Amish Sweethearts (34 page)

He raised his head. “Why did you come?”

“Simon told Daniel you wanted to see me.” She met his eyes. “And I wanted to see you. I wanted to come with your parents. . . . I just wasn’t sure.”

He inhaled sharply, grateful for her brothers and their meddling. “Simon told me you broke up with Reuben.”

She nodded. “I did.”

“Why?”

“That’s what I meant when I wrote about being dishonest.”
She paused for a moment, her eyes holding his gaze. “Did you get that letter?”

He nodded. “Right before . . .”

She grimaced. “I hadn’t been honest with Reuben. I kept telling myself love was a commitment, because I was trying to please everyone who wanted us to marry—but in the end I realized I needed more than that. That it wasn’t fair to him or to me. He deserves someone who truly loves him.”

Zane felt as if he’d just had his first drink of water after being in a desert for three years. Lila was talking to him. Telling him how she felt. He started to reach for her hand but stopped. He didn’t want to scare her away.

She glanced away, toward the children’s playground. “I couldn’t marry someone I couldn’t talk to. Someone I didn’t love. Especially when I love someone else.”

For a moment he hoped he was the
someone else
, but then his heart fell. Simon had been wrong. Lila would never leave the church for him. She didn’t love Reuben—she loved someone else who was Amish. Nothing had changed, not really.

“Who is it?” he asked.

She returned her gaze to him again. “What?”

“Whom do you love?” He didn’t like the harsh tone that had seeped into his voice, but there it was. And as much as he tried not to, he was afraid he sounded bitter. Why couldn’t he just be her friend? Just treasure the time he had with her instead of always feeling as if it weren’t enough.

She stared at him, her eyes boring into his. Finally she said, “Who do you think?”

“I have no idea.”

“Don’t be a jerk,” she said. Then she looked past him and said, “There’s Daniel and Jenny.”

Zane exhaled as she stood. He wasn’t sure how he’d done it. But he’d definitely messed things up, once again.

20

L
ila marched away from Zane, not sure if he was following or not. She’d forgotten how intense he was. Worse now than ever.

But she hadn’t meant to call him a jerk. It came out of her mouth before she could stop it.

Keeping her focus on her twin, she continued forward until Daniel and Jenny, disposable coffee cups in their hands, ducked into a building as if they were trying to evade her. She stopped, flustered. She didn’t want to go back and face Zane.

Mandy had shown her his Facebook page just last night. Casey had tagged Zane in more photos of her and him together, and then she’d posted that he’d been injured.
Prayers appreciated,
she’d written.
He’s the best friend a girl could ever have, and the best soldier I know.

Zane was probably asking whom she loved so he could break it to her that he and Casey were together. Why had he written
to her? Why had she agreed to write him back? Why had he told Simon he wanted to see her?

Zane stopped behind her and cleared his throat.

He’d almost been killed. He was still wounded, both in body and in spirit, and she had just called him a jerk and then stomped off as if she were thirteen again.

Lila turned around. Zane was three feet away from her. “I’m sorry,” she said.

He frowned a little. “I probably deserved it.”

“No, you didn’t.” She nodded back toward the park. “Can we try again?”

They didn’t return to the bench but instead walked on toward a circle of pathways made of bricks.

“What’s this?” Lila asked.

“A labyrinth. The idea is that you pray as you walk around in it.”

That’s what she did walking through the field, down to the creek.

“So,” she said. “Could you tell me one thing?”

He nodded.

“Are you dating Casey?”

“What do you know about Casey?” he asked.

Her face grew warm, even in the cool air. “Mandy showed me her picture.”

“On Facebook?”

“Jah . . .”

“I see,” he said. “So you’ve been stalking me.” He stepped off the bricks and back onto the sidewalk.

Lila smiled, relieved to hear the teasing in his voice. “No, but Mandy has. Then again, I didn’t refuse to look when she thrust her phone in my face.”

“So you’re pleading innocent?”

“Guilty by association,” she countered.

“Well, now that you’ve admitted guilt, I’ll answer the question. In that last post, if I remember right, Casey wrote something about me being a friend, right?”

“‘The best friend,’ to be exact,” Lila answered.

“There you have it.” He stopped walking. So did Lila. “I’ve been a better friend to Casey than I was to you,” he said.

Lila tried to ignore a twinge of jealousy. “How come?”

“I learned my lesson more than three years ago,” he said. “I
was
a jerk, that night before I joined the Army. Making a decision like that just shows how stupid I was.”

Or how much she’d hurt him. She’d been the one who told him to go as far away as possible.

“Is that the only reason you’ve been a good friend to Casey?” Lila asked, aware of the teasing in her voice now, partly fueled by him admitting how stupidly he’d acted.

He cocked his head. “Actually, no. The truth is, I was never interested in being more than a friend to Casey.” He gazed down at her. “But you’re right. Only wanting to be a friend does make it easier to be one.”

He motioned over to a low cement wall. “Mind if we sit again?”

“Of course not.” She led the way.

Once they were settled, he said, “Can I ask you again?”

She knew but she asked anyway. “What?”

“Whom do you love, Lila Lehman?”

Her heart contracted. She was tempted to be honest this time, but she couldn’t. “I can’t tell you. I can’t say it out loud.” Her leg accidentally bumped against his, and she moved it away quickly. But then he scooted closer and, although she wanted to put her head on his good shoulder, she didn’t. They sat quietly.

“I think you know,” she finally whispered.

Their eyes locked, and his filled with tears. He understood. “I tried not to,” she said. “And I’m still trying because no good can come of it.”

He took her hand then and leaned closer to her. He swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing along his neck. His voice broke a little as he asked, “What’s to become of us?”

“What
can
become of us?” she answered.

“So you think it’s hopeless?”

She shrugged, but she did think it was hopeless. Her being honest didn’t change their circumstances.

“Fifty percent hopeless?” he tried to tease. “Eighty per cent?”

“Don’t ask me,” she answered. “Ask God.”

“I have, believe me. Relentlessly. He’s tired of me, I’m sure.”

“No,” Lila responded. “Never.”

Zane shook his head. “Simon said we just need to take it step-by-step.”

“Ah, Simon the wise one. Offering relationship advice now, is he?” Lila tried to smile.

“Seems that way,” Zane said. “Who would have ever thought?” He grinned, but then it quickly faded. “But he’s wrong. You deserve a nice Amish boy. Reuben would have been perfect.”

“Stop it,” she said, glaring at him. “I’m finally honest with you and that’s how you react.”

He exhaled as he squeezed her hand. “I’ll try not to overthink things right now. I’ll try to take each day as it is. As long as you’re willing to at least be my friend.”

She nodded. “I’ll do the same.” Sensing someone nearby, she turned her head. Behind them, on a bench, were Daniel and Jenny. “Look who’s watching us.” She let go of Zane’s hand. He slid off the wall and helped her stand. “They won’t tell,” she said.

“Sibling confidentiality and all of that?” he asked. It used to be a joke between all of them. But they always held to it. Although in his case it had been neighbor confidentiality.

She nodded as she straightened her apron. “Simon told me I was a fool if I didn’t come to talk to you. He’s on our side.”

“What about Daniel?” Zane asked.

“He doesn’t want me to leave the church—but . . . Let’s just say he’s ambivalent,” Lila answered as she started toward Daniel and Jenny, still looking at Zane. “Step-by-step, it is.”

Zane grinned. It was good to see him smile again.

The mid-September day had grown warm, and Lila wiped her brow with her forearm. Then she pulled the two roasters seasoned with rosemary from the hot oven. She set them on top of the stove to stay warm while she mashed the potatoes. Jenny and Daniel were coming to dinner, along with Monika and Gideon. Thank goodness Beth was coming too. Lila hadn’t spent any time around Gideon and Monika, outside of church, since she’d stopped courting Reuben.

Lila wasn’t worried about Monika. She’d get over it. But she didn’t want Gideon to get involved, to feel as if he needed to guide her back to marrying his son.

Rose came in from helping with the milking, mud splattered on her work dress.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“Cooking . . .” Lila answered. The rolls were ready to put in the oven. Two blueberry pies sat on the counter.

“You were humming,” Rose said.

“I was?”

“I haven’t heard you hum in . . . years.”

“Oh.” Lila slid the rolls into the oven. “What was I humming?”

“‘I’m in the Lord’s Army.’”

Lila suppressed a laugh and grabbed the potholders. She hadn’t thought of that song in years. “Be still, and know that I am God” and “I’m in the Lord’s Army” had a similar theme. Both demanded a day-by-day trust in him. “Go get changed
so you can help get dinner on the table. Everyone should be here soon.”

Rose dipped her finger in the whipped cream that Lila hadn’t put in the fridge yet. “I hope your hands are cleaned,” Lila said.

“Just washed them,” Rose retorted as she stuck her finger in her mouth and headed for the hall.

Lila shook her head, drained the potatoes, put the pan back on the stove, and then put the whipped cream in the fridge.

She dumped butter in the potatoes, added milk, and began to mash them as Trudy came in through the back door. “Wash up and set the table,” Lila instructed.

Her little sister skipped on down the hall, and Lila realized she was humming again. It struck her that she was happy—and that she hadn’t been for a long time. And she also knew why. Her nightly phone calls.

Dat didn’t know it, but Zane called her every night at ten p.m.

A knock fell on the open back door, and then Beth called out, “I’m here.”

“Come on in.” Lila still didn’t understand what Beth gained in her friendship with Dat, but it was comforting to have her around. Dat interacted more with all of them when she visited, plus he was better behaved. Not that he was horrible when she wasn’t around. He just wasn’t always responsive. And when he was it was usually a harsh response, unless it was to Trudy.

Beth set the salad she’d brought on the counter. “Smells delicious,” she said, lifting the foil to peek at the chickens as Trudy came into the room. Beth gave the girl a hug, asking as she did, “What can I do to help?”

“Set the table with Trudy,” Lila said.

Monika and Gideon arrived next, and Daniel and Jenny were the last to arrive. “I keep miscalculating how long it takes in the buggy,” Daniel joked.

“You’ll get used to it again, soon enough,” Gideon answered.
Lila couldn’t imagine Gideon with a car. But then again, he certainly might have owned one once. In a few years Daniel could be a deacon or even a bishop.

The conversation revolved around the wedding as they ate. Daniel and Jenny’s wedding would be announced at church in a month, but the planning needed to start before then. The wedding would be held at Monika and Gideon’s. It would easily accommodate everyone. “We’ll rent one of the kitchen wagons,” Monika said. “To give us more stoves to work on.”

Jenny asked Lila to be one of her witnesses at the wedding. “I’d like that,” Lila said. For a moment she felt a pang of sadness. Simon wouldn’t be able to sit with Daniel. She wasn’t sure if he’d come to the wedding at all.

Then Jenny asked Rose to sit with her too. Rose was ecstatic. “Who will sit with you?” Rose asked Daniel.

“Reuben, for sure,” he answered, keeping his eyes on Rose. Lila had only seen Reuben at a distance, at church. She knew he was avoiding her, and she didn’t blame him. But she was sure they could get along for Jenny and Daniel’s sake.

The conversation continued. As Lila cleared the table, Beth grabbed a pen and paper to take notes. Monika walked to the mud porch and came back with a binder. “This is what I used for the older girls,” she said. “I kept lots of notes.”

They discussed who would be asked to be the cooks and the servers. Who would care for the horses. What the menu would be for dinner and then for supper.

Lila served the pies while everyone else went over the details. Inside her head she started humming again. She was happy, but she wasn’t entirely sure why. Nothing was settled between her and Zane. She couldn’t ask him to join the church. It would be so much easier for her to leave, yet she would never do it. She had committed herself to her church and community. It would break Dat’s heart for her to go against her vow.