Authors: David Mamet
TEACH
: Any of ‘em. You tell me.
DON
: Well, pick one.
TEACH
: Okay, Fm going to pick an easy one. Excellent condition 1929 S.
DON
: It’s worth . . .
about
thirty-six dollars.
TEACH
: No.
DON
: (More?)
TEACH
: Well, guess.
DON
: Just tell me is it more or less.
TEACH
: What do you think?
DON
: More.
TEACH
: No.
DON
: Okay, it’s worth, I gotta say . . . eighteen-sixty.
TEACH
: No.
DON
: Then I give up.
TEACH
: Twenty fucking cents.
DON
: You’re fulla shit.
TEACH
: My mother’s grave.
DON
: Give me that fucking book.
(Business.)
Go beat that.
TEACH
: This is what I’m saying, Don, you got to know what you’re talking about.
DON
: You wanna take the book?
TEACH
: Naaa,
fuck
the book. What am I going to do, leaf through the book for hours on end? The important thing is to have the
idea . . .
DON
: Yeah.
TEACH
: What was the other one?
DON
: What other one?
TEACH
: He stole off you.
DON
: What do you mean what was it?
TEACH
: The
date,
so on.
DON
:
HOW
the fuck do
I
know?
TEACH
(Pause)
: When you looked it up.
DON
: How are you getting in the house?
TEACH
: The house?
DON
: Yeah.
TEACH
: Aah, you go in through a
window
they left open, something.
DON
: Yeah.
TEACH
: There’s always something.
DON
: Yeah. What else, if not the window.
TEACH
: How the fuck do
I
know?
Pause.
If not the window, something else.
DON
: What?
TEACH
: We’ll see when we get there.
DON
: Okay, all I’m asking, what it
might
be.
TEACH
: Hey, you didn’t warn us we were going to have a
quiz . . .
DON
: It’s just a question.
TEACH
: I know it.
Pause.
DON
: What is the answer?
TEACH
: We’re seeing when we get there.
DON
: Oh. You can’t answer me, Teach?
TEACH
: You have your job, I have my job, Don. I am not here to smother you in theory. Think about it.
DON
: I am thinking about it. I’d like you to answer my question.
TEACH
: Don’t push me, Don. Don’t front off with me here. I am not other people.
DON
: And just what does that mean?
TEACH
: Just that nobody’s perfect.
DON
: They aren’t.
TEACH
: No.
Pause.
DON
: I’m going to have Fletch come with us.
TEACH
: Fletch.
DON
: Yes.
TEACH
: You’re having him
come
with us.
DON
: Yes.
TEACH
: Now you’re kidding me.
DON
: No.
TEACH
: No
?
Then why do you say this?
DON
: With Fletch.
TEACH
: Yes.
DON
: I want some depth.
TEACH
: You want depth on the team.
DON
: Yes, I do.
TEACH
: So you bring in Fletch.
DON
: Yes.
TEACH
: ‘Cause I don’t play your games with you.
DON
: We just might need him.
TEACH
: We won’t.
DON
: We might, Teach.
TEACH
: We don’t need him, Don. We do not need this guy.
DON
picks up phone.
What? Are you
calling
him?
DON
nods.
DON
: It’s busy.
(Hangs up.)
TEACH
: He’s probably talking on the phone.
DON
: Yeah. He probably is.
TEACH
: We don’t need this guy, Don. We don’t need him. I see your point here, I do. So you’re thinking I’m out there alone, and you’re worried I’ll rattle, so you ask me how I go in. I understand. I see this, I do. I could go in the second floor, climb up a drainpipe, I could
this . . .
DON
dials phone again.
He’s talking, he’s talking, for chrissake, give him a minute, huh?
DON
hangs up phone.
I am hurt, Don.
DON
: I’m sorry, Teach.
TEACH
: I’m not hurt for me.
DON
: Who are you hurt for?
TEACH
: Think about it.
DON
: We can use somebody watch our rear.
TEACH
: You keep your numbers down, you don’t
have
a rear. You know what has rears? Armies
DON
: I’m just saying, something goes
wrong . . .
TEACH
: Wrong, wrong, you make your own right and wrong. Hey Biiig fucking deal. The shot is yours, no one’s disputing that. We’re talking business, let’s
talk
business: you think it’s good business call Fletch in? To help us.
DON
: Yes.
TEACH
: Well then okay.
Pause.
Are you sure?
DON
: Yeah.
TEACH
: All right, if you’re
sure . . .
DON
: I’m sure, Teach.
TEACH
: Then, all right, then. That’s all I worry about.
Pause.
And you’re probably right, we could use three of us on the job.
DON
: Yeah.
TEACH
: Somebody watch for the
cops
. . . work out a
signal . . .
DON
: Yeah.
TEACH
: Safety in numbers.
DON
: Yeah.
TEACH
: Three-men jobs.
DON
: Yeah.
TEACH
: You, me, Fletcher.
DON
: Yeah.
TEACH
: A division of labor.
Pause.
(Security. Muscle. Intelligence.) Huh?
DON
: Yeah.
TEACH
: This means, what, a traditional split Am I right? We get ten off the top goes to Earl, and the rest, three-way split. Huh? That’s what we got? Huh?
DON
: Yeah.
TEACH
: Well, that’s what’s right.
Pause.
All right. Lay the shot out for me.
DON
: For tonight?
TEACH
: Yes.
DON
: Okay.
Pause.
I stay here on the phone . . .
TEACH
: . . . yeah . . .
DON
: . . . for Fletcher . . .
TEACH
: Yeah.
DON
: We meet, ten-thirty, ‘leven, back here.
TEACH
: (Back here, the three . . .)
DON
: Yeah. And go in.
Pause.
Huh?
TEACH
: Yeah. Where?
DON
: Around the corner.
TEACH
: Yeah.
Pause.
Are you mad at me?
DON
: No.
TEACH
: Do you want to play gin?
DON
: Naaa.
TEACH
: Then I guess I’ll go home, take a nap, and rest up. Come back here tonight and we’ll take off this fucking fruit’s coins.
DON
: Right.
TEACH
: I feel like I’m trying to stay
up
to death . . .
DON
: You ain’t been to sleep since the game?
TEACH
:
Shit
no (then that dyke cocksucker . . .)
DON
: So go take a nap. You trying to kill yourself?
TEACH
: You’re right, and you do what you think is right, Don.
DON
: I got to, Teach.
TEACH
: You got to trust your instincts, right or wrong.
DON
: I got to.
TEACH
: I know it. I know you do.
Pause.
Anybody wants to get in touch with me, I’m over the hotel.
DON
: Okay.
TEACH
: I’m not the
hotel,
I stepped out for coffee, I’ll be back one minute.
DON
: Okay.
TEACH
: And I’ll see you around eleven.
DON
:
O’clock.
TEACH
:
Here.
DON
: Right.
TEACH
: And don’t worry about anything.
DON
: I won’t.
TEACH
: I don’t want to hear you’re worrying about a goddamned thing.
DON
: You won’t, Teach.
TEACH
: You’re sure you want Fletch coming with us?
DON
: Yes.
TEACH
: All right, then, so long as you’re sure.
DON
: I’m sure, Teach.
TEACH
: Then I’m going to see you tonight.
DON
: Goddamn right you are.
TEACH
: I am seeing you later.
DON
: I know.
TEACH
: Good-bye.
DON
: Good-bye.
TEACH
: I want to make one thing plain before I go, Don. I am not mad at you.
DON
: I know.
TEACH
: All right, then.
DON
: You have a good nap.
TEACH
: I will.
TEACH
exits
.
DON
: Fuckin‘
business . . .
Lights dim to black.
*Some portions of the dialogue appear in parentheses, which serve to mark a slight change of outlook on the part of the speaker—perhaps a momentary change to a more introspective regard.—D.M.
ACT II
Don’s Resale Shop. 11:15 that evening. The shop is darkened.
DON
is alone. He is holding the telephone to his ear.
DON
: Great. Great great great great great.
Pause.
(Cocksucking
fuckhead . . .)
Pause.
This is greatness.
DON
hangs up phone.
BOB
appears in the door to the shop.
What are you doing here?
BOB
: I
came
here.
DON
: For what?
BOB
: I got to talk to you.
DON
: Why?
BOB
: Business.
DON
: Yeah?
BOB
: I need some money.
DON
: What for?
BOB
: Nothing. I can pay for it.
DON
: For what?
BOB
: This guy. I found a coin.
DON
: A coin?
BOB
: A buffalo-head.
DON
: Nickel?
BOB
: Yeah. You want it?
Pause.
DON
: What are you doing here, Bob?
BOB
: I need money.
DON
picks up phone and dials. He lets it ring as he talks to
BOB.
You want it?
DON
: What?
BOB
: My buffalo.
DON
: Lemme look at it.
Pause.
I got to look at it to know do I want it.
BOB
: You don’t know if you want it?
DON
: I probably
want
it . . . what I’m saying, if it’s
worth
anything.
BOB
: It’s a buffalo, it’s worth something.
DON
: The question is but what. It’s just like everything else, Bob. Like every other fucking thing.
(Pause. He hangs up phone.)
Were you at The Riv?
BOB
: Before.
DON
: Is Fletch over there?
BOB
: No.
DON
: Teach?
BOB
:
NO
. Ruth and Gracie was there for a minute.
DON
: What the fuck does that mean?
Pause.
BOB
: Nothing.
Pause.
Only they were there.
Pause.
I didn’t
mean
anything . . . my nickel . . . I can tell you what it is.
Pause.
I can tell you what it is.
DON
: What? What
date
it is? That don’t mean shit.
BOB
: No?
DON
: Come
on
, Bobby? What’s important in a coin . . .
BOB
: . . . yeah?
DON
: What
condition
it’s in . . .
BOB
: (Great.)
DON
: . . . if you can (I don’t know . . .) count the hair on the Indian, something. You got to look it up.
BOB
: In the book?
DON
: Yes.
BOB
: Okay. And then you know.
DON
: Well, no. What I’m saying, the book is like you use it like an
indicator
(I mean, right off with
silver
prices . . . so on . . .)
(He hangs up phone.)
Shit.
BOB
: What?
DON
: What do you want for the coin?
BOB
: What it’s worth only.
DON
: Okay, we’ll look it up.
BOB
: But you still don’t know.
DON
: But you got an idea, Bob. You got an idea you can
deviate
from.
Pause.
BOB
: The other guy went ninety bucks.
DON
: He was a fuckin’ sucker, Bob.
Pause.
Am I a sucker? (Bob, I’m busy here. You see?)
BOB
: Some coins are worth that.
DON
: Oddities, Bob. Freak oddities of nature. What are we
talking about here? The silver? The silver’s maybe three times face. You want fifteen cents for it?
BOB
: No.
DON
: So, okay. So what do you want for it?
BOB
: What it’s worth.
DON
: Let me see it.
BOB
: Why?
DON
: To look in the goddamn . . . Forget it. Forget it.
Don’t
let me see it.
BOB
: But the book don’t
mean
shit.
DON
: The book gives us
ideas,
Bob. The book gives us a basis for
comparison.
Look, we’re human beings. We can
talk,
we can negotiate, we can
this . . .
you need money? What do you need?
Pause.
BOB
: I
came
here . . .
Pause.
DON
: What do you need, Bob?
Pause.
BOB
: How come you’re in here so late?
DON
: We’re gonna play cards.
BOB
: Who?
DON
: Teach and me and Fletcher.
TEACH
enters the store.
What time is it?
TEACH
: Fuck is
he
doing here?
DON
: What fucking time is it?
TEACH
: Where’s Fletcher?
Pause.
Where’s Fletcher?
BOB
: Hi, Teach.
TEACH
(to
DON
): What is he doing here?
BOB
: I came in.
DON
: Do you know what time it is?
TEACH
: What? I’m late?
DON
: Damn right you’re late.
TEACH
: I’m fucked up since my watch broke.
DON
: Your watch broke?
TEACH
: I just told you that.
DON
: When did your watch break?
TEACH
: The fuck do
I
know?
DON
: Well, you look at it. You want to know your watch broke, all you got to do is look at it.
Pause.
TEACH
: I don’t have it.
DON
: Why not?
TEACH
: I took it off when it broke. (What do you
want
here?)
DON
: You’re going around without a watch.
TEACH
: Yes. I am, Donny. What am I, you’re my
keeper
all a sudden?
DON
: I’m paying you to do a thing, Teach, I expect to know where you are when.
TEACH
: Donny. You aren’t paying me to do a thing. We are doing something together. I know we are. My watch broke, that is my concern. The
thing
is your and my concern. And the concern of Fletcher. You want to find a reason we should jump all over each other all of a sudden like we work in a
bloodbank
, fine. But it’s not good business.
Pause.
And so who knows what time it is offhand? Jerks on the radio? The phone broad?
Pause.
Now, I understand nerves.
DON
: There’s no fuckin’ nerves involved in this. Teach.
TEACH
: No, huh?
DON
: No.
TEACH
: Well, great. That’s great, then. So what are we talking about? A little lateness? Some excusable fucking lateness? And a couple of guys they’re understandably a bit excited?
Pause.
DON
: I don’t like it.
TEACH
: Then
don’t
like it, then. Let’s do this. Let’s everybody get a writ. I got a case. You got a case. Bobby—I don’t know what the fuck
he’s
doing here . . .
DON
: Leave him alone.
TEACH
: Now I’m picking on him.
DON
: Leave him alone.
TEACH
: What’s he doing here?
DON
: He came in.
BOB
: I found a nickel.
TEACH
: Hey, that’s fantastic.
BOB
: You want to see it?
TEACH
: Yes, please let me see it.
BOB
(hands nickel, wrapped in cloth, to
TEACH
): I like ‘em because of the art on it.
TEACH
: Uh-huh.
BOB
: Because it
looks
like something.
TEACH
(to
DON
): Is this worth anything?
BOB
: We don’t know yet.
TEACH
: Oh.
BOB
: We’re going to look it up.
TEACH
: Oh, what? Tonight?
BOB
: I think so.
DON
(hangs up phone)
: Fuck.
TEACH
: So where is he?
DON
: How the fuck do I know?
TEACH
: He said he’d be here?
DON
: Yes, he did, Teach.
BOB
: Fletcher?
TEACH
: So where is he, then? And what’s
he
doing here?
DON
: Leave him alone. He’ll leave.
TEACH
: He’s going to leave, huh?
DON
: Yes.
TEACH
: You’re sure it isn’t like the bowling league, Fletch doesn’t show up, we just suit up Bobby, give him a shot and
he
goes in?
Pause.
Aaah, fuck. I’m sorry. I spoke in anger. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. (Everybody can make mistakes around here but me.) I’m sorry, Bob, I’m very sorry.
BOB
: That’s okay, Teach.
TEACH
: All I meant to say, we’d give you a fuckin’ suit, like in football . . .
Pause.
and you’d (You know, like, whatever . . . ) and
you’d
go in.
(Pause. To
DON
) So what do you want me to do? Dress up and lick him all over? I said I was sorry, what’s going on here. Huh? In the
first
place. I come in, I’m
late . . . he’s
here . . .
Pause.
DON
: Bobby, I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?
(He picks phone up and dials.)
BOB
: I need some money.
TEACH
(digging in pockets)
: What do you need?
BOB
: I want to sell the
buffalo
nickel.
TEACH
: I’ll buy it myself.
BOB
: We don’t know what it’s worth.
TEACH
: What do you want for it?
BOB
: Fifty dollars.
TEACH
: You’re outta your fuckin’ mind.
Pause.
Look. Here’s a fin. Get lost. Okay?
Pause.
BOB
: It’s worth more than that.
TEACH
: How the fuck do you know that?
BOB
: I think it is.
Pause.
TEACH
: Okay. You keep the fin like a loan. You
keep
the fuckin’ nickel, and we’ll call it a loan. Now go on.
(He hands nickel back to
BOB
.)
DON
(hangs up phone):
Fuck.
BOB
: I need more.
TEACH
(to
DON
): Give the kid a couple of bucks.
DON
: What?
TEACH
: Give him some money.
DON
: What for?
TEACH
: The nickel.
Pause.
BOB
: We can look in the book tomorrow.
DON
(to
TEACH
): You bought the nickel?
TEACH
: Don’t worry about it. Give him some money. Get him out of here.
DON
: How much?
TEACH
: What?
I
don’t care . . .
DON
(to
BOB)
: How much . . .
(To
TEACH
) What the fuck am I giving him money for?
TEACH
: Just give it to him.
DON
: What? Ten?
(Pause. Digs in pocket, hands bill to
BOB
.
)
How is that, Bob?
(Pause. Hands additional bill to
BOB.
)
Okay?
BOB
: We’ll look it up.
DON
: Okay. Huh? We’ll see you tomorrow.
BOB
: And we’ll look it up.
DON
: Yes.
BOB
(to
TEACH)
: You should talk to Ruthie.
TEACH
: Oh, I should, huh?
BOB
: Yes.
TEACH
: Why?
BOB
: Because.
Pause.
TEACH
: I’ll see you tomorrow, Bobby.
BOB
: Good-bye, Teach.
TEACH
: Good-bye.