his stroke. “I’ll go with you, Ray.
Just let me get something to eat real quick.” He grabbed a pancake from the
plate by the stove, rolled it up, and stuffed half of it into his mouth,
chewing with relish.

“Henry!” Gran cuffed her husband’s shoulder.

He cowered, pretending fear. “Save me, son. She’s on the
warpath again.”

Ray laughed, ever amazed at the obvious affection between
the two elderly people. The past two months had been an up-close-and-personal
education in what it took to make a marriage work for almost sixty years. As he
watched his grandfather struggle to regain the full use of his body, and his
grandmother’s unwavering courage, love, and support, he realized that a real
marriage was not for the faint at heart. It took guts to be there for the long
haul, especially when things went wrong. He couldn’t think of any woman he knew
who had the kind of character a long-term relationship like that would require.

Except maybe Amber.

The thought blindsided him. He almost turned away. But when
he dared to look closer, he saw that it was probably true. Sure, she was
amazingly beautiful and sexy. She was also smart and determined and absolutely
loyal to the people she cared about. No doubt she would bring all those special
qualities to marriage, when she met the right man.

Or men.

The now familiar ache bloomed newly in his chest, the sense
that he’d been cheated out of something he’d barely gotten wind of. He strode
across the kitchen and pulled open the back door.

“Come on, Granddad. Let’s get out of here before Gran uses
your own cane on you.”

* * * *

Eva leaned forward across the little bar table. “So you
finally talked your sister into moving out here? That’s great! When is she
coming?”

“Just as soon as I find the perfect two-bedroom apartment.”

“That shouldn’t be hard. What area of town are you looking
in?”

“Tigard or Tualatin. Someplace close to the southwest campus
of Portland Community College. They have a great dental hygiene program there,
and Dinitra’s already enrolled for the fall quarter.”

“You must be so ready for that.” Eva took a long sip of her
white wine, her black eyes studying Amber’s face over the rim of her glass.

Amber nodded and dropped her gaze, folding and refolding the
corner on her beverage napkin. She and Eva had both taken the summer term off
from their business classes. This was the first time they’d gotten together
since early June. Amber had really missed her friend, but she’d had plenty on
her mind these past two months as she took on the responsibilities of assistant
manager at Crescent.

“So—if your job is going as great as you say, and your
sister is finally acting like she’s got some brains in her head, and you’re moving
to new digs, why don’t you look happy? That’s what I’m wonderin’.”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Come on, sister. Give. About the only thing I haven’t heard
you talk about is your love life, so I’m thinking it has to be a man putting
that look on your face like your favorite dog just died.”

Amber raised her eyes. Eva’s generous lips were pursed and
an impatient scowl marked her brow. But Amber saw true affection there too.
Could she confide in her friend? Could she tell her
everything
?

God help her, she needed to. She’d been trying since that
night to sort out all her feelings about Ray and Cal and what had happened
between them.

At first, the guilt about not being there for Dinitra had
been almost unbearable. But once she had made it to her sister’s bedside and
assured herself that she would be all right, common sense took over. There was
just no way she could have been in two places at once, no way she could have
stopped Dinitra’s attacker. And even if she’d been at home in bed when the
first call came, she probably wouldn’t have heard her cellphone. And if she
had
heard it ring, it wouldn’t have changed a thing about how quickly she got to Denver. She’d still managed to catch the first available flight the next morning.

So why did she feel so awful about that night?

And what was with the torrid dreams she kept having about
Ray?

She blushed as she thought about the dream she’d wakened
from that very morning. All the lusty details sprang into her mind—the heated
touch of his fingers on her most intimate flesh, the tender demand of his lips.
The look in his soft brown eyes that told her there might be something more
than just hot sex going on between them.

And the oddest thing was that at some point several weeks
ago—much to her surprise—her ménage fantasies had just sort of withered away,
leaving only thoughts of Ray. Whatever the allure that scenario had once had
for her seemed to have been satisfied in that one night with the two men. It
was something else she craved now, something more substantial. Something now
apparently out of her reach.

She sighed. “So there’s this guy.”

Eva’s eyes lit up. “Girl, hold that thought. Just let me get
a refill of this wine.”

* * * *

The charming two-story home sat back from the street, the
lawn neatly mowed, flower beds a riot of summer color. Amber turned the key off
and sat still, listening to the mad tattoo of her heart as it slammed against
her breastbone. The sound seemed to fill the whole car. She wouldn’t be
surprised if Ray could hear it from across the street.

Was it foolish of her to just drive there without calling
first? What if he wasn’t at home?

What if he said he was too busy to see her?

What if he had a girlfriend now and didn’t
want
to
see her? After two months, she could hardly expect a hot guy like Ray to be
uninvolved.

For a moment she wavered, almost losing her nerve. Then she
remembered what Eva had said as they’d hashed the situation over last night.

“You know, Amber, if you love him, he needs to know that.
It’s his right to know how you feel.”

“But I’m not absolutely
sure
how I feel.”

Her friend had speared her with a wily squint. “Yes, you
are.”

Amber had sat with that for a moment, staring at the
tattered napkin. “I thought you objected to the idea of dating out.”

Eva shrugged. “Dating is one thing. Love is something else
entirely.”

A movement from across the street caught Amber’s eye. As she
watched, an elderly man and woman came around the side of the house. The man
was using a cane. The woman wore a pale blue dress that riffled in the summer
breeze. They held hands, making their careful way to one of the flower beds,
where they hesitated. The woman bent and began to cut stalks of pink and yellow
gladiolus, which she handed one-by-one to the man. Soon he held a large bouquet
of the showy blooms.

Straightening, the lady took the flowers from him, then
turned toward the house. He reached out and caught her hand, pulling her back
to him. They stood facing each other for a moment in the bright sunlight, the
breeze lifting wisps of their white hair. Finally, he cupped her face and
kissed her, his other hand trembling on his cane, and after a moment they made
their way to the door and disappeared inside.

The emotional power of the tableau caught Amber off guard.
She heard her own soft gasp and felt the sting of tears behind her eyes. Had
she ever seen anything so perfect, so poignant? Turning away, she searched the
depths of her purse for a clean tissue. It wouldn’t do to have mascara
streaking her cheeks when she knocked on Ray’s door. She found the tissue and
dabbed at her eyes, and blew her nose for good measure.

Just then there was a tapping on her window.

She whirled around. Ray’s face was right there, peering in,
a questioning scowl drawing his brows low. He pantomimed her rolling down an
old-fashioned car window. After several tries she managed to find the right
combination of buttons to lower the glass.

He leaned in. “You planning on just sitting out here?”

God, he looks good.
He’d let his hair grow out a
little, and his Sunday stubble gave him a sexy, dangerous air. She wouldn’t
have thought it was humanly possible for one’s heart rate to double the way
hers was doing.

“I’d like to come in.”

Somehow the car door got opened and she found herself in the
street, walking beside him like some kind of animated cardboard cutout. As they
started across the lawn he stopped and turned to her. They were standing near
the flower bed, almost exactly where the old couple had stood just moments
before.

“Before I introduce you to my grandparents, I need to know
why you’re here, Amber.” His dark eyes searched her face. “Should I tell them
you’re just an old acquaintance? Or is there something more?”

“I—um, came to tell you something.”

“If that’s all, you could have called.” There was a hard
edge to his soft observation.

“Yes.” She swallowed. “But I wanted to say it to your face.”

Her heart jerked in her chest, every beat surely on borrowed
time as she wondered if she had the courage to say the words.

“So.” He took a step back and folded his arms across his
chest. “Say it.”

“All right. I will.”
Just as soon as I finish passing
out.
The sun beat down like noon in the tropics on her scalp and shoulders.
She took a shaky breath. “I don’t feel finished about us. That is, I wonder if…”
She trailed off as his hard expression remained unchanged, her courage
deserting her.

“If what?” he coaxed finally, his arms dropping to his
sides. He seemed to lean toward her.

“I miss you, Ray,” she whispered.

And then his arms went around her and he was pressing her
close, kissing her with all the fervor she’d felt in her dreams.

“I miss you too, Amber,” he murmured into her hair. “Like
crazy.”

“Oh. Good.” Suddenly she could breathe once more and
something like joy was making a huge lump in her throat. He kissed her with
renewed passion, his lips lingering, his breath sighing out with hers. Finally
he drew back, but he found her hand and wove his fingers securely into hers.
His brow creased.

“But here’s the thing, Amber. I can’t do—what we did that
night. I can’t do that again. I want you in my bed and I don’t want to share
you. Not even with Cal.”

“I know.”

“It’s a deal breaker for me.” His voice cracked.

“I know,” she reassured him. She squeezed his hands. “For me
too. That fantasy of mine, it’s gone. I guess it just took that one time for me
to get it out of my system.”

“Really?” He frowned, sounding tentative.

“There’s only you, Ray. You’re all I ever dream about now.
That’s what I came to tell you.”

He stared down at her for a long moment, and then he pulled
her into the shade of a willow tree at the edge of the yard. His gaze searched
her face once again.

“Listen, Amber. I’m just getting a handle on my job here.
And my grandparents need me. You deserve more than what I can give you right
now.”

“I know. I’m in the same boat. Dinitra will be moving in
with me soon.” She shrugged. “We both have busy lives.”

They stood in silence, staring into each other’s eyes.